the dream

I've only had 2 jobs since college. The first started as an internship and turned into a real full-time job with benefits. I loved all the people I worked with and thought it might turn into an interesting career. My first and second bosses liked me. But the third boss... she hated me. I don't want to re-hash 7-year-old history, but... (just a little bit, ok?) I will concede that I had developed some bad work habits- I talked a lot (I told you that I loved all my coworkers) and didn't see a lot of urgency in any of my work. This new boss, however, spent a lot of time instant messaging with her daughter and other friends. I know this because I could hear the beeps coming from her cubicle- why didn't she turn the sound down? And we spent one (supposed to be working) afternoon driving around town trying to find her an apartment. So she wasn't exactly the picture of a model employee herself. Anyway, after working together for about a year, maybe a year and a half, she asked me to find another job.

I was totally devastated. I was 29 years old and had worked at that job for 7 years total. I had no idea what I would do next. Most of all, I was used to everyone LIKING me, and thinking that I was pretty smart and a good person to have around. (Looking back, I see that I was naive- I can think of other folks in that office who probably didn't think I was Most Valuable Employee.) But anyway, I felt pretty worthless. I took it totally as a value of my personal worth. Silly.

Oh, and I found out I was pregnant with Henry the same week that I got fired. True story.

It goes without saying that I ended up finding a new job that was superior in every way, and have been blissfully happy with it ever since. I've never looked back. And I'm a stronger person and a better worker because of that experience.

But last night I had the dream again. I have it a few times a year. I dream that I have been offered a job at the old office, and have accepted. I show up for work the first day and kind of think "why did I take this job? Why did I want to come back here?" I don't know anyone there anymore- and that's true-to-life. The entire staff has turned over since I was there, except for one good friend with whom I keep in touch. (The boss who fired me has been through like 4 jobs since then. But I'm not bitter.)

These dreams just go on and on and are so vivid. They're not bad dreams at all- nothing unpleasant about them. It's just like I'm walking around from office to office, moving stuff into my desk, getting to know the new people I'm working with, etc. Mundane. But when I wake up I have this irritated feeling: "why did I waste a whole night dreaming about that stupid old office?"

Why do you think I have this dream? Am I trying to resolve something? Trying to make right a bad memory? I mean, I'm pretty damn lucky if losing that job has been the biggest trauma in my life, and my subconscious is trying to reconcile it!

So there seems to be this bug going around here. I had it really bad last Wednesday and stayed home. I felt good again for a few days, but now it seems to be back in a low-level way. I'm not totally out of commission this time, but I have this constant nauseated feeling. It reminds me of being pregnant, except without any up-side. There are a few things I wanted to share about the weekend, but it's hard to collect my thoughts when I really just want to type: BLAAARGH!

So. Friday night I told the boys that mommy and daddy had dentist appointments the next morning. They were SO excited. You'd think I had just told them to get ready, because we were flying to the moon in the morning!

About a year ago I attempted Henry's first dental checkup, and it was a disaster. So this time I thought he could just come along and observe. That strategy seemed to work pretty well. We watched daddy get his teeth cleaned first, and of course the boys laughed and laughed when he had to spit in the sink. Thomas got real quiet the rest of the time, but Henry was chattering on and on: "look at all the tools! And the machines! She is shining a spotlight right in his mouth!" Thomas and I eventually left to go get my teeth cleaned. But I guess when the dentist came in to check Bill's teeth he was really good with Henry and got him to climb up in the chair and use one of the little mirrors, let the dentist count his teeth, etc.

The dentist himself seems to be really good with Henry. But the hygienist is not so warm and fuzzy. So I'm not sure if we'll try again in 6 months, or just need to find a dentist who specializes in special-needs kids.

Sunday we made it to church (haven't been in a couple weeks), and Henry found a library magazine that he left there last time. A Disney magazine featuring Shaggy Dog. Henry was so funny: "we finally found the magazine! It was at church! The librarians took it to church!" (I explained that, no, we had left it there.)

