end of school

I'm at home with "sick" (but not really sick) Tommy today, and thought I'd try to catch the blog up on the past month or so.

Although Henry is still in school this week- making up some calamity days- his class had their end-of-the-year events last week. Thursday they had an "awards ceremony" and then early dismissal. The awards ceremony was cute- each child came to the front of the class to receive some kind of candy and a certificate. The awards were not academic, but based on the child's personality. For example, one boy was given a box of Whoppers and his award was for the "best storyteller". I can only assume that he tells some tall and lengthy tales, as some ASD kids tend to do.

After the award was given, classmates were encouraged to say something nice about their friend. I was so moved- even the children that I've observed to be very non-communicative stood up in front of the class and called on classmates by name. Those kids are troopers- every one of them! The same couple girls were always the ones to say something- and it usually was a take-off on what the teachers had said: in this example "you always tell really good stories".

Henry didn't want to say much about his classmates, and when I did prompt him to, you could tell that he was scripting. For example, one boy is on Henry's baseball team. I whispered in his ear that he could say something about that. Henry raised his hand and, when called on, stood up and said "you were once on my baseball team. The Florida Marlins." in an announcer-type voice. He didn't get that he was supposed to say something nice, like "you always do a good job".

When school started in the fall , Henry was quite fixated on Prince Caspian. That's what he was for Halloween, and I think the teachers didn't realize it was just one in a string of movie obsessions. So all year they have all talked a lot about Prince Caspian, even though Henry doesn't show much interest at home anymore.

Henry's award was for "best hugger" and he was given a bag of Hershey's hugs. "I don't want this award" he proclaimed. "I want the Prince Caspian award". I was a little embarassed, but the teacher didn't miss a beat. She picked up a pen and wrote /Prince Caspian Award on the certificate. With any other, typical, child, I would think this was giving in/reinforcing bratty behavior. But as we parents (and teachers) of special ed kids know, we have to pick our battles.

After we left school that day, I re-learned a lesson. I thought I would suprise Henry with a trip to the zoo- just me and him. I didn't bring it up at home because I didn't want Tommy to hear and be jealous. Well, of course my little predictable-structure-loving man didn't like my idea. He wanted nothing to do with the zoo (even though he'd been asking to go for weeks). He wanted to go to the library. Of course. I persevered and drove out to the zoo, only to find that I didn't have my membership card. (Doh!) So what ended up happening? That's right, Henry got his way and we went to the library. At least we stopped at a park for a picnic lunch first.

Another lesson re-learned this week: make Henry do things, even when he protests. We joined the community center pool this weekend. Bill and Tommy went ahead to swim and I started laying the groundwork with Henry. He was watching the same scene over and over from Sleeping Beauty- the big finale when the Prince is let out of the dungeon and fights the dragon. re-playing it over and over. I could have just let him keep doing that while I cleaned the house or read a book.

I mentioned getting ready for the pool. He said he didn't want to go, but then turned the dvd off after one more playing of the scene. He sat on the couch, repeating that he didn't want to go. I threw his swim trunks and shirt down the stairs and by the time I got down there he had put them on. His words say "no" but his actions say "yes".

Would you believe that once he got in the pool (he was timid at first) he didn't want to get out for HOURS? I actually heard him saying "watch this mom" "watch this mom" over and over. It was awesome! But also humbling. How many days do I let him sit and perseverate on something, all by himself, rather than pushing him to do something interactive with us? I must remember not to get lazy.

One other development that I want to mention- Henry's speech and occupational therapists are starting a group called "Food Explorers" for kids with food issues. The idea is not necessarily to get them to eat anything new yet, but just get accustomed to touching the food, talking about it, in sort of a scientific way- talking about the properties of different foods, etc. The group will meet a couple times a week during the 5 or 6 weeks of summer school. I will let you know if anything exciting comes of it.

ducking and rolling

I know I've said this before: that I like to think I'm a real flexible, by-the-seat-of-my-pants mom (in a good way). But too much of that can wear me out- I really like my routine. This week has been chock-full of changes and adjustments- ducking and rolling.
We ended up voting when the polls first opened Tuesday- Bill went from work (he goes in to work very early), the boys and I went up and got in line, waited about 20 minutes or so and then Bill was done and could take them home while I kept waiting. I love taking my kids to the polls when I can, I want them to understand what a special right it is. I always get choked up when I explain that people in other countries don't get to choose who their leader is. (The election merits a separate post: coming soon.)

So anyway, the voting was out of the way and we got to the bus stop right on schedule.

Every morning Henry carefully selects a half dozen prints, along with a few books or magazines, or maybe a DVD box, to take along in the car and on the bus. His bus ride is about 40 minutes each way. A couple times he has brought a Leapster to play or the CD player and headphones to listen to, but mostly he just brings his beloved things to look at. While we wait for the bus I check each item to make sure it bears his name, so we can get it back eventually if it is left somewhere.

Monday afternoon Bill reported that the bus driver told him she wanted Henry to only bring one thing on the bus. I guess I assumed this was a suggestion, and didn't realize that it was a new rule. One that we should have prepped for a bit before Tuesday morning. So I walk Henry up to the bus and she stops him and says "remember, you can only bring one thing today."

Aye yie yie. His face crumpled and he proclaimed "I will bring nothing! I will leave it here!" I was about to cry myself. I was very close to just telling her that we would start the new plan tomorrow- we need more time to get used to the idea. But I didn't want to be the parent that undermines the bus driver's authority.

I do understand her reasoning: Henry wants to keep the stuff in his hands. He refuses to put it in his backpack, even just getting on and off the bus. His little legs are still so short that he can barely climb the bus steps as it is, and when you factor in the hodge-podge handful of papers sticking this way and that, you know he's going to fall or drop something, crawl around to find it, and hold up all the kids on the bus as well as all the traffic lined up behind it. I do understand. But I'm sad for my kid. Sad that he doesn't understand this better and sad that he won't just adapt by shoving the stuff in his backpack. Sad that I can't just make it right for him. Sad that I couldn't just grab him and his stuff off the bus, put him in the car, and drive him to school. But what would that achieve? It would make him feel better and make me feel better...

Anyway, he was pissed and I was pissed and the bus drove away. I was frankly worried that he would become very aggressive on the bus and start attacking other kids. Ms. Bus Driver has not seen that side of Henry. She would be (again, understandably) very upset and then the whole problem would escalate...

I immediately vented to my new mom friend at the bus stop, and she advised me to call the school and ask them to help me work on this issue. I called and spoke to one of his teachers to warn her that he might be upset when he gets to school. She said that they have been rewarding Henry with prints from the computer, so he has a collection of them at school also. She offered that maybe if I remind him that he has some prints at school, he'd easier leave them off the bus. I called later in the afternoon to check on him, and was told that he was having a fine day. So hopefully he is learning to manage his frustration. The past couple days have gotten better at the bus stop. This morning he still went through the motions of saying "I will bring nothing!" But then picked up his book and carried it to his seat.

