All five of us went to see Meet the Robinsons today. We've never all been to the movie theater together before. It was fun and, needless to say, Henry was very excited. (Thankfully I had a movie gift card to pay for our admission. Matinee admission and snacks and drinks cost nearly $60!!!!)
This evening I was in the boys' room with them, keeping an eye out the window for Bill to come home with some pizza. Tommy was pretending to be a ninja (go figure). At one point he threw a shirt (he changes clothes so many times a day that there are always spare shirts and shorts laying around) at Henry. (I don't think that's a traditional ninja move.)
Henry picked up the shirt and started swinging it at Tommy's head. They roughhoused in this way for a little while, as I asked Henry in vain to stop whipping that shirt around "it will really hurt if it hits someone in the face."
Eventually the shirt did whip someone in the face: me.
"Ouch" I said, "I told you not to do that- that hurt me. I know it was an accident, but you need to say you're sorry."
"I AM NOT SORRY!"
"If you hurt someone by accident, you can just say 'ooops, I'm sorry'. It's no big deal."
"I am NOT sorry. When daddy comes home the pizza will be all gone!"
"Henry, why are you being so mean and grumpy? We did something really special today: we went to see..."
"I did not WANT to see Meet the Robinsons!"
OK, whatever. How is it that you hit me in the face and yet you're the one who ends up angry?
Bill got home with the pizza and Henry ate about 6 pieces. I was reading the newspaper as we sat at the table together. The others were in front of the tv. Henry was saying something quietly and it didn't register at first. "What's that Henry?"
"Ooops. I'm sorry."
He just had to do it on his own terms? Give it some thought first? I don't know, but I was glad he said it.
I wonder if part of the trouble had to do with him just being over-hungry? Otherwise I don't understand the comment about "the pizza will be all gone." Maybe he just couldn't think about anything else until we had that pizza.
One day this week his teacher wrote that Henry ate his whole lunch for morning snack and then bought a lunch at lunchtime!! He ate a hamburger and the bun that day, which I don't think I've ever seen him do.
Thursday night after his swimming lesson he ate 11 chicken nuggets, and today at the movie theater he ate every last kernel of popcorn out of the bag. It seems he's getting ready to grow.
One other awesome thing: Kate said that one afternoon they were listening to music and dancing together. Henry stopped and said "I miss my brother Tommy." We don't think he's ever said that before. He must think Tommy is a good dancing partner!
Saturday, March 31, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
photos, general update, and siblings revisited
The photo shoot at Target went great on Friday!! I intended to only get a photo of the three kids together and then one or two of Tommy to commemorate his 3rd birthday. My logic was that Kate and Henry get school pictures taken, so I didn't need to get more taken.
Of course I was wrong, because these were much better than what gets snapped at school!
I had "warned" the photographer ahead of time about Henry: we've been burned before by photographers who wanted to do lots of different poses and props. Henry will usually only tolerate one or two snaps, and you'd better hope that you got something usable!
He is getting older, however, and this photographer was more calm than some we've seen, so she was able to get quite a few photos.
So finally I can check something off my to-do list that's been there since Christmastime!
_____________________
The rest of our spring break weekend was nice. The whole family (yes, even the teenager) enjoyed a picnic at the park on Sunday.
Both boys have been doing a super job of helping with the new chores (taking out the trash, putting away clothes, cleaning up). I kind of feel like a dunce to not have done this sooner, but oh well. I am learning to work through (i.e. ignore) Henry's protests and am finding that he'll do all sorts of things if I just make him do them (through persistence, not physical force)!
He has always argued about everything, but now has added SHOUTING to his repertoire. It sometimes makes us smirk because it is quite an over-reaction. If I were more technologically savvy I would record him so you could hear it... At any rate, we feel that while I DO NOT NEED TO TAKE A BATH (along with a foot-stomp for emphasis) is not the response we would like him to give us, it is a developmentally appropriate way to try to assert his independence and is ok from that standpoint. And despite his shouts, he usually proceeds to take off his clothes for the bath anyway.
The other night I found the bathroom stool in Henry's closet. He was trying to reach something on a high shelf (some Disney magazines). I was astounded. This is the first time he's ever shown initiative like that. I guess he just needs the proper motivation (thank you Walt Disney.)
Both boys have been doing a super job of helping with the new chores (taking out the trash, putting away clothes, cleaning up). I kind of feel like a dunce to not have done this sooner, but oh well. I am learning to work through (i.e. ignore) Henry's protests and am finding that he'll do all sorts of things if I just make him do them (through persistence, not physical force)!
He has always argued about everything, but now has added SHOUTING to his repertoire. It sometimes makes us smirk because it is quite an over-reaction. If I were more technologically savvy I would record him so you could hear it... At any rate, we feel that while I DO NOT NEED TO TAKE A BATH (along with a foot-stomp for emphasis) is not the response we would like him to give us, it is a developmentally appropriate way to try to assert his independence and is ok from that standpoint. And despite his shouts, he usually proceeds to take off his clothes for the bath anyway.
The other night I found the bathroom stool in Henry's closet. He was trying to reach something on a high shelf (some Disney magazines). I was astounded. This is the first time he's ever shown initiative like that. I guess he just needs the proper motivation (thank you Walt Disney.)