On the way home we always pass a local ice cream shop. Henry often comments on it, and this time he asked if we could go there. I shut him down on that suggestion. Then he said "my favorite ice cream is strawberry." Thomas piped up "my favorite ice cream is toctlate!" Kate chimed in "and mine is vanilla." There were a few seconds of quiet and then Henry pointed to Bill. "Daddy, where... (pause pause)... why... (pause pause)... what is your favorite ice cream?"

Kristina recently commented: "Henry sounds like he is spontaneously speaking more, and with more original phrases? And understanding more of other people's "theory of mind"?"

I think this ice cream thing is a good example of that. For years he has known about the ice cream shop. And for years he has spontaneously volunteered that his favorite flavor of everything is strawberry. But I've never heard him ask someone else, unprompted- "hey, what's your favorite?" It's pretty cool.

He seems to be doing more pretending, although it's still in a strangely scripted way. Or maybe in a way that would be more appropriate for a much younger child. He likes to pretend to be a snake or the "mean Siamese cats" from L&TT, or a shark... It's always an animal that is attacking something. And he's not real aggressive about it, but he also doesn't let up. He just kind of follows you around- right up on your back, hissing or chomping.

I am mildly concerned that he always seems most interested in the bad guys of every movie or book: the evil queens, mean cats, megazords (I don't know- are they good or bad in Power Rangers? I can't follow that crazy show.)

And he'll say things like "Sid is a mean guy. I will push him over the ledge!" He's using something that happened to another bad guy (like Scar in the Lion King- he ultimately "tumbles over the ledge into the jaws of the waiting hyenas") and wanting to do it to this bad guy. It seems kind of cool that he's sort of making up his own story, and sort of pretending. But I don't want him to think it's ok to push someone over a ledge- even if they are mean. You know?

He and Thomas were playing light-saber fights with some action figures this weekend. Again, I was excited that they were somewhat playing together, but not so sure about the violence aspect. Am I being too uptight? I just worry that Henry won't comprehend the difference between playing and real life.

Oh, so remember when I said I wasn't so much into the basketball tournament? Well I participated in the office pool and picked George Mason to get to the final 4. So I am so far ahead of everyone else that I've already been declared the winner! That's sure to be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Wish this woozy stomach would go away so I could enjoy it.

this family brought to you by Walt Disney

I wanted to share a few random stories and then realized that most of them involve Disney in one way or another. Henry's perseveration has influenced the rest of us- that's bound to happen. In a similar way, Tommy is showing a lot of interest in doing puzzles- the 24-piece, 3-6 year old puzzles. So he may become a puzzle prodigy too, modeling after his big brother.

Here are a few bits and pieces of our life recently:

-The Tramp in our current favorite Disney movie refers to Lady with the endearing nickname "Pidge" (a derivative of pigeon, I suppose.) When Henry recites these lines to himself (with his autistic accent) it very much sounds like he is saying a different nickname for a female: bi*%$.

"Hey, what's the matter &*$%@?"

It's stopped me short a couple times during the past week.

-All the dogs in the pound sing a song about Tramp. One bulldog kind of sings backup: "bum bum bum ruff, bum bum bum ruff." Bill sings that part sometimes and the boys think it's really funny. Tommy asked me to sing it last night. I kept trying, but was doing something wrong. He kept saying "no, mommy, sing 'bum bum bum ruff'."

I sang it over and over, when all of a sudden his face lit up and he said "yeah mommy yeah!" with this huge smile. I finally got it right.

-On the subject of a different Disney movie... We were discussing Toy Story one day, and I noted that Sid is a mean kid.

Henry said "Sid...kid... they rhyme!"

-Last night Tommy was playing with our little people doll house and playground sets. (Bought in an attempt to get Henry to practice some imaginary play- they remain in pristine condition 3 years later.) So I was pretty excited to see a child play with these things in the way they are intended. But before long Thomas took two characters to the top of the playground slide, made them fight, and then said "mommy, my girl push my guy down. Talk to her." So I told her that pushing is not ok and to be nice and to apologize to the "guy". But they went right back to fighting. So Thomas' imaginative play seems to mirror what goes on at the babysitter's house. Poor L. She must get tired of telling the kids to be nice.

