Henry update

This is quite a long video of Henry reading the concluding pages of The Lion King. The sound isn't great and of course we're still working on his pronunciation and enunciation, but I hope you'll catch the flavor of his story-telling ability. You may recognize the dramatic final battle between Simba and Scar/the hyenas. I did not prompt him to do this. I headed upstairs to have some homework time, and found him reading aloud to himself, with great flair.

Christine was correct in her recent comment- I have been kind of quiet lately. For one thing, I kind of lose perspective sometimes on what I want my blog to be. I want it to be more than just a “log” of what I did each weekend, for example. Or a big bitch session about things that are bugging me (like today our shower curtain rod broke. At least it was after my shower.) Add to that the fact that some things are not to be written in a public forum, and mix in a little of January-is-a-generally-gloomy-month, and you get, well, nothing written here.

One thing that I had wanted to blog about seems to have (knock on wood) resolved itself.

Henry's teacher (Mrs. C) and I had a phone conference two weeks ago (on the18th). At that point his behavior had badly deteriorated, and she was searching for what to try next. He was refusing to do any independent work at all, arguing with the teachers and, when they tried to ignore him, following them around shouting at them and/or randomly pushing or scratching other children in the class.

He was wasting so much time trying to argue about not hanging up his coat or doing his "independent work" (which is always an easy worksheet) that he was missing out on all his mainstream time with the other 2nd graders.
I also discovered that the time he had been spending with the regular class had not been as successful as we thought. Mrs. C had recently found out that the aide working with Henry had allowed him to just flip through the science book, for example, instead of following along with the science class that was being conducted. She was not challenging him at all.

Mrs. C wasn't wanting to be discouraging, but I think was more just trying to brainstorm with everyone involved to come up with a new strategy. I asked if she thought this was just transition trouble after the Christmas break. She dismissed that idea promptly: school had been back in session for 2 weeks. (But I know that Henry often starts back to school ok but then burns out after the first week or so.)

We were heading into the long MLK weekend- my kids were going to spend some time with Grandma and Grandpa and Henry's teacher was taking a little trip herself. She said she had some new books to read and was hoping to come up with some new ideas for working with Henry.
I felt pretty down after this conversation. I worried that his behavior would alienate him from the other children and prevent him from learning. I felt terrible knowing that my child was hurting other children. And I didn't know how I could help, aside from trying new medications or maybe taking Henry to a psychiatrist.
(After our parent-teacher conference in November, we began giving Henry a medication that our pediatrician had suggested. It has not helped at all, and we are weaning him off of it.)
I was pondering a lot of big questions, like what are my goals for my child? To be mainstreamed? To be able to work independently? To be challenged? To learn? To treat people with respect? All of these are potential goals, but some seemed to be mutually exclusive. It did not appear that he could be challenged to work independently and still behave productively at school.

For the past week, Henry has brought home glowing reports in his notebook. Mrs. C told me that she gave some thought to what I had told her about swimming lessons.

You see, Henry never argues with his swim instructor. He works so hard for her and never asks for help like he does in most other situations. I think this is because she is so no-nonsense. She is definitely not warm and fuzzy. But when she tells him to swim from one end of the pool to the other and then pull himself out with his scrawny little arms? He does it.

Mrs. C said she thought about that and realized that the swim instructor has created an environment where there is no room for negotiation. So when Mrs. C came back to school after that long weekend, she just told Henry here's how it's gonna be: you're going to do your work right now, and if you don't do it now I'm going to do it with you, hand-over-hand (which he hates). And after that, he was "the old Henry": smiling and happy and cooperative.

Some mornings he arrives at school and has maybe forgotten "the deal". So they sit down at "teacher table" and go over it again- you won't backtalk, you won't argue, you'll do the work. And then he's fine.

I know this sounds kind of hard-ass and cold-hearted. But Henry really seems to respond to it. Right now at least. We are all keeping our fingers crossed. It just seems to prove the old adage that kids need boundaries. And maybe the same way a good boss can't usually be your best friend, maybe a good teacher can't be the kids' best friend?

Mrs. C and I talked about having a reward system at home that corresponds to how his day is reported in the notebook. I proposed that he earns a star every time he has a good day, and then a certain # of stars earn him a new DVD or something. She suggested something even better- he can earn money according to how his day went, which will help reinforce the money concepts they are learning. She will report on his day using a 5-star grading system, and I will come up with the financial equivalent. That way, even if he has a rough day, he can still earn a small bit of money for his 2-star day.

Yesterday, the first day of the new system, was a 5-star day! Way to go Henry!
A certain 3-year-old someone has a birthday in February, and so does his daddy, so I should have some fun things to post about in the coming weeks.

ruminations on bumper stickers and finding a passion

I was raised to hate bumper stickers. Or at least to disapprove of them. My father never hid his contempt for bumper stickers. (Or his contempt for mini vans. Or maybe it was more contempt for the drivers of mini vans.) I don't know, you just sort of absorb and interpret these things as a child, and maybe I've actually got it all wrong. I just know that I grew up thinking bumper stickers were kind of tacky and rude: the driver is assuming that we all really give a s*%t about his opinion; those of us who just happen to be stuck behind him in traffic.

I was thinking about this today as I merged into morning rush-hour traffic behind a minivan. Our state offers an "autism awareness" license plate. My car carries one and so did the vehicle in front of me. I smiled. Then I noticed this van had one of those black and white oval stickers in its rear window that read AUT. I spent some time (I was behind it for quite awhile, and listening to the High School Musical 2 soundtrack, the soon-to-be-4-year-old's current favorite) trying to decipher what was playing on the minivan's DVD player.*

I recognized Elmo, and smiled again. I wondered about the child in the minivan, and the parent. I felt a friendliness toward them without ever catching sight of their faces. And I wondered about a disorder that can create a relationship where there would never have been one otherwise.
I was amused by the thought that a bumper sticker could bring people together, and thought "well this is about something more important than your average bumper sticker."

But maybe that's the thing- as passionate as I feel about my son and the autism community- maybe that's how passionate some people feel about their football team, or their membership in the NRA, or their belief that the president is a dumba$$.
If I didn't have my Henry, what would help me feel a connection to a stranger? I'm glad I'll never have to find out.

*Is anyone else afraid they're going to get in an accident one day, trying to watch what is showing in another car on the highway? I find other cars' DVD players highly distracting.

empty-handed

Today I intended to write about how my sons are gone visiting grandma and grandpa for the long weekend. I wanted to write about how I miss them when they are gone: how I listen for their voices and footsteps and cringe when I make a loud noise out of fear I will wake them; how I miss their snuggly little bodies and stinky morning breath.