_____________________
I left a comment over at Christine's site the other day that I wanted to expand upon a little. It said, in part:
Sometimes I suggest to Tommy that he could play with Henry, and Tommy says "well, Henry doesn't really like to play." And that breaks my heart- for both of them.
But one day last week Henry went along to the sitter with Tommy. When I picked them up, Tommy said (unprompted) "Henry was a little bit nervous today." And this whole new avenue opened up in front of me- one where the little brother could be a voice and a guardian for the big brother. Very comforting.
It is intriguing to me to watch my sons' relationship develop. I have worried about it in the past, but am starting to feel more comfortable. When Tommy was still a baby and Henry was newly diagnosed as autistic, I worried that they would not have much of a relationship at all. But that was silly.
While neither boy is the other's ideal playmate, and they may never play together the way I remember my brothers doing, I do feel that they are forging a lifelong relationship.
Although they were born nearly 4.5 years apart, anyone who didn't know better would assume that Henry and Thomas are quite closer in age. His small size and developmental delays make Henry seem a few years younger than he is.
Some of his interests (Power Rangers, superheroes, Playhouse Disney tv programs, Disney movies) that are a little immature for most 7-year-olds work nicely with Tommy's interests in the same subjects. And, maybe because they've always shared a room, they are both good about sharing toys, books, etc. Well, they're not always good about sharing, but don't seem to have a concept of this is mine- not yours and I hope it stays that way for awhile.
Some of his interests (Power Rangers, superheroes, Playhouse Disney tv programs, Disney movies) that are a little immature for most 7-year-olds work nicely with Tommy's interests in the same subjects. And, maybe because they've always shared a room, they are both good about sharing toys, books, etc. Well, they're not always good about sharing, but don't seem to have a concept of this is mine- not yours and I hope it stays that way for awhile.
I mentioned when writing about Henry's IEP that both boys are working on zipping zippers. When we visited the zoo and the conservatory recently, they both looked for stone walls, railroad ties, and concrete blocks to walk along, practicing their new balancing skills.
One new development that has surprised me a little is this: Thomas has taken to reprimanding his big brother. For example, he'll say "Henry, you're getting all messy from picking apart your doughnut. Watch me, I take bites." Again, this makes Bill and I smirk, but we quickly tell Tommy "we'll worry about Henry. It's not your job to tell him what to do." I knew the day would come when Tommy would realize he was "more able" than Henry, but I guess I didn't expect it to come at age 3!
One new development that has surprised me a little is this: Thomas has taken to reprimanding his big brother. For example, he'll say "Henry, you're getting all messy from picking apart your doughnut. Watch me, I take bites." Again, this makes Bill and I smirk, but we quickly tell Tommy "we'll worry about Henry. It's not your job to tell him what to do." I knew the day would come when Tommy would realize he was "more able" than Henry, but I guess I didn't expect it to come at age 3!
I used to worry about how I would tell Tommy about Henry's autism; how I would explain a disability without making Henry seem inferior. But it seems like Thomas is figuring it out for himself. I hope he will grow to be an advocate for and ally to his brother. What a blessing.
Friday, March 23, 2007
middle of the night ramble
I'm not a person who does this- wakes up in the middle of the night and gets on the computer. The last time I can remember not being able to sleep (not counting when baby Thomas was involved) was the year "our" football team was playing for the national championship. (The school I graduated from and now work for.) We were having a party that night and I was excited/nervous- I got up and started cooking and cleaning.
My body and mind are out of whack this week. It's spring break for Henry and Kate. Henry went along with Thomas to the sitter Monday and Tuesday and I planned to take Thursday and Friday off. Wednesday morning I woke up with the tummy bug that has been through the rest of the family. Kate was able to take care of Henry as we had planned, and I asked Bill to come home from work to take Tommy to the sitter's. Then I went back to bed from 9 am to 1 pm. It was one of those days where it felt nice to sleep so much, but then my back started hurting from laying around for hours on end. But I still wanted to sleep more...
Then yesterday I felt better. But I felt hungry. I have been eating a lot better lately and exercising about 3 times a week. Yesterday all of that went out the window. I ate a lot of stuff that I haven't eaten for awhile, and I wonder if that is why my body has me up at 3 am. I don't feel sick exactly, but I just don't feel right.
I also started worrying about my little mental to-do list: we need to replace the gutters, shop for a new(used) car, figure out why the dryer stopped working again... Of course, I can't do any of those things right now, can I?
I had a nice day with the boys yesterday. We took lunch to daddy at work and then went to see the butterfly exhibit at the conservatory (right in line with Henry's recent homework project.) We got there just as they were doing a "release" of butterflies that had recently emerged. I thought that would be good timing, but it was not. There were too many people (including gangs of school kids on field trips) and a person talking loudly on a poor soundsystem so she sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher.
We tried to stop and watch and listen, but Henry got agitated and said "let's keep moving!" So we did. We made the obligatory stop in the gift shop (Henry got a spiders sticker book and Tommy got a bouncy ball. I got a half-price shamrock plant) and then went through the whole place again. The second time through was not as crowded and we stopped to look a little more.
