Monday was a Federal holiday, so we had no trial. So I went in to work and tried to get as much accomplished as I could. Then, Tuesday, Thomas's birthday, I had to go back to court. Just as a coincidence, L had an appointment that morning and had asked us weeks and weeks before if we could just drop the kids off at preschool that morning, and she would pick them up.
If I were attending my real job, that would be no problem- I'd get to work maybe 1/2 hour later than usual and would be able to pick up donut holes for Thomas to take to school for a birthday treat. BUT, in the current circumstance, I can't be 1/2 hour late for the trial and make all those people wait for ME. So I had to run to the store at 6:30 am, pick up the treat, take the boy to Bill's work, and Bill took him to preschool. It's not a huge hardship for anyone, but it was just frustrating. Partly I think I was just being sensitive because I wanted to be the one to drop off my birthday boy. I wanted to give him one extra birthday squeeze. You know how weird we moms can get on a birthday.
So I was pissy all day at court. Tuesday I tried to be a little more social with my fellow jurors, but by Thursday I was grumpy again. I have these anti-social tendencies at times, and I'm starting to chafe at being forced to hang out with these 14 other people (we have 12 jurors and 3 alternates) all day every day. All of them are nice people, but the longer we are together, the more our differences come out. The snowy and cold weather hasn't helped much either- we get over an hour for lunch, so when the weather is a little nicer, maybe I will go out and wander around downtown.
One day I will post some pictures of the courthouse and the downtown area- it's all very picturesque.
Wednesday court let out a little early. The judge asked if any of us would have a conflict with starting early the following morning. I nodded my head, and later explained to the court deputy that I would NEVER be able to start earlier than 9, as I have to put one child on the bus and take the other to his sitter each morning. She said that was no problem. But then the juror next to me started asking questions
"Can't their dad get them off in the morning?" No, he goes in to work at 5:30 am. Not to mention the fact that he already returns home to help out once a month when the school has a late start day.
"Can your son go to latchkey?" Now, the woman who asked this question is an aide in a special ed classroom and we have discussed that my son is autistic. What the hell is she thinking? I thought through all these possibilities a long time ago and discarded them. I am not going to change my life now because of jury duty.
I suppose people like this are trying to be helpful, but it's going to be a looong however-many-more-weeks sitting next to her, that's for sure.
The trial itself is so interesting- I can't wait to tell you about it. (If anyone is interested in the case, you can e-mail me and I will give you some suggestions of places to search for stories about the trial. But of course I can't discuss it with anyone. It's killing me!)
Friday we were scheduled to not have court (I suppose the judge needs some days to get other work done?) Because I had been so on-edge all week, I didn't plan to go into the office, but rather to get some things done at home. A "mental health day", if you will.
Except we had snow and freezing rain and ended up having a snow day. A mental health day is not as effective when all one's children are home with one.
It actually turned out fine- both boys played out in the snow with me for awhile, which is really big for Henry. He is usually quite averse to, well, doing anything outside, but especially in the cold and snow. We also ran a few errands and spent some of Thomas's birthday money.
I wanted to share a couple more pictures from his party. Here are all the kids getting warmed up:
And here is something awesome- Henry doing a "bear walk". You would not have seen this strength and coordination in this boy a year ago!
Henry did have some anxiety about the party. He spent the morning saying he didn't want to go to the party, he didn't like parties, etc. Then, once people started arriving, he got quite excited and kept repeating things like "it is Tommy's birthday! We are having a party! The party is starting!"He played along and did gymnastics for maybe half an hour. Then he started saying he didn't want to, that he wanted to "help Tommy open his presents", and started getting really anxious about the present-opening. I think Bill missed a lot of the singing, cake, and presents, because he was doing stuff like this:
Then, once everyone was leaving, Henry started asking to "do more gymnastics". But our time was up.I made a new friend this week, and I hope you'll check out her blog: Rooster Calls. Her son is 3 and she suspects he is on the autism spectrum, but doesn't have a diagnosis yet. She has been reading some blogs, looking for reassurance/guidance/support and stumbled across mine.
I've been thinking about what I convey, as the parent of an 8-year-old boy with autism, to some of the newbies in our community. I hope I don't seem to really know what I'm doing, because that's definitely not the case. But I can say that, with the birthday party being a good example, our family has learned how to cope with Henry's differences. And as he has grown he has become better able to express his needs and wants in a more appropriate, if still atypical, manner. If this party had happened when Henry were 3, or even 5, he probably would have screamed the entire time. We wouldn't have had a party. If it were someone else's party, we would have left early.
So we are all figuring it out together. It gets easier. And we're all happy to lend a hand to someone else, knowing that's one more hand to pull us up when we need it too.
