hoarding bliss

This has been one of my favorite books since I was a child. One of the ones that always stayed with me. It appeals to my urge to capture things, feelings, moments and hold on to them. I might need them later, in the dark of winter.
If you're not familiar with the story, Frederick is a field mouse who, while his brothers are gathering food for the coming winter, sits, gathering his own supplies of warmth and color.

Lately I find myself putting sickeningly sweet status updates on facebook, like "my jog this morning was bliss" or "this is the best day ever because m&ms were on sale at the grocery store". So for those of you who may be wondering if I'm on some new happy medication or have joined a cult, I want to explain that I'm really just Frederick-ing.
I am hanging on really tightly to good things when they happen, because they do happen, but sometimes they get buried in the bad. Springtime is an easy time of year for this, because everywhere you look there's a new beautiful thing growing, and even if it's a cloudy day the sun was out yesterday and should be out again tomorrow.

Henry is doing math homework without arguing. I'm registering Thomas for kindergarten and flying through the speech/language questionnaire without blinking. I know this child does not have speech/language difficulties because I also know a child who does have them.

I'm acknowledging this stuff- giving it the space and the respect it deserves. My life is far from perfect and I'll probably have a really crappy day tomorrow just as payback for all this gushing. But if I don't wallow in the good then I'm wallowing in the bad, and one lifts me up while the other drags me down.

Remember the damage our house sustained back in September? It was eventually repaired. Then more high winds blew through in February, and ripped even more siding off. It didn't all come off, though- some of it remained, half-attached, and banged against the wall outside Henry's bed. For days and nights on end.

As we negotiated with our insurance, we found a company that we wanted to do the work for us. Although nothing had been signed and no money had exchanged hands, these folks came out the very next day and tacked down the loose siding. Every night since then I have been thankful for the quiet in the wind. Something I took quite for granted until the storms came around.

I couldn't ask for a better metaphor. These storms blow through, they f*** things up, and we have a big mess to fix and a big pain-in-the-ass noise keeping us awake at night. But afterward we have a new appreciation for the quiet, the beautiful, the easy, and the hands that help quiet the noise.

Happy Easter and happy spring.

she did it!

Thank you, thank you friends and family for all your support.

the pictures are misleading- this post is a downer

Remember that good/bad post the other day? That's how my life feels all the time lately. A friend asks about my weekend, and I debate: do I tell report the good or the bad? Because we are living a twilight zone of some of each these days. And to dwell on either for too long seems to not give enough attention to the other.

I can give the sun-shiney report:

-That Henry attended a different gymnastics class Friday; his teacher feels he is ready to move out of the special needs class and into just a "boys fitness" class. Bill said Henry did a good job and seemed to enjoy being "one of the guys".

-That Tommy went to a crazy bowling-alley birthday party on Saturday; he ran around in circles in his bowling shoes until his hair was plastered to his forehead and his cheeks were tomato-red; he hauled the 6-lb bowling ball up to the lane every time and dropped/threw it down- three times into the gutter (despite the bumpers) and once following up with a kick to get it going.
-That both boys successfully rode their new (from Christmas) bikes all the way to the library (over 1/2 mile from home); that Henry required very little help and rode with the posture and attitude of an old man- slow and steady; Tommy needed quite a bit of help at first- for all the things that come easily to him, riding a bike was not one; but by the trip home he was easily keeping up with his brother, and even "skidded" a couple times (how does he know about skidding?!)

Autism Awareness month is making me a little uneasy. I wonder what I'm supposed to do to acknowledge this? Because I live Autism Awareness all the time. People who come into contact with me and my family learn about autism through us. I don't shout at them about cures or about vaccines, I just am and I just talk and I think they get the real story.

I frankly become exhausted by acquaintances who say "I saw Jenny McCarthy on Larry King last night. She said there's a special diet that can cure autism." Yeeeaaaahhhh. Sigh. Or even friends who say "I watched part of Autism: The Musical. Wow- it looked so hard to live with some of those kids." Yeeeaaaahhhh. It's hard to live with any kid on a given day.

I don't know- one of my kids has autism. He needs special education. Certain situations are challenging for him, and thus challenging for the rest of us, his family. I want people to be understanding of that and I'd like the medical community to continue to probe what can be done to make my son's life easier.