But back to Tuesday morning: after the sad incident on the bus, Thomas and I drove on to L's house, only to be greeted by L in tears, saying she was having a gall bladder attack and needed to go to the emergency room! She ended up being admitted to the hospital and having surgery to remove a stone that had traveled, as well as remove her gall bladder.

So I unexpectedly had the rest of the day off on Tuesday, and presumably the rest of the week. It's not a bad thing to have to take time off work, but it's worrisome when your "co-mother" (I think I'm going to start calling her that!) is in terrible pain!

I always feel so strange when I'm home like that- torn between wanting to do stuff (go to the park, make a craft...) and wanting to veg out on the couch and eat Halloween candy. I mostly did the latter, although Thomas and I did play some legos and Bakugan. When I talked to my dad Wednesday and told him what was going on, he offered to have Tommy stay at their house for a few days, and we took him up on that offer.

I don't like that Tommy has been gone so much lately (he was at their house 2 weekends ago so we could go to a football game, and then spent the night at a friend's house last weekend), but he did call last night saying he missed us, so I guess he's not ready to leave home yet :-)

why I e-mailed Henry's teacher today

Because when I try to ask Henry a (to me) simple question about his day, here's what I get:

G: Henry, did you eat the Spongebob Cheez-Its I packed in your lunch today? (Always hoping to stumble upon something new that he will eat.)

H: I didn't eat them.

G: Oh, well, where are they then? Did you throw them away?

H: No.

G: What happened to them?

H: Mr. J took them.

G: Mr. J took your Spongebob Cheez-Its? Did he trade you for something else?

H: Yes.

G: What did he trade you?

H: The Spongebob Cheez-Its.

(Bill laughs from the other room and then takes a stab at it): What did Mr. J give you to trade for your Spongebob Cheez-Its?

H: Nothing.

G: So what happened to your Spongebob Cheez-Its?

H: I threw them away.
_______________

Not that I need a note home every day about whether he ate his lunch or not, but I would just like a summary of the school day that has not been passed through the Henry translation screen.

He did tell us about art class yesterday. They drew lines: "jagged lines were mountains, wavey lines were water, swirly lines were clouds" (he worked on the word swirly for a bit).

And he showed us an injury on the palm of his hand: "I was so excited to get my cupcakes! But I fell." It sounds like he slipped and fell to the floor while hurrying over to get his birthday treat to share. Can you stand it?

you are the consequence!

Let's just all put our heads down and try to make it through the next few weeks, ok? It seems like families all over the blogosphere are worried about the new school year starting, and over here is no exception. Henry's been talking a lot about missing his old school, missing L when he goes back to school, missing me and daddy, missing Kate.

This is one of his ways of expressing his anxiety. I don't know that he will actually miss any of these things, but it's a phrase he's found that conveys hey, I need some comforting. In reading back through some of my early posts, I remember that he used to miss things much more regularly. And back then he had all his pronouns backwards. So we have traveled from that point to this: where we have just occasional anxiety, with the correct pronouns. But the worry for the mom feels the same.

And the worry spills over to Thomas. He is not starting school yet- has one more safe year at L's house before the big changes start. But a couple of his buddies from L's are going on to kindergarten, and she is taking in 2 new infants. Tommy will be the big boy that the little ones emulate. Time marches on and on.

In a lighter vein, here is how my sons looked when we left the house this morning.

Longtime readers may remember that Thomas used to be positively traumatized when required to wear long pants in the winter. Well, all of a sudden, the past few weeks, he has been digging through drawers to find long pants and long-sleeved shirts to wear. And a long-sleeved shirt with a short-sleeved over it is even better. He thought he looked totally fashion today- down to the sunglasses.

For his part, Henry has taken to sleeping with no shirt (I guess he learned that from Daddy). He often sleeps in boxer shorts and then requests to just wear those for his underwear that day. Well, today he said "I want to keep my jammie pants on under my shorts." Only he was wearing long pants this time. Don't worry, I brought proper changes of clothes for both of them, in case L takes them out in public today.

Yesterday was a rough one for both boys. I was just thinking that we had almost made it through the summer without incident (remember Thomas' black eye last August?), but no such luck. L called yesterday to tell me that Tommy had been stung 4 times (by a wasp or hornet, we think, as bees can only sting once) on the back of his knee! Of course I had a heart attack, worrying that he would be allergic, but he was perfectly fine after she put some baking soda paste on the stings.

Henry's pain yesterday was of a different sort: the sting of shame, perhaps. At our last visit to the library (Monday), I borrowed an X-Men "junior novel"- a chapter book with no pictures except for a few pages in the center, with photos from the movie. Although Henry is a very good reader, he prefers large storybook-type books with lots of pictures. I was hoping to force his comfort zone by having him read this chapter book.

When I called him up for a bath Tuesday night, he had, clutched in his hands, the photo pages from the library book. Torn right out. I couldn't believe it. Henry has never ever damaged a book- library or otherwise. I guess I took it for granted that he understood that you aren't supposed to damage books. But maybe he just was never motivated to do so before.

Heavy sigh. So when I picked him up yesterday, I told him that we were going to go back to the library, return the damaged book, and tell the librarian he was sorry. Henry did not like this plan at all. He argued a bit and said he didn't want to go. I replied by saying that this was the consequence for damaging the library book.

He came over, pushed me right about my rib cage, and said "you are the consequence!"

You almost feel sorry for the kid because you can tell he wants to really tell me off, but he just doesn't have the language. He did a lot of crossing his arms, planting his feet, and saying "hmph!" on the way to talk to the librarian. He looked like he was going to cry and only managed a "sorry", while looking down. But that was enough. I feel like the point was made- I hope he learned a lesson. (Oh, and the librarians are super-nice and know him and I had called beforehand and talked to them, so they were very kind to Henry.)

The book only cost $5, so I am going to make him do a few jobs to earn the money. (In fact, I bribed him to pose for the photo above by telling him he could earn $1. Note his unhappy face.) On the way out of the library I stopped to give Henry a hug and asked if he felt embarrassed. He said yes. It's so hard to help him understand his emotions without putting words in his mouth. Oh, he also attempted to convey his anger toward me by declaring "you are not my mom!" I just brushed that off and said "of course I am." Luckiest mom in the world, even on a day like this!

Henry update

This is quite a long video of Henry reading the concluding pages of The Lion King. The sound isn't great and of course we're still working on his pronunciation and enunciation, but I hope you'll catch the flavor of his story-telling ability. You may recognize the dramatic final battle between Simba and Scar/the hyenas. I did not prompt him to do this. I headed upstairs to have some homework time, and found him reading aloud to himself, with great flair.

Christine was correct in her recent comment- I have been kind of quiet lately. For one thing, I kind of lose perspective sometimes on what I want my blog to be. I want it to be more than just a “log” of what I did each weekend, for example. Or a big bitch session about things that are bugging me (like today our shower curtain rod broke. At least it was after my shower.) Add to that the fact that some things are not to be written in a public forum, and mix in a little of January-is-a-generally-gloomy-month, and you get, well, nothing written here.

One thing that I had wanted to blog about seems to have (knock on wood) resolved itself.