They have indoor rooms representing 4 different regions. Each one has paths and bridges and waterfalls that are lots of fun for little boys. (Yes, of course Tommy is wearing his cut-off Batman pajamas. This is the 3rd day straight for those.)
Our second time through the butterfly room was MUCH more satisfying. It was not as crowded, and the sun had come out so the butterflies were more active. Everywhere you turned, there was another one!
Henry was mildly interested in the butterflies, but really got more excited about the running water:
(Actually, I just noticed that in that picture Tommy is LAYING DOWN looking over the edge of the bridge. Real safe time for me to take a picture, eh?)
The boys also enjoyed making wishes in this fountain at the end of our visit.
I am so grateful that we are at this stage- where we can visit places and it is truly enjoyable for everyone. We each might have a different agenda, but (knock on wood) most of the time it manages to come together.
Oh, one other cool thing- I'm so disappointed that my camera died before I could capture a picture, but we stopped in the education room before we left. They had hands-on kid butterfly activities, like you could look through "butterfly eyes" to see what their vision is like, and try to place butterfly magnets on a scene so that they would be hidden from predators. They also had these butterfly wings a child could strap on. Thomas did it (of course) and then I was very surprised that Henry did it too! He pretended to fly around and left them on for quite awhile. He is showing more interest in pretending lately. He is learning some things from his little brother, I think. There is a post on that rattling around in my brain, but it needs more thought.
Thanks for keeping me company, internet. Maybe I will drink a cup of tea and try to go back to sleep. Tomorrow morning (or this morning, I guess) we are attempting a photo of the kids at the Target photo studio, so I need to be rested!
My body and mind are out of whack this week. It's spring break for Henry and Kate. Henry went along with Thomas to the sitter Monday and Tuesday and I planned to take Thursday and Friday off. Wednesday morning I woke up with the tummy bug that has been through the rest of the family. Kate was able to take care of Henry as we had planned, and I asked Bill to come home from work to take Tommy to the sitter's. Then I went back to bed from 9 am to 1 pm. It was one of those days where it felt nice to sleep so much, but then my back started hurting from laying around for hours on end. But I still wanted to sleep more...
Then yesterday I felt better. But I felt hungry. I have been eating a lot better lately and exercising about 3 times a week. Yesterday all of that went out the window. I ate a lot of stuff that I haven't eaten for awhile, and I wonder if that is why my body has me up at 3 am. I don't feel sick exactly, but I just don't feel right.
I also started worrying about my little mental to-do list: we need to replace the gutters, shop for a new(used) car, figure out why the dryer stopped working again... Of course, I can't do any of those things right now, can I?
I had a nice day with the boys yesterday. We took lunch to daddy at work and then went to see the butterfly exhibit at the conservatory (right in line with Henry's recent homework project.) We got there just as they were doing a "release" of butterflies that had recently emerged. I thought that would be good timing, but it was not. There were too many people (including gangs of school kids on field trips) and a person talking loudly on a poor soundsystem so she sounded like Charlie Brown's teacher.
We tried to stop and watch and listen, but Henry got agitated and said "let's keep moving!" So we did. We made the obligatory stop in the gift shop (Henry got a spiders sticker book and Tommy got a bouncy ball. I got a half-price shamrock plant) and then went through the whole place again. The second time through was not as crowded and we stopped to look a little more.
They have indoor rooms representing 4 different regions. Each one has paths and bridges and waterfalls that are lots of fun for little boys. (Yes, of course Tommy is wearing his cut-off Batman pajamas. This is the 3rd day straight for those.)
Our second time through the butterfly room was MUCH more satisfying. It was not as crowded, and the sun had come out so the butterflies were more active. Everywhere you turned, there was another one!
Henry was mildly interested in the butterflies, but really got more excited about the running water:
(Actually, I just noticed that in that picture Tommy is LAYING DOWN looking over the edge of the bridge. Real safe time for me to take a picture, eh?)
The boys also enjoyed making wishes in this fountain at the end of our visit.I am so grateful that we are at this stage- where we can visit places and it is truly enjoyable for everyone. We each might have a different agenda, but (knock on wood) most of the time it manages to come together.
Oh, one other cool thing- I'm so disappointed that my camera died before I could capture a picture, but we stopped in the education room before we left. They had hands-on kid butterfly activities, like you could look through "butterfly eyes" to see what their vision is like, and try to place butterfly magnets on a scene so that they would be hidden from predators. They also had these butterfly wings a child could strap on. Thomas did it (of course) and then I was very surprised that Henry did it too! He pretended to fly around and left them on for quite awhile. He is showing more interest in pretending lately. He is learning some things from his little brother, I think. There is a post on that rattling around in my brain, but it needs more thought.
Thanks for keeping me company, internet. Maybe I will drink a cup of tea and try to go back to sleep. Tomorrow morning (or this morning, I guess) we are attempting a photo of the kids at the Target photo studio, so I need to be rested!
Monday, March 19, 2007
homework project
The homework assignments this year have been sporadic. He'll have some worksheets once in awhile, or a "baggie book" to read and then a worksheet to go with it. But especially since all the snow days, we haven't had much homework.
