The homework assignments this year have been sporadic. He'll have some worksheets once in awhile, or a "baggie book" to read and then a worksheet to go with it. But especially since all the snow days, we haven't had much homework.
Last week, however, we had a PROJECT. The STACK class has been learning about bugs. They visited the downtown library for this month's community trip, and each boy found a book about a particular bug. Henry's was butterflies. (I'm not sure if he picked butterflies to be his bug, or if it was just assigned to him.)
This homework gave me a crash course in what his teachers mean when they say "Henry will verbally refuse 70% of the time" about just about everything they ask him to do.
We were to create a poster about our bug. It was to include the name of the bug, 3 facts about the bug, and drawings or pictures of the bug. We had a week to complete the project, so I mentally divided the assignment into what I thought were workable segments.
At Target last weekend I bought some letter stickers from the scrapbook section. Knowing that writing is not Henry's favorite task, I thought the stickers would be a fun way to label items on the poster.
Monday night we used the stickers to write "Butterflies" at the top and "Henry" at the bottom of the large piece of paper. Then we started looking through the library book to find some facts and pictures for the poster.
Henry (in a breathless, panicked tone): "I do not want to read this book I do not want to find any facts I do not want to look at the pictures I do not want to read this book..." stops to calmly say "This picture" (pointing). And then resumes: "I do not want to find any facts..."
He indicated 2 photos in the book that he liked. The next day I made color copies of those and we glued them smack in the middle of the poster. That was the extent of the work on Tuesday night.
We took Wednesday night off because Henry was vomiting.
Thursday night we had to finish the poster. This is when he really let me have it. I mean he had real tears falling out of his eyes. "We don't have to do three facts I don't want to do three facts I don't want any facts There are not any facts..."
He had those tears pouring out of his eyes and his nose was running all over the place. And he was screaming at me.
"Is this how you act for your teachers at school?" I asked, trying to exaggerate with my facial expression how shocked I was. He didn't answer the question, but seemed to stop and think for a moment.
I hand wrote the first fact: Butterflies eat ________. Then I handed him the first letter sticker. All he had to do was put the stickers on the paper to finish the sentence, and I wasn't even asking him how to spell the word. I just wanted to get it over with.
"They eat nothing Butterflies eat nothing They do not eat nectar!"
I was sure that the stickers would not even stick because he had so many facial fluids all over his fingers.
Then, a brief pause as he looked at the "n" sticker. He turned it upside-down and said "It is not an 'n' it is a 'u' Butterflies eat uctar!" I found this pretty clever. Although he seemed near-hysterical to me, he was actually clear-headed enough to play a little game with the sticker.
And then we plunged ahead. "We will not do another fact Just one fact We will have just one fact Not three facts..."
Fact #2: Butterfly _____ (wings) are made of _____ (scales)
"Just two facts Not three facts We will just have two facts..."
At one point I said (trying to use a soothing voice) "Why are you getting so upset? I'm right here with you, and I'm helping you."
He really latched on to that for whatever reason and kept repeating "I'm right here with you."
Fact #3: First, a butterfly is a ________ (caterpillar) (This was the briefest way possible I could think of to mention the butterfly's life cycle.)
Finally we were finished with the &%$@#*! poster. I gave him a good squeeze and he calmed down a little. Then I said "let's read over your poster." He hopped right up, stood arrow-straight, and recited:
Butterflies
Butterflies eat nectar
Butterfly wings are made of scales
First, a butterfly is a caterpillar
As if he was so proud. As if he had not spent the past half hour crying and arguing and begging NOT to work on this poster.
His teacher said he also enjoyed showing it to his class the next day.
Why do we have to go through this routine? How much longer will this go on? Why is he so intimidated by schoolwork? Was is he so afraid? Why is his first response to everything a panicked "please God no- whatever you do don't make me do this work!"? And then after it's done "oh, look what I made. I'm so proud of it. That was fun."
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Oh my gosh, Gretchen, I feel for you! We don't have homework to deal with but for the longest time Oliver would only say: "No, no, no, no, no, no, no!" anytime we asked him to do ANYTHING. Even if it was something I was sure he would LOVE. We don't deal with that so much anymore but I know that it can be very frustrating. I'm not sure what changed except that now I really focus on how we are doing everything TOGETHER. And the only reason that even comes to mind is that you said Henry really seemed to be affected by your statement that you were right there with him. Maybe he just feels a lot of pressure to do things the right way? So rather than risk doing things the wrong way he thinks it is easier to just refuse altogether? I don't know. ... just thinking out loud here.
Just found your blog today and am SO glad I did. I feel for you even though my son doesn't have any homework yet (still in preschool). I can tell just from projects I try to do with him at home and follow-up stuff his therapists suggest we do that homework is going to be a killer. I think it's a combination of his fear of making mistakes, his anxiety over doing anything new/for the first time, and (most of all) his reluctance to show what he knows. You deserve a LOT of credit being so patient with Henry. Sometimes all they need is to hear we're there with them. It's just so damn hard to remember that when we're in the moment.
I am proud of you both for getting through the project together. I am sure as time goes on he will gain more confidence in his abilities. I just dealt with my NT child crying about a printing homework assignment that his teacher sent back for him to redo because "she knows he can do a better job". He cried, "I hate stinking homework". I can't even imagine what I will be dealing with when the day comes that Roo has "real" homework.
That is interesting. Like night and day.
I'm not sure why he was so caught up in not doing the project, because he did so well and was so proud. Henry is so smart, maybe he felt the poster was pointless, because he already new everything and it took getting praise from everyone when he was finished to see that?
I'm glad it all worked out in the end :o)
Kristin
Hi Gretchen, I am finally back to commenting again after not being able to for such a long time, as long as I am in Internet Explorer and not Firefox it will work right. I wanted to thank you for always visiting my blog and leaving a comment full of support and encouragement, you're so great!
How clear was Henry about the directions?---maybe it just seemed like an endless task to him, without a definite end? Perhaps the fact that he even did it over more than one day gave the project an open-ended feeling----as if he would have to work on it, and never get to finish. Have you mentioned about this anxiety-laden incident his teacher?
Charlie has his share of these moments---catastrophic thought sets off major fuss and then we wonder, now why did we have to go through all that just for this simple results.
Wow. Is it possible to have feelings of deja vu for a future event? Reading that was so real. That is so like how JP is/will be.
We had a condensed version for our preschool this year. Each child was the "star of the week" and had to make a poster about themselves. That was crazy and it was simple stuff like his name and age. I can't wait for real homework! ! Ugh!
I must say that you did great with him! You were very patient and hopefully given time and more successes his anxieties will lessen.
I'm right there with you dearie - few people know the magnitude of 'homework.' Isn't it great being in such an exclusive club!
Best wishes [and can I borrow a dollop or two from your patience pack, mine's running a bit low]
Post a Comment