hoarding bliss

This has been one of my favorite books since I was a child. One of the ones that always stayed with me. It appeals to my urge to capture things, feelings, moments and hold on to them. I might need them later, in the dark of winter.
If you're not familiar with the story, Frederick is a field mouse who, while his brothers are gathering food for the coming winter, sits, gathering his own supplies of warmth and color.

Lately I find myself putting sickeningly sweet status updates on facebook, like "my jog this morning was bliss" or "this is the best day ever because m&ms were on sale at the grocery store". So for those of you who may be wondering if I'm on some new happy medication or have joined a cult, I want to explain that I'm really just Frederick-ing.
I am hanging on really tightly to good things when they happen, because they do happen, but sometimes they get buried in the bad. Springtime is an easy time of year for this, because everywhere you look there's a new beautiful thing growing, and even if it's a cloudy day the sun was out yesterday and should be out again tomorrow.

Henry is doing math homework without arguing. I'm registering Thomas for kindergarten and flying through the speech/language questionnaire without blinking. I know this child does not have speech/language difficulties because I also know a child who does have them.

I'm acknowledging this stuff- giving it the space and the respect it deserves. My life is far from perfect and I'll probably have a really crappy day tomorrow just as payback for all this gushing. But if I don't wallow in the good then I'm wallowing in the bad, and one lifts me up while the other drags me down.

Remember the damage our house sustained back in September? It was eventually repaired. Then more high winds blew through in February, and ripped even more siding off. It didn't all come off, though- some of it remained, half-attached, and banged against the wall outside Henry's bed. For days and nights on end.

As we negotiated with our insurance, we found a company that we wanted to do the work for us. Although nothing had been signed and no money had exchanged hands, these folks came out the very next day and tacked down the loose siding. Every night since then I have been thankful for the quiet in the wind. Something I took quite for granted until the storms came around.

I couldn't ask for a better metaphor. These storms blow through, they f*** things up, and we have a big mess to fix and a big pain-in-the-ass noise keeping us awake at night. But afterward we have a new appreciation for the quiet, the beautiful, the easy, and the hands that help quiet the noise.

Happy Easter and happy spring.

warm fuzzy

(My sons holding hands on a walk.)

Maybe it's the cherry pie that Henry and I just baked and sampled, or maybe I'm getting all wrapped up in the season- I'm really counting my blessings right now.
It's no accident that Thanksgiving comes at this dreary time of year- something pleasant (or at least busy) to keep us occupied, or we might all be tempted to hide under the covers all day long. I know it was hard for me to get moving on this Monday morning- the sun not up yet and the rain drizzling down. Today I realized the truth in the cliche: my kids are literally the thing that make me willing to get out of bed every day. I don't mean that in a hideously depressed kind of way. I just mean- on a day like today I cannot imagine being motivated by anything else. But those two boys make me smile every morning- they make it worthwhile. They're the reason I go to work and the reason I go to sleep so early and the reason I try to figure shit out.

Today's dreary Monday-ness was worsened by the fact that I scooted Henry on to the bus this morning without his backpack. So I needed to drive it up to him at school before lunchtime. What a lucky mistake that turned out to be! I got to see his classroom buzzing with activity. Henry "introduced" me to his teachers and classmates. (Well, sort of. He said "this is my mom", but usually neglected to tell me the other person's name.) I was so impressed by the way that all of the children told me their names and mumbled "nice to meet you". They made varying levels of eye-contact, but wow- when those kids looked me in the eye? I was smitten.

I may have written before about the old man in Chicago who said that (then-1.5-year-old) Henry had an "old soul". There's something special about spectrum kids, whether it's that they have "old souls" or just that I know how much it takes for them to look me sweetly in the eye and introduce themselves. But whatever it is, I'm hooked.

Mix in a few laughs with old friends on the phone this weekend, my lifeline of internet friends that I can now reach through various media (although I haven't figured out how to Twitter from my cell phone), the sound of two boys and their dad roughhousing upstairs, Thomas' artwork (pictured above), and I have a lot to be thankful for.