-Yesterday Tommy and I stayed home with a tummy bug. But I seemed to feel a lot worse than he did. He kept wanting me to play and stuff. At one point I said, kind of to myself, "do you hear me sighing a lot?" And he said "yeah mommy. You is sighing a lot." I had to laugh because I doubt he really knows what sighing is. And he obviously doesn't get the implication that a person who sighs a lot is feeling unhappy/tired/irritated.

And my final issue for today: Eileen, where are you? I've added my home e-mail address to my profile, if anyone feels like writing me rather than commenting. I'd love to hear from you. It's my home e-mail, so I don't check it as often as my work, but I will check it.

is there something that you want to say?

We went to the zoo again this weekend. I requested a membership for Christmas, and we've gone 3 times since then (just me and the boys each time so far). I find it a really good activity for the three of us when the weather is decent and I want to do something outside. Tommy would be happy with going to a playground on a nice day, but that is more of a struggle with Henry. I end up feeling like I'm forcing him to climb on the equipment, or run around, when he'd really rather go back home and look at a book.

My sister-in-law gave me a helpful idea: she rents a wagon at the zoo for her daughter (who's 5). I hadn't considered doing that with Henry- he's old enough to walk, I figured. But the zoo's a big place, after all, and why not let him take a load off while we're walking from one end to another? They have these double "buggies" that both boys can ride in, and can easily hop in and out to look at things. I love that also because it forces them to sit so close to each other. And when Henry's looking at the zoo map Tommy can look at it too, etc.

The weather was chilly on Sunday, but sunny. Several animals that are sometimes hard to see (wolves and lions) were laying right out in the open, sleeping in the sun. The petting zoo was Henry's favorite this time. We have a huge saltwater tank exhibit, and Henry loved watching the scuba divers who were feeding the fish and cleaning the tank. (I got some super-cute pictures, but am still using the old non-digital camera. So you'll have to wait awhile to see them.)

We even stopped at the gift shop, which I feared might be a huge mistake. But I was pleasantly surprised that they have many books, stuffed animals, and other toys for under $10 or even $5. Henry picked out three magazines, about sea otters, cheetahs, and elephants. After considering MANY items, Tommy only ended up requesting a sucker.

Something interesting happened at the end of the visit: Henry had lost his zoo map, and I said that I would ask for another at the front gate. I walked ahead of the boys to the gate, and looked over my shoulder just in time to see Henry come running up and push his brother. I turned right around and said "Henry! I saw you push your brother. That is not ok. We are leaving and we're not getting another zoo map." I explained to him that when he does something mean, there is a consequence. And this consequence would be that he couldn't have the zoo map.

He wasn't happy. But the whole thing went better than I would have expected. 90% better than it might have when he was 4 or 5. We continued to walk out to the car. (Can you imagine if I would have had to carry him?! Kicking and screaming?! And what about Tommy?) But Henry walked along with me. When I put him in the car he tried some more of his classic arguments: "That consequence is gone mommy!" "Mommy, I already had a consequence!"

Tommy fell asleep during the ride home. When we pulled in the driveway, Henry quietly said "mommy..."

"Yes?" I said

"Is there something that you want to say?" (This is a little script he picked up in preschool or something- he wants me to repeat it.)

So I posed the question back to him: "Is there something that you want to say?"

Henry turned to Tommy (asleep) and said "I'm sorry Tommy."

This was big. I hadn't mentioned apologizing at all. Henry thought about what happened all the way home in the car and decided he needed to apologize. And I don't believe he did it thinking that then he could get the zoo map or anything like that. He just seemed to know that when you do something mean to someone, you apologize. Wow.

selfish post

March Madness is Bill's favorite holiday. Superior even to Christmas, I think. This year he took today off work and planned to eat chicken wings and watch basketball all day. I requested the day off too. Although I'm not so much into the basketball, I thought it would be really nice to have a Friday off together, sitting on the couch. I could read a magazine or something, and maybe have an uninterrupted conversation with my husband. (Although probably not unless it involved the bracket.)