But I also wanted to write about how I enjoyed my leisurely evening and morning as mom to only a teenager: how Kate and I had a nice time shopping together and spent too much money at the Gap outlet; how Bill and I watched at least 4 episodes of The Office on DVD last night; how I stopped at Starbucks for a venti half-caff skinny caramel latte and still got to work on time for once.

I wanted to share one of my favorite quotes, from Octoberbabies (sorry, no link-she doesn't have a public blog anymore): Today you were wearing an aqua colored tank top and a white and aqua striped skirt and pigtails and you insisted on sitting on my lap for the greater part of the ride to school. I felt your weight on my lap and smelled the conditioner in your hair. I put one hand on your leg and one on your tummy and thought to myself, “what did I do with these hands before my babies were born?”

That last line has always spoken to me, and it comes to mind at rare times like this, when my children are not with me. And I came up with my clever title for the post: "empty-handed".
And then I started checking all my blogs. And started reading about this story.

And thinking about this family.

And the title of my post took on a new meaning.

Rest in peace Katie.

belated new year report

I've been having a bit of blogger's block.

A few good things that I want to report are kind of dwarfed by some crappy stuff going on right now that is not really fit for public consumption.

Some of you know what I'm talking about. Those who don't, I don't mean to be all mysterious... There's just good and bad in every family at any time and it really stinks at the times that the bad stuff is a big elephant in the room. You are all trying to pretend it's not there and at the same time avoid being stepped on by it. Or pooped on by it. Gosh, I could just go on with this metaphor (or is it a simile?) all day...

But I won't.

Instead I'll share some photos from New Year's Eve. Let me say up front that the boys stayed home with their dad that day, while I went to work, and remained in their pajamas all day. Also, they have both gotten haircuts since these photos were taken.

Tommy got his own Leapster for Christmas, I'm not sure why he was just watching Henry play with his...

We made our own pizzas that night:

And fruit salad:

The "fruit salad" was such a huge hit. They ate more fruit than pizza. Too bad many of us lose that natural love for fresh fruit and replace it with ice cream! (We had ice cream that night too, of course.)

I dozed with the boys and on the couch from about 10 - 11:50 pm, waking up to see the ball drop. Not a craaazy New Year's Eve, but a pretty nice one.

_______

Last weekend I took Henry and Thomas to the zoo. I know I write about that all the time, but it is what I like to do when I feel like we need to get out of the house. Henry doesn't last long at the playground, so the zoo is an outdoor activity that involves some movement and some interaction and some fresh air and doesn't cost too much money. It also requires some decision-making and compromising, which are important for all of us to practice. And, we all just like to see the animals.

Henry likes to shout "hello" to each animal, and hop around, flapping and humming, as he watches them. Of some of the animals he commands/requests certain activities: "jump in the water penguin! Jump in! C'mon little penguin, don't you want to swim?"

This time each boy got one of those souvenir pennies- they each picked the wolf pattern.
_______

Henry's teacher contacted me last week about making a change in his schedule. He had been joining the second grade class for language arts, but she was proposing that he join them for science and social studies instead. These subjects involve more discussion and participation, and less "pencil and paper" work (his least-favorite thing).

Their monthly "community trip" this time was to the bowling alley and Frisch's restaurant for lunch. Henry loved the bowling, but didn't eat any of his lunch. He ordered mac & cheese, which was undoubtedly different from his mother's very special Kraft mac & cheese. Next time I will have to preview the menu and suggest what I think he should order.

_______

This morning Thomas cried on his way to L's house. He said he didn't want to go there- something to do with D, this other boy she watches. "Me and D always boss each other" he sobbed.
"Well, you don't have to play with D," I offered.
"But I like to play with him!" He cried even harder.
"Just try your best to be a good friend and to play nicely with him."
"I do try my hardest but it just gets worser!"
"And if you have an argument and get put in timeout, just try again after your timeout. We just keep trying, right?"
"I know that but I just can't remember it because I'm not four!"

Oh my gosh. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The whole discussion was sweet and a little funny. But he was so so truly sad and worried about this- worried that he would "boss" his friend, or his friend would "boss" him. My heart ached. Sometimes life must seem so overwhelming when you're not four.

I'm sure Tommy was over the whole thing by the time I got to work. But I was emotionally spent before the workday had even started. Sometimes my life feels quite overwhelming. Do you think it's because I'm not 39 yet?

some things about Christmas 2007 that make me smile

1. The gifts Henry bought us during his class trip to the dollar store (listed in order of appropriate-ness to the recipient):
for Thomas: a 24-piece Winnie-the-Pooh puzzle
for me: a tiger bath scrubbie
for Kate: a plastic snowman treat container (empty)
for Bill: a pack of combs

They also made their own gift wrap.

2. Santa gave Thomas a pack of gum in his stocking. He proceeded to chew the entire pack all on Christmas afternoon- one piece at a time, and not swallowing any.

Bill says this is what millionaires do: throw their gum away as soon as it has lost its flavor and pop in another piece.

3. I took the kids to the pool on the 24th, to wear them out. By bedtime Tommy was a wreck of exhaustion, excitement, and sensitive skin (pool chemicals seem to really bother him). He was pretty much crying about anything and everything, and I was on guard for the moment Henry would lose his cool and start yelling or pinching. But instead, Henry came over to Tommy's bed and, in a gentle voice, said "you'll be ok, you'll be ok."

When I came back into the room with our bedtime book, both boys were smiling. "Henry made me feel better," Tommy explained.

4. Kate prepared the Christmas coffee cake that we usually make, while Bill prepared his casserole and I wrapped some gifts. She also helped carry all the gifts upstairs and arrange them under the tree. It's nice to have another grownup to help, but still have her be one of the kids when it comes to watching the Christmas movies and decorating with paper chains!

5. As he helped me wrap Grandpa's weather station, Tommy commented "yeah, 'cause sometimes Grandpa just likes... (shrug)... boring stuff."

6. Tommy passed the time at Grandma & Grandpa's by wrapping and unwrapping gifts for himself. For example, the happy meal motorcross bike from lunch, wrapped in a gift bag with prodigious amounts of tape.
7. Santa brought me Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I thought about getting it for Kate or Henry, but knew that that would really just be a poorly-disguised way of getting it for myself.

8. Henry woke up at the same time I did on Christmas morning- around 5:15 am. We waited until about 6:30 to wake his brother and sister up.