Halloween 2008

It's been quite a busy week around here. Some neighborhoods in our area (including ours) had trick-or-treat night on Thursday, the 30th, while others went ahead and had in on the (more logical?) day: Friday. The boys had parties at school, and were also invited to a couple birthday parties this weekend!
So it was a full week of carving pumpkins, shopping for presents, getting in and out of costumes, and gathering SO MUCH CANDY. Too much candy, that my children have already forgotten is here and I, unfortunately, have not forgotten, but keep eating it...
The first video was taken before we left to trick-or-treat. Henry is describing his costume (it has a waistband!)- sorry I idiotically turned the camera sideways to try to capture the whole look. You'll also see Spiderman dart back and forth.
The second little clip I wanted to tell you about: last year there was a house that was scaring everyone. Even the little kids, which ticked me off. This year we came up the opposite side of the street, and I saw that they were again dropping something down from the roof of the porch when the kid approached, and screaming. So I started warning the kids: "that's the house that scared you last time."
If they had asked to just skip that house, that would have been fine. But, you know, God forbid you walk past one house that's giving out candy. Henry was determined to trick-or-treat there. So, first I loudly announced "this is the house that scared you last year", hoping that the teenagers on the porch would get the hint. Then I suggested that Henry get out his sword and use it to defend himself against the scary house. Of course, my very noble knight had trouble unsheathing his sword without some assistance. But once I helped him get the sword out, he waved it valiantly, and proceeded up to the house.
I was so happy because the kids on the porch played right along! "Oh no! Don't come any closer! Here- just take your candy and go!!!" they shouted, and threw 2 pieces of candy out onto the sidewalk. Of course we made a big deal out of how Henry scared the scarers. And that's what he's telling you in that little video.
Kate was giving out candy at her grandma's house (her mom's mom-she lives near us), so Bill took the boys over there to trick-or-treat and see their sister.
Friday night Henry had a birthday party to attend, so I took Tommy trick-or-treating in his babysitter's neighborhood. A very cool older kid (L's nephew- 2nd grader) went with us, and ended up inviting Tommy to SPEND THE NIGHT. After I nearly passed out at the thought, we decided to give it a try. Tommy has been away from home many times- but always at Grandma & Grandpa's. We tried it once before with a friend and it didn't go so well- I ended up having to go pick him up.
I slept with my cell phone next to my pillow all night, but of course everything went fine. We were all meeting at a indoor play place the next day for a birthday party, so it really worked out very well.
Henry did well at the party Friday night, as well as the party yesterday afternoon. Although he really wanted to dance around out in the video game area, watching and playing games, he agreed to wait in the party room until the appropriate time. This was huge- I didn't have to ignore the whole party and stand out in the game room with Henry for an hour. Huge. He attempted lots of games with good spirits, and I was just really proud of him. Both my sweet boys are growing up into such nice kids.

all-around, a satisfying weekend

A new puzzle--

An uncle who is ready and willing to play with all his cool old toys--

A Grandpa who takes you on adventures, like checking out the attic--

(Perhaps this photo is blurry because mommy was so nervous. Even more so when she heard Grandpa instruct "now stay on the wood beams- don't step on the white part. It won't hold you.")

Temporary tattoos and a slip-n-slide--

Wearing no shirt all day long on your birthday, sitting outside eating watermelon, looking at the cool comic book your uncle gave you--

Covering your ears and blowing out the candles--

And she's not pictured, but the big sister joined us for the celebration. Tommy and I took her home and I saw her apartment for the first time. I was left with mixed emotions: a little bit excited for her; I remember how it felt to go out on my own, a little bit sad to leave her there alone.

I know that's weird as she hasn't lived with us for months now. I guess old mommy habits die hard.

Happy birthday Henry! Thanks for making me your mom 9 years ago.

easter

I thought I had everything I needed for the Easter baskets. Then, on Friday, we were talking about Easter coming up, and Henry piped up with "the Easter Bunny will bring me a book about animals!"

He will, huh?

So, a dutiful mother, I ran out on Saturday to get a book about animals (I mean, one more book about animals, as we already have at least a dozen.)
Henry was happy with this one, and scampered off into a corner to look at it. His brother tried to get him interested in the Legos and moon sand in their baskets, but Henry was all about the book.
But a little while later, the truth came out: "It was a sticker book."
"The book about animals that you wanted was a sticker book?"
"Yes."
"...well, the Easter Bunny must not have known that. Did you see a sticker book you wanted somewhere?"
"At the mall."

They had taken a class community skills trip to the mall and he must have seen the book there. Oh well, the Bunny gets an A for effort.
(This child, the one who always wants to wear shorts and short-sleeved shirts, now doesn't even want to wear a shirt at all!)

