warm fuzzy

(My sons holding hands on a walk.)

Maybe it's the cherry pie that Henry and I just baked and sampled, or maybe I'm getting all wrapped up in the season- I'm really counting my blessings right now.
It's no accident that Thanksgiving comes at this dreary time of year- something pleasant (or at least busy) to keep us occupied, or we might all be tempted to hide under the covers all day long. I know it was hard for me to get moving on this Monday morning- the sun not up yet and the rain drizzling down. Today I realized the truth in the cliche: my kids are literally the thing that make me willing to get out of bed every day. I don't mean that in a hideously depressed kind of way. I just mean- on a day like today I cannot imagine being motivated by anything else. But those two boys make me smile every morning- they make it worthwhile. They're the reason I go to work and the reason I go to sleep so early and the reason I try to figure shit out.

Today's dreary Monday-ness was worsened by the fact that I scooted Henry on to the bus this morning without his backpack. So I needed to drive it up to him at school before lunchtime. What a lucky mistake that turned out to be! I got to see his classroom buzzing with activity. Henry "introduced" me to his teachers and classmates. (Well, sort of. He said "this is my mom", but usually neglected to tell me the other person's name.) I was so impressed by the way that all of the children told me their names and mumbled "nice to meet you". They made varying levels of eye-contact, but wow- when those kids looked me in the eye? I was smitten.

I may have written before about the old man in Chicago who said that (then-1.5-year-old) Henry had an "old soul". There's something special about spectrum kids, whether it's that they have "old souls" or just that I know how much it takes for them to look me sweetly in the eye and introduce themselves. But whatever it is, I'm hooked.

Mix in a few laughs with old friends on the phone this weekend, my lifeline of internet friends that I can now reach through various media (although I haven't figured out how to Twitter from my cell phone), the sound of two boys and their dad roughhousing upstairs, Thomas' artwork (pictured above), and I have a lot to be thankful for.

So I've been thinking about what I want to write about:

The worry that grips me whenever Henry is sick, as he has been the past few days. I know this worry is pretty ridiculous when you consider that some mothers have things like brain tumors to worry about, while my child has a common cold virus, and all it really comes down to is that he's been sickly all his life and I don't like it.

And really Henry's probably toying with me when he asks me to tell and re-tell the story of the worst day of my life while we wait in the doctor's office for 2 hours next to the little girl holding a barf bowl. He's really just trying to weaken my defenses so I will agree to buy him 3 rewards (a dvd, puzzle, and sticker book, oh and also a box of Christmas Tree Cakes) rather than the one reward that was promised. Touche little sick one.

Maybe a more entertaining thing for me to write about would be how much of an ass I made of myself at Thomas' preschool for those 2 weeks that L was out of commission. I'm a little perplexed that I feel comfortable talking to strangers at work all day long, most of the time without embarassing myself, but talking to other parents at preschool seemed to make me lose all sense.

Just to appreciate the faux pas, let's imagine the scenario using my blogging friends and their children. Say we're all out in the hallway waiting for our children to be dismissed from class (wouldn't that be awesome if they all went to the same school?!). I turn to, say, MOM-NOS and say "Did Nik have fun at the zoo this weekend?" And MOM-NOS answers "I don't know." I furrow my brow over this odd answer for a few seconds until I realize that MOM-NOS must not be Nik's mother.

Yes, quite embarrassing. Made only slightly better by Thomas telling me "it's ok mommy, I mix up Nik and Bud's mommies all the time. They kind of look alike." Not really comforting coming from the 4-year-old who doesn't even know all his classmates' names.

Ironically, in this same imaginary scenario, Bud bites Tommy the next day. So MOM-NOS (who I've been trying to avoid after my slip-up) stops me on the way in to pick up the kids. She says "I'm so sorry that Bud bit Tommy."

And I blurt out "Well I'm so sorry that I thought you were Nik's mom!"

I then go on with something inappropriate about how my older son has autism and hurts other kids sometimes so I totally understand. Why did I respond this way? It sounded both like I thought her child was autistic and also like I thought it was just fine for children to hurt one another.

By the end of the week, when another nice mom inquired about having a playdate, I just stared at her with deer-in-the-headlights eyes. A PLAYDATE?! HOW DOES THAT WORK? DO I HAVE TO TALK TO YOU THE WHOLE TIME? BUT I'LL SAY SO MANY STUPID THINGS!

I guess I'll just chalk it up to being out of my element for a couple weeks. We live in a different school district than most of these people, so I can start over fresh when Tommy starts kindergarten next fall.