Henry's teacher (Mrs. C) and I had a phone conference two weeks ago (on the18th). At that point his behavior had badly deteriorated, and she was searching for what to try next. He was refusing to do any independent work at all, arguing with the teachers and, when they tried to ignore him, following them around shouting at them and/or randomly pushing or scratching other children in the class.

He was wasting so much time trying to argue about not hanging up his coat or doing his "independent work" (which is always an easy worksheet) that he was missing out on all his mainstream time with the other 2nd graders.
I also discovered that the time he had been spending with the regular class had not been as successful as we thought. Mrs. C had recently found out that the aide working with Henry had allowed him to just flip through the science book, for example, instead of following along with the science class that was being conducted. She was not challenging him at all.

Mrs. C wasn't wanting to be discouraging, but I think was more just trying to brainstorm with everyone involved to come up with a new strategy. I asked if she thought this was just transition trouble after the Christmas break. She dismissed that idea promptly: school had been back in session for 2 weeks. (But I know that Henry often starts back to school ok but then burns out after the first week or so.)

We were heading into the long MLK weekend- my kids were going to spend some time with Grandma and Grandpa and Henry's teacher was taking a little trip herself. She said she had some new books to read and was hoping to come up with some new ideas for working with Henry.
I felt pretty down after this conversation. I worried that his behavior would alienate him from the other children and prevent him from learning. I felt terrible knowing that my child was hurting other children. And I didn't know how I could help, aside from trying new medications or maybe taking Henry to a psychiatrist.
(After our parent-teacher conference in November, we began giving Henry a medication that our pediatrician had suggested. It has not helped at all, and we are weaning him off of it.)
I was pondering a lot of big questions, like what are my goals for my child? To be mainstreamed? To be able to work independently? To be challenged? To learn? To treat people with respect? All of these are potential goals, but some seemed to be mutually exclusive. It did not appear that he could be challenged to work independently and still behave productively at school.

For the past week, Henry has brought home glowing reports in his notebook. Mrs. C told me that she gave some thought to what I had told her about swimming lessons.

You see, Henry never argues with his swim instructor. He works so hard for her and never asks for help like he does in most other situations. I think this is because she is so no-nonsense. She is definitely not warm and fuzzy. But when she tells him to swim from one end of the pool to the other and then pull himself out with his scrawny little arms? He does it.

Mrs. C said she thought about that and realized that the swim instructor has created an environment where there is no room for negotiation. So when Mrs. C came back to school after that long weekend, she just told Henry here's how it's gonna be: you're going to do your work right now, and if you don't do it now I'm going to do it with you, hand-over-hand (which he hates). And after that, he was "the old Henry": smiling and happy and cooperative.

Some mornings he arrives at school and has maybe forgotten "the deal". So they sit down at "teacher table" and go over it again- you won't backtalk, you won't argue, you'll do the work. And then he's fine.

I know this sounds kind of hard-ass and cold-hearted. But Henry really seems to respond to it. Right now at least. We are all keeping our fingers crossed. It just seems to prove the old adage that kids need boundaries. And maybe the same way a good boss can't usually be your best friend, maybe a good teacher can't be the kids' best friend?

Mrs. C and I talked about having a reward system at home that corresponds to how his day is reported in the notebook. I proposed that he earns a star every time he has a good day, and then a certain # of stars earn him a new DVD or something. She suggested something even better- he can earn money according to how his day went, which will help reinforce the money concepts they are learning. She will report on his day using a 5-star grading system, and I will come up with the financial equivalent. That way, even if he has a rough day, he can still earn a small bit of money for his 2-star day.

Yesterday, the first day of the new system, was a 5-star day! Way to go Henry!
A certain 3-year-old someone has a birthday in February, and so does his daddy, so I should have some fun things to post about in the coming weeks.

NOT the Christmas card photo

God bless those other two- they just pose as agreeably as can be. I snapped 2 pictures this morning on our way out of the house, because it was just so photo-opportunity perfect with the first snowfall. In the other photo Henry is looking up, but grimacing- looks like he's crying. Sigh.

It's not so much that he doesn't like getting his picture taken (although that is a part of it), but he really seemed freaked out by the snow today- didn't want it touching him. Quite a difference from most kids around here who couldn't wait to get out in it today.

The woman who drove Henry to school in kindergarten used to call him "Prince Henry" because he was just so regal in the way he carried himself and the way he always wanted things just so. He was definitely Prince Henry this morning- the snow is touching my boots! Aaack- the snow is on my neck!

Just in case you're wondering how Henry's day went yesterday (after my morning freak-out), his communication notebook entry for yesterday read:

"Rough day- refused work most of the day. Wouldn't attempt activities in APE and got aggressive with [the APE teacher]. Rest of the day was about the same."

Let's hope for a better day today- the only morning torture was making him get his picture taken :-)

It seems like I don't really write about Henry enough anymore: how he is doing and what he is working on. As he grows older the issues have become not as huge and so I don't feel as driven to write about them. But of course, the issues are still there.

This year, for the first time, he is continuing in the same school with the same teacher and at least some of the same paras and therapists. So, although I'm not hearing much about some of his more troublesome behaviors (pinching, arguing/refusing to do work), I can't kid myself that they aren't still there. They just aren't news to these teachers anymore.

We had a teacher conference a couple weeks ago in which I tried to brag about how Henry had apologized to Thomas one day, unprompted. His teacher was like "yeeeaah... we actually try to get away from saying I'm sorry, because the kids will hurt one another and then just say they're sorry real fast and think everything's ok."

Oh, ok. Well, I still think it's a good thing at home. We can have different rules at home. They seem to have a lot more trouble with the pinching and scratching at school, with what they see as no provocation. Bill and I figure that there are just certain kids Henry has a beef with, and he'll grab them if he gets a chance. I don't mean to sound flippant about it, but there's really nothing we can do about it at home. It's just something they have to figure out in that environment.

One thing his teacher did ask us to work on at home, though, was addition facts. Ugh. I really dislike math. To this day I add on my fingers certain numbers that have just never registered in my tiny little blond brain. When you're pregnant and raising little kids, all you ever hear is read read read to your child. So that's what I've always done and it's been great. But now, my kid is 8 and can read just about everything by himself and, oh, it turns out there's some other stuff we're supposed to help him learn also. Dangit.

Henry's teacher asked us to work on flashcards at home. Because Henry has such a great memory, she assumed he would have no problem memorizing math problems. But I guess movie lines and movie release dates have a lot more meaning to Henry than 1+3 does, and the stuff is just not sticking.

About a week after she had asked us to do flashcards at home, Henry's teacher asked in the communication notebook how it was going. So that night I dug out the flashcards and started working with him. Ooops. Yes, teachers, I'm that mom. The one who has to be reminded a week later.

The first few times he counted on his fingers for every single flashcard. I tried a couple cards involving numbers higher than 5, and he was at a loss. Although I was a bit discouraged by this, now, a little more than a week later, he is getting much quicker and much more confident. So I think we will master this also. But we're only on addition. I am dreading multiplication!

We are still going strong with swimming lessons, horseback riding, and gymnastics. His confidence and strength are improving week by week.

