puzzling

Henry loves puzzles, and he is very good at them. He started out doing the 25-piece puzzles when he was around 4. He became so proficient at them that he would sit and do 10 25-piece puzzles in half an hour, and they'd be arrayed all over the floor. So we started trying to find more difficult ones. Even the 100-piece puzzles (like the one shown above) don't present too much of a challenge.
Then, last year around Christmastime, something miraculous happened. And I am not being sarcastic here- this was truly a blessing to us. I work in a university office, and we employ some part-time students. I was telling one of them about Henry and his interests, and she said, "oh, my sister and I had all these Disney movie poster puzzles when we were kids. My mom still has them- I'll bring them in for Henry." These puzzles are 500 pieces and are the size of a movie poster (3x5), but the pieces are oversized. We have Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast, The Jungle Book, 101 Dalmations, The Little Mermaid, Snow White and The Lion King (I bought that one on e-bay- that is the only place I've found them.)
I can't tell you how excited I have been about these puzzles!!!! They provide an activity that we can do WITH Henry- they are difficult enough that he wants help with them and we can talk, listen to music, etc. while we work together on them. (And, they feature one of his other passions, Disney characters.) They have provided an opportunity to encourage him to work together with someone- usually an adult, but he also allows the occasional cousin or (when he's in a REALLY good mood) his little brother to work with him.
When I first noticed the autism awareness logo that has a puzzle motif, I kind of got a kick out of it- because Henry loves puzzles, and his behavior can be puzzling to us also.
But I never questioned, until just recently- why does he like puzzles so much? It must be because they are an exercise in creating order out of disorder. They always have a predictable outcome. They allow him to feel in control. And, the activity gives him some positive reinforcement- he always receives a lot of praise for his puzzle skills.
The action I've captured in this picture is Henry's really excited "flapping" (I'm not really sure what to call it.) He kind of hums and hops and flaps his hands when he's excited or happy, and when he's sitting down, he does the same things with his legs!! Sit down and try it- it's pretty hard to do! I should try to do it whenever he does- it would be a good workout!
I'm looking forward to reading about everyone's Halloween...

you want to work here

Well, Henry didn't let me go for long without a story to tell. But first, a few basics to help you understand him:

-Like many autistic children, Henry has trouble getting his pronouns right. The easiest way for me to explain it is that he says what he wants YOU to say- he wants you to repeat it. For example, he'll say "you need a potty break"- really this means that he needs to go potty. But our way of asking him when he was little was "do you need a potty break?" So, in Henry speak, "you" usually means "I" and vice-versa.

-One of Henry's passions is anything Disney. He has moved from one favorite movie to the next (The Lion King, Aladdin, Beauty and the Beast...) but he also loves to admire an assortment of Disney things- spread all the video boxes out on the floor, pore over one of those ads you get in the mail for a movie club, collect fruit snack boxes featuring different characters...

So, yesterday afternoon we took his big sister to an appointment at a branch of our Children's Hospital. Henry has a very optimistic outlook on life and views every new place as potentially holding new Disney movies, books, or puzzles (another passion). He quickly looked through all the books in the waiting room, but they mostly seemed to be old textbooks or children's encyclopedias! Then, he spotted shelves of movies behind the receptionists' desk, and made a bee-line for those. (They show movies in the waiting room, but the one showing at the time was Jumanji or something that he had no interest in.)

So, I had to carry him kicking and screaming out of the receptionists' area. (They subsequently shut the door.) I tried in vain to interest him in anything else, but he could not be swayed. I told him that only "people who work here" can go in that room. So he started saying, in such a choked, pitiful voice, "you want to work here, you want to work here, you want to work here, you want to work here."

So then I said (why was I trying to reason with him?) "you're not old enough to work here" or something to that effect. He got even more agitated and said "you are NOT too big." Trying to contradict my statement, but getting it a little backwards. Then he said, (and this really threw me) "you want to go with Tommy." His little brother was at his babysitter's (Lori), and at first I thought Henry was just totally changing the subject and saying he wished he was at Lori's house! But then he elaborated: "you want to go in that room with Tommy. He is not too big."

He had misunderstood what I said- that he was too big to go in that room, and figured if he went in with his little brother, that would be allowed!!

These sorts of conversations leave me with mixed emotions- I am always so proud when he tries to "use his words", and impressed with the (sometimes circuitous) connections he makes with things. But it makes me so sad that he has so much trouble understanding these kinds of rules in life- there are areas where only employees can go.

I ended up carrying him back out to the minivan where we listened to a story tape and hung out for about 45 minutes.

Last night he did something I was really proud of: he told his little brother "thank you" 2 different times, without us even having time to prompt him.

my boys

This picture is misleading because they don't usually enjoy being this close to one another. (They were sitting on my back- horsey-style.) But that's a topic for another day.

first post

Well, this is intimidating, isn't it? A whole site of my own to fill. Lately I have found myself starting to comment on one of my favorite blogs, but then writing paragraph after paragraph and realizing that this was a bit more than a "comment" and deleting it.

I love this blog community that I've found over the past few months. It is a strange cyber-support group where we can tell the sordid details of our lives on the autism spectrum, and know that the others really "get it". Where a mom can brag that her child pretended to be something, and we all understand why that's a big deal- no further explanation required.

I've gasped countless times when recognizing something in someone else's child that I see in my own. What a great feeling after all these years- someone else's kid does the same thing! (Charlie's backwards hug is the first example that comes to my mind.)

I guess I'll give a little background on my family. I have three children: a teenage daughter (maybe I'll check with her first to see if she minds if I use her name here), 6-year-old son, Henry, who was diagnosed PDD in February 2005, and a 20-month-old (NT) son, Thomas. My husband and I both work outside of the home, and our life is pretty busy.

Things with Henry have actually seemed a bit easier since we got his diagnosis, a name for "what is wrong with him" and some direction in how to deal with it, at home and at school. It is easier to be able to say "my son has autism"- a shorthand way to explain what's up with Henry's behavior, than to just wonder if we had done something wrong and our child was horribly ill-behaved.

Ironic, though, to think how far I've come since Henry was 2 1/2 and a family friend broached the subject of autism with me. I cried for days. Who would have thought then that I would welcome this diagnosis, 3 years later?

I look forward to exploring these issues and many more on this blog. Thanks to anyone who reads, and thanks in advance for the support that I know I'll be needing...