But my other children find different situations challenging. I want people to be understanding of them, too. I think if you gathered up all my mommy worry in gallon jugs and measured it, you'd find equal parts of lifetime worry devoted to each of the 3 kids.

Finally, this may seem unrelated, but it just really seems right to me today: the folks found guilty in my jury trial last month have been arrested in an attempt to leave the country. In my world, where few things seem to be cut-and-dried, black-or-white, I just like knowing that these people did wrong, they were found guilty, they are proving their guilt by trying to run away, and they were caught by the good guys. Sometimes a good cops-n-robbers/law-n-order story just really hits the spot.

walk on

This always happens. I wait too long to post about one subject, and then another is running up behind it, trying to crowd it out of the way. Sometimes I intend to write one post and put off the other for another day, but that never happens. It usually works better for me to just spout out about all of it, all at once.

So, the horseback riding. We are off to a spectacular start! Henry was so excited when we got to the farm (after mapquest sent us on a delaying detour) that he unbuckled his own seat belt and jumped out of his seat. I've never seen him do that before. He raced/danced around from one fenced area to the next, looking at all the horses.

Ms. Pam was conducting a class with three nine-year-old girls (not a therapeutic class, just a regular riding class). She had each girl introduce herself and her horse to Henry. Then Pam found Henry a helmet, helped him up onto the horse, and led him around the yard. Actually, one of the young girls (named Katie) led the horse, and Pam walked alongside, with her hand on Henry's back. My *&@% camera batteries were dead, but I was at least able to snap a few with my phone.

The horse's name was "T", and Pam told Henry to say "walk on T" to make T go. Henry shouted it with gusto! Then they practiced saying "whoa". After a few times, Katie said, "Ms. Pam, I'm not even making T stop!" The horse was really responding to Henry.

He was only on the horse for maybe 10 minutes, then Katie showed Henry all around the farm. She told him the names of all the other horses, and what kinds of horses they were. It was so cute to see these girls who obviously LOVE horses.

As Pam was gathering some information for me, and trying to schedule our first real lesson, Henry suddenly said "I'm ready to go home." We had been there about 1/2 an hour, and I think all the excitement was suddenly too much for him.

As I relayed this story to a friend, she pointed out that Henry telling me "I'm ready to go home" is a vast improvement over what his behavior might have been a few years ago: screaming, kicking, pinching. These all probably would have been directed at me, at Ms. Pam, even at his new little riding friends. As it was, he tried to hold it together until we could leave. I was just about proud enough to burst throughout this evening!

Unfortunately, we did need to make one more stop after that- the riding store was right down the street, and I wanted to get his helmet then so we would have it for the next lesson. The service was friendly, but slow (it's different out there in the country, I guess :-) and Henry was definitely ready to go home by then. He started saying things like "I don't want this helmet. I don't want to ride a horse. I don't like riding horses. This helmet is not the right size!"

I was so wishing that the salesperson would just ignore him, but instead she seemed quite concerned. "You don't like this helmet? Do you want a different color? Well, your mom just wants to keep you safe. Oh, you have to wear a helmet to be safe."

I was about ready to scream "my son has autism and he's overstimulated by the excitement of all this- just give me the helmet already and let us get out of here!"

It's been awhile since I've felt that way. I somewhat wanted to convey to this woman that my son was autistic, but felt a little awkward to say so right in front of Henry. How have some of you dealt with this kind of situation?
_______________

This week Henry is going to the sitter (L) with Tommy, and then next week the Easter Seals summer program starts. L and I were talking about the week's activities, and I decided I should take Henry to their neighborhood pool ahead of time, so he would know what to expect. It's actually a really nice pool with a huge shallow end and with steps leading into it. But I know Henry, and I know that he will resist doing anything new. (I mean, except riding a horse!)

So I took the boys to the pool on Friday. As I suspected, Henry started repeating "I will just watch. I will not get in the pool." He'll say something like that even as he's walking right toward the steps. But most adults (as I would want them to) will listen to his words and say "OK, you don't have to get in."

I took both boys' hands and walked right in to the pool. Henry started bobbing and splashing and grinning and said "It feels great. I love it!"