The movies in heavy rotation lately are the Jungle Book and Cars. It's funny about Cars, because we bought it last November, when it first came out, but he never wanted to watch it until this summer. Henry got the soundtrack for his birthday, and loves to sing along with all the songs. He seems to really like "Our Town, illustrated by James Taylor" (In Henry's words!) So I'm hoping to turn him on to some other James Taylor tunes.

Henry also got the Cars game for his Leapster for his birthday. We got the Leapster for Christmas, in the hope that it would make some social situations easier (no one at a party thinks twice about the kid in the corner playing his video games), he'd enjoy it on car trips, and just to have him in the same room with us while playing games, rather than tucked away on the computer in the basement. He has never shown a ton of interest in the Leapster- the only game he really played much was a Dora animal-matching game.

He asked for the Dora game this weekend, and we couldn't find it (it probably went home with another cousin after vacation?), so he grudgingly half-looked at the Cars game as I tried to figure out how to play it. Of course, it quickly won him over and he played for hours this weekend, not even stopping to eat. Bill and I were laughing that we suggested playing a game as an alternative to watching movies, but then he got just as absorbed in the game, if not more so. Are we varying his interests, or narrowing them?

I could swear that I wrote this spring about the Return of the Jedi storytape. But I can't find the post. So- our library has a book on tape of Return of the Jedi that must be from 1985. Henry has borrowed it so many times, and each time another page falls out. It was out of circulation for several months with the notation "damaged" listed in the database. I searched for a copy to buy on the internet, but did not have any luck. Finally, one day when I again told Henry that it was "still damaged", he took matters into his own hands and asked the librarian!!!! She retrieved it from her back room and let him borrow it.

Fast forward a few months, and the boys and I walk into the library. All the librarians smile at us. Our first stop is the movie area, and as we're browsing in there, the librarian from the children's department taps me on the shoulder. "Aren't you the family that likes to borrow this?" she asks, holding up the Return of the Jedi book and tape. Oh, great, I think, she's going to make us pay for it because she's had to repair it so many times. I nod. "Well, I just can't keep it in circulation anymore" she explained, "it's too damaged. But I would just throw it away. Would you like to have it?"

So we brought the story tape home to keep!!!! If Henry hadn't asked the librarian, we would never have seen that treasured item again. Instead, we get to bring it home to live with us!

the weekend of (mostly) thwarted expectations

The weekend started off well. Thomas mixed up a healthy batch of "dirt soup" Friday night.

Kate was in for the evening, due to an infraction the previous weekend, and we had a pretty good chat. This semester she is helping in a first-grade class every afternoon, and Friday night she told me all about the kids and the things she's been doing with them and how some of them like to hug her and hang on her... I guess there is a boy in the class who is tube-fed and wears a backpack that carries his bag of food (Kate couldn't remember what the name of his condition is), and another boy with Tourrettes. This is the same teacher that Henry was mainstreamed with last year, so I asked if Mrs. C gets all the special needs kids. But Kate said no-there are some in other classes. I get so caught up in my own little "special needs" world that I am surprised to hear there are so many others in the same school district!

Saturday was the big day for Henry and Daddy. You might remember that back in the spring we tried to go to our college football team's open scrimmage... and it was a disaster. Every other idiot (ooops, I mean fan) in town was trying to take their kids to the stadium for $5, and we couldn't find a seat. That day we decided to get tickets to a game this fall so that Henry could go and have a better experience.

Once you understand what happened in the spring, you'll see why Saturday went the way it did: kickoff was at noon. Bill and Henry got there around 11, allowing enough time to walk around and check out the crowd. But Henry was single-minded. He had a ticket this time and he had a seat, and by God he was going to sit in that seat and not move from it:

Here he is talking to me on the phone, sitting in the stadium an hour before kickoff.

I think all the pre-game stuff went ok, and the pre-game band show was the main thing Henry wanted to see anyway. Then it started to rain. And wet clothes are a sensation that Henry is very adverse to. So once they got rained on and he wanted to take off his clothes, it was time to call it a day. Our team hadn't even scored yet (they went on to win, 20-2.)

Bill knew, going to this experiment, that it might not last long. And he has learned from years of experience with Henry how to handle occasions like this. So although he was disappointed to leave without Henry experiencing a touchdown, he wisely just went with the tide. Henry will remember it as a really special and exciting experience, and Bill was able to finish watching the game at a bar down the street, so all's well that ends well.

Tommy had been asking to go to the zoo, and I was looking forward to going on Saturday, just me and him- something special while daddy and Henry were doing something special. Thomas wanted to sleep a little extra Saturday (clue #1), then when he got up, he said "I have a yucky cough like M------". A boy at L's house had developed a barking cough last week, and Tommy had indeed caught it from him.

He still wanted to go to the zoo, so we did. Now usually Henry is our tour guide and drill sergeant: dictating which animals we will see, and how long we will look at them. Either because he was sick, or because he is used to his big brother being the boss, Tommy had no real direction to offer at the zoo. He didn't seem to care what we looked at. He did get to sit on all the photo-op animal statues that we usually blow past, and walk on a lot of low walls. But the reptiles and the coral reef were the only sights that he really requested.

When we returned home from the zoo and gathered on the couch to catch up with Kate and Henry, Thomas rolled his face over between 2 cushions and vomited. His fever went up to 102+ and his cough and sore throat worsened.

So the rest of the weekend was spent worrying and comforting and taking his temperature and trying different medications. We're seeing the doctor this afternoon, but of course his fever seems to be gone today. His voice, though, is totally shot! He can only whisper. It's very odd to have my usual chatterbox be so silent.

His first day of preschool is Friday, so hopefully he'll be back to normal by then. Tune in next weekend for a full report.

Henry at 8 years

This picture is very Henry. He is smirking, kicking his legs, and turning his head side to side, thinking of something funny.

This year his birthday fell on the same day as the football team's season opener. The game was not televised, except on a special network, so Bill and Kate went to watch it at a sports bar and the boys and I went to lunch at McDonalds. (They are wearing their new football jerseys.)

Henry's lovely bus driver gave him a gift card to Blockbuster, which just shows how well she knows Henry, because it was a perfect gift for him! So our fun day started with a Crumbleberry Coffee Cake from Starbucks and included a stop at Blockbuster. Later that evening we went to see Ratatoille.

I thought the movie was cute, if an odd premise for a children's movie. But Henry seemed to love it! He laughed and squealed and kicked his legs non-stop. Bill and I had to take turns putting him on our laps and turning him sideways, so he wouldn't kick the seat in front of him.

On Sunday Grandma and Grandpa came to visit (my mom's birthday was Monday). We spent a bit of the afternoon watching Tommy play outside, while Bill cooked on the grill. When I went in to check on Henry (because of course he had no interest in playing outside), here is what I found:

I asked him what this teetering tower of papers was, and he replied proudly "I matched all the prints with the movies".

These are computer printouts of movie webpages, matched with the corresponding DVD. Bill and I think he may have a career as a librarian, except that he will never want anyone to remove anything from his library!