We had a nice day of treats, coloring eggs, visits from family and friends, and some yummy food. The only element missing was church, which we really need to get back to.* Bill told the boys the Easter story, and offered to read it out of the children's Bible. Henry got kind of agitated and started asking for "the Jesus books". We told him that we didn't have any Easter books, and that all the Christmas books were put away.

Well, you know what happened: I ended up going down in the basement, pulling out all the bins of Christmas decorations, and finding the Christmas story books for Henry! Even though the Easter story has a happy ending, I can't blame Henry for preferring the "baby born in a barn" story to the "man tortured until he dies" story. Can you?

The timing was just perfect when I got Henry out of the bath Saturday night; the sun was setting and shining right in the bathroom window.

Henry glanced out the window and then smiled, mesmerized by the sun. "The sun is setting," he said. The moment was so perfect- my son stopping to show me something I had been too distracted to see for myself. I had to run and grab the camera (as he stood there, shivering). And then, of course, I couldn't get a shot with his eyes open.

happy birthday lovey

Tommy had his first real birthday party with friends this weekend, at the gymnastics place. He requested red cake (easy- a red velvet mix) and red icing (FYI it takes 1.5 bottles of red food coloring to turn white icing into red). His big sister did the decorating.

He was a very good host, had lots of fun, and received lots of cool superhero gifts. Today (his true birthday) he will bring a treat to preschool and open more presents at home.

I've been working on this analogy in my head: that our children are like vacations. Each a delightful little detour from life as it had been, changing our life experience forever. Some children are like a mountain-climbing survival trek; they challenge you to a level you've never reached before, shocking you and exhausting you and turning things upside-down. Sometimes they make you think "hey, I never set out to be a mountain climber. What am I doing here?" But sometimes they also make you think "hey, look at me- I'm climbing this mountain and I'm actually enjoying it!"

Thomas is like a vacation at a familiar beach house. He's generally easy and predictable and goes with the flow. He gives us a minute to catch our breath. Of course he can be a brat quite often, but even at those times he usually can be reasoned with, and responds to basic parental logic. The storm usually blows over quickly. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Tommy is a comfort and I'm so glad he's in my life. I hope I never fail to let him know that.

Happy 4th birthday boo-boo.

belated new year report

I've been having a bit of blogger's block.

A few good things that I want to report are kind of dwarfed by some crappy stuff going on right now that is not really fit for public consumption.

Some of you know what I'm talking about. Those who don't, I don't mean to be all mysterious... There's just good and bad in every family at any time and it really stinks at the times that the bad stuff is a big elephant in the room. You are all trying to pretend it's not there and at the same time avoid being stepped on by it. Or pooped on by it. Gosh, I could just go on with this metaphor (or is it a simile?) all day...

But I won't.

Instead I'll share some photos from New Year's Eve. Let me say up front that the boys stayed home with their dad that day, while I went to work, and remained in their pajamas all day. Also, they have both gotten haircuts since these photos were taken.

Tommy got his own Leapster for Christmas, I'm not sure why he was just watching Henry play with his...

We made our own pizzas that night:

And fruit salad:

The "fruit salad" was such a huge hit. They ate more fruit than pizza. Too bad many of us lose that natural love for fresh fruit and replace it with ice cream! (We had ice cream that night too, of course.)

I dozed with the boys and on the couch from about 10 - 11:50 pm, waking up to see the ball drop. Not a craaazy New Year's Eve, but a pretty nice one.

_______

Last weekend I took Henry and Thomas to the zoo. I know I write about that all the time, but it is what I like to do when I feel like we need to get out of the house. Henry doesn't last long at the playground, so the zoo is an outdoor activity that involves some movement and some interaction and some fresh air and doesn't cost too much money. It also requires some decision-making and compromising, which are important for all of us to practice. And, we all just like to see the animals.

Henry likes to shout "hello" to each animal, and hop around, flapping and humming, as he watches them. Of some of the animals he commands/requests certain activities: "jump in the water penguin! Jump in! C'mon little penguin, don't you want to swim?"

This time each boy got one of those souvenir pennies- they each picked the wolf pattern.
_______

Henry's teacher contacted me last week about making a change in his schedule. He had been joining the second grade class for language arts, but she was proposing that he join them for science and social studies instead. These subjects involve more discussion and participation, and less "pencil and paper" work (his least-favorite thing).