For some reason I am reminded of an embarrassing moment from when Kate was little:

It was first grade and she had just come to live with us. I had an inferiority complex about not being a "real mom". I thought all the other mothers new all the secrets because they had actually birthed their children. I freaked out about packing her lunch and bringing a dessert to the Brownie potluck. I thought that all the other moms made homemade secret recipe treats, and that they were given those secret recipes at the hospital before they brought their babies home or something. (I thought that until I arrived at the first potluck event and saw the table covered with store-bought cookies.)

So, it was Halloween night and a friend from Kate's class comes to the door with her mom. I'm trying to make friendly-mom chit-chat, and I say "so is M's dad at home giving out candy?" M's mom replies "I don't know." See, it turns out that M's mom and dad were never married and never lived together. It turns out that not every family is cut from the same cookie-cutter. I was so busy feeling like the odd man out because I was a step-mom (and not even a legal stepmom yet at that point- we weren't married), that I didn't realize there were lots of other unconventional families out there as well.

It's disconcerting that I still feel so uneasy around other moms sometimes- 2 kids and 12 years later.

historic

I'm not a political blogger and have tried to stay far away from the subject of the election. I have my opinions and beliefs, but I usually keep them to myself- I don't try to convince anyone else and I don't want them to try to convince me. But I was not unaffected by the frenzy of the 2008 election: this year I did something I've not done before- I put out a yard sign. One of probably 40 on our street, and 35 of them were for the same candidate. But it still felt like a declaration to me. 39 years old, and I'm still learning to speak out about what I believe.

I woke up on Election Day feeling as excited as I do on Christmas morning. And when I turned on the tv Wednesday morning at 5 (I went to bed at 10, not guessing the race would be decided so quickly), and saw the news "Obama Makes History", I cried. Not just because my candidate had won- I always vote for the Democrat- sometimes they win, sometimes they lose. I cried because I never dreamed we'd see a black president with a funny-sounding name in my lifetime. That's what gives me hope about this election- maybe our country is not as bitter and frightened and cynical and divided as I thought.

My kids will grow up knowing that a man's race is as irrelevant to his ability to be president as is his shoe size or his middle name.

There's a lot I want to say about this election, but it's all being said so well by others already... I don't know how to gather my thoughts. I just don't ever remember feeling this excited on Election Day. It's nice to have the idealism and optimism back for a little while.

ducking and rolling

I know I've said this before: that I like to think I'm a real flexible, by-the-seat-of-my-pants mom (in a good way). But too much of that can wear me out- I really like my routine. This week has been chock-full of changes and adjustments- ducking and rolling.
We ended up voting when the polls first opened Tuesday- Bill went from work (he goes in to work very early), the boys and I went up and got in line, waited about 20 minutes or so and then Bill was done and could take them home while I kept waiting. I love taking my kids to the polls when I can, I want them to understand what a special right it is. I always get choked up when I explain that people in other countries don't get to choose who their leader is. (The election merits a separate post: coming soon.)

So anyway, the voting was out of the way and we got to the bus stop right on schedule.

Every morning Henry carefully selects a half dozen prints, along with a few books or magazines, or maybe a DVD box, to take along in the car and on the bus. His bus ride is about 40 minutes each way. A couple times he has brought a Leapster to play or the CD player and headphones to listen to, but mostly he just brings his beloved things to look at. While we wait for the bus I check each item to make sure it bears his name, so we can get it back eventually if it is left somewhere.

Monday afternoon Bill reported that the bus driver told him she wanted Henry to only bring one thing on the bus. I guess I assumed this was a suggestion, and didn't realize that it was a new rule. One that we should have prepped for a bit before Tuesday morning. So I walk Henry up to the bus and she stops him and says "remember, you can only bring one thing today."

Aye yie yie. His face crumpled and he proclaimed "I will bring nothing! I will leave it here!" I was about to cry myself. I was very close to just telling her that we would start the new plan tomorrow- we need more time to get used to the idea. But I didn't want to be the parent that undermines the bus driver's authority.

I do understand her reasoning: Henry wants to keep the stuff in his hands. He refuses to put it in his backpack, even just getting on and off the bus. His little legs are still so short that he can barely climb the bus steps as it is, and when you factor in the hodge-podge handful of papers sticking this way and that, you know he's going to fall or drop something, crawl around to find it, and hold up all the kids on the bus as well as all the traffic lined up behind it. I do understand. But I'm sad for my kid. Sad that he doesn't understand this better and sad that he won't just adapt by shoving the stuff in his backpack. Sad that I can't just make it right for him. Sad that I couldn't just grab him and his stuff off the bus, put him in the car, and drive him to school. But what would that achieve? It would make him feel better and make me feel better...