Then we got this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for tickets to the tournament games in Dayton (about 1.5 hours away). At first I foolishly thought that he and I could go to the games together. But then reality set in:

A. Someone needs to meet Henry after school at 3. Although we could make arrangements for someone else to do that, there is the more important fact:

B. Kate and Bill would have a lot more fun together at this event than Bill and I would.

So father and daughter are having a little adventure today, while I just went in to work in the morning and shuttled my little boys around in the afternoon.

See, here's the selfish part. Even though I know this was the right way for things to work out, I am a little jealous/pouty/miffed that my lame plan for a day on the couch was nixed, in favor of a totally awesome day of watching 4 basketball games (including favorites OSU and UNC) for Bill and Kate. Kind of like "why do they get to have all the fun?"

And then I feel even worse when I think "well, this is a really special interest they share. If a really rare opportunity came along for something special I enjoy, I would get to do that." And then I start to wonder what that special thing might be, and then I get even more bummed out when I realize that I have no hobbies or interests. Some women are into scrapbooking, and might take a weekend scrapbooking getaway, for example. Or a golf vacation with girlfriends. Or a hiking trip, or some other crazy athletic thing...

I did get to talk to my brother in Sydney tonight (which was a special opportunity, and I'm glad I didn't miss it- see, I'm seeing the silver lining already). We talked about this issue and I realized that the one special thing I do, just for me, is keeping this blog and reading my ever-growing circle of friend blogs.

It's kind of a weird, solitary thing I do here in the basement. But maybe that's the most I can hope for at this point in my life: waiting 'til the kids are asleep and then sitting down in the cold basement "talking" to my cyber-friends.

So, thanks for being there guys. Until we can organize a yearly convention to spend a weekend together, this is my little getaway.

(I sure hope I don't sound like as much of a pitiful loser as I feel!)

Henry has had a couple more "rough" days and then yesterday a really good day. I think it's just that whenever we're forcing him to go outside his comfort zone there is both the opportunity for him to really step up, and also the opportunity for him to say "hey, I've had enough."

He's been more "stimmy" lately- wants to carry around the Lady and the Tramp DVD box constantly, along with 2 Lady and the Tramp books and a picture of Lady and the Tramp that he and his teacher drew together. And most conversations center around the things featured on the DVD cover. I mean even the bread sticks and the table cloth...

He kicked another kid in the face on Tuesday. (Some people have questioned how that is physically possible and I'm not really sure without witnessing it.) He also needed more help than usual on his math worksheet that day. His teacher said she doesn't think we need to worry about it too much. "The student was being pretty noisy when the kick happened & Henry is especially irritated by this person's loud voice." That kind of makes me smile. Aren't there some loud people who irritate you? Wouldn't you like to kick them in the face?

Ms. H sent home some new goals which include:

-Take at least 3 turns with a peer
-Stay on topic during a conversation
-When another student is being redirected*, H will refrain from calling out about student.

*Redirected. I love these kinds of words. This is a nicer way to say that another child is being scolded or reprimanded. I will have to remember redirected. It's like when the psychologist testing Henry mentioned his noncompliance. That made me laugh out loud at the time. (I have a strange sense of humor.)

Henry just started the art inclusion, but they also decided to add inclusion when the kindergartners have library. So Henry had his first library inclusion yesterday and it went really well! I don't have the teacher's note here to quote, but she said he sat quietly and followed directions, etc. And she specifically named a couple kids who seemed interested in Henry and talked to him a lot! Eeek! Yes, I almost started crying when I read that.

Oh, another odd thing: after Henry came home from my parents' house, he laid around and said his tummy felt sick for the rest of the afternoon. I finally put him to bed at 7! But he didn't fall asleep- I could hear him up there talking to himself (and not sounding sick). When I checked on him around 8, he said he was hungry (I had been asking him all afternoon.) So he got up and ate 2 big bowls of cereal and 6 slices of bacon! Ever since he has seemed fine. I'm not sure if that was some kind of transition issue between Grandma's house and home? My mom suggested that maybe he ate too many sweets at their house, but the kid has a pretty good sweet tolerance, so I don't think that was it.