Last week, however, we had a PROJECT. The STACK class has been learning about bugs. They visited the downtown library for this month's community trip, and each boy found a book about a particular bug. Henry's was butterflies. (I'm not sure if he picked butterflies to be his bug, or if it was just assigned to him.)
This homework gave me a crash course in what his teachers mean when they say "Henry will verbally refuse 70% of the time" about just about everything they ask him to do.
We were to create a poster about our bug. It was to include the name of the bug, 3 facts about the bug, and drawings or pictures of the bug. We had a week to complete the project, so I mentally divided the assignment into what I thought were workable segments.
At Target last weekend I bought some letter stickers from the scrapbook section. Knowing that writing is not Henry's favorite task, I thought the stickers would be a fun way to label items on the poster.
Monday night we used the stickers to write "Butterflies" at the top and "Henry" at the bottom of the large piece of paper. Then we started looking through the library book to find some facts and pictures for the poster.
Henry (in a breathless, panicked tone): "I do not want to read this book I do not want to find any facts I do not want to look at the pictures I do not want to read this book..." stops to calmly say "This picture" (pointing). And then resumes: "I do not want to find any facts..."
He indicated 2 photos in the book that he liked. The next day I made color copies of those and we glued them smack in the middle of the poster. That was the extent of the work on Tuesday night.
We took Wednesday night off because Henry was vomiting.
Thursday night we had to finish the poster. This is when he really let me have it. I mean he had real tears falling out of his eyes. "We don't have to do three facts I don't want to do three facts I don't want any facts There are not any facts..."
He had those tears pouring out of his eyes and his nose was running all over the place. And he was screaming at me.
"Is this how you act for your teachers at school?" I asked, trying to exaggerate with my facial expression how shocked I was. He didn't answer the question, but seemed to stop and think for a moment.
I hand wrote the first fact: Butterflies eat ________. Then I handed him the first letter sticker. All he had to do was put the stickers on the paper to finish the sentence, and I wasn't even asking him how to spell the word. I just wanted to get it over with.
"They eat nothing Butterflies eat nothing They do not eat nectar!"
I was sure that the stickers would not even stick because he had so many facial fluids all over his fingers.
Then, a brief pause as he looked at the "n" sticker. He turned it upside-down and said "It is not an 'n' it is a 'u' Butterflies eat uctar!" I found this pretty clever. Although he seemed near-hysterical to me, he was actually clear-headed enough to play a little game with the sticker.
And then we plunged ahead. "We will not do another fact Just one fact We will have just one fact Not three facts..."
Fact #2: Butterfly _____ (wings) are made of _____ (scales)
"Just two facts Not three facts We will just have two facts..."
At one point I said (trying to use a soothing voice) "Why are you getting so upset? I'm right here with you, and I'm helping you."
He really latched on to that for whatever reason and kept repeating "I'm right here with you."
Fact #3: First, a butterfly is a ________ (caterpillar) (This was the briefest way possible I could think of to mention the butterfly's life cycle.)
Finally we were finished with the &%$@#*! poster. I gave him a good squeeze and he calmed down a little. Then I said "let's read over your poster." He hopped right up, stood arrow-straight, and recited:
Butterflies
Butterflies eat nectar
Butterfly wings are made of scales
First, a butterfly is a caterpillar
As if he was so proud. As if he had not spent the past half hour crying and arguing and begging NOT to work on this poster.
His teacher said he also enjoyed showing it to his class the next day.
Why do we have to go through this routine? How much longer will this go on? Why is he so intimidated by schoolwork? Was is he so afraid? Why is his first response to everything a panicked "please God no- whatever you do don't make me do this work!"? And then after it's done "oh, look what I made. I'm so proud of it. That was fun."
Last week, however, we had a PROJECT. The STACK class has been learning about bugs. They visited the downtown library for this month's community trip, and each boy found a book about a particular bug. Henry's was butterflies. (I'm not sure if he picked butterflies to be his bug, or if it was just assigned to him.)
This homework gave me a crash course in what his teachers mean when they say "Henry will verbally refuse 70% of the time" about just about everything they ask him to do.
We were to create a poster about our bug. It was to include the name of the bug, 3 facts about the bug, and drawings or pictures of the bug. We had a week to complete the project, so I mentally divided the assignment into what I thought were workable segments.
At Target last weekend I bought some letter stickers from the scrapbook section. Knowing that writing is not Henry's favorite task, I thought the stickers would be a fun way to label items on the poster.
Monday night we used the stickers to write "Butterflies" at the top and "Henry" at the bottom of the large piece of paper. Then we started looking through the library book to find some facts and pictures for the poster.
Henry (in a breathless, panicked tone): "I do not want to read this book I do not want to find any facts I do not want to look at the pictures I do not want to read this book..." stops to calmly say "This picture" (pointing). And then resumes: "I do not want to find any facts..."
He indicated 2 photos in the book that he liked. The next day I made color copies of those and we glued them smack in the middle of the poster. That was the extent of the work on Tuesday night.
We took Wednesday night off because Henry was vomiting.