Yesterday the birthday fun continued. Henry had his annual checkup with the pediatrician, as well as his annual checkup with the eye doctor. But in between, we stopped at the bookstore and Target, and spent some birthday money. You can guess what he chose: more books, DVDs and audio books.

That reminds me of something new Henry is doing: he has learned how to turn the captions on when he watches a DVD. I think this is a brilliant way to further develop his reading skills. It also makes watching a movie feel a little more active- he's working his brain a bit.

The doctors appointments, along with the beginning of the school year, have made me take stock in how far Henry has come. I used to dread visits to the pediatrician. My friend Eileen has just described this much better than I can- the feeling that you are betraying your child by holding him down for the doctor's examination. (I'm not linking to her blog because it is open to invited readers only.)

This time, on the way to the doctor's office, we talked about what the doctor would do. I told Henry that Dr. T might ask him about what he is learning in school, and what other things he has been doing. So, when Dr. T came in and greeted Henry, Henry pointed at me and said "she wants to tell you what I have been doing in school." We both laughed at that- either my message had been misunderstood, or Henry just didn't feel up to the challenge.

Henry cringed when the doctor looked in his ears, but I didn't need to get out of my seat to hold on to him as in the past. Henry is in the 15th percentile, and the doctor and I laughed about that too- Henry has never moved past the 15th percentile.

Henry and I told him about school, gymnastics, horseback riding, and swimming. I explained how Henry couldn't tolerate gymnastics a year earlier, but now responded so well to it.

"Well, he's doing great" summarized Dr. T. I paused and then asked "you mean physically?" "Just in every way" he said. "This visit has gone a lot differently than they used to go, and it sounds like you've got him plugged in to some good programs."

Yeah. Maybe that's why I haven't had as much to write about lately: it's not that Henry isn't autistic anymore, it's just that we are all on a comfortable path now, and (mostly) moving forward. He might not be growing up like a typical 8-year-old, but he is growing up.

first day of school 2007 and keeping my head above water

(Holding up 2 fingers to show he's in 2nd grade)

Um, yeah. The first day of school was a week ago. I'm not sure what my problem is- I just haven't felt moved to write much lately. Or even read much in the blog world. I guess we just need a break from our habits once in awhile- whatever those habits may be.

The first day went great for both kids, as have all the days since. Kate seems engaged and happy, and Henry has been getting good reports in the communication notebook. He has started saying "I don't want to go to school", which troubles me, even though I know it is normal. They are making him do work, which he didn't have to do at summer camp. So it's natural that he would have second thoughts about second grade (good one, eh?)

He doesn't put up a fight when it's time to get on the bus, which adds to my conviction that his protests aren't really sincere. But last night, as we watched Chicken Little before bath time, he chanted it over and over: I don't want to go to school I don't like going to school I don't like school I don't want to go to school. It's just so tiring to keep responding positively. And he does want a response- he expects me to say the right thing to comfort him. Sigh. I'm sure this will pass, but it is tiring.

My youngest son is being tiring in his own way. Doing a lot of whining and crying; and asking for a lot of things lately: when I pick him up from L's house, he'll ask "do you have a toy in the car? But I wanted a new toooooy! My toys are booooring!" Yeah- he's being quite a brat. Also tiring. I wonder if he's getting ready to grow or something because he's being very needy right now. He's waking up more at night and, as I mentioned before, crying each night when it's time to put on his pullup.

Henry's teacher sent a list of questions for him to answer before school started (I wanted to share it here but didn't get around to it). The questions were along the lines of "when I'm by myself I like to ____" "when I'm with my parents I like to ____", (I coached his answers a little bit so they weren't all watch a DVD). For the question "something I don't like is ____" Henry answered Tommy's crying voice. I don't like Tommy's crying voice. I thought this was a pretty telling response, considering there are so many other things Henry doesn't like! This must be the one that bothers him the most.

I don't want to act like we need to walk on eggshells around Henry, but I have been telling Tommy that it really bothers his brother when he cries, so please don't do it.

I guess it will just take us all a little while to get used to the new routine. Something still feels a little off right now, although the anxious dreams have gone away. I've just been feeling extra sensitive lately- I'll read a troubling news story and then it takes me days to shake it. It's the 10th anniversary of Princess Diana's death, and September 11th will be on a Tuesday again. (I remember that 9-11-01 was a Tuesday because we have a recurring meeting on the second Tuesday of every month...)

OK, enough of the moping. Here's some good news: I've always been too cheap to join a gym, but I finally broke down and joined the rec center here where I work. I just can't jog outside when it's 100 degrees, and I don't want the weather to be an excuse to not exercise at all. So I'm trying to do that regularly again, and that's probably helping with the sleep too. I'm also getting used to listening to CDs again, now that we have a CD player in the car.

I feel like I'm slowly coming back to the real world. Raising little kids (and teenagers) is like treading water in the ocean. Now that they're a little older maybe I can climb up on a raft, take a break, and drink a gin and tonic...

pics from Grandpa's new camera

(Henry is reading the beloved Return of the Jedi story tape book from the library. Glad dad got a picture of it.)

Thanks, everyone, for your great suggestions on my post below. Keep 'em coming. We're not leaving for the beach until the 20th or 21st (discussions continue as to the merits of splitting the drive into 2 days vs. plugging through in one day).

As always when one of the kids is gone, this week is strange. It takes a few days to get used to having one less kid, and just when I do get used to it, he'll be back. I took an aimless trip to the store after work yesterday, just because I could. Bought myself some Diesel sneakers cheap at TJ Maxx.

It's fun to have a little more time and attention to give to Henry. He's been asking a lot of "what comes after..." questions. Like "Thursday is my horseback riding lesson with Mrs. Pam." "That's right," I reply. "What comes after my horseback riding lesson?" "Umm, well, shower and bedtime, I guess." "And what happens on Friday?"...

This morning we looked at his calendar and talked about some things that are coming up this summer. Then, as I was packing his lunch, Henry came running into the kitchen and said "Oobi is watching a doctor." (I hope I remembered that correctly- he wanted to say Oobi is seeing a doctor, but didn't have the words quite right...) So we talked about doctors a bit.

Then Henry said "Mommy, come with me and you will be the doctor." He wanted to play!!!!!!! Of course I went along- who cares if I'm late(r) to work?

"Mommy, please get the doctor kit from the toy box upstairs." If you think about it, this whole exchange is quite remarkable:

1. He wanted to play

2. He thought of a toy we could use to play

3. He thought of where that toy was

4. He communicated all that info to me

Although I don't think he's ever watched any of the movies, my little pop culture sponge is all caught up in the excitement of the newest Harry Potter movie. This morning he had me recite the names of all the movies ("I just like the movies. I don't like the books.") so many times that I finally wrote them down for him.

You'll notice I didn't ask for vacation reading suggestions- I'll be reading The Deathly Hallows, of course.

library, fainting, and acting locally

So there's this book Henry likes to borrow from the library: The Return of the Jedi story tape and book. He likes it so much, and it is so old (I'm sure it's from when the movie first came out, when I was a kid), that the last time we returned it, several pages had fallen out.