Just when I was feeling like champion mother of the month for figuring him out, I looked around. No one else was in the pool. No one. Then I noticed some kids around the edge of the pool giving us dirty looks.

It was adult swim. I had to tell both my sons to get out of the pool again.

Just when I think I'm one step ahead of a situation, I'm actually two steps behind.
________________

Kate has been working a TON at her new job. Yesterday she worked 11-4 and we decided to walk up to the restaurant for lunch. Henry and Tommy both complained, whined and argued the WHOLE WAY. It can be so discouraging and disappointing to try to have a normal Sunday afternoon family outing and have it nearly ruined by that kind of behavior. Obviously I can't blame it all on autism, because Tommy was doing just as much whining and arguing. But, he is 3. And he is easier to distract from his moods. But when Henry's in a "mood" too, they just egg one another on.

I tried asking Henry if he was anxious because we were going somewhere new. But that excuse doesn't really make sense to me because, while this restaurant was a new place to us, it is on the same street as the library and Starbucks- and you know those places are very familiar. Henry ended up losing his computer privileges for the rest of the day because of how he acted on our walk.

good news/bad news

Let's start off with the bad news, in order to end on a high note:

-Thomas has an ear infection. It's not causing him any discomfort, because the tubes are doing their job of draining the pus. It's yucky because it looks like snot is running out of his ear, and I need to figure out something to plug/cover his ears for swimming.

This morning he said "mommy, when I walk like this (marching), the drops in my ears make a funny sound." When he is able to communicate details like that to me, it makes me realize how little Henry is able to tell me. It is very difficult for Henry to identify anything that is going on with his body, much less translate that to an adult. Bittersweet.


Well, I guess that's all the bad. Now on to the good:

-Kate got a job for the summer- making subs at a new restaurant up the street. She seems really excited about it.

-We got a new (used) car! It's a 2004 Chrysler Pacifica in the red color. Our minivan and our Honda Civic were both over 10 years old and had over 100,000 miles. Driving this car makes me feel the way I felt when we first bought our house and had central air and a dishwasher: like I'm an imposter. Surely I can't be enough of a grownup to have a house with a dishwasher, or a car with a CD player and doors you can lock and unlock with your keychain!! (And don't forget grownup enough to make a car payment every month. Yuck.)

Tommy and I have been listening to the Beach Boys as we drive.

-I have finally found someone to do therapeutic horse-riding with Henry. I know I should wait until we try it to write about it, but I am so excited! I spoke to this woman last night, and then Henry and I had the following exchange:

me: "Henry, do you know who I was just talking to? A woman who is going to teach you how to ride a horse! She said we can come to her farm on Wednesday."

Henry: "She is?" (Eyes wide. He starts kind of dancing excitedly and looking around.) "Daddy, where are you?" (Then he stops and turns back to me) "What is her name?"

me: "Pam. Miss Pam."

Henry again: "Daddy, where are you?" (Bill calls to him from downstairs, but then Henry turns to me again) "On which day? On June sixth?"

me: "yes, on Wednesday- June sixth."

Once he finally had all the pertinent details, Henry danced on downstairs to tell Daddy. Henry kept saying "I can't believe it!" And it took him awhile to fall asleep last night.

I hope the experience lives up to the excitement.

the force was with us

I took a vacation day today to visit COSI with my kids and my parents. I'm pretty pooped.

There are lots of fun things to see at Cosi. But this time we went especially to see the Star Wars exhibit. For those of you with kids on the spectrum, the story of my day will be familiar: I had some fun times and made special memories with my family. But the fun did not always come easily...

First, we arrived and needed to wait for Grandma to stand in line for the tickets. There's a large area in which to wait, and a few things to look at. I asked the kids to stand in front of one of the big Star Wars ads, to take their picture. Here's what happened:

Thomas posed like a champ.