9. Henry has always loved Christmas, but this was the first year that he seemed to really get excited about SANTA COMING TO OUR HOUSE.

10. Overall Henry seemed more, um, connected this Christmas. He didn't need as much quiet-time-in-his-room as he has other holidays.

He sat with us at dinner and breakfast at my mom and dad's, somehow able to overlook his brother's antics. (That particular morning Thomas was playing with an old Star Wars toy of his uncles', which is made to crash apart upon impact with, say, a wall or a dog dish or the table. Tommy would smash it into something, exclaim "whoa!", and then ask my brother to put it back together again...)

Henry decorated cookies and enjoyed a family trip to an evening light show. He shared and communicated and waited to open presents until it was time. We did start some new medication with him about a month ago, so I wonder if we are seeing the effects of that, or just some growing up?

Hope your holiday gave you lots to smile about too!

my weary world rejoices

(Baking this morning. The thing that gets me about this picture is- here Henry's standing on a chair. But someday he will be taller than me. Sooner than I think.)

At this time of year I listen to our local "light rock" radio station; they've been playing Christmas music 24-hours-a-day ever since Thanksgiving. Most of it is just background mood music, but every once in awhile a different version of an old classic really shakes me. So far this year there have been two:

Neil Diamond's Jingle Bell Rock - I mean, who rocks out to that song anymore? But I did the other morning on the way to work when I heard Neil Diamond!

Martina McBride's O Holy Night - Her voice usually shakes me up anyway, but her version of this song made me cry.

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

That song is what the season's all about. The weary world - those are the words that resonated with me this year. We all get so weary. The whole world is weary. But then we feel the thrill of hope...
________

Well, enough of that. The other sounds I wanted to write about are coming from my kids. We have these Disney music collection cds, and Kate and Henry have been singing along to them after school. Henry's voice is still pretty off-key, but it is getting stronger and louder- he really belts out those songs. A new viewing interest, because of these singing sessions, has been The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

A couple weeks ago Henry was very excited to tell me that they had watched Peter and the Wolf in music class. At first I thought the interest was purely the Disney/cartoon connection. But then he started rattling off the names of the instruments that represent each character, and I was amazed. He remembered the name of each instrument! I mentioned it in his notebook, and his teacher sent home a book about instruments for homework last week. Usually I can only get him to read one or two chapters a night of the homework books, but he read the whole book in one sitting with me. One chapter was about percussion, one about woodwinds, one about brass, etc.

At times we feel like our kids will never develop a new interest. And it's true that it does come slower than with non-autistic kids. But new interests do come. I hope Henry will want to play an instrument one day- what a great outlet it could be for him!

Thomas has been singing a lot lately also. His preschool is run by a church and so he is my first child to participate in a not-religiously-sanitized school holiday program. In other words, his program Monday night will feature songs about Jesus and Santa, not just snow and penguins.

He announced one night in the car that he made me an angel at school. Henry's class went shopping at the dollar store last week for their families, and wrapped the gifts with handmade giftwrap! I will have to take a picture.

After much agonizing over teacher gifts (because Henry has so many wonderful professionals who work with him every day), I decided to donate to the local food bank in honor of the teachers at his school. The boys helped bake some cookies and banana bread this weekend and I am going to send some to school tomorrow along with a note about the donation. Our food bank is in dire need this year- I suspect it is the same across the country. No matter how weary my world, someone else's load is always heavier.

NOT the Christmas card photo

God bless those other two- they just pose as agreeably as can be. I snapped 2 pictures this morning on our way out of the house, because it was just so photo-opportunity perfect with the first snowfall. In the other photo Henry is looking up, but grimacing- looks like he's crying. Sigh.

It's not so much that he doesn't like getting his picture taken (although that is a part of it), but he really seemed freaked out by the snow today- didn't want it touching him. Quite a difference from most kids around here who couldn't wait to get out in it today.

The woman who drove Henry to school in kindergarten used to call him "Prince Henry" because he was just so regal in the way he carried himself and the way he always wanted things just so. He was definitely Prince Henry this morning- the snow is touching my boots! Aaack- the snow is on my neck!

Just in case you're wondering how Henry's day went yesterday (after my morning freak-out), his communication notebook entry for yesterday read:

"Rough day- refused work most of the day. Wouldn't attempt activities in APE and got aggressive with [the APE teacher]. Rest of the day was about the same."

Let's hope for a better day today- the only morning torture was making him get his picture taken :-)

the writing program, and how I lost my marbles

(Not to dog Henry's teacher, but...) She always referred to it as "story writer", then when I asked for more info she told me that it's called "pro writer by Don Johnson company."

Upon further searching it appears to be called Co:Writer, put out by Don JohnsTon Inc.
__________

It was time to start watching for the bus this morning. Henry wanted to watch the next show on PBS (Curious George). Thomas, who had been pretending to be a baby all morning: crawling and speaking his big boy version of baby talk (everything starts with a G, like goo goo), was now not a baby anymore, but a big boy who was doing all sorts of pretend surf and skateboard tricks in the living room. Some of the tricks involved banging into me and his brother.

I was worried that Henry's morning would start off badly if his brother pissed him off, so I asked Tommy to stop being so wild. Then I asked him 3 more times. Then I screamed YOU ARE NOT BEING A GOOD LISTENER! I'VE ASKED YOU OVER AND OVER TO STOP BEING SO WILD AND YOU ARE NOT LISTENING TO ME! GO TO YOUR ROOM!

And thus, in the attempt to ensure that Henry had a good morning, I ironically ruined his morning instead. He was angry and crying when I put him on the bus, and wouldn't give me a hug or kiss- wouldn't even look at me, as a matter of fact. I've been mother to this kid for over 8 years now. Why do I still get it so wrong some days?

touch math and story writer

Blech. It's like an hour after I wrote that bellyaching post and I'm thinking man, am I a big baby or what? Lots of people don't have a dryer or a car or a furnace, so shut up already. I guess that's why we write these things down, to free our minds of them and move on.

So, on to something else I've been wanting to share. I mentioned earlier in the fall that Henry was having trouble with math. So his teacher has started "touch math" with him. This is what it looks like:

(I'm sure I'll do a terrible job of trying to explain it in writing, but here goes...) As we know, each numeral represents a quantity of a thing. Some kids seem to have trouble grasping this concept, so touch math puts dots (and circles) on the numeral to try to bring this point home. In the beginning they use the dots and physically tap on them with their fingers. Over time, the concept just becomes memorized, so that a numeral 4= 4 dots/4 things.