I finally have a few more pictures to share. Most of this roll was heavy on Tommy pictures, from his birthday and moving into the big boy bed. But I did get some of Henry during his swimming lesson on Monday:

Although I don't want to diminish Henry's achievements, or my pride in him, I thought I would expand on the statement "he has mastered all of his goals" by telling you what some of them are. Many of our goals at the beginning of the school year were really basic stuff- basically getting him to participate in the classroom setting without hurting someone. Some of his goals were:

-Henry will transition from one activity to another w/no protest
-Henry will take turns w/others and respond to questions in group situations
-Henry will tolerate using the same space and materials w/peers with no aggression

The goals related to his knowledge were things like stating all the sounds of the alphabet, associating the quantity of a group to the correct number, etc. I never had a doubt he could do those things, although after last year I did wonder if a teacher would be able to get past his behaviors to get the knowledge out there.

So, still a great job for Henry, but I didn't want to give the impression that he had mastered his goal of writing a novel or something!

Henry had a rough day on Friday. The boys were heading to my parents' house for the weekend (we had a wedding to go to last night) and Henry and Tommy were both SO SO excited. I try to give Henry plenty of advance notice when we are going to do something special. We wrote it on his calendar and crossed off the days until Friday. Friday morning they both wanted to go right now, but I explained that we would go after work and school, at dinnertime.

Here's what his notebook said Friday afternoon:

Henry had a rough day. He kicked a student in the face (though not hard, it left no mark), & also went after another student. This hasn't happened in forever :( He did apologize to both students.

There was also a math worksheet in his bag with this note written on it:

Henry had a bit of trouble-mostly just refusing to do this.

I e-mailed her and said that I thought it must be related to his excitement about the weekend. I also told her that when I asked Henry about it he told me that he was being Scar (from the Lion King). Here was her response:

I agree. Henry seemed VERY excited about going to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Additionally, one of my assistants was out today, and there was no sub available. As a result, two of my students were unable to go to K inclusion as they always do daily. All of these things factored together could have proven to be a very big change for Henry in one day. As I said, he did apologize to the student. He told me he was being the rat from Lady and the Tramp, though. Exactly what happened was the student approached Henry as he was laying in Quiet area and said, "Henry, my birthday is March 16." This is when the kick happened. However, since nothing like this has happened in such a long time, I don't think we need to become overly alarmed. Thanks so much for your email, though. Have a great time at the wedding, and I'm sure Henry is loving Grandma and Grandpa's house!

I still wish I knew a little more about this. Why was Henry so ticked off about the kid's birthday? Maybe he talks about his birthday all the time? Kind of funny.

The wedding was pretty fun last night. I bought a new dress and shoes which I haven't done in a long time. The only thing is, unfailingly, at every event like that, I am ready to leave before my husband is. It's like I have this social tolerance timer, and when that time is up, I just shut down. Bill, on the other hand, seems to feed on the social stuff, having more and more fun as the night goes on (I realize that this is how most normal people respond to a fun evening with friends!) It was a wedding of someone I work with, so maybe I'm just over spending time with these people, since I do it all week long. Or I just don't get out enough, so I'm out of practice.

I talked to my mom yesterday around 10 am and the boys were eating post-breakfast cookies. Always a good time at Grandma & Grandpa's house.

(#50) bragging

From Henry's school notebook this week:

3-7
He had his first art inclusion today. He made a weaving & learned about warm & cool colors. He did great - only asking for help 2xs!!

3-8
We have looked at Henry's IEP & discovered that he has mastered nearly all of his goals. We have some new ones in mind that I'll send home this week.

Also, we all went to church on Sunday and it went well. The boys made a big scene (in a good way- saying "hi" loudly, etc.) when they came back into church after communion, and many people made a fuss afterward about how cute they are. They had missed communion, but Henry said that he would like to have "a blessing on my head" so we requested one from the rector on our way out, and he was happy to oblige.

four eyes

Alexander's Daddy asked a while ago about Henry's glasses. Bill and I both wear glasses, so it was always in the back of my mind that Henry would be likely to need them. Every visit to every doctor has always been very trying on Henry and on me, so I put off the ones that seemed put-off-able, like the eye doctor.