Their monthly "community trip" this time was to the bowling alley and Frisch's restaurant for lunch. Henry loved the bowling, but didn't eat any of his lunch. He ordered mac & cheese, which was undoubtedly different from his mother's very special Kraft mac & cheese. Next time I will have to preview the menu and suggest what I think he should order.

_______

This morning Thomas cried on his way to L's house. He said he didn't want to go there- something to do with D, this other boy she watches. "Me and D always boss each other" he sobbed.
"Well, you don't have to play with D," I offered.
"But I like to play with him!" He cried even harder.
"Just try your best to be a good friend and to play nicely with him."
"I do try my hardest but it just gets worser!"
"And if you have an argument and get put in timeout, just try again after your timeout. We just keep trying, right?"
"I know that but I just can't remember it because I'm not four!"

Oh my gosh. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The whole discussion was sweet and a little funny. But he was so so truly sad and worried about this- worried that he would "boss" his friend, or his friend would "boss" him. My heart ached. Sometimes life must seem so overwhelming when you're not four.

I'm sure Tommy was over the whole thing by the time I got to work. But I was emotionally spent before the workday had even started. Sometimes my life feels quite overwhelming. Do you think it's because I'm not 39 yet?

some things about Christmas 2007 that make me smile

1. The gifts Henry bought us during his class trip to the dollar store (listed in order of appropriate-ness to the recipient):
for Thomas: a 24-piece Winnie-the-Pooh puzzle
for me: a tiger bath scrubbie
for Kate: a plastic snowman treat container (empty)
for Bill: a pack of combs

They also made their own gift wrap.

2. Santa gave Thomas a pack of gum in his stocking. He proceeded to chew the entire pack all on Christmas afternoon- one piece at a time, and not swallowing any.

Bill says this is what millionaires do: throw their gum away as soon as it has lost its flavor and pop in another piece.

3. I took the kids to the pool on the 24th, to wear them out. By bedtime Tommy was a wreck of exhaustion, excitement, and sensitive skin (pool chemicals seem to really bother him). He was pretty much crying about anything and everything, and I was on guard for the moment Henry would lose his cool and start yelling or pinching. But instead, Henry came over to Tommy's bed and, in a gentle voice, said "you'll be ok, you'll be ok."

When I came back into the room with our bedtime book, both boys were smiling. "Henry made me feel better," Tommy explained.

4. Kate prepared the Christmas coffee cake that we usually make, while Bill prepared his casserole and I wrapped some gifts. She also helped carry all the gifts upstairs and arrange them under the tree. It's nice to have another grownup to help, but still have her be one of the kids when it comes to watching the Christmas movies and decorating with paper chains!

5. As he helped me wrap Grandpa's weather station, Tommy commented "yeah, 'cause sometimes Grandpa just likes... (shrug)... boring stuff."

6. Tommy passed the time at Grandma & Grandpa's by wrapping and unwrapping gifts for himself. For example, the happy meal motorcross bike from lunch, wrapped in a gift bag with prodigious amounts of tape.
7. Santa brought me Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I thought about getting it for Kate or Henry, but knew that that would really just be a poorly-disguised way of getting it for myself.

8. Henry woke up at the same time I did on Christmas morning- around 5:15 am. We waited until about 6:30 to wake his brother and sister up.

9. Henry has always loved Christmas, but this was the first year that he seemed to really get excited about SANTA COMING TO OUR HOUSE.

10. Overall Henry seemed more, um, connected this Christmas. He didn't need as much quiet-time-in-his-room as he has other holidays.

He sat with us at dinner and breakfast at my mom and dad's, somehow able to overlook his brother's antics. (That particular morning Thomas was playing with an old Star Wars toy of his uncles', which is made to crash apart upon impact with, say, a wall or a dog dish or the table. Tommy would smash it into something, exclaim "whoa!", and then ask my brother to put it back together again...)

Henry decorated cookies and enjoyed a family trip to an evening light show. He shared and communicated and waited to open presents until it was time. We did start some new medication with him about a month ago, so I wonder if we are seeing the effects of that, or just some growing up?

Hope your holiday gave you lots to smile about too!

my weary world rejoices

(Baking this morning. The thing that gets me about this picture is- here Henry's standing on a chair. But someday he will be taller than me. Sooner than I think.)