Thursday night we had to finish the poster. This is when he really let me have it. I mean he had real tears falling out of his eyes. "We don't have to do three facts I don't want to do three facts I don't want any facts There are not any facts..."
He had those tears pouring out of his eyes and his nose was running all over the place. And he was screaming at me.
"Is this how you act for your teachers at school?" I asked, trying to exaggerate with my facial expression how shocked I was. He didn't answer the question, but seemed to stop and think for a moment.
I hand wrote the first fact: Butterflies eat ________. Then I handed him the first letter sticker. All he had to do was put the stickers on the paper to finish the sentence, and I wasn't even asking him how to spell the word. I just wanted to get it over with.
"They eat nothing Butterflies eat nothing They do not eat nectar!"
I was sure that the stickers would not even stick because he had so many facial fluids all over his fingers.
Then, a brief pause as he looked at the "n" sticker. He turned it upside-down and said "It is not an 'n' it is a 'u' Butterflies eat uctar!" I found this pretty clever. Although he seemed near-hysterical to me, he was actually clear-headed enough to play a little game with the sticker.
And then we plunged ahead. "We will not do another fact Just one fact We will have just one fact Not three facts..."
Fact #2: Butterfly _____ (wings) are made of _____ (scales)
"Just two facts Not three facts We will just have two facts..."
At one point I said (trying to use a soothing voice) "Why are you getting so upset? I'm right here with you, and I'm helping you."
He really latched on to that for whatever reason and kept repeating "I'm right here with you."
Fact #3: First, a butterfly is a ________ (caterpillar) (This was the briefest way possible I could think of to mention the butterfly's life cycle.)
Finally we were finished with the &%$@#*! poster. I gave him a good squeeze and he calmed down a little. Then I said "let's read over your poster." He hopped right up, stood arrow-straight, and recited:
Butterflies
Butterflies eat nectar
Butterfly wings are made of scales
First, a butterfly is a caterpillar
As if he was so proud. As if he had not spent the past half hour crying and arguing and begging NOT to work on this poster.
His teacher said he also enjoyed showing it to his class the next day.
Why do we have to go through this routine? How much longer will this go on? Why is he so intimidated by schoolwork? Was is he so afraid? Why is his first response to everything a panicked "please God no- whatever you do don't make me do this work!"? And then after it's done "oh, look what I made. I'm so proud of it. That was fun."
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
lots to say today, most of it good
What a lovely weekend we had. I wish I could bottle the feeling of the sunshine and being with my sons and save it for a rainy frustrating day.
Saturday morning Henry and I went to Target for the Peter Pan DVD (he did have a very good day on Friday, thank God.) I also picked up materials for future sticker charts and I found a dry-erase "chore chart" upon which to track the boys' new chores. So far we have feed the turtles, take out the trash and recycling, put away clothes, clean up, and homework, and they have earned quite a few stars already.
Sunday the weather was finally nice enough to go to the ZOO!
We needed to wait in the "member services" line to activate our new membership and, unfortunately, so did many other families. It took us about half an hour to get in to the zoo. But my sons were so patient and so good for the whole wait. I was really proud.
That's why, when Henry asked right away to go to the gift shop, I said "ok". He specifically said he wanted to go to the gift shop to get a zoobook. He ended up finding 3 that he wanted (Big Cats, Wolves, and Lions) and I was an indulgent mom and let him get all 3.
True to his personality, Thomas picked out a white tiger mask at the gift shop. He wore it the entire day and it was a lot of fun to see all the curious looks he got from other kids, and all the smiles from grownups.
It won't surprise you to know that Henry was not interested in riding the carousel with his brother.
But I was so pleased with his plan for what he would do while we were on the ride: I'll just wait in the chairs, he said. (His Zoobooks are in his hand.)
When we left the zoo, I told them both that I had such a wonderful time and I was so proud of how patient they had been and what good listeners they were...
"When was I a good listener?" Henry asked. That made me laugh a little, because I didn't exactly want to point out all the times I thought he was going to get mad, but didn't.
_____
Today was the IEP meeting. It was held in the same conference room where we had our first disability-type meeting (wow- that was 4 years ago!) Anyway, it was a strange feeling to be back in that room, but a good feeling considering how far we have all come and how much more we know now than we did then.
One great thing about the meeting was that the "regular" 1st-grade teacher came in to talk with us. We've never met her before and she seemed like a very good fit for Henry. She said that she is a very structured person, and runs her classroom that way, and that Henry has seemed to respond to that. He is spending more and more time in her class and she sees him making progress as far as his participation in things like circle time (instead of covering his ears, he now occasionally joins in the singing and hand motions!)
As handwriting is the activity he is most adverse too, they are going to look into some computer programs available to modify his writing assignments. Right now he is equally opposed to writing on the computer and writing by hand- writing is writing and he doesn't like either! But perhaps if the work of writing is made easier, his sentences will get longer, etc.
When we talked last week, his teacher (Mrs. C) told me that she is hoping to catch one of his "tantrums" on videotape to share with her supervisor. Mrs. C says that whenever she tries to get ideas from others about dealing with this behavior, they all act like they don't believe her: "sweet Henry doesn't kick and yell and lay on the floor! I can't believe it- he's always so sweet." She's thinking "yeah, he's sweet MOST of the time..."