That was probably 6 months ago, if not more. And every time we've been to the library since, he looks for it. Every time, I look it up in the computer and the status says DAMAGED. I figured it was beyond repair, and they were just going to take it out of circulation. I have searched for a copy online to buy, but haven't found one.

As he has grown older, Henry has gotten better about understanding when something can't be his way. He doesn't throw a screaming fit in the library, like he might have a few years ago, but he also won't let go of asking about that book. He's a persistent one.

We were at the library yesterday and, before I could stop him, Henry took matters into his own hands, went up and asked the librarian about the book!!!!

She went into the back room, retrieved it, and taped it right before his eyes! (She said she had been hoping to replace it, but she also had not been able to find another copy.)

Henry was beaming. And so was I. I can't explain how proud I was of him for taking the initiative to ask. He wasn't afraid to talk to the librarian, all on his own, and she (mostly) understood just what he wanted and satisfied his request.

It gives me hope that he'll be able to go far on his own in life. Maybe farther than me, who is content to just believe what it says in the database, and not question it!
________________

Awhile back I wrote about the predisposition Henry and I have towards fainting. At that point, much to my relief, it had never happened to Thomas.

Well, that changed this weekend. When I picked him up at his sitter's Friday, he was jumping on her trampoline. He fell, like he does 30 times a day, 5 days a week. But this time he kind of stopped crying and lay still. An older boy happened to be up there with him and we asked the boy to pick Tommy up. When he did, I could see that Tommy was arching his back. I scrambled up there as best I could (have you ever tried to get up on a trampoline FAST? With that damn safety net all around it?) as Tommy's eyes were rolling back in his head. I sort of tossed him out to L, and by that time he was back "with us". Looking around like he didn't know where he was, and very pale. The whole episode probably lasted 45 seconds. But it sure scared the hell out of L and me.

I was hoping that, because of his more advanced communication skills, Thomas might be able to tell me more about what happened than Henry ever could. But he didn't seem to remember it. All he said was that he fell and his leg hurt.

I believe this might be a tendency that we've inherited from my dad's side of the family- others on that side have had similar incidents. My dad is one of 11 children, and grew up on a farm. I sure wish that my grandma was still around to ask about this. I suppose by the time the 5th child did this she didn't even flinch- just patted him on the head and went back to work!
_______________________

In other news, I met another real-life parent of an autistic kid at gymnastics class. The first evening I laid eyes on this boy as he barreled through the door and headed towards the bathrooms, and heard the way his mom spoke to him: "Shoes. Cubby." I knew he must be autistic.

Last week she struck up a conversation with me about Thomas. She said she'd been watching him and thought he was a cutie (well, duh.) I kind of awkwardly worked into the conversation that I had an older son who had an autism spectrum disorder, and she confirmed that her son did too. It's funny, it seemed like she was drawn to Thomas for some of the same reasons that I get an extra kick out of him: because he's so TYPICAL. Just does normal little boy stuff, most of the time effortlessly. Moms who don't have a child who struggles doubtlessly take that for granted.

Anyway, I felt a little silly because she was asking me if I'm on some local listservs and chatrooms, which I'm not. She has friends with ASD kids who live in my neighborhood! But I don't know them. For one thing, her son is 4, and most of the other kids she knows are the same age. It's interesting how many more opportunities there are for kids just a few years younger than Henry. Interesting and frustrating, but I'm not bitter, am I?

So maybe I'll meet some new people and find some new opportunities for Henry out of this. I'm a little reluctant in some weird way. Maybe my internet friends feel safer to me than real-life people. On the internet we can choose which days we want to interact and which days we don't. And we can control what our friends know about us and what they don't... Gosh, I sound paranoid. And anti-social.

walk on

This always happens. I wait too long to post about one subject, and then another is running up behind it, trying to crowd it out of the way. Sometimes I intend to write one post and put off the other for another day, but that never happens. It usually works better for me to just spout out about all of it, all at once.

So, the horseback riding. We are off to a spectacular start! Henry was so excited when we got to the farm (after mapquest sent us on a delaying detour) that he unbuckled his own seat belt and jumped out of his seat. I've never seen him do that before. He raced/danced around from one fenced area to the next, looking at all the horses.

Ms. Pam was conducting a class with three nine-year-old girls (not a therapeutic class, just a regular riding class). She had each girl introduce herself and her horse to Henry. Then Pam found Henry a helmet, helped him up onto the horse, and led him around the yard. Actually, one of the young girls (named Katie) led the horse, and Pam walked alongside, with her hand on Henry's back. My *&@% camera batteries were dead, but I was at least able to snap a few with my phone.

The horse's name was "T", and Pam told Henry to say "walk on T" to make T go. Henry shouted it with gusto! Then they practiced saying "whoa". After a few times, Katie said, "Ms. Pam, I'm not even making T stop!" The horse was really responding to Henry.

He was only on the horse for maybe 10 minutes, then Katie showed Henry all around the farm. She told him the names of all the other horses, and what kinds of horses they were. It was so cute to see these girls who obviously LOVE horses.

As Pam was gathering some information for me, and trying to schedule our first real lesson, Henry suddenly said "I'm ready to go home." We had been there about 1/2 an hour, and I think all the excitement was suddenly too much for him.

As I relayed this story to a friend, she pointed out that Henry telling me "I'm ready to go home" is a vast improvement over what his behavior might have been a few years ago: screaming, kicking, pinching. These all probably would have been directed at me, at Ms. Pam, even at his new little riding friends. As it was, he tried to hold it together until we could leave. I was just about proud enough to burst throughout this evening!

Unfortunately, we did need to make one more stop after that- the riding store was right down the street, and I wanted to get his helmet then so we would have it for the next lesson. The service was friendly, but slow (it's different out there in the country, I guess :-) and Henry was definitely ready to go home by then. He started saying things like "I don't want this helmet. I don't want to ride a horse. I don't like riding horses. This helmet is not the right size!"

I was so wishing that the salesperson would just ignore him, but instead she seemed quite concerned. "You don't like this helmet? Do you want a different color? Well, your mom just wants to keep you safe. Oh, you have to wear a helmet to be safe."

I was about ready to scream "my son has autism and he's overstimulated by the excitement of all this- just give me the helmet already and let us get out of here!"

It's been awhile since I've felt that way. I somewhat wanted to convey to this woman that my son was autistic, but felt a little awkward to say so right in front of Henry. How have some of you dealt with this kind of situation?
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This week Henry is going to the sitter (L) with Tommy, and then next week the Easter Seals summer program starts. L and I were talking about the week's activities, and I decided I should take Henry to their neighborhood pool ahead of time, so he would know what to expect. It's actually a really nice pool with a huge shallow end and with steps leading into it. But I know Henry, and I know that he will resist doing anything new. (I mean, except riding a horse!)

So I took the boys to the pool on Friday. As I suspected, Henry started repeating "I will just watch. I will not get in the pool." He'll say something like that even as he's walking right toward the steps. But most adults (as I would want them to) will listen to his words and say "OK, you don't have to get in."

I took both boys' hands and walked right in to the pool. Henry started bobbing and splashing and grinning and said "It feels great. I love it!"