At this time of year I listen to our local "light rock" radio station; they've been playing Christmas music 24-hours-a-day ever since Thanksgiving. Most of it is just background mood music, but every once in awhile a different version of an old classic really shakes me. So far this year there have been two:

Neil Diamond's Jingle Bell Rock - I mean, who rocks out to that song anymore? But I did the other morning on the way to work when I heard Neil Diamond!

Martina McBride's O Holy Night - Her voice usually shakes me up anyway, but her version of this song made me cry.

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

That song is what the season's all about. The weary world - those are the words that resonated with me this year. We all get so weary. The whole world is weary. But then we feel the thrill of hope...
________

Well, enough of that. The other sounds I wanted to write about are coming from my kids. We have these Disney music collection cds, and Kate and Henry have been singing along to them after school. Henry's voice is still pretty off-key, but it is getting stronger and louder- he really belts out those songs. A new viewing interest, because of these singing sessions, has been The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

A couple weeks ago Henry was very excited to tell me that they had watched Peter and the Wolf in music class. At first I thought the interest was purely the Disney/cartoon connection. But then he started rattling off the names of the instruments that represent each character, and I was amazed. He remembered the name of each instrument! I mentioned it in his notebook, and his teacher sent home a book about instruments for homework last week. Usually I can only get him to read one or two chapters a night of the homework books, but he read the whole book in one sitting with me. One chapter was about percussion, one about woodwinds, one about brass, etc.

At times we feel like our kids will never develop a new interest. And it's true that it does come slower than with non-autistic kids. But new interests do come. I hope Henry will want to play an instrument one day- what a great outlet it could be for him!

Thomas has been singing a lot lately also. His preschool is run by a church and so he is my first child to participate in a not-religiously-sanitized school holiday program. In other words, his program Monday night will feature songs about Jesus and Santa, not just snow and penguins.

He announced one night in the car that he made me an angel at school. Henry's class went shopping at the dollar store last week for their families, and wrapped the gifts with handmade giftwrap! I will have to take a picture.

After much agonizing over teacher gifts (because Henry has so many wonderful professionals who work with him every day), I decided to donate to the local food bank in honor of the teachers at his school. The boys helped bake some cookies and banana bread this weekend and I am going to send some to school tomorrow along with a note about the donation. Our food bank is in dire need this year- I suspect it is the same across the country. No matter how weary my world, someone else's load is always heavier.

halloween 2007

Wasn't it weird to be trick-or-treating in broad daylight this year? We made it all the way up our street and back down the other side, so we could enjoy all the spooky lights in darkness by the time we got home, at least.

I only took one picture this year, and didn't feel all giddy like I have on other Halloweens. I don't mean that we didn't have fun, au contraire. It's just that our fun was comfortable and expected. The same fun any old family has on Halloween. As I read others' blogs, I remember the years that Henry didn't get it. And the years that HE FINALLY GOT IT and I was so excited. (Remember the year that I embarrassed him?)
And then there was last year, when I had the biggest fright of my life.

This year was pretty much just a standard Halloween. Everyone loved Henry's costume. So many people sang the nananananananana-Batman! song when they saw him coming, and Henry would cover his ears.

Tommy was The Thing, from the Fantastic Four. The Fantastic Four seem to be a lesser-known gang of super heroes, to the parental generation anyway, so most people didn't know who he was (especially without his mask, which he did not want to wear.) But Tommy was ok with that- most people at least commented on his big strong muscles.

I was pissed off by the one house that was scaring kids. There was a person wearing a scary mask handing out candy, and as the kids walked up the walk another person would release this skeleton bat thing and have it swoop out at the kids. We had seen it, and warned Henry. He wasn't scared at all by the bat, but did need encouragement to keep on walking up to the scary (guy? girl? I don't know) handing out the candy. As he reached the first step, the second person released smoke from a smoke machine right into Henry's face. Well, he didn't like that, and refused to go up any further.

Of course, they'd have no way of knowing my son was autistic, but nonetheless I think they should have saved that scary stuff for the older kids. Henry is 8, but looks like he's about 6, and of course Tommy is even littler. Henry doesn't get scared too easily, and he didn't cry or anything. But as we came back down the other side of the street, he kept a wary eye on that house, and kept repeating "we already went to that house with the skeleton guy. We already went to that house."