It sounds like Henry is making good progress so far using this technique. She plans to send home some touchmath homework next week, so I'll be able to see firsthand.

Another tool they've been using at school is a computer program to encourage Henry's writing. I believe it's called story writer. (I can get more info from his teacher if anyone would like- a quick google search didn't bring up a good link). Although Henry looooves to read, he does not like to write. I was amazed when I started seeing papers like this in his backpack:

At our parent/teacher conference, Mrs. C showed me how it works. You type in the first letter of the word (W, for example) and several word options pop up for you to choose from (they might be watch, walk, went, work). Then you take your cursor and click on the word you choose.

Right now Mrs. C and Henry write his stories together. She does most of the typing and he selects the words. I'm sure she prompts him a bit on what to write as well. But we hope that before long he'll be using the program on his own and writing longer stories.

(This story is one of my favorites because you might remember that it rained when they went to the football game and they left quite early. I knew Henry would remember it with rose-colored glasses!)

hop on board the roller coaster

Oh, it's just all up and down over here. I don't know which end is up from one minute to another.
First of all, I want to thank all of you who left comments on my couple previous posts. I am really bad about responding to comments, and I apologize. But I do so appreciate everyone's input. Keep it coming!

Today I wanted to share something exciting. Henry appeared in his first school performance! His teacher just told me the night before, in the communication notebook, that he would be singing a song with the second-graders on stage. At first I was just going to ask her to take a picture for me, but then I wondered "what am I thinking? My son has never before performed on a stage. I can't miss this." So I called in to work and said I'd be late, took Tommy to preschool, picked Bill up from work, and we went to watch the "Charity Newsies Assembly" at the elementary school.

Henry sat in the audience next to his aide and watched the first graders perform. Then he filed onstage with the second graders, seemingly unfazed by all the commotion. He went promptly to his designated spot: (The photos I took are ridiculously dark, but he's basically in the center of this one, wearing a dark green sweater with a white snowflake-pattern stripe across the chest)

I saw him looking around, and that mom instinct in me took hold and I started waving like an idiot. I hadn't told him I was coming, and neither had his teachers. I could, and should, have stayed out of sight, but my excitement and pride just possessed me.

He saw me and got really excited, and started calling for me to come over, and to come up on the stage. I was worried that I had screwed everything up by letting him know we were there!

But he ended up participating just fine. He was over at the edge of the group instead of right in the middle where he was supposed to be, but no one cared.

They sang America the Beautiful, with accompanying hand motions. Henry had learned the whole thing and did it right along with the rest of the group. (Normally this is definitely the kind of thing that would make me cry, but I was too excited to cry this time.) Then they recited a little poem about birds on Farmer Brown's farm. The kids were divided into 3 groups and each was supposed to be a different bird. Henry's group were Turkeys, who shouted "eat more chicken, eat more chicken, gobble gobble gobble, it's finger lickin'!"

Henry seemed excited and proud, and aside from some hopping up and down and covering his ears, he did everything just as he was supposed to, as far as I could tell.

When the second-graders were finished, they came back to their seats and Henry asked daddy and I to sit with him. Again, I was worried that this would mess everything up. I sat with him for a minute and then Bill did. (At this point the regular-ed second-grade teacher came over and introduced herself to me. She seemed very nice, and resembled Susan Senator, I thought. A good sign!)

I'm not sure what Bill said to Henry, but when he got up to leave, Henry didn't argue. Just waved and said "bye mommy, bye daddy."_______

So there are some good things at school- some very good stuff going on. Despite my rant the other day, I know that his teacher is just trying to work on the thing that is the biggest obstacle right now- the aggression. She replied to my e-mail and said that she knows the medication decision is a very hard one, but she feels that Henry is not able to control his actions at some times. He will continue to be observed by various people, but that's tricky because his behavior is so erratic. I believe that is the reason for the increased info in the communication book- to show us that the behavior is very random.

Drama Mama had a lovely post the other day about remembering how great our kids are. Obviously, it hit home to me with some of the negative things we've been hearing about Henry lately, and made me think about something that happened last weekend:

The boys had a make-up gymnastics class Saturday morning at 9. Because it was a make-up, it was different: different kids, different teachers, different routine, mom and dad both there, Tommy there... So Henry was a bit dysregulated. Kept loudly saying that he didn't want to go. Needed a little urging to participate, but ended up doing fine in the end.

After gymnastics, we decided to go to a nearby greasy spoon for breakfast. The place is small and was crowded (one of those places that was built like in the 50s and people were smaller then- I felt like a family of giants walking in there). Henry had brought in some of his papers and was talking loudly about them. The only seat was at the bar. Initially the boys sat between us, but then started messing with each other, so Henry and I switched places. Then a booth opened up and we moved over there.

Henry ordered (for himself) blueberry pancakes, sausage and bacon and orange juice. He proceeded to eat it all with his fingers. An old man walked past our table, to pay his bill. He stopped in front of us, smiled, and said "that's 2 good looking kids you've got there."

I smiled, said thank you, and then my eyes filled with tears. I didn't even realize, until that comment, all the baggage I was carrying around. How much I was worrying about whether Henry was bothering people, or what people might be thinking about an 8-year-old eating with his fingers. It's like a rucksack that I've been carrying for so long, I don't even notice it anymore.

With his one kind comment, that man made me realize that not everyone is judging me or my family. That not only do I think my kids are great, lots of other people do too.

Happy thanksgiving my friends and family, and thanks for reading. I'm more thankful for all of you every year!

good things and waxing nostalgic

The same way that the little stuff can really get you down sometimes, some days the little stuff can really give me a lift. Yesterday I almost squealed when I noticed that this cactus in my office was blooming:


And all of a sudden the burning bushes are gloriously red. It's nice how nature works that way- just when the jack-o-lanterns are bringing us down with their moldy collapse (see foreground of the photo), the burning bushes distract us with their beauty:

While I am preoccupied with the needs of my children, my house, my husband and myself, something is trying to make me stop, take a deep breath, and notice the goodness of my life.

Yesterday I called my oldest friend. I haven't seen her in a year and a half, haven't talked to her in almost as long. We do e-mail at least, and she had told me that her 5-year-old daughter would be having her tonsils and adenoids removed yesterday. Finally, that was the impetus I needed to make the call- to make sure that everything had gone ok (it had, of course).