Henry got anxious and frustrated because we were not seeing the Star Wars exhibit right now, and of course he wouldn't be willing to stand still for a stupid picture. I was glad Kate came with us, especially because she is so good at talking to Henry and calming him down:


Stupid mom idea #2 was, "ok, let's look in the gift shop while we wait." (Translated as: "I'll spend some money before we even get inside the place.") As I paid for Henry's Space sticker book, and Tommy's knight action figure, Henry asked the sales girl "where are the Star Wars puzzles?" She replied "oh, they have some upstairs at the exhibit." Well, duh- of course there was another gift shop upstairs, featuring all things Star Wars.
We went up to the 2nd floor, where the special exhibit was. But right outside the elevator was "kidspace"- the hands-on area just for young children, up to kindergarten age. All of a sudden, Henry didn't want to go to the Star Wars exhibit! He wanted to go into kidspace!
It's so painful to watch him struggle- it's like he has no way of controlling his impulses when confronted with so many fun things- afterwards he remembers it as having fun, but at the time, it seems like he is tormented by all the fun things he wants to do, but can't do them all at the same time, and no matter which one he chooses, then he wishes he were doing the other...
Again, Kate helped calm him down, and we made our way to the Star Wars wing of the building. We passed the gift shop area first, and he made a beeline for it. I believe that one smart move I made was going ahead and stopping there first. I felt that if we didn't, he would just rush through the exhibit itself, wanting to get to the end.
They did, indeed, have lots of puzzles! Henry picked one, and then asked that salesgirl about sticker books, and she showed them to us! This amused me so much because Henry looks for puzzles and sticker books everywhere we go, and we can't usually find them. This place was like the answer to all his prayers. It would be like if he showed up at your house and said "where are your Disney movies and puzzles?" and you replied, well, my living room is full of them, Henry. Have at it. And here are some sprinkle donuts to eat."
Here is Henry with his sticker book and puzzle, standing in front of the book display. (As a grownup first generation Star Wars fan, I have to say that the gift shop and exhibit itself were pretty awesome.)
Here's my little jedi fighting a stormtrooper:

And the biggest bad guy of them all, Darth Vader:

After Star Wars, we went to kidspace. Both boys had a lot of fun there. It's a confined area where the kids can run around and play with water, sound, light, dress-up, build with blocks, etc. Henry did great there, and then worked on his new puzzle while Tommy played a little more.
There was also a display outside of construction trucks that the kids were able to climb up on:


Whatever area we were in, Henry didn't want to leave. Wherever we were headed, he didn't want to go. Until we got there, and then he didn't want to leave...
We've watched Star Wars: A New Hope twice since we've been home, and Henry's done his puzzle at least 6 times. Tommy didn't take a nap, so went to bed early. It was a good day.

singing away the stress

I posted quite a while ago (on Valentine's day- I can't figure out how to do the link) about songs that make you smile. Today I heard a great one on my way to work: Ball and Chain by Social Distortion. (You can click on the link to watch a video- I didn't find a link to just hear the song.)

Bill is out of town this week. I like to think that I do everything around the house anyway, so what's the big deal if he's gone? But I guess he helps more than I realize, because yesterday was very stressful!

-Tommy isn't feeling well, and is VERY whiny. I took him to the doctor on my lunch hour, and his ears are ok, it's just a virus.

-Henry is really freaked out, (I mean, dysregulated :-) by:
a.) school ending
b.) the Easter Seals program hasn't started yet, so his big sister is watching him this week. She is really doing great with him, and they have fun together, but it's just something DIFFERENT, you know?
c.) Daddy is gone. Yesterday Henry told Kate "Daddy will be home in no time." (This is a mantra that he often repeats when someone is away at work or whatever.) Kate told him that Bill will be home Friday night. Henry replied "today is Thursday!"

-Kate had a youth group activity last night in an opposite area of town. All three of us had to drop her off and pick her up- both boys whining in my ears the entire time. By the time we got home Kate could tell that I was ready to lose it, so she helped the boys clean up their room and get ready for bed, while I sat on the couch and ate some Dairy Queen (brownie batter blizzard) and drank a glass of wine! Thanks, Kate.

This morning I dropped Tommy off, drove through Starbucks and splurged on a half-decaf coffee (I know, I'm a mom gone wild in my minivan), and then the Social Distortion song came on. It was just what I needed to hear, for some reason. I turned it up really loud and sat in the parking lot at work, singing along in my very loud off-key way.