After the meeting I caught up with Henry as he finished lunch and then we went out to the playground. I wish I could have stayed all day!
Saturday morning Henry and I went to Target for the Peter Pan DVD (he did have a very good day on Friday, thank God.) I also picked up materials for future sticker charts and I found a dry-erase "chore chart" upon which to track the boys' new chores. So far we have feed the turtles, take out the trash and recycling, put away clothes, clean up, and homework, and they have earned quite a few stars already.
Sunday the weather was finally nice enough to go to the ZOO!
We needed to wait in the "member services" line to activate our new membership and, unfortunately, so did many other families. It took us about half an hour to get in to the zoo. But my sons were so patient and so good for the whole wait. I was really proud.
That's why, when Henry asked right away to go to the gift shop, I said "ok". He specifically said he wanted to go to the gift shop to get a zoobook. He ended up finding 3 that he wanted (Big Cats, Wolves, and Lions) and I was an indulgent mom and let him get all 3.
True to his personality, Thomas picked out a white tiger mask at the gift shop. He wore it the entire day and it was a lot of fun to see all the curious looks he got from other kids, and all the smiles from grownups.
It won't surprise you to know that Henry was not interested in riding the carousel with his brother.
But I was so pleased with his plan for what he would do while we were on the ride: I'll just wait in the chairs, he said. (His Zoobooks are in his hand.) 
When we left the zoo, I told them both that I had such a wonderful time and I was so proud of how patient they had been and what good listeners they were..."When was I a good listener?" Henry asked. That made me laugh a little, because I didn't exactly want to point out all the times I thought he was going to get mad, but didn't.
_____
Today was the IEP meeting. It was held in the same conference room where we had our first disability-type meeting (wow- that was 4 years ago!) Anyway, it was a strange feeling to be back in that room, but a good feeling considering how far we have all come and how much more we know now than we did then.
One great thing about the meeting was that the "regular" 1st-grade teacher came in to talk with us. We've never met her before and she seemed like a very good fit for Henry. She said that she is a very structured person, and runs her classroom that way, and that Henry has seemed to respond to that. He is spending more and more time in her class and she sees him making progress as far as his participation in things like circle time (instead of covering his ears, he now occasionally joins in the singing and hand motions!)
As handwriting is the activity he is most adverse too, they are going to look into some computer programs available to modify his writing assignments. Right now he is equally opposed to writing on the computer and writing by hand- writing is writing and he doesn't like either! But perhaps if the work of writing is made easier, his sentences will get longer, etc.
When we talked last week, his teacher (Mrs. C) told me that she is hoping to catch one of his "tantrums" on videotape to share with her supervisor. Mrs. C says that whenever she tries to get ideas from others about dealing with this behavior, they all act like they don't believe her: "sweet Henry doesn't kick and yell and lay on the floor! I can't believe it- he's always so sweet." She's thinking "yeah, he's sweet MOST of the time..."
After the meeting I caught up with Henry as he finished lunch and then we went out to the playground. I wish I could have stayed all day!
Friday, March 09, 2007
My favorite quote for today: "Please protect me from my own feebleness." (You can read the whole post here.) I too was floundering with my child's logic first thing this morning.
Henry woke up early with a stuffy/runny nose that was all over his face and pillow. A new phrase he uses lately is "I was scared. I didn't know where you were." As usual, I don't know whether to take this statement at face value. Was he really scared? Or has he just picked up that this is something children say when they wake in the night? I hunkered down in bed with him and once he warmed up he fell back asleep for awhile longer.
When it was time to wake up for real, he was grumpy. As he often does, he first thought about what day it is. "It's March 9th. Peter Pan the special edition comes out today."
Now, last weekend, when he sat so still for me to cut his hair, and helped clean up his room, and shared with his brother, I had mused out loud: "you are doing a lot of good stuff lately. We should get a sticker chart and you could get a sticker each time you help me or are a good listener. And when you have it all filled up, you could earn a reward."
I added "sticker chart for H" to my shopping/to-do list. (I really did- I'll take a picture if you don't believe me.) But never bought or made the chart. So this morning I said (I really need to stop doing all this thinking out loud) "oh, I never made a sticker chart, did I?"
Henry started getting really agitated about the DVD. "I want to get it. I earned enough stickers. I earned enough stickers. I earned enough stickers. I did earn enough stickers."
So I feebly responded: "if you have a good day at school today and are a good listener, we'll go tomorrow and get the DVD." I'm angry with myself about this response because it puts a lot of pressure on him to be good today, and he doesn't usually respond well to that. I'd much rather be able to reward him for cumulative good behavior throughout a week than give him an unrealistic and unclear expectation of "be good today". And what do I do if he doesn't have a good day? Then I'm really screwed because he will talk about the DVD all weekend and I'll have to come up with another way to earn it. I mean, sometimes I buy him something just because. But now I have set up this expectation...
We continue to live and learn. I will just try to be better prepared next time. Please protect me from my own feebleness.