We talked for 45 minutes before I had to go, and it was as if no time had passed since we were high school friends who saw one another every day. She made me laugh until I snorted. We joked that we'd talk again the next time one of our children was knocked out with anesthetic and the other one of us was at work!

Thomas and I have been listening to some classics in the car: the Beach Boys, Eagles, and Beatles. For some reason this is so soothing to me. They are songs that I listened to with my parents, that Bill listened to with Kate, and now to hear Thomas singing along with them is such a comfort.

As the days get shorter and colder, and the to-do lists get longer, as Henry's re-evaluation looms and I have to answer questionnaires about all the things that he doesn't do, I need to find these good things and let them occupy my mind.

question for a weird Friday

Well today was very strange. Both boys were going to be at home today, and Bill had taken the day off to be home with them. We had our parent-teacher conference scheduled for this morning and then I was going to go in to work.

But Bill developed this horrible pain in his left elbow yesterday. He doesn't remember doing anything specific to it, but it suddenly became swollen, red and so painful. He was able to get an appointment with the doctor this afternoon, so I just took the day off also. You'd think it would be a nice day at home for all of us, but it really was a day of running around. That's the way it goes sometimes.

Bill ended up having an infection in his elbow! They had to drain fluid from it, which was very painful. (I'm trying to be as sympathetic as I can, but ladies, you know that I want to say "as painful as delivering a baby? I think not.") So I just finished my antibiotic yesterday, and he started one today!
____________

My question for all of you stems from our parent/teacher conference. Henry is doing quite well academically and in many social situations. He is making progress on all of his IEP goals and doesn't argue with his teachers about everything anymore.

He is, however, aggressive. I hesitate to say that this is a new problem, because it has always been a component of Henry's behavior. The discussion today, though, seemed different. His teacher basically said that Henry's unpredictable aggression is the only thing holding him back from spending most of his day with the regular ed class.

Many of the specialists who work with Henry have never seen this side of him. I can tell that this frustrates his teacher because she needs help in identifying why it happens. Sometimes the adults in the classroom can see the antecedent. But other times, to cite one of her examples, Henry will be reading in one quiet corner. Another child will walk into that corner to get a book, minding his own business. Henry will look up, stick out his leg, and trip the child. Or he will push an unsuspecting child from behind. Or he will unexpectedly scratch or pinch another child in the face.

These actions not always directed at the same person, nor do they always occur in the same situation.

The adults can handle this aggression to a certain degree, when it is directed at them. But Mrs. C. says that Henry often attacks children who cannot defend themselves. (I assume this means nonverbal children- she is always very careful about not naming names.) And her biggest fear is that he will injure one of the regular ed 2nd graders, which could potentially generate a huge political stink, and harm Henry's chances of being accepted in the general ed classroom.

The teachers try different types of reactions to these situations (talking quietly, giving him a big squeeze, threatening the loss of a privilege). Sometimes these attempts work to calm Henry down, sometimes they don't. And at those times, despite his small size, it is a real challenge for the adults to get Henry "off" of the child he has chosen to attack.

(The word attack may sound a little harsh, but the more I hear, the more it sounds like that's what's happening. I don't want to turn a blind eye to my son's bullying.)

The teachers, paras, and therapists seem to generally feel that these actions are almost uncontrollable on Henry's part. We have seen a bit of this behavior at home, but definitely not to the same degree.

I'd love to hear from any of you (either in comments or e-mail me) who have been through this with your child. Henry has never taken any medication, and I am wondering if that is the path that would help him? Bill talked to the pediatrician briefly today, and I will have to get back to you with the name of the medication that they discussed.

I certainly don't want to jump into anything, but I also want to help Henry as soon as I can. I thought about trying to get back in to see the psychs who diagnosed him, but I fear the wait to get in now would be even longer than it was 4 years ago.

Thanks in advance for your help, friends. Have a good weekend!

a couple rough Sunday outings

The Sunday before Halloween, we went to "Boo at the Zoo"- kids wear their costumes and get candy at treat stations. We did this last year and had a fun time. This year a new attraction was added: we bought tickets ahead of time to attend lunch with Spiderman!!

I gave it a bit of forethought, just enough to think "I'll have Bill with me, so if Henry doesn't like it, or gets restless, we can separate and each take a kid." This was not enough forethought.

First, we had to wait in line to get in to the event, then more waiting in line to get our lunch (a turkey sandwich and yogurt or madarin oranges- woo hoo!) Luckily, the boys and I left Bill in line out in the hallway and ducked inside the big meeting room just in time for Spiderman to appear. There were probably 150 people at this event, in a big echo-y room. The Spiderman theme music started, and he ran in and started working the room.

Henry was covering his ears, of course, but was smiling and watching. We were at the less-populated back of the room, but Spiderman made his way over to us and headed right for Henry! He said "How ya doin' buddy?" and held out his hand! I prompted, "Henry, can you shake Spiderman's hand?" and Henry managed to do so, letting go of one ear and pressing it to his shoulder, to free up his hand. "Nice to see ya, Henry" Spiderman said, and then tousled Tommy's hair and kept on moving.

Both boys beamed, ear-to-ear. He really talks! They both exclaimed. I was impressed that Spiderman had singled out the kid covering his ears, and picked up on Henry's name.

A photo with Spiderman was included as part of the ticket price. There was also face-painting available. Henry opted for a bat painted on his hand, which I thought was a good compromise. Spiderman also put on a show about safety.

For this show, he asked for volunteers from the audience- kids to act out scenes about crossing the street and not talking to strangers. I want to go up on stage Henry announced. Bill told him to raise his hand. So there Henry sat, covering his ears and raising his hand at the same time.

And felt so ashamed, but I sat there thinking please don't pick him please don't pick him. Isn't that awful? But I didn't think Henry would know what to do if he was chosen. Maybe he would go up there but then another kid would piss him off and he would pinch that kid, or push him, or scream...

And then Spiderman said "OK, how about this Batman over here?" He was talking about a different Batman, but Henry didn't realize, grinned and stood up. My heart cracked right in two at that moment.

Bill and I talked about it later and we had so many conflicting emotions. Bill pointed out that, a year ago or more, Henry wouldn't have been nearly engaged enough in what was happening to even notice that kids were going up to the stage, much less to want to go up too. He wouldn't have even put it together that Spiderman had chosen Batman to help, and he was dressed as Batman.
But, there were all my worries about could Henry handle it if he actually was chosen. I'm ashamed of that now, because none of the kids really got what they were supposed to do up there- it was actually pretty painful to watch. Henry probably would have done fine.