Just when I was feeling like champion mother of the month for figuring him out, I looked around. No one else was in the pool. No one. Then I noticed some kids around the edge of the pool giving us dirty looks.

It was adult swim. I had to tell both my sons to get out of the pool again.

Just when I think I'm one step ahead of a situation, I'm actually two steps behind.
________________

Kate has been working a TON at her new job. Yesterday she worked 11-4 and we decided to walk up to the restaurant for lunch. Henry and Tommy both complained, whined and argued the WHOLE WAY. It can be so discouraging and disappointing to try to have a normal Sunday afternoon family outing and have it nearly ruined by that kind of behavior. Obviously I can't blame it all on autism, because Tommy was doing just as much whining and arguing. But, he is 3. And he is easier to distract from his moods. But when Henry's in a "mood" too, they just egg one another on.

I tried asking Henry if he was anxious because we were going somewhere new. But that excuse doesn't really make sense to me because, while this restaurant was a new place to us, it is on the same street as the library and Starbucks- and you know those places are very familiar. Henry ended up losing his computer privileges for the rest of the day because of how he acted on our walk.

good news/bad news

Let's start off with the bad news, in order to end on a high note:

-Thomas has an ear infection. It's not causing him any discomfort, because the tubes are doing their job of draining the pus. It's yucky because it looks like snot is running out of his ear, and I need to figure out something to plug/cover his ears for swimming.

This morning he said "mommy, when I walk like this (marching), the drops in my ears make a funny sound." When he is able to communicate details like that to me, it makes me realize how little Henry is able to tell me. It is very difficult for Henry to identify anything that is going on with his body, much less translate that to an adult. Bittersweet.


Well, I guess that's all the bad. Now on to the good:

-Kate got a job for the summer- making subs at a new restaurant up the street. She seems really excited about it.

-We got a new (used) car! It's a 2004 Chrysler Pacifica in the red color. Our minivan and our Honda Civic were both over 10 years old and had over 100,000 miles. Driving this car makes me feel the way I felt when we first bought our house and had central air and a dishwasher: like I'm an imposter. Surely I can't be enough of a grownup to have a house with a dishwasher, or a car with a CD player and doors you can lock and unlock with your keychain!! (And don't forget grownup enough to make a car payment every month. Yuck.)

Tommy and I have been listening to the Beach Boys as we drive.

-I have finally found someone to do therapeutic horse-riding with Henry. I know I should wait until we try it to write about it, but I am so excited! I spoke to this woman last night, and then Henry and I had the following exchange:

me: "Henry, do you know who I was just talking to? A woman who is going to teach you how to ride a horse! She said we can come to her farm on Wednesday."

Henry: "She is?" (Eyes wide. He starts kind of dancing excitedly and looking around.) "Daddy, where are you?" (Then he stops and turns back to me) "What is her name?"

me: "Pam. Miss Pam."

Henry again: "Daddy, where are you?" (Bill calls to him from downstairs, but then Henry turns to me again) "On which day? On June sixth?"

me: "yes, on Wednesday- June sixth."

Once he finally had all the pertinent details, Henry danced on downstairs to tell Daddy. Henry kept saying "I can't believe it!" And it took him awhile to fall asleep last night.

I hope the experience lives up to the excitement.

the letdown

Once again, I've been cocky. Thomas had a rough day with the potty stuff yesterday. 2 accidents (of the poopy variety) at his sitter's, and then I think 3 accidents at home last night, in the span of 1 1/2 hours.

I really hate potty training. I feel like every inch of our house will soon be covered with pee-pee. Shiiiver. Yuck.

Tommy started crying every time he had an accident, but I think it was because he knew we would then make him sit on the potty some more, not because he felt bad for having an accident. One time, he was sitting on his brother's bed, so then we had to take all the bedding off and wash it. I tried to get Thomas to assist me in throwing the dirty stuff down the laundry chute, but he defiantly refused. So then, on top of all the potty issues, I punished him for "not listening", and took away his saber. Yes, it was a grim night.

Tommy also awoke during the night, crying. That hasn't happened for quite awhile. He won't communicate at those times, so I never know if he has had a bad dream, or if something is hurting him... He didn't have a fever, wasn't drooling as if it were his teeth. He seemed to be squirming as if his legs were hurting, so I tried rubbing them. When I got to his left foot, he relaxed, yawned, and fell back asleep. Do you think he is having growing pains or something?

I am also feeling sorry for myself because I have been keeping up with my new exercise regimen pretty faithfully for 2 months now, but my clothes are getting tighter than ever. I was living in this fantasy world where all you have to do is start exercising 1/2 hour several times a week and you quickly become a supermodel. Oh, you mean I need to also not eat everything that occurs to me? Who knew? I really hate dieting and potty training.
_________

Let's talk about vacation again. Christine brought up a good question after my last post: "did Henry show the same preference for staying inside when you were on vacation?"

No. Not nearly as much. I think it has to do with his expectation of "how things should be." In Michigan, you go outside to swim, sail, watch the boats go down the river, etc. At home, you stay inside to do puzzles, read books, watch movies.


Here is Bill carrying Henry home "like a sack of potatoes" after swimming. Henry didn't want to come back in.

And there's not as much appealing stuff to do outside at home. The outside stuff here (sandbox, roller skating, playgrounds) doesn't tickle his fancy the same way. There was a playground up in Michigan, which Tommy enjoyed, but Henry never played on it.

When we were inside on vacation, it was often hard to get him to leave. We had brought some puzzles and books, and the story tapes, after all...

But maybe we just forced the issue more, because there were special things we all wanted to do.

happy stuff and weird stuff

Tomatoes are one of Henry's favorite foods. So earlier this summer I thought it would be fun to plant our own, and maybe discover something to make Henry enjoy going outside a little more. We started small with our vegetable garden: just 2 cherry tomato plants in plastic pots.

(In our early days together, Bill and I naively planted a vegetable garden that quickly got out of control. Although he maintains a beautiful yard full of flowers and plants, we have stayed away from vegetables ever since.)

Here is Henry, picking a few tomatoes to enjoy with his dinner:



The first time I told him the tomatoes were ready and he could pick one, he said "I need some help please." That is almost always his response, before even trying something. I had to talk him into trying it himself, and then of course the tomato just easily fell right off the vine into his hand. He was so excited.