Thanks for your comments about the IEP. For the most part I feel that his teachers have come up with thoughtful and useful goals to work on. Kristin is right about the zipping/buttoning goal: I'm sure the purpose of this one is to make the teachers' lives easier. That's the same reason Tommy's caregiver is working on zipping his coat- because she needs those 5 kids to get themselves ready to go outside. (And so it is that my 7 and 3-year-olds are working on the same skill.)
Now the eating goal-this is a sticky issue (literally- ha ha). It really goes to the heart of one of the many autism debates, doesn't it? This is one thing that Henry has been able to verbalize: “I like to eat my food with my hands, I like to break it into bites.” I just hate forcing him to take bites. One side of me feels that it serves a sensory need and it’s cruel to force him to change…
But then there’s the other side- I don’t want the other kids to make fun of him, or for him to never be able to go to a restaurant when he gets older…
So they’ll probably work on it at school and I’ll undermine them by letting him continue to use his hands at home!
I wonder how much luck the teachers will have, though. Wednesday Henry bought lunch (he just bought lunch for the first time last week) and it was pizza day. I wrote to the teachers that this might be a good time to try working on bites, because Henry, like Kristin, eats the toppings off first, with his hands.
The notebook that night said "Henry refused to eat his pizza. So we were unable to work on taking bites." So that's how this is going to go. Stubborn Henry will just refuse to eat.
I did catch him taking bites of a chips ahoy cookie last night (unprompted). Those are too hard to pick apart. So maybe that's the secret. Tough food and tough love.
Henry woke up early with a stuffy/runny nose that was all over his face and pillow. A new phrase he uses lately is "I was scared. I didn't know where you were." As usual, I don't know whether to take this statement at face value. Was he really scared? Or has he just picked up that this is something children say when they wake in the night? I hunkered down in bed with him and once he warmed up he fell back asleep for awhile longer.
When it was time to wake up for real, he was grumpy. As he often does, he first thought about what day it is. "It's March 9th. Peter Pan the special edition comes out today."
Now, last weekend, when he sat so still for me to cut his hair, and helped clean up his room, and shared with his brother, I had mused out loud: "you are doing a lot of good stuff lately. We should get a sticker chart and you could get a sticker each time you help me or are a good listener. And when you have it all filled up, you could earn a reward."
I added "sticker chart for H" to my shopping/to-do list. (I really did- I'll take a picture if you don't believe me.) But never bought or made the chart. So this morning I said (I really need to stop doing all this thinking out loud) "oh, I never made a sticker chart, did I?"
Henry started getting really agitated about the DVD. "I want to get it. I earned enough stickers. I earned enough stickers. I earned enough stickers. I did earn enough stickers."
So I feebly responded: "if you have a good day at school today and are a good listener, we'll go tomorrow and get the DVD." I'm angry with myself about this response because it puts a lot of pressure on him to be good today, and he doesn't usually respond well to that. I'd much rather be able to reward him for cumulative good behavior throughout a week than give him an unrealistic and unclear expectation of "be good today". And what do I do if he doesn't have a good day? Then I'm really screwed because he will talk about the DVD all weekend and I'll have to come up with another way to earn it. I mean, sometimes I buy him something just because. But now I have set up this expectation...
We continue to live and learn. I will just try to be better prepared next time. Please protect me from my own feebleness.
Thanks for your comments about the IEP. For the most part I feel that his teachers have come up with thoughtful and useful goals to work on. Kristin is right about the zipping/buttoning goal: I'm sure the purpose of this one is to make the teachers' lives easier. That's the same reason Tommy's caregiver is working on zipping his coat- because she needs those 5 kids to get themselves ready to go outside. (And so it is that my 7 and 3-year-olds are working on the same skill.)
Now the eating goal-this is a sticky issue (literally- ha ha). It really goes to the heart of one of the many autism debates, doesn't it? This is one thing that Henry has been able to verbalize: “I like to eat my food with my hands, I like to break it into bites.” I just hate forcing him to take bites. One side of me feels that it serves a sensory need and it’s cruel to force him to change…
But then there’s the other side- I don’t want the other kids to make fun of him, or for him to never be able to go to a restaurant when he gets older…
So they’ll probably work on it at school and I’ll undermine them by letting him continue to use his hands at home!
I wonder how much luck the teachers will have, though. Wednesday Henry bought lunch (he just bought lunch for the first time last week) and it was pizza day. I wrote to the teachers that this might be a good time to try working on bites, because Henry, like Kristin, eats the toppings off first, with his hands.
The notebook that night said "Henry refused to eat his pizza. So we were unable to work on taking bites." So that's how this is going to go. Stubborn Henry will just refuse to eat.
I did catch him taking bites of a chips ahoy cookie last night (unprompted). Those are too hard to pick apart. So maybe that's the secret. Tough food and tough love.
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
iep progress
Yesterday Henry's teacher sent home a rough draft of his IEP. Why, after all these years, do I feel a pang of hurt when I read these? It's a knee-jerk defensive reaction to the fact that someone is criticizing my son. It's so silly, really, because these people are there to help my son and they have to write stuff this way to make it fit in their system. I know that, but it still makes me a little sad- just a little.