When the show was over, everyone lined up to get their picture taken with Spiderman. This was so ridiculous. Bill and Henry left to walk around the zoo and then Tommy and I did the same. I realized that I could get back in to the event in about half an hour and see how the line looked at that point. So that's what we did, and it worked out perfectly. This "Spiderman" was so great. He really took time to chat with each kid.

He told Tommy that The Thing is one of his friends, and he would tell The Thing that Tommy said "hi" the next time he saw him. (Of course, this led Tommy to believe that The Real Thing was there at the zoo somewhere, and could we find him?)

Henry had a really rough time for the rest of the zoo visit. I was really caught off-guard because we go to the zoo all the time, and it always goes pretty well. We can only figure that this time was too different: daddy was with us, the Spiderman thing was too exciting, we didn't rent a buggy for them to ride in like we usually do...

This being an autism detective is so hard. You have to re-trace your steps and try to figure out what was it that put Henry over the edge?

He just didn't really want to look at anything, or didn't want to stop looking at certain things. This is where I wonder if the buggy facilitates more than I realize. Maybe hopping in the buggy and looking at his zoo map is an important calm transition time between exhibits?
We did have a nice ride on the boats:
And these otters were one attraction that he loved.

But we eventually had to drag him away from them.

If you had been at the zoo that day, here's what you would have seen. Us dragging Henry/Batman behind us while he complained.

I just hate days like this. I feel bad for Henry that he is so dysregulated. Out of whack is the term I used that day. But I also feel bad for Tommy that his holiday outing is messed up too because Henry is out of whack.

The other rough Sunday outing happened this past weekend. Kate and I took the boys to the rec center pool at the University where I work. (Yes, I was quite pleasantly surprised that Kate wanted to come along!) This pool is sooooo fun for kids- we all had a great time.

But then it was time to leave.

And Henry didn't want to leave.

We haven't had a scene like this in quite awhile. So long, in fact, that I'm sure the last time it happened I was able to just carry Henry out of wherever we were. But we can't carry him anymore.

Poor Kate bore the brunt of it, as I was carrying most of our stuff and the little brother wanted to hold my hand. Henry pinched her and pinched her, and kept shouting all the scripted angry lines he could think of:

Are you crazy?

You ran out on me, and I took the blame!

You won't believe me anyway!
It's kind of humorous now, to think about a little 8-year-old shouting You ran out on me, and I took the blame! But it definitely wasn't humorous at the time. Definitely not for the big sister or the little brother. I do the best I can to thank Tommy for being a "good listener" and to explain that Henry has a hard time understanding things, even though he's older, and that that's why Henry gets extra grumpy sometimes. But it just stinks. For Henry too. I wish these transitions didn't have to be so so so so hard for him.

And I started thinking how long until he learns some really mean, foul things to say when he's angry? Then we'll be dragging him through an echoing rec center while he shouts obscenities. It's bound to happen.

As I was telling a friend about the weekend, and about how Henry slept in so late on Saturday, and about how he tripped going up the steps to the bus, she commented that maybe he is growing. I wonder if it could be as simple as that? I hope. I hope.

halloween 2007

Wasn't it weird to be trick-or-treating in broad daylight this year? We made it all the way up our street and back down the other side, so we could enjoy all the spooky lights in darkness by the time we got home, at least.

I only took one picture this year, and didn't feel all giddy like I have on other Halloweens. I don't mean that we didn't have fun, au contraire. It's just that our fun was comfortable and expected. The same fun any old family has on Halloween. As I read others' blogs, I remember the years that Henry didn't get it. And the years that HE FINALLY GOT IT and I was so excited. (Remember the year that I embarrassed him?)
And then there was last year, when I had the biggest fright of my life.

This year was pretty much just a standard Halloween. Everyone loved Henry's costume. So many people sang the nananananananana-Batman! song when they saw him coming, and Henry would cover his ears.

Tommy was The Thing, from the Fantastic Four. The Fantastic Four seem to be a lesser-known gang of super heroes, to the parental generation anyway, so most people didn't know who he was (especially without his mask, which he did not want to wear.) But Tommy was ok with that- most people at least commented on his big strong muscles.

I was pissed off by the one house that was scaring kids. There was a person wearing a scary mask handing out candy, and as the kids walked up the walk another person would release this skeleton bat thing and have it swoop out at the kids. We had seen it, and warned Henry. He wasn't scared at all by the bat, but did need encouragement to keep on walking up to the scary (guy? girl? I don't know) handing out the candy. As he reached the first step, the second person released smoke from a smoke machine right into Henry's face. Well, he didn't like that, and refused to go up any further.

Of course, they'd have no way of knowing my son was autistic, but nonetheless I think they should have saved that scary stuff for the older kids. Henry is 8, but looks like he's about 6, and of course Tommy is even littler. Henry doesn't get scared too easily, and he didn't cry or anything. But as we came back down the other side of the street, he kept a wary eye on that house, and kept repeating "we already went to that house with the skeleton guy. We already went to that house."

Henry was so excited about the other kids' costumes- it was hilarious. He would exclaim over every costume he saw, and point (sometimes inappropriately) right at the child. "There's supergirl! There's Mr. Incredible!" The funniest thing was when a favorite-costumed child (like supergirl) would fall into step behind us. Henry would come back down every walk, saying "Thank you, Happy Halloween" and then shriek "there's supergirl!" Right- you already pointed her out at the last 3 houses!

One of Henry's favorite things to ask is "what's your favorite holiday?" and then "what's your second favorite holiday?" I always answer Christmas first, but I'll tell you- the longer I'm a mom, the more Halloween is sneaking up on that favorite spot.

move over Abbott and Costello

double standard

This photo is currently my computer desktop background- it's from our visit to the zoo last weekend. It says a lot about my sons: Thomas is wearing a Batman pajama shirt backwards on purpose and Henry is holding his Big Cats Zoobook.

My boss commented today on the picture and asked about Henry's magazine. As usual, I launched into a longer-than-necessary explanation.

You see, Big Cats is one of Henry's very favorite Zoobooks. Because he carries his very favorite things with him to school, the gym, the grocery store, L's house... sometimes the very favorite things get lost. Or they get ripped.

In the past few months, something happened to Big Cats. I can't be sure what it was, and it doesn't really matter. But Henry would ask for it and I would promise to look a couple places for it; in the cars, in the basement where I keep things that need to be repaired, I would ask L about it. When we went to the zoo he would look for it in the gift shop, and they would never have any copies.