See the papers in his hand? Those are pages he printed off the Disney website. We could build an addition to our home with those things, there are so many lying around.
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Thomas is doing great with his potty training! I was totally lazy over the weekend, and didn't even try it. But when I woke him up Monday morning, I sat him on the potty, put him in underpants, and told him that if he used the potty all week, I would take him to the store and he could pick out a toy.
He went on to pee on the dining room chair while eating his breakfast. But after that, he had a great day at L's house, with NO ACCIDENTS! I was so excited and proud that evening that I took him to Target and bought him a toy! Yes, completely defeating the purpose of the bribe. I don't care. Henry didn't use the potty 'til age 4, so I am just beside myself at the thought that we might be done with diapers forever at age 2 1/2!
Thomas even used the potty at Target after our shopping. The toy he picked out was a Power Rangers sword (made out of foam), with a scabbard to clip on to his pants (or underpants, as the case may be):



Have you seen Chicken Little? It is a favorite at our house, and we especially love the music. I play it in the mornings to wake the boys up. Patti LaBelle and Joss Stone get things started, and by the time the Barenaked Ladies come on, we are all dancing and singing. Isn't it great when a kids' movie can keep the adults entertained as well, viewing after viewing? This soundtrack even has Henry liking REM (one song at least, maybe I can turn him on to some others), and you would melt into a puddle if you heard Henry singing along to the Five for Fighting song. And then he quotes Chicken Little from that scene in the movie: "c'mon- all I need is a chance!"
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I told mom-nos that I post about plenty of my own weirdness on this site every day. But I did think of a couple additional random weird things about me:
- I never finish a cup of coffee. I love coffee, but must just drink too slowly. A size small (or tall) is too small for me- I always order a medium (or grande). But then I never, ever, finish it. Sometimes I even re-heat it and drink some more, but there is just always a bit left in the bottom of the cup.
- I am compulsive about the laundry. We tried having the teenager do her own laundry to avoid some stress, but I couldn't handle it. I have to sort it, examine it, re-wash it if it is still smelly or stain treat it and soak it if it is stained. This takes an inordinate amount of my time, time that could be better spent cleaning other areas of my house! (I am not nearly compulsive enough about other chores.)
- I have several scars on my arm from around age 5 or 6. I was standing outside the front storm door, my toddler brother was standing inside, and we were both banging on the glass. My left arm went through the window, leaving several long cuts. What a nightmare for my mom- can you imagine??!!
The thing about these scars is, I bet people notice them and wonder if I've tried to slit my wrists?! My co-workers and other acquaintances might be imagining all kinds of drama in my past, when really, it's just evidence of playing with my little brother.
That's all the weirdness for now- I'm sure there will be more to come.

Our weekend had some ups and downs. Sometimes lately, I get cocky and think "Henry used to have all those behaviors, but he's doing so much better now- he's making great strides." And he is- he is. But then the day comes that we do something unusual, like picking up an uncle at the airport, and Henry reverts back to his house-on-fire voice and his insistent and overpowering manner, and I think that maybe we haven't come so far after all.

My brother-in-law was in town briefly yesterday. We headed out to the airport to meet him and wandered around. The confusion was my fault- instead of just saying we would drive by the passenger loading/unloading area, I said that we would park and all come in to the airport. I consistently make this mistake. I always think "boys like airports- this will be fun." And I always forget that it's confusing and crowded and both boys like to ride escalators*, and you can't even see any airplanes anyway, now that unticketed folks are not allowed beyond the security check.

(*I have a weird little escalator phobia- I have recurring dreams where I need to get on an escalator going down, but it's going really, really, really fast and it's hard to step on and hard to hold on... I obviously have done a good job of hiding this fear, because my kids love to ride the escalator!)

Henry kept shouting that he wanted to ride the escalator: repeating it non-stop in the house-on-fire voice. We rode it a couple of times, and then the boys and I just gave up and went back to wait by the car.

Once Bill found Uncle J., we all headed for breakfast at Bob Evans. As soon as he walked in the door, Henry spotted a Strawberry Supreme Pie in the display case. He pressed his face and sweaty hand to the glass and shouted "I want this pie! I want this pie! I want this pie!"

Why so much shouting? And why so much anxiety? You know, now that I think about it, I did not prep him ahead of time on the plan. Maybe if I had told him a few days ahead of time, this would not have all been so exciting and overwhelming. Duh. I know this stuff, but then I forget it. Or I think it's not necessary for a little Sunday morning trip to the airport.

On Saturday, Henry and I went to the library. There was a girl there, a few years older than Henry, who was reading aloud to her mom. She seemed to really struggle- one of those kids who reads
so
slowly
that
it's
hard
to
follow
what
she's
saying. Her mom was being kind of short with her, and correcting her in a gruff way, even when her mistake was something as simple as saying "of" instead of "off". I felt sorry for this girl, to be spending her Saturday afternoon in such an unpleasant way, and to be struggling so much with her reading. I hoped that she would grow to enjoy reading in spite of that.

At the same time, Henry was quietly reading aloud from the front cover of the Star Wars book on tape. "A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... Luke Skywalker had returned home to Tatooine..."

Yes, most of that was memorization, but it still gave me a lift. What a blessing- Henry has his share of difficulties, but I'm so glad that reading isn't one of them!

report on the 4th, pictures, and a question

Thank you all for sharing your neuroses with me! Isn't it interesting that a lot of moms seem to worry about making the holidays "just right", while many husbands and kids probably couldn't care less?

It seems that it was a good strategy for me to vent to the internet, get a few things off my chest, and then go on to enjoy the day. The rain stopped by mid-afternoon, and we actually went out and socialized. There was a neighborhood party a couple blocks up the street, featuring a jumping thing (I never know what to call those things- it's not really a ride...) and a 3-person slip-n-slide!

Henry ate a lot of fruit and some rice krispie treats (my contribution to the party), then came over to join his brother in the jumper. He got inside and started stiffly boucing around, stopping to check in with me every 30 seconds or so. At one point an older girl was leaning against the side of the jumper near him. He leaned toward her and said "hiiiiiiii" in that high-pitched way you use when you're trying to get someone's attention. I was so excited that he was trying to engage someone! Then he turned to me and said "you want me to tell you what she is?" I translated this as meaning he wanted to know her name. So I said "you could tell her your name, and ask her what her name is". He kind of looked at her, looked back at me, and went back to jumping. Guess that all seemed like too much work.

Then we moved over to the slip-n-slide. I was also very happy with Henry's interaction there. After I dragged him by the hand and pretty much knocked him to the ground to make him slide, he preferred to stand off to the side, cheering for the other kids and getting splashed by them. That went well for quite a while. But then he started getting braver, and wanting to spend more time on the slip-n-slide, just standing on top of the spraying water. I encouraged the other kids to just go around him for awhile. But it really wasn't fair or safe to leave him standing in the middle. Eventually we ended up having to leave the party, because it was time for Tommy's nap and I saw no end to the slip-n-slide battle. But we stayed for over an hour, and I viewed it as a success.

We went to the fireworks that evening, which was enough to make me re-think "not liking the 4th of July." The boys were SO SO SO excited. As we drove there, they were searching the skies for fireworks. Tommy kept saying "I see sompting!" We found a good spot, put down a tarp and a blanket, and watched. Henry covered his ears at first, but we were far enough away that the booms weren't too loud. Tommy declared that some "looked like a butterfly" and Henry exclaimed that one "looked like a tree." We all ooohed and aaahed, and Henry asked "which one is your favorite, mommy?"

So maybe this holiday will get better for me as the years go on. Kate had the digital camera with her that night (she's got some nerve, huh?) so I had to take old-fashioned pictures. But here are a few from the weekend at my mom and dad's house (thanks mom!) This first one makes me laugh- like we are posing so proudly in front of our minivan:




And now my question: please give me some good vacation book suggestions. I think the last book I read was Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince last summer! So I'm open to anything...