Anyway, here are some of the highlights, for those who are interested:
1. a. need: Henry completes class work independently 40% of the time. When asked to leave computer, puzzles and leisure area, Henry will verbally refuse 70% of the time. When a classroom rule is broken, Henry will follow classroom consequences 30% of the time with prompts.
b. goal: Henry will follow classroom rules, quietly transition from preferred activities, and follow written and verbal directions.
2. a. need: Henry will refuse writing assignments 90% of the time. Currently he will write one 3-4 word sentence with prompting for each word. He also requires prompt to create the sentence.
b. goal: Henry will increase number of words written and use sentences to express his own ideas.
3. a. need: During free time and recess, Henry chooses not to interact with peers. He will read, play the computer or puzzles 100% of the time. He will initiate playing tag during playground time.
b. goal: Henry will learn new leisure activities to participate in during free time or recess.
4. a. need: Henry needs physical and verbal help to open a juice box and food container. Henry picks apart his food in small pieces to eat. Henry needs prompts to wipe mouth and clean up area each time he eats.*
b. goal: Henry will eat food appropriately and open food items independently 90% of time.
5. a. need: Henry frequently asks for help, but needs to develop effective fine motor skills that will increase his independence in activities of daily living at school.
b. goal: Upon request, Henry will independently perform self-care tasks at school. (squeeze glue, fold paper, close snaps, fasten buttons, zip zippers)
6. a. need: Henry demonstrates an immature throwing pattern. Henry requires an adult hand when on the low balance beam and needs to walk in a typical gait, instead of a shuffle with one foot following the other.*
b. goal: Henry will demonstrate a mature pattern when walking on the balance beam and overhand throwing a ball.
And then 3 speech-language pathologist goals:
1. Henry needs to articulate the "r" sound clearly in order to get his message across to listeners accurately. Henry currently substitutes "w" for "r" in all positions in words.
2. After completing a task, Henry needs to improve his ability to answer questions about the activity, including those related to sequential concepts. Currently, Henry is able to sequence 3-4 picture cards and answer questions about the picture sequence. He continues to have difficulty sequencing real events in the classroom and reporting the sequence once the activity is complete and he has moved on.
3. Henry needs to discuss and answer questions about stories he reads and stories read aloud to the class. Henry currently answers simple "wh" questions about stories of high interest but demonstrates inconsistencies in his ability to answer questions about stories, especially those read aloud during group times.
*These ones in particular made me feel a little sad. I think because the way he eats and the way he moves are so much a part of what is Henry. Even though I know they are not the right way to do things, I don't like to think that they are wrong, either.
Anyway, here are some of the highlights, for those who are interested:
1. a. need: Henry completes class work independently 40% of the time. When asked to leave computer, puzzles and leisure area, Henry will verbally refuse 70% of the time. When a classroom rule is broken, Henry will follow classroom consequences 30% of the time with prompts.
b. goal: Henry will follow classroom rules, quietly transition from preferred activities, and follow written and verbal directions.
2. a. need: Henry will refuse writing assignments 90% of the time. Currently he will write one 3-4 word sentence with prompting for each word. He also requires prompt to create the sentence.
b. goal: Henry will increase number of words written and use sentences to express his own ideas.
3. a. need: During free time and recess, Henry chooses not to interact with peers. He will read, play the computer or puzzles 100% of the time. He will initiate playing tag during playground time.
b. goal: Henry will learn new leisure activities to participate in during free time or recess.
4. a. need: Henry needs physical and verbal help to open a juice box and food container. Henry picks apart his food in small pieces to eat. Henry needs prompts to wipe mouth and clean up area each time he eats.*
b. goal: Henry will eat food appropriately and open food items independently 90% of time.
5. a. need: Henry frequently asks for help, but needs to develop effective fine motor skills that will increase his independence in activities of daily living at school.
b. goal: Upon request, Henry will independently perform self-care tasks at school. (squeeze glue, fold paper, close snaps, fasten buttons, zip zippers)
6. a. need: Henry demonstrates an immature throwing pattern. Henry requires an adult hand when on the low balance beam and needs to walk in a typical gait, instead of a shuffle with one foot following the other.*
b. goal: Henry will demonstrate a mature pattern when walking on the balance beam and overhand throwing a ball.
And then 3 speech-language pathologist goals:
1. Henry needs to articulate the "r" sound clearly in order to get his message across to listeners accurately. Henry currently substitutes "w" for "r" in all positions in words.
2. After completing a task, Henry needs to improve his ability to answer questions about the activity, including those related to sequential concepts. Currently, Henry is able to sequence 3-4 picture cards and answer questions about the picture sequence. He continues to have difficulty sequencing real events in the classroom and reporting the sequence once the activity is complete and he has moved on.
3. Henry needs to discuss and answer questions about stories he reads and stories read aloud to the class. Henry currently answers simple "wh" questions about stories of high interest but demonstrates inconsistencies in his ability to answer questions about stories, especially those read aloud during group times.
*These ones in particular made me feel a little sad. I think because the way he eats and the way he moves are so much a part of what is Henry. Even though I know they are not the right way to do things, I don't like to think that they are wrong, either.
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