As so often happens, I put Henry off and off and off until I finally focused my attention on the situation and thought ok, the Big Cats book is gone, let's figure out how to get a new one. So I ordered a new copy from the Zoobooks website. It arrived around Henry's birthday.

Then, last Sunday, as we browsed in the gift shop, Henry found what he wanted to get: Big Cats. (Sure, now they have it in stock!)
But we already have that one Henry. At home. I know because I ordered it special for you. Why don't you pick out a different Zoobook that we don't already have?
We do not have it at home!

Yes, we do. Remember, it came in the mail? I know we already have this one at home.
It did not come in the mail! We do not have it at home!
You can tell by the picture how this argument was resolved. We bought another copy of Big Cats. And it's not a huge defeat in the bigger scheme of things, I know. It cost like $3, made him really happy, and now we'll have a spare for the next time we lose one copy.

But the part that bothers me--and the part that my boss couldn't really understand, although he is well-intentioned--is... if it were Thomas wanting a duplicate of something he already has, I would not give in so easily. Of course, the flip-side of that is that Thomas probably wouldn't ask for something that he already has. He would decide that it made sense to pick out something different.

My boss was asking "what would happen if you just told him no and refused to get it for him?" Well, I would probably have to drag him out of the gift shop crying, and then we'd have to talk all day about the Big Cats magazine. And what it really comes down to is--and this goes along with what I wrote a couple posts back about spoiling my kids--I don't want to tell him no. I get how important it is to him to have his papers or his books or his magazines. I get how comfortable those things make him feel. And I'm happy to help my child feel comfortable. But I wonder sometimes if I'm doing the right thing.

No, strike that. I don't wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But I wonder why the "right thing" for one child can be different from the "right thing" for another child.

My mom told me recently about how she made my one brother take piano lessons. And not the other brother. Basically she knew that my middle brother would have flat-out refused to cooperate. The younger brother, he didn't like it, but he could be persuaded. So he took piano lessons.

Time Magazine's cover story this week is about birth order- the stereotypes and truths associated with being the first-born, baby, or somewhere in the middle. Although I don't feel that many of the issues apply to our family, it is still fascinating food for thought, and is making me examine my choices- will Tommy have it easier or harder because of his older brother and sister? Will I give in to him more or less? Will I celebrate each new skill he learns, or will it be old hat for this mom of three?

Maybe the thing I have learned from the other two that Thomas will benefit from is: to suggest the thing that seems logical (don't buy a magazine that you already have), but to be open to the idea that we don't always have to be logical.

huh? you mean this thing can take videos?

So, like three years after everyone else started including videos on their blogs, I finally realized that it's as simple as pushing the "video" button on my digital camera, uploading the video along with my pictures, and posting it here. Can anyone say DUH?
I have really enjoyed seeing moving pictures of some of my little friends, and thought you might like to see Henry in action too.

The boys and I went to the zoo yesterday, arriving just in time to see the scuba diver in the coral reef tank. Henry looooves this, as you will see. Because of the location, the video is a little dark and there is a lot of background noise, but I hope you'll be able to get something out of it.

As I watch it, imagining myself as someone who doesn't know Henry, I notice all the autism stuff that we never notice anymore: the flapping and kicking, the humming, the hopping, and the repeating things over and over until I repeat them back to him.

We had a great day at the zoo. Tommy got his face painted again and Henry totally blew me away by saying that HE wanted to get his face painted too!! But by the time I ran 20 yards away to get out more cash and ran back, he had changed his mind. We will be going back in a couple weeks for "boo at the zoo", so he is toying with the idea of getting his face painted then.

good friday

I've read a few posts that made me happy today (Conor's doing great in another new school, Niksmom is reminding us all about perspective, and Fluffy is skipping) so I thought I would toss one of my own happy stories into the blogosphere. If I were ambitious I would declare this a weekly event, but we all know that I won't be organized enough to do it every Friday...

Wednesday night I said no to watching a DVD. I don't do this often, and Henry was perplexed. I was a little perplexed myself, after he asked me 20 more times and I kept having to repeat my negative answer. Bill and Thomas were hanging out together somewhere, and Henry and I were alone on the couch. I want to play a game he suddenly announced.

I want to play a game. Did he really say that? With no prompting?

I tried to sound casual- ok, what game do you want to play? He studied the game shelf and decided on animal bingo. He set it up and we commenced playing a game together. We took turns, we marked off our animals as they were called.

I have a raccoon. Do you have a raccoon mommy?

Oh man, I don't. The next animal is an ostrich. I have one of those.

Me too!
We did this back-and-forth talk and playing a game, just like a regular old mom and kid. What a priceless night! I was enjoying myself so much, I may not have noticed that I had bingo 2 different directions and let Henry call bingo first. Then we played a game of ocean bingo and he won that game too.

We didn't even do homework that night.

thanks for nothing, global warming

Monday was Thomas' first-ever field trip! To the pumpkin patch! I was so excited to go along! It was hot as hell!

Seriously, it was like 80 degrees when we got there at 9:30 in the morning. I was sweating from my stupid green tea latte and besides the bees were swarming around it, so I just dumped it out.

We didn't linger long over the donut and apple juice they included with our admission because the bees were so bad. But the kids had a lot of fun in this cute "scarecrow cave" maze that was just their size:

The barn full of hay bales and slides was fun too (except that I lost my sunglasses).

What would my grandpa say if he knew you could charge people money to let their kids climb around on bales of hay??!! Brilliant!

Another first for us was using the port-o-potty. I don't think I've ever taken Henry in one of those, so this was my first time realizing that a little boy can use a different area of the facility, if you get my meaning. Thomas was very entertained by this also.

I guess it's a bad year for pumpkins, so instead of actually riding out into the field to pick a pumpkin, we were just funneled into this fenced area and picked a pumpkin from a pile. Then we climbed into the wagon with our pumpkins to bake in the sun as we rode through the fields to the parking lot. As you can see, Thomas was not nearly as irritated by the heat as I was:

The trip was actually very fun. I didn't became really bitter until the last leg. We left our pumpkin in the car and returned to do all the fun stuff one more time. That's when I lost my son.

He went into that cute little maze again and I swear I was standing there watching for him the whole time. Other kids came and went and then I realized that I hadn't seen or heard from Thomas in a little while. I started calling his name louder and louder and the teachers asked what color shirt he was wearing... after maybe five minutes, one of the other moms said "there he is", and sure enough, here came Tommy, casually sauntering across the lawn.