Maybe I just need a moment like that to make me feel like I actually still have some freedom of choice in my life. Some independence, even if it's as meager as sitting alone and looking like a dork as I sing along.

I thought about my friend Sal, and others who ride public transportation to and from work. When is their opportunity to sing at the top of their lungs?

for my first child

1st day of school last fall

on the slip n slide with her brothers

Gretchen and Kate, summer 1995?

Dear Kate,

It seems like it's pretty hard for me to tell you how I feel. So I thought I would try this. (I wrote this back in December but never quite knew the right time to post it- your birthday seems as good a time as any.)

You were not the child who showed me what it's like to be pregnant, or to raise a baby. But, before those monstrous boys came along, you taught me how to be a mom. I remember when you first came to live with us, before first grade- I was scared of everything. I didn't know how to pack a lunch, I didn't know how to talk to other moms, I didn't know how to bring a dish for the girl scout picnic. Those things terrified me. I kind of thought that all the other moms had attended some kind of class, or were given a handbook when their kids were born, that told them how to do all that stuff, and I had missed out on it.

But I wasn't scared of you. I loved having you around. I loved brushing your hair at night and then reading you a book. I loved playing with your toys (whether or not you were there- haha). Even though we tease you about it, I think your dad and I even loved that you made us stay in the bathroom and talk to you while you were in the shower! I have so many sweet memories of shopping for Christmas crafts with you and then working on them every year, and of baking cookies together.

I have beautiful, beautiful memories of you and your dad singing together- Disney songs and Eagles songs. And of course I love remembering preparing for our wedding- going to dress fittings and having our nails done.

Those are all memories from when you were a little kid. Here are some things I feel right now--

10 great things about you (in no particular order):

1. You are smart and don't try to hide it
2. You like going to church
3. You help with your brothers without me even asking you to
4. You are passionate about basketball
5. Basketball is something that you and your dad are able to share
6. You have always liked to read
7. You are very open and honest with your dad and me
8. You sing along with me sometimes
9. You have faced, and continue to face, difficult situations with grace and maturity
10. You are true to yourself

We aren't biologically related. And the circumstances of that sometimes cause us some extra stress. But we love each other. And we are family.

Happy sweet 16.

Love, Gret

Kate and Bill at our wedding, May 31, 1997

selfish post

March Madness is Bill's favorite holiday. Superior even to Christmas, I think. This year he took today off work and planned to eat chicken wings and watch basketball all day. I requested the day off too. Although I'm not so much into the basketball, I thought it would be really nice to have a Friday off together, sitting on the couch. I could read a magazine or something, and maybe have an uninterrupted conversation with my husband. (Although probably not unless it involved the bracket.)

Then we got this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for tickets to the tournament games in Dayton (about 1.5 hours away). At first I foolishly thought that he and I could go to the games together. But then reality set in:

A. Someone needs to meet Henry after school at 3. Although we could make arrangements for someone else to do that, there is the more important fact:

B. Kate and Bill would have a lot more fun together at this event than Bill and I would.

So father and daughter are having a little adventure today, while I just went in to work in the morning and shuttled my little boys around in the afternoon.

See, here's the selfish part. Even though I know this was the right way for things to work out, I am a little jealous/pouty/miffed that my lame plan for a day on the couch was nixed, in favor of a totally awesome day of watching 4 basketball games (including favorites OSU and UNC) for Bill and Kate. Kind of like "why do they get to have all the fun?"

And then I feel even worse when I think "well, this is a really special interest they share. If a really rare opportunity came along for something special I enjoy, I would get to do that." And then I start to wonder what that special thing might be, and then I get even more bummed out when I realize that I have no hobbies or interests. Some women are into scrapbooking, and might take a weekend scrapbooking getaway, for example. Or a golf vacation with girlfriends. Or a hiking trip, or some other crazy athletic thing...

I did get to talk to my brother in Sydney tonight (which was a special opportunity, and I'm glad I didn't miss it- see, I'm seeing the silver lining already). We talked about this issue and I realized that the one special thing I do, just for me, is keeping this blog and reading my ever-growing circle of friend blogs.