But last summer I figured I should bite the bullet, before school started. Our experience ended up being lengthy, but very good, thanks to one smart move on my part, and some dumb luck.

The "smart" thing I did will seem simple to all of you: I talked to the doctor about Henry before-hand. I used to have this sort of defensive feeling that nothing was "wrong" with my son and I should not need to prepare anyone for spending time with him. (That attitude led to a very brief and unproductive dental visit.) So at my annual eye exam I talked to my doctor about Henry. He recommended that Henry see the newest doctor in the practice, fresh out of school. (Honestly, I think they push off the difficult patients on the "new guy." But this turned out to be the lucky part.)

This young woman had worked in the office ever since she was a teenager, so I knew her. I told her that Henry was typically very resistant to doctors. She told me that there were many ways to try to get a look at a child's eyes, even if he won't sit in a chair and read letters on the wall. She said that she would get as much information as she could, and if we needed to come back again at a later date we would do it that way.

I made an appointment and tried to talk a lot ahead of time about what Henry could expect at the eye doctor. I also bribed him with the promise of the library after the exam.

This doctor (Dr. L) was just awesome. Maybe just because she was young and naive! But she was enthusiastic and up to the challenge. And I believe she comes from a large family and I know she had been a lifeguard at the local pool for several years, so she's great with kids. Henry loved her. He did start resisting her requests after the first few minutes. At that point I suggested that I leave the room, as he often performs better when I'm not around. So I left the room and stood with my ear pressed to the door! I didn't hear any squealing or shouting, just lots of encouraging talk from Dr. L.

Then she came out of the room and said that she had put the drops in, to dilate his eyes, with no protest from Henry! Huh? At the end of the day, she felt that he did need glasses, and also had a lazy eye. She wanted us to come back and see another doctor to confirm the prescription, and wanted Henry to start wearing a patch on one eye, 2 hours a day.

After the second visit they ended up referring us to another doctor, one of her instructors at the university who specializes in kids. (He had Finding Nemo playing in his examination room- how brilliant is that?! Easy to get the kid to focus on something, etc.)

All three doctors concurred on a prescription, so we finally got the glasses. They also decided that, because both of his eyes "drift", there was no need to continue the patch on the eye. Yippee!!

There were still more appointments ahead, to select frames, then try them on once they arrived (we had to order an extra-small size for my little man), then to finally pick up the finished product. Because his language is so limited, I was worried that this prescription would be totally wrong and Henry wouldn't even know, or be able to tell me. But I did quickly notice an improvement- when I would ask him to go grab his shoes or something, he seemed to head right for the item, when before he would kind of wander around aimlessly.

I posted that day about some of the things Henry was saying. He didn't like the glasses at first, but aside from some verbal protests, didn't really FIGHT with us about them. After a couple weeks we did not have any objections from him. And now he does say that his glasses "help me see better." And they look so darn cute...

So, it was not an easy process by any stretch of the imagination. But I felt more at ease from the beginning, and I think Henry did too, because I had better communication with all parties, from the beginning.

Henry speak

(Brushing a sheep at the petting zoo. I don't think I told you all that I lost Henry at the zoo last time! As I tried to gather the younger boy to move on to the next exhibit, Henry walked ahead of us and just kept walking. In a weird way I was glad it happened- I think for 6 1/2 years Henry has never left my side- never ventured anywhere on his own. So I see this as a developmental step, even though it scared the *&$! out of me.)

As Henry's language grows, still in its own very unique way, I wonder what clues it gives to the way he views the world.

I am trying to ask him more involved questions, although I'm not really sure how much of an answer he'll be able to give me. For example, Sunday he kept requesting to go to Kroger with me. (I had mentioned going there, but quickly decided I was too comfortable on the couch to really make the trip.) But Henry wouldn't let it go. Finally I asked "why is it that you want to go to Kroger?" He thought for a few seconds, and then said "I want to get those Lazytown coloring books again." (We bought 2 Lazytown coloring books at Kroger around Christmastime and haven't seen them since. I don't know if they got taken to school and disappeared, or are at my parents' house...) Anyway, I was impressed with his answer.