Anyway, he was pissed and I was pissed and the bus drove away. I was frankly worried that he would become very aggressive on the bus and start attacking other kids. Ms. Bus Driver has not seen that side of Henry. She would be (again, understandably) very upset and then the whole problem would escalate...

I immediately vented to my new mom friend at the bus stop, and she advised me to call the school and ask them to help me work on this issue. I called and spoke to one of his teachers to warn her that he might be upset when he gets to school. She said that they have been rewarding Henry with prints from the computer, so he has a collection of them at school also. She offered that maybe if I remind him that he has some prints at school, he'd easier leave them off the bus. I called later in the afternoon to check on him, and was told that he was having a fine day. So hopefully he is learning to manage his frustration. The past couple days have gotten better at the bus stop. This morning he still went through the motions of saying "I will bring nothing!" But then picked up his book and carried it to his seat.

But back to Tuesday morning: after the sad incident on the bus, Thomas and I drove on to L's house, only to be greeted by L in tears, saying she was having a gall bladder attack and needed to go to the emergency room! She ended up being admitted to the hospital and having surgery to remove a stone that had traveled, as well as remove her gall bladder.

So I unexpectedly had the rest of the day off on Tuesday, and presumably the rest of the week. It's not a bad thing to have to take time off work, but it's worrisome when your "co-mother" (I think I'm going to start calling her that!) is in terrible pain!

I always feel so strange when I'm home like that- torn between wanting to do stuff (go to the park, make a craft...) and wanting to veg out on the couch and eat Halloween candy. I mostly did the latter, although Thomas and I did play some legos and Bakugan. When I talked to my dad Wednesday and told him what was going on, he offered to have Tommy stay at their house for a few days, and we took him up on that offer.

I don't like that Tommy has been gone so much lately (he was at their house 2 weekends ago so we could go to a football game, and then spent the night at a friend's house last weekend), but he did call last night saying he missed us, so I guess he's not ready to leave home yet :-)

Halloween 2008

It's been quite a busy week around here. Some neighborhoods in our area (including ours) had trick-or-treat night on Thursday, the 30th, while others went ahead and had in on the (more logical?) day: Friday. The boys had parties at school, and were also invited to a couple birthday parties this weekend!
So it was a full week of carving pumpkins, shopping for presents, getting in and out of costumes, and gathering SO MUCH CANDY. Too much candy, that my children have already forgotten is here and I, unfortunately, have not forgotten, but keep eating it...
The first video was taken before we left to trick-or-treat. Henry is describing his costume (it has a waistband!)- sorry I idiotically turned the camera sideways to try to capture the whole look. You'll also see Spiderman dart back and forth.
The second little clip I wanted to tell you about: last year there was a house that was scaring everyone. Even the little kids, which ticked me off. This year we came up the opposite side of the street, and I saw that they were again dropping something down from the roof of the porch when the kid approached, and screaming. So I started warning the kids: "that's the house that scared you last time."
If they had asked to just skip that house, that would have been fine. But, you know, God forbid you walk past one house that's giving out candy. Henry was determined to trick-or-treat there. So, first I loudly announced "this is the house that scared you last year", hoping that the teenagers on the porch would get the hint. Then I suggested that Henry get out his sword and use it to defend himself against the scary house. Of course, my very noble knight had trouble unsheathing his sword without some assistance. But once I helped him get the sword out, he waved it valiantly, and proceeded up to the house.
I was so happy because the kids on the porch played right along! "Oh no! Don't come any closer! Here- just take your candy and go!!!" they shouted, and threw 2 pieces of candy out onto the sidewalk. Of course we made a big deal out of how Henry scared the scarers. And that's what he's telling you in that little video.
Kate was giving out candy at her grandma's house (her mom's mom-she lives near us), so Bill took the boys over there to trick-or-treat and see their sister.
Friday night Henry had a birthday party to attend, so I took Tommy trick-or-treating in his babysitter's neighborhood. A very cool older kid (L's nephew- 2nd grader) went with us, and ended up inviting Tommy to SPEND THE NIGHT. After I nearly passed out at the thought, we decided to give it a try. Tommy has been away from home many times- but always at Grandma & Grandpa's. We tried it once before with a friend and it didn't go so well- I ended up having to go pick him up.
I slept with my cell phone next to my pillow all night, but of course everything went fine. We were all meeting at a indoor play place the next day for a birthday party, so it really worked out very well.
Henry did well at the party Friday night, as well as the party yesterday afternoon. Although he really wanted to dance around out in the video game area, watching and playing games, he agreed to wait in the party room until the appropriate time. This was huge- I didn't have to ignore the whole party and stand out in the game room with Henry for an hour. Huge. He attempted lots of games with good spirits, and I was just really proud of him. Both my sweet boys are growing up into such nice kids.