It's kind of a weird, solitary thing I do here in the basement. But maybe that's the most I can hope for at this point in my life: waiting 'til the kids are asleep and then sitting down in the cold basement "talking" to my cyber-friends.

So, thanks for being there guys. Until we can organize a yearly convention to spend a weekend together, this is my little getaway.

(I sure hope I don't sound like as much of a pitiful loser as I feel!)

stuff bouncing around my head today

-Henry's ear is infected again. Last month when this ear was infected, it was draining. I saw one doctor in the practice, and maybe I misunderstood him- I thought that the tubes Henry got 3 years ago were still doing their job. Henry didn't seem to be in any discomfort, but just had this gunk coming out of his ear. Now this time he is really miserable, but the ear is not draining. We saw a different doctor, and when I asked why it wasn't draining, he said that last time was a worse infection, which had perforated the eardrum. That this infection wasn't as bad. (So why does Henry seem to feel so much worse?!) I just hate leaving the doctor's office more confused than when I went in!

Henry did not cooperate as well with the doctor this time (surely because he felt like crap). We have to go back again in two weeks to make sure the infection's gone. Am I starting this whole thing again???!!! One ear infection after another until my child needs surgery? Ugh.

-Lots of times Henry is more agreeable for his sister. When she is able to help get him dressed or give him medicine I am so relieved. Yesterday morning (which, no surprise, was frustrating for me) I asked her to start getting up earlier and helping me with Henry in the mornings again (I didn't ask during basketball season.) This morning she did not get up. And Henry specifically asked for her to give him his medicine. I went in her room and yelled at her. Now, I already feel bad when I do that- both frustrated with her and also with myself for "losing my cool." But let me tell you what makes a crappy morning even worse: when you come back downstairs after yelling at your teenager and your sick, pitiful, 6-year-old PDD kid looks at you with wide, sad, eyes and says "please stop arguing."

Oh my God. I wanted to crawl into the cupboard under the sink and just stay there for awhile. Henry has always been so sensitive to the emotions of others. He becomes upset whenever anyone in his vicinity is upset. Do any of your kids seem to be ultra-sensitive to emotions?

My dad, who seems to share some of Henry's traits, says that when he walks into a room he soaks up the emotions like a sponge. Because of that, some situations just prove too much for him and he has to shut down or get out of there. It's clear that Henry shares that ability.

I was actually, once I could think about it clearly, proud of Henry for using those words. I told him that I was just frustrated because Kate wasn't listening to my words, and that sometimes people in families get frustrated with each other, blah blah blah. So he will probably go to school today and say "I want my mommy to stop arguing" and his teachers will all think I'm a psycho.

-Henry's teacher sent home a form that I had not seen before, but that I found helpful- a pre-planning sheet for his IEP. I had to send it back in today but asked to get a copy back and then I will share some of it here.

-Sal posted something from someone else's blog. I frankly didn't read the whole thing because I got upset around the part where it's revealed that the kid's autism is all the mom's fault. So sorry. But there was some discussion of hugging-type therapy, and that I can relate to.

Henry really likes to "roughhouse". Tickling, rolling around on the floor, climbing on his dad or me, etc. And the urgency with which he sometimes solicits it makes me think that this physical contact serves a very basic sensory need for Henry. I wonder if any other kids seem to really need to have an outlet like that? Henry does like to snuggle too. But the roughhousing thing is different. It's like he can't let it go, even once the other person has made it clear that s/he is finished with the roughhousing. Or he'll do something weird, like try to put his foot in your mouth. You push the foot away, but he just keeps doing it, again and again and again until someone gets mad.

I'm very intrigued by the whole thing and wonder what purpose it serves for Henry, or how to better meet that need. I suppose I could meet with a sensory integration specialist or whatever they might be called.

because I love you

To celebrate the sappy and sentimental holiday today, I thought I would share some sweet gestures my kids have shown me lately:

-One day last week I was kneeling down, helping Henry get dressed for school. He looked at me and said "you want a hug." Then he wrapped his arms around my neck and climbed onto my lap. I think he was watching tv over my shoulder, but I don't care. He stayed that way for a long time, giving me a real hug. I started rocking back and forth. Then I felt Henry start to rock too. What could be better?
-Kate bought me flowers at school one day- they were selling them for winter homecoming. A pretty bunch of purple-ish mums. She called to be picked up from basketball practice and asked if I could pick her up (as opposed to her dad, who had answered the phone). Then when I got there she pulled them out of her sweatshirt pocket to surprise me.
-Lately when I pick Tommy up and put him on my hip, he reaches his little hand around the back of my neck and twists it in my hair. I love this! Even though his hand is often sticky and he tears out pieces of my hair, I still love it. I will have to keep growing my hair out.
- OK, this isn't so sweet, but is funny: I dug out an old pair of Henry's sneakers, the next size up from what Tommy is wearing now. They feature Blue's Clues. Thomas found them and was SO SO excited. He insisted on putting them on right away, and has worn them to bed the past 2 nights. I have to wait for him to fall asleep, then go in and take them off. If he does it again I will have to take a picture. My son is so under-privileged that he is this excited about hand-me-down shoes. Wait 'til he figures out that he can go to the store and actually pick out a new pair!
- Henry's little class is having a party today. Thank goodness there are only 4 other kids in his class, because his enthusiasm for addressing valentines was maxxed out after 3 + one for his swimming instructor. But I was very happy with the 4 he addressed with my "assistance." They will be having Wendy's for lunch today for their "party." Tomorrow afternoon Bill and I have our conference with his teacher.
- This morning in the shower I heard James Taylor's Your Smiling Face. That is one of those songs that always make me think about my kids and smile, and it set the perfect tone for Valentine's Day. What are some songs that make you instantly happy when you hear them? I'm going to think about this today and add others as I think of them...

Um, Sal? The next time you decide to kick your sadness out, could you please specify that it not find a new home in the midwest? But rather maybe across the Atlantic? Or in the White House somewhere? Because I'm afraid it's trying to shack up at my house, and I really don't have room for it.

I know, I know- read my own stupid "good things" post, and get over it.

It's just that the past couple days have been extra hectic and Henry's taking an antibiotic (duh, he hates it), Tommy needs drops in his eyes because some kind of eye crud is going around L's house, and...

Henry's driver got in an accident yesterday, before she had picked any kids up. She's ok, but that meant that yesterday Henry had to take his antibiotic AND get picked up by a different person in a different car. Whoa. Today she was back, but in a different car. "You don't want her to be in this white car! You want her to be in the black car!" Everything I said this morning was met with brilliant opposition by Henry. "It is not a school day! Tomorrow is a school day! It is not Wednesday! It is Thursday!" (That argument is a little flawed, as he would still have to go to school, whether it's Wednesday or Thursday.) "Do you want to just wear this shirt over your jammie shirt, so you'll be a little warmer?" "You will NOT be warmer! You will be COLDER!" "The chocolate donuts are NOT gone!"

Thomas didn't sleep very well last night- I kept bringing him in to our bed, but he always ends up kind of making an "H" between Bill and I, kicking one of us and slapping the other, like we are both in his way. How do some of you sleep with your kids every night? Tommy beats us up all night- as if we are in HIS bed, not the other way around.

OK, I always feel like I need to end on an up-note. So last night was "parents night" for the basketball team. Each player gets introduced along with her parents, and we walk out in front of the adoring crowd, shake hands with the coaches, and each mom gets a long-stemmed carnation. Some stress was caused by how we were going to coordinate this (I suggested we just bring the boys out with us, but Bill thought that might steal some of Kate's limelight or whatever). But it all worked out, a friend was able to watch the boys during that portion of the game. So the funny thing was that right before the boys and I left for home, Kate came up and asked me for some money. A woman next to me said "you're that girl's mom? You look so young!" So that was a nice compliment, but I was laughing because, not only had I been introduced earlier as Kate's mom, but I was also wearing a dorky black t-shirt that said "Kate's Mom" in big white letters on the back! Did that woman think I was masquerading as a teenager's mother?

OK, thanks. I feel better now.

some good things

Basketball season wears me out. Kate plays on the JV team and Bill coaches a 5th grade girls' team. I encouraged him to take on the coaching job because I know he really loves doing it. But those two teams combined take Bill and Kate out of the house just about every evening. We both work outside of the home all day long. My point here is that it's cold and dreary and the holidays are over and the two people closest to my conversation level are gone most of the time. And by the time they get home at 9 pm, all hyper from their practice or game, I'm ready to go to bed because I've been "snuggling" in Henry's dark room for 1/2 an hour.