Henry was so excited about the other kids' costumes- it was hilarious. He would exclaim over every costume he saw, and point (sometimes inappropriately) right at the child. "There's supergirl! There's Mr. Incredible!" The funniest thing was when a favorite-costumed child (like supergirl) would fall into step behind us. Henry would come back down every walk, saying "Thank you, Happy Halloween" and then shriek "there's supergirl!" Right- you already pointed her out at the last 3 houses!

One of Henry's favorite things to ask is "what's your favorite holiday?" and then "what's your second favorite holiday?" I always answer Christmas first, but I'll tell you- the longer I'm a mom, the more Halloween is sneaking up on that favorite spot.

Henry at 8 years

This picture is very Henry. He is smirking, kicking his legs, and turning his head side to side, thinking of something funny.

This year his birthday fell on the same day as the football team's season opener. The game was not televised, except on a special network, so Bill and Kate went to watch it at a sports bar and the boys and I went to lunch at McDonalds. (They are wearing their new football jerseys.)

Henry's lovely bus driver gave him a gift card to Blockbuster, which just shows how well she knows Henry, because it was a perfect gift for him! So our fun day started with a Crumbleberry Coffee Cake from Starbucks and included a stop at Blockbuster. Later that evening we went to see Ratatoille.

I thought the movie was cute, if an odd premise for a children's movie. But Henry seemed to love it! He laughed and squealed and kicked his legs non-stop. Bill and I had to take turns putting him on our laps and turning him sideways, so he wouldn't kick the seat in front of him.

On Sunday Grandma and Grandpa came to visit (my mom's birthday was Monday). We spent a bit of the afternoon watching Tommy play outside, while Bill cooked on the grill. When I went in to check on Henry (because of course he had no interest in playing outside), here is what I found:

I asked him what this teetering tower of papers was, and he replied proudly "I matched all the prints with the movies".

These are computer printouts of movie webpages, matched with the corresponding DVD. Bill and I think he may have a career as a librarian, except that he will never want anyone to remove anything from his library!

Yesterday the birthday fun continued. Henry had his annual checkup with the pediatrician, as well as his annual checkup with the eye doctor. But in between, we stopped at the bookstore and Target, and spent some birthday money. You can guess what he chose: more books, DVDs and audio books.

That reminds me of something new Henry is doing: he has learned how to turn the captions on when he watches a DVD. I think this is a brilliant way to further develop his reading skills. It also makes watching a movie feel a little more active- he's working his brain a bit.

The doctors appointments, along with the beginning of the school year, have made me take stock in how far Henry has come. I used to dread visits to the pediatrician. My friend Eileen has just described this much better than I can- the feeling that you are betraying your child by holding him down for the doctor's examination. (I'm not linking to her blog because it is open to invited readers only.)

This time, on the way to the doctor's office, we talked about what the doctor would do. I told Henry that Dr. T might ask him about what he is learning in school, and what other things he has been doing. So, when Dr. T came in and greeted Henry, Henry pointed at me and said "she wants to tell you what I have been doing in school." We both laughed at that- either my message had been misunderstood, or Henry just didn't feel up to the challenge.

Henry cringed when the doctor looked in his ears, but I didn't need to get out of my seat to hold on to him as in the past. Henry is in the 15th percentile, and the doctor and I laughed about that too- Henry has never moved past the 15th percentile.

Henry and I told him about school, gymnastics, horseback riding, and swimming. I explained how Henry couldn't tolerate gymnastics a year earlier, but now responded so well to it.

"Well, he's doing great" summarized Dr. T. I paused and then asked "you mean physically?" "Just in every way" he said. "This visit has gone a lot differently than they used to go, and it sounds like you've got him plugged in to some good programs."

Yeah. Maybe that's why I haven't had as much to write about lately: it's not that Henry isn't autistic anymore, it's just that we are all on a comfortable path now, and (mostly) moving forward. He might not be growing up like a typical 8-year-old, but he is growing up.

Independence Day photo blog

9:30 am: We arrive at the designated parade-watching site and settle in.

Henry digs in to his two huge donuts- picking them apart from the outside-in. (At the donut table, Bill told him "take one" and Henry attempted to carry off ONE BOX of donuts. Hee hee.)

Thomas, usually subdued at first in a new situation, sits down to watch.

This is Henry's "excited" pose. He waves his arms and kicks his feet as he watches the parade. It doesn't get much better in Henry's world. (Or mine either, come to think of it.)

Thomas livens up a little and retrieves some of the candy thrown from the passing floats. He did a great job chewing several pieces of bubble gum without swallowing them.