(I didn't even notice until we were leaving that there was a pond on this property too. Thank God I didn't know that at the time I couldn't find him!)

If you'll look back at my Easter post, you'll see that the weather was unseasonable for that seasonal outing also, so I guess we're par for the course this year.
_________________

Today was the darkest of days for my youngest son, for it was the first day he was required to wear... wait for it... are you sitting down?... long pants. Noooooooo!

I'm being a smartass, but really, he is completely traumatized by this. That's why last year I let him wear shorts almost every day of the winter. We would wear pants for the trip to L's house and bring shorts along to change. But this year he has preschool and I can't have him changing his clothes back and forth all day long. He needs to learn that there are rules of propriety in our society.

But wow, I really feel terrible enforcing these rules sometimes! He threw a major tantrum this morning.

Side note: I was really proud of Henry at this point. He got up from the table where he was eating his breakfast and said "I want to go upstairs for a little while." I objected "But the bus will be here soon." Henry explained "I want to get away from Tommy." I told him that was a terrific way of handling a situation- rather than shoving/pinching/screaming at Tommy. Moving away from something that bothers you is a great solution. So we sat out front and waited for the school bus. But I could still hear the little brother crying and crying inside the house.
During the course of his crying fit, Tommy also told me that he doesn't want to go to school, doesn't like school, and is shy there. He tells me this all the time: that he is shy at school. Most people (the teachers, L, Bill) kind of roll their eyes at this (because this boy is definitely NOT shy. Not with adults anyway). But Tommy says it often enough that it worries me a bit. Today I tried to suggest to him that he could play with some other kids in his class, and he replied "no- I'm too shy! When the other kids talk to me I'm too shy because I don't know them!"

I can't be sure whether he was over-dramatizing this because he was already upset about the pants. But I'd appreciate tips from any of you who've been through this with a shy kid. Or a kid who hates to wear certain articles of clothing.

It seems like I don't really write about Henry enough anymore: how he is doing and what he is working on. As he grows older the issues have become not as huge and so I don't feel as driven to write about them. But of course, the issues are still there.

This year, for the first time, he is continuing in the same school with the same teacher and at least some of the same paras and therapists. So, although I'm not hearing much about some of his more troublesome behaviors (pinching, arguing/refusing to do work), I can't kid myself that they aren't still there. They just aren't news to these teachers anymore.

We had a teacher conference a couple weeks ago in which I tried to brag about how Henry had apologized to Thomas one day, unprompted. His teacher was like "yeeeaah... we actually try to get away from saying I'm sorry, because the kids will hurt one another and then just say they're sorry real fast and think everything's ok."

Oh, ok. Well, I still think it's a good thing at home. We can have different rules at home. They seem to have a lot more trouble with the pinching and scratching at school, with what they see as no provocation. Bill and I figure that there are just certain kids Henry has a beef with, and he'll grab them if he gets a chance. I don't mean to sound flippant about it, but there's really nothing we can do about it at home. It's just something they have to figure out in that environment.

One thing his teacher did ask us to work on at home, though, was addition facts. Ugh. I really dislike math. To this day I add on my fingers certain numbers that have just never registered in my tiny little blond brain. When you're pregnant and raising little kids, all you ever hear is read read read to your child. So that's what I've always done and it's been great. But now, my kid is 8 and can read just about everything by himself and, oh, it turns out there's some other stuff we're supposed to help him learn also. Dangit.

Henry's teacher asked us to work on flashcards at home. Because Henry has such a great memory, she assumed he would have no problem memorizing math problems. But I guess movie lines and movie release dates have a lot more meaning to Henry than 1+3 does, and the stuff is just not sticking.

About a week after she had asked us to do flashcards at home, Henry's teacher asked in the communication notebook how it was going. So that night I dug out the flashcards and started working with him. Ooops. Yes, teachers, I'm that mom. The one who has to be reminded a week later.

The first few times he counted on his fingers for every single flashcard. I tried a couple cards involving numbers higher than 5, and he was at a loss. Although I was a bit discouraged by this, now, a little more than a week later, he is getting much quicker and much more confident. So I think we will master this also. But we're only on addition. I am dreading multiplication!

We are still going strong with swimming lessons, horseback riding, and gymnastics. His confidence and strength are improving week by week.

The movies in heavy rotation lately are the Jungle Book and Cars. It's funny about Cars, because we bought it last November, when it first came out, but he never wanted to watch it until this summer. Henry got the soundtrack for his birthday, and loves to sing along with all the songs. He seems to really like "Our Town, illustrated by James Taylor" (In Henry's words!) So I'm hoping to turn him on to some other James Taylor tunes.

Henry also got the Cars game for his Leapster for his birthday. We got the Leapster for Christmas, in the hope that it would make some social situations easier (no one at a party thinks twice about the kid in the corner playing his video games), he'd enjoy it on car trips, and just to have him in the same room with us while playing games, rather than tucked away on the computer in the basement. He has never shown a ton of interest in the Leapster- the only game he really played much was a Dora animal-matching game.

He asked for the Dora game this weekend, and we couldn't find it (it probably went home with another cousin after vacation?), so he grudgingly half-looked at the Cars game as I tried to figure out how to play it. Of course, it quickly won him over and he played for hours this weekend, not even stopping to eat. Bill and I were laughing that we suggested playing a game as an alternative to watching movies, but then he got just as absorbed in the game, if not more so. Are we varying his interests, or narrowing them?

I could swear that I wrote this spring about the Return of the Jedi storytape. But I can't find the post. So- our library has a book on tape of Return of the Jedi that must be from 1985. Henry has borrowed it so many times, and each time another page falls out. It was out of circulation for several months with the notation "damaged" listed in the database. I searched for a copy to buy on the internet, but did not have any luck. Finally, one day when I again told Henry that it was "still damaged", he took matters into his own hands and asked the librarian!!!! She retrieved it from her back room and let him borrow it.

Fast forward a few months, and the boys and I walk into the library. All the librarians smile at us. Our first stop is the movie area, and as we're browsing in there, the librarian from the children's department taps me on the shoulder. "Aren't you the family that likes to borrow this?" she asks, holding up the Return of the Jedi book and tape. Oh, great, I think, she's going to make us pay for it because she's had to repair it so many times. I nod. "Well, I just can't keep it in circulation anymore" she explained, "it's too damaged. But I would just throw it away. Would you like to have it?"

So we brought the story tape home to keep!!!! If Henry hadn't asked the librarian, we would never have seen that treasured item again. Instead, we get to bring it home to live with us!