When he is behaving in a "dysregulated" way, I have tried asking him why. "Why do you keep grabbing your brother?" "Why are you being so grumpy tonight?" He answers those questions also, and this is really interesting. He says "I don't know why, mommy!" in almost a tortured-sounding voice. It is an answer that makes me sad, but we are getting somewhere. It seems that he understands the question and is able to verbalize an appropriate answer. Maybe in time as our communication grows, we will be able to figure out some reasons together.

He has some other declarations that are amusing and a little puzzling. I have mentioned some of these before, but he continues to come up with new ones. If he is being "disciplined" in some way, I think he is trying to argue, but with his own unique logic:

"Please use your spoon to eat your yogurt" (as opposed to his utensil of choice: fingers.)

"The spoon is too messy mommy!" (Even if I haven't said "because it's so messy to eat with your fingers" he anticipates my argument and tries to refute it.)

"Take your hand off your brother" (I recently put their car seats next to each other in the van- may have been a mistake.)

"I already took my hand off my brother daddy!" (Ummm, no you didn't.)

"Ms. F is here to take you to school."

"Ms. F is not here! She is driving away!"

Henry continues to say that he misses one of us pretty frequently. But he has added a new family member to his repertoire: his brother. "I miss Tommy." That made me feel pretty happy. In his own way Henry is letting me know that (after 2 years!) he has accepted that other kid as a part of his family.

knock on wood

I am very superstitious about jinxing things, so knock on some wood as you read this. But I think we are finally coming out from under the cootie cloud. Everyone but me slept straight through last night.

Henry went back to school on Thursday (no more barfing after Tuesday afternoon). His teacher called around 9:45 and said that he had been in "quiet" area all morning. I asked if he was talking much, and she said "no, he's been sleeping since he got here at 8." They were taking a class trip to the pet store that day, to get tadpoles for their classroom. And neither his teacher nor I wanted him to miss it. So they brought a wagon and wheeled him around in it!! I bet that group was an odd sight in the pet store: a couple of the kids are pretty non-verbal, a couple others are sort of TOO verbal, and then there's Henry, riding around in a wagon.

Anyway, I was talking with a friend about how really special Henry's classroom situation is, and how very, very lucky I feel. Not just that they would keep my child there when he's not 100%, but more the fact that they are able, because they have such a small group, and deal with such atypical children, to think outside the teacher box. In a regular class, he would have been sent home, no question.

This experience, and many others this year, leave me wondering what my long-term goals for Henry are. It seems expected that we parents will say our goal is for our child to be "indistinguishable from his peers" and mainstreamed by X date or age. But I just don't know. What if Henry could keep receiving this superior teaching, practically at a one-on-one level, from teachers who really "get" him?! To me it sounds like home-schooling, except with all the resources of the school, the potential to connect with some peers, and superior teaching to what I could provide!

Now a few nuts and bolts of the past few days: I caught a head cold, but it seems to be going away. I just have those choking coughing spurts once in awhile. Tommy's babysitter called Friday morning- she was sick and needed to take the day off. Tommy hadn't been sleeping well, so I took him in to the pediatrician Friday (I've paid them about $75 in co-pays in the past 6 weeks) and he has an ear infection.

Last night we took down the crib and set up the "big boy bed." Another bittersweet moment for me. Thomas was really excited, and slept well all night. But it made me a little sad to fold up all those really soft little baby blankets for the last time.

Instead of always reading Henry whatever Disney story book he requests, I've bought a few of the "easy reader" books. Tonight I read one to him (actually this was a Disney story- Chicken Little), pointing to the words and pausing once in awhile to let him fill one in. He used to protest about that, and say "you don't want me to point to the words." But now he eagerly watches, and always fills in the right word when I pause to let him. What a great feeling, for both of us.