Henry eventually can sit no more. He runs out to wave at the passing parade.

Thomas' sugar begins to kick in. It's becoming harder to get a picture.

Got some excited energy to burn? How about attacking Daddy?

Henry would run back and forth, waving to the folks in the parade and then coming to report to us on what he had seen.

"They waved back at me!" He would say, "this is the best parade I ever saw!" (Until next year, I'm sure.)

The only downside to this holiday for us was that we were home from the parade by 11 a.m. The next event on the boys' radar was the fireworks: just 11 short hours away. We spent a lot of time yesterday talking about the clock, and answering the question "is it getting dark yet?"

A thunderstorm at 3 pm didn't help either- it meant that we couldn't go to the playground to kill some time. Next year we will have to plan some other events to get us through the day.

This next picture is one of my new very favorites. Kate came along with us to the fireworks and I can't remember the last time she did that. She's usually at her mom's house on the 4th or just too cool to hang out with us!

So here she is with the boys, waiting for the fireworks to start. They did not disappoint!

Thomas cried when the fireworks were over. Henry asked "why is Tommy crying?" After I explained it, Henry went over, put his hand on Tommy's shoulder, bent over and tilted his head in order to look Tommy in the face, and said "It's all right, Tommy." What a great big brother!

mother's day 2007

I have a card and a present from Henry still to open today, but these two items were just sent home in his bookbag. I was so excited to find them. I think if you click on the picture you can see a larger version. They are both laminated, so there is a bit of a glare from the flash.

I think it goes without saying that I cried when I read this:

This means so much to me because these are all real things that we like to do together. I can imagine the teacher asking "what do you like to do with your mom?" and Henry replying "nothing" in his little singsong voice. (Not because it's true, but because, if you've read here before, that's how Henry responds to almost any request that is related to schoolwork!)

So they somehow elicited from him 10 real examples of things he likes about me. This is priceless! (You've probably heard about many of these activities before, except maybe the macaroni and cheese thing. I've kept my prowess at Kraft mac & cheese to myself until now.)

Reading to him in the morning and sitting on the patio are both things we do on school days if there is enough time. So that's what makes them special.
And I asked if the picture at the bottom was me- he said "no"- but I'm thinking it probably is. Bill thinks so too- he could tell by the lightning bolt hair.
It's been a draining week. We had Kate's birthday, teacher appreciation week (Henry baked brownies), mother's day (needed to buy cards and mail them on time), the trip to the zoo (I didn't go, and it was fine. Except for all the time I wasted agonizing about it), a special event at work on Friday...

I've been having a lot of what we call "internal dialogues"- where I think something to death until my head spins. Ironic thing to post about on Mother's Day, eh? How being a mother is making me insane! :-)
We have some fun planned for today- hope everyone else does too. Thanks for being such great moms and helping me be the best mom I can! XXOO

Easter and a reward

Easter was not conducive to picture-taking this year. It was cold and windy and even snowy.

Still, we forged ahead and attended the city parks & recreation department's annual Easter egg hunt.

These kind of events always amuse me because they make me realize how bizarre some of our holiday traditions really are. "Here kids- when we say 'go', run out there with all the other children and try to grab as much candy off the ground as you can. Then you can eat it. Right- just eat the candy off the ground."

My kids did ok, but some children were crying! Either because of the cold, or because they were scared of the crowd, or they were just plain confused!

The whole thing was over within 10 minutes. The boys had grabbed 2 pieces of candy each, but some of the organizers were walking around with baskets of candy, dumping handfuls into the pitiful, non-competitive children's baskets, so they still scored plenty of sweets.

Saturday afternoon we colored eggs. For years, it seems, I have purchased eggs and dye, only to be disappointed when no one wanted to color eggs. But this year I was pleasantly surprised. Kate, Thomas, Bill and I all did some coloring. Henry still didn't want to actually participate, but he danced around the table and kept announcing "we are coloring Easter eggs!" We actually went back to the store for another dozen eggs.

Sunday we went to church and had another candy egg hunt in the house. Sunday night Bill and I stayed up until 11 (very late for me!) watching the past 2 episodes of Lost that we had recorded. All in all, a very nice family weekend.

_______

Henry woke up yesterday morning saying that he wanted to get the movie Bionicle 3: Web of Shadows. I think it must be previewed on one of his other movies, because he's not otherwise a bionicle fan (whatever the hell a bionicle is?)