So it's easy to start feeling negative. I have plenty of negative stuff I want to share with anyone who might read my blog, but I thought I'd try to focus on some positive things today. So, with apologies to Martha Stewart, here are some "good things":

1. Henry's swimming lesson yesterday. He has been taking lessons at Easter Seals since the summer of 2004, and I love to see his progress. It's not measured in leaps and bounds- he's no Charlie Fisher. But he runs over to the steps, hustles into the pool, greets his teacher with enthusiasm, and flounders around in the water- unafraid of going under, getting water in his nose, wearing goggles... If you had told me any of this a year and a half ago, I would scarcely have believed it. And yesterday, something new: he started planning what he wanted to say to his swim instructor! "I had a nice Christmas." He said, as we walked in from the parking lot. I deciphered that this must be what they talked about last time. So I suggested that this time he could tell her that he got his picture taken last week. Sure enough, I hear him in the pool talking about the mall and the Disney Store. Then he saw another instructor and shouted "there's Mr. Chris!" several times until we all acknowledged it and Mr. Chris said hello to him. Once Henry's lesson was over, he ran over to me and said "I had a great swimming lesson. I jumped off the edge. I swam under the water. I slided like Superman." (This is a thing they talk about, I guess to get him to stretch his arms and legs out straight?)

He said all those sentences using "I" spontaneously. And he almost sounded like an NT 6-year-old, babbling excitedly to his mom.

As if that weren't enough, then he started cheering for the kid who's lesson was after his! "Great swimming (kid's name)!"

2. One icy morning last week, traffic was really slow. But a really good song came on the radio (Matthew Sweet- "Girlfriend") and I took a sip of my decaf latte (I've recently had to give up caffeine because I was having heart palpitations- that's the saddest news of all), and I thought how good it tasted, even though it was decaf, and how much I was enjoying this drive, even though most people probably weren't.

3. Remember I was pondering getting a reptile pet of some kind? Well I mentioned it to a friend, and she said that she had two turtles that we could have!! So the turtles moved in yesterday, and they are so fun to watch! They live in an aquarium with a little "dock" that they can climb up onto, and they eat pellets of food you can buy at the grocery store. Very low maintenance and everything was free except that I needed to buy the food. I will get a picture up soon.

4. One night last week when we arrived home after picking Kate up from practice, we noticed that the stars were out. So the four of us stood in the driveway for a minute, looking at the stars. I started singing "twinkle twinkle" and Kate joined in with me.

5. Saturday morning, Henry and I were having our "it's Saturday." "That's right, it's Saturday" conversation. "It's not a school day." "No, it's the weekend. We all get to stay home together. Except poor daddy had to work this morning."

Henry said "don't cry daddy, you'll be fine."

6. Last week Henry's teacher wrote "Another wonderful day! Henry shared his book at lunch w/ another student (who is not even in our class). The aggression towards peers has really diminished as well. I think we will be ready to talk about some inclusion at our next conference."

I'm sure there are more, but I've neglected my sons in front of a DVD for long enough.

Some of my fellow bloggers have kids who are not verbal, or who are aggressive, or who scream. A lot. Or who are not quite potty-trained yet. Our family has been there- at age 3, 4, 5, and some of those struggles are on-going. But I just want to say that you and your children will move past this point. You will have a conversation. (S)he will stop having accidents. (S)he will start using words instead of screaming or hurting someone. You know that already, but I am just re-affirming it.

It's all good.

the photo

I hate to do this because my mom reads this, and now she won't be surprised by her valentine! But everyone else will be. Here is the one photo we got of the three kids. Henry is kind of looking down, but this is actually a really accurate representation of him when he's laughing, so in that way it's a good picture.

The photographer was confused by our family (as many people are). Kate has always looked older than she is (she'll be 16 in May) and I have always looked younger than I am. So it's not usually clear that I am the mom of these three kids. Until we go to the Disney Store, that is, and Kate asks me to buy her a stuffed Baloo bear!