(Henry's in the Batman shirt. Grinning because he just pushed one of the instructors into the pit.)
Henry had a birthday party Sunday. While we've always celebrated his special day with family, this was a big first in that it was the first time he had indicated interest in having a friend party. Without, I hope, diminishing the glow of the event, I wanted to write a bit about it, and explain how this PDD-NOS birthday party might differ from the typical 11-year-old's party.
First, let's talk about how he "indicated interest" in having a party. When we turned the calendar to August, he started talking about how "next month will be my birthday".
"Yes," I agreed, "do you want to have a party this year?"
"Yes."
"You do?! Ok, where would you like to have it?"
"Wendy's Gymnastics, like Tommy did. I will invite all my teachers."
Quite different from the typical child, who may ask incessantly about having a birthday party for months ahead of time, and fret over the location and guest list.
(He wanted me to write "Batman the Animated Series" on his cake. As you can see, I could barely manage Batman.)
And so it was done. Around the same time he started talking about wanting to be Batman for Halloween, so a Batman party theme was easy to come up with. We invited all his classmates (rather than his teachers, which he undoubtedly would have preferred) and waited for the RSVPs.
And here's where I started to lose my grip altogether. I couldn't sleep at night, worrying that no one would come. Telling myself that Henry couldn't care less whether 1 person showed up or 20 still didn't ease my mind. I know he doesn't care about, well, friends really. But I wanted them to care about him, I suppose. I just couldn't handle the rejection, even if he could.
Henry didn't talk about the party much in the days leading up to it, which was a little disappointing (and again, unlike a typical child). But Henry just looks ahead to what's on the calendar that day, maybe the next day. If there's something big looming today, he doesn't look ahead until he gets past the next big thing.
Saturday afternoon was his first soccer game with a new league we found for special needs kids. He was pretty excited/anxious about that, and talked about it a lot Saturday morning. So it wasn't until Saturday evening that he started getting psyched for his party.
We went over being polite to his guests, and saying that you like a gift, even when you might not. I knew that would be an issue, since Henry's interests are so specific. He also mentioned more than once that he didn't want us to sing. Doesn't like the singing "Happy Birthday" part at all. I assured him that we would not sing.
By midday Sunday (the party was at 3), Henry was starting to really fixate on the presents. "Will they bring me presents?" Yes. "When will I open them?" After you all play on the gymnastics equipment for awhile. "I don't want to play on that gymnastics equipment. I've already played on it."
So when the first guest walked in, and handed Henry a gift, I said to her mom, under my breath "He's really worked up about the presents- I was thinking of letting him open them right away." She just shrugged and said "fine with me."
And so it was that Henry ripped open each gift as the guest arrived. It wasn't pretty, it probably wasn't classy, I didn't write down who gave him what. But he was able to move on and enjoy the rest of the party.
6 classmates ended up coming (out of 21 invited). One boy's younger (neurotypical) brother stayed also, and was a fun playmate for Tommy. So there were 9 children in all and it was a very nice group. I wouldn't say that Henry interacted a lot with the other kids, aside from the prompted "thank you for coming", etc. But the gymnastics instructors had him demonstrate the activities, and he had a big grin on his face the whole time.
We didn't sing happy birthday either- just cut the ice cream sandwich cake and dug in. I think everyone had a good time. I know that the birthday boy did- and that's what it's all about-- celebrating 11 years of Henry and his Henry-ness!!
Several kids gave Henry money for a gift, so toward the end of the party he started asking if we could leave and go shopping with his money! I told him that if he kept being a good host at the party, we could go to Target after the party was over. He ran back out and had an instructor help him swing from the bars, then ran back to me and said "what did you say I need to do to earn a trip to Target?" I reminded him: be a good host. And he was.
We went to Target that night and bought 3 dvds with his birthday money. It was agonizing to choose, especially since he still is so interested in the "papers" inside, and of course you can't know what papers are inside until after the movie's been purchased. But I think he was happy with his choices.