He really wouldn't let go of the subject, so I tried to think fast and told him that, when he got 10 stars on the chore chart, he could get the movie. The "chores" are things like feed the turtles, put away your clothes, do homework, so he could conceivably earn the movie by the end of the week. I could really be in trouble if he started wanting a $20 reward once a week!

Fortunately for me, I guess, but unfortunately for him, Henry's stubborn resistance to any and all requests is making this a tough goal to reach.Yesterday he helped throw a pile of dirty laundry down the chute. After I asked him about 10 times. And that was the only star he earned yesterday. He read his homework book, but refused to do the accompanying worksheet.

I heard him and Bill arguing about the homework while I was giving Thomas his bath. I headed downstairs just in time to hear Henry snarl "you little fool." !!!!!! Directed at his father!!!

Of course this is a script from one of his movies, but how funny! I mean, funny but inappropriate to call one's father a fool...

So I'm not sure how well this reward system is going to work. It seems to make Henry extra anxious- he worries about earning a star or not earning a star. He woke up this morning talking about Bionicle and about his homework. (The homework isn't due until Friday, so we still have time to do it.)

I think that homework is stressful enough for him without adding the "you'll get a star" incentive. I thought it might motivate him, but instead I fear it makes him think "I don't want to do this homework but now if I don't I won't get a star and I won't get a movie and I really want that movie but I really don't want to do my homework" etc....

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I should modify the reward- we could just rent the movie or borrow it from the library. Then if he does start earning a reward every week I won't go bankrupt.

One other interesting thing about the "chore chart": we had filled all but one of the columns with jobs. Henry was very troubled by the last, blank, space. He kept asking me to please fill in the last job. I found it intriguing that he wanted all the spaces to be filled. I guess he just wants to know what he's up against. I couldn't think of a good one, so I finally just wrote in the catch-all "help mom and dad". Too late I realized that I should have written "eat vegetables"! Maybe next week.

Here's hoping I can stay up to watch Lost tonight. I've been doomed ever since they moved it to 10 pm.

happy birthday sweet darlin'

Dear Thomas,

Yesterday was your third birthday- you are sure becoming a big boy. You are hoping that with this birthday you will be as big as your brother Henry and your friends Graham and Mitchell. I hate to tell you that those boys all keep getting older too, and you will never catch them!

Two was a very fun year, and I think three will be even better. This year you learned to use the potty, learned to do a forward roll in gymnastics, started sleeping in a big boy bed, and did a lot of superhero play fighting.
You are becoming very aware of emotions and are learning to communicate your feelings in ways other than screaming and crying (although you still do your fair share of that; you're only 3 after all). You often surprise me by saying "mommy, are you getting a little bit mad?" I don't expect you to read my body language and sighs so well (the other people in the family often don't!) But of course, it's to your benefit to detect when I am grumpy and try to make me happy instead.

You are quite a good talker- so much so that I have to remind you that certain other children aren't babies; they are actually your age, but just can't speak as well as you can! You do get hung up on particularly tough words, like accident and hospital, but don't we all?

You currently like to wear shorts at all times (earlier in the year it was costumes) and change your clothes several times a day. Wearing shorts is actually the privilege that I take away from you when you need to be disciplined. What will I do for a threat in the summer?

You are just a really great kid. I worry a lot about comparing you and your brother, but I do want to say that, at least partially because of him, I find so much joy in your imagination and your easy confidence. And your measly tantrums are a breeze- I can handle them with one hand behind my back. (Or one hand holding on to your brother.)

I think you have been really good for him; one day last week I went in to wake him up and found him in bed with you! And I delight in hearing your little conversations in the back seat: "Tommy, can I please look at that?" "OK Henry, but don't mess it up." "OK, I won't. Thank you Tommy." "You're weltome."

This is one of your favorite outfits of all time. The Halloween shirt says "Here Comes Trouble". You think the monsters on it are superheroes, I guess because they are wearing capes.

Yesterday you received a few different kinds of blasters, a tool belt, and some play-dough, among other gifts. And since there was no mail delivery yesterday, I suspect you'll get more in the mail as the week goes on.

We took Spiderman stickers to gymnastics class last night too. What a fun day!

You make me feel very happy Thomas. I tell you that a lot, but I don't want you to ever forget it.

Love,
Mommy