hoarding bliss

This has been one of my favorite books since I was a child. One of the ones that always stayed with me. It appeals to my urge to capture things, feelings, moments and hold on to them. I might need them later, in the dark of winter.
If you're not familiar with the story, Frederick is a field mouse who, while his brothers are gathering food for the coming winter, sits, gathering his own supplies of warmth and color.

Lately I find myself putting sickeningly sweet status updates on facebook, like "my jog this morning was bliss" or "this is the best day ever because m&ms were on sale at the grocery store". So for those of you who may be wondering if I'm on some new happy medication or have joined a cult, I want to explain that I'm really just Frederick-ing.
I am hanging on really tightly to good things when they happen, because they do happen, but sometimes they get buried in the bad. Springtime is an easy time of year for this, because everywhere you look there's a new beautiful thing growing, and even if it's a cloudy day the sun was out yesterday and should be out again tomorrow.

Henry is doing math homework without arguing. I'm registering Thomas for kindergarten and flying through the speech/language questionnaire without blinking. I know this child does not have speech/language difficulties because I also know a child who does have them.

I'm acknowledging this stuff- giving it the space and the respect it deserves. My life is far from perfect and I'll probably have a really crappy day tomorrow just as payback for all this gushing. But if I don't wallow in the good then I'm wallowing in the bad, and one lifts me up while the other drags me down.

Remember the damage our house sustained back in September? It was eventually repaired. Then more high winds blew through in February, and ripped even more siding off. It didn't all come off, though- some of it remained, half-attached, and banged against the wall outside Henry's bed. For days and nights on end.

As we negotiated with our insurance, we found a company that we wanted to do the work for us. Although nothing had been signed and no money had exchanged hands, these folks came out the very next day and tacked down the loose siding. Every night since then I have been thankful for the quiet in the wind. Something I took quite for granted until the storms came around.

I couldn't ask for a better metaphor. These storms blow through, they f*** things up, and we have a big mess to fix and a big pain-in-the-ass noise keeping us awake at night. But afterward we have a new appreciation for the quiet, the beautiful, the easy, and the hands that help quiet the noise.

Happy Easter and happy spring.

warm fuzzy

(My sons holding hands on a walk.)

Maybe it's the cherry pie that Henry and I just baked and sampled, or maybe I'm getting all wrapped up in the season- I'm really counting my blessings right now.
It's no accident that Thanksgiving comes at this dreary time of year- something pleasant (or at least busy) to keep us occupied, or we might all be tempted to hide under the covers all day long. I know it was hard for me to get moving on this Monday morning- the sun not up yet and the rain drizzling down. Today I realized the truth in the cliche: my kids are literally the thing that make me willing to get out of bed every day. I don't mean that in a hideously depressed kind of way. I just mean- on a day like today I cannot imagine being motivated by anything else. But those two boys make me smile every morning- they make it worthwhile. They're the reason I go to work and the reason I go to sleep so early and the reason I try to figure shit out.

Today's dreary Monday-ness was worsened by the fact that I scooted Henry on to the bus this morning without his backpack. So I needed to drive it up to him at school before lunchtime. What a lucky mistake that turned out to be! I got to see his classroom buzzing with activity. Henry "introduced" me to his teachers and classmates. (Well, sort of. He said "this is my mom", but usually neglected to tell me the other person's name.) I was so impressed by the way that all of the children told me their names and mumbled "nice to meet you". They made varying levels of eye-contact, but wow- when those kids looked me in the eye? I was smitten.

I may have written before about the old man in Chicago who said that (then-1.5-year-old) Henry had an "old soul". There's something special about spectrum kids, whether it's that they have "old souls" or just that I know how much it takes for them to look me sweetly in the eye and introduce themselves. But whatever it is, I'm hooked.

Mix in a few laughs with old friends on the phone this weekend, my lifeline of internet friends that I can now reach through various media (although I haven't figured out how to Twitter from my cell phone), the sound of two boys and their dad roughhousing upstairs, Thomas' artwork (pictured above), and I have a lot to be thankful for.

Halloween 2008

It's been quite a busy week around here. Some neighborhoods in our area (including ours) had trick-or-treat night on Thursday, the 30th, while others went ahead and had in on the (more logical?) day: Friday. The boys had parties at school, and were also invited to a couple birthday parties this weekend!
So it was a full week of carving pumpkins, shopping for presents, getting in and out of costumes, and gathering SO MUCH CANDY. Too much candy, that my children have already forgotten is here and I, unfortunately, have not forgotten, but keep eating it...
The first video was taken before we left to trick-or-treat. Henry is describing his costume (it has a waistband!)- sorry I idiotically turned the camera sideways to try to capture the whole look. You'll also see Spiderman dart back and forth.
The second little clip I wanted to tell you about: last year there was a house that was scaring everyone. Even the little kids, which ticked me off. This year we came up the opposite side of the street, and I saw that they were again dropping something down from the roof of the porch when the kid approached, and screaming. So I started warning the kids: "that's the house that scared you last time."
If they had asked to just skip that house, that would have been fine. But, you know, God forbid you walk past one house that's giving out candy. Henry was determined to trick-or-treat there. So, first I loudly announced "this is the house that scared you last year", hoping that the teenagers on the porch would get the hint. Then I suggested that Henry get out his sword and use it to defend himself against the scary house. Of course, my very noble knight had trouble unsheathing his sword without some assistance. But once I helped him get the sword out, he waved it valiantly, and proceeded up to the house.
I was so happy because the kids on the porch played right along! "Oh no! Don't come any closer! Here- just take your candy and go!!!" they shouted, and threw 2 pieces of candy out onto the sidewalk. Of course we made a big deal out of how Henry scared the scarers. And that's what he's telling you in that little video.
Kate was giving out candy at her grandma's house (her mom's mom-she lives near us), so Bill took the boys over there to trick-or-treat and see their sister.
Friday night Henry had a birthday party to attend, so I took Tommy trick-or-treating in his babysitter's neighborhood. A very cool older kid (L's nephew- 2nd grader) went with us, and ended up inviting Tommy to SPEND THE NIGHT. After I nearly passed out at the thought, we decided to give it a try. Tommy has been away from home many times- but always at Grandma & Grandpa's. We tried it once before with a friend and it didn't go so well- I ended up having to go pick him up.
I slept with my cell phone next to my pillow all night, but of course everything went fine. We were all meeting at a indoor play place the next day for a birthday party, so it really worked out very well.
Henry did well at the party Friday night, as well as the party yesterday afternoon. Although he really wanted to dance around out in the video game area, watching and playing games, he agreed to wait in the party room until the appropriate time. This was huge- I didn't have to ignore the whole party and stand out in the game room with Henry for an hour. Huge. He attempted lots of games with good spirits, and I was just really proud of him. Both my sweet boys are growing up into such nice kids.

an autumn outing

Yikes! I don't want to leave that rant up here too long! And, we did something fun and photo-worthy yesterday...

Remember our 10th anniversary trip? Bill suggested that we take the boys down to that area for the day, hike around and have a picnic. We decided to stop at the first area of the park that we came to. Unfortunately, we didn't remember that this area was the most treacherous. I literally remember thinking when we were here before "I would never bring my kids here- I would be terrified." Ooops.

Tommy was so very excited, and just hopping and jumping around like he does, right near these slippery drop-offs. And we worried about Henry just as much, for almost the opposite reason: he is so weak and uncoordinated that he might just stumble and fall down and panic...

So we just held on really tightly. And of course everything turned out fine.

I ended up being the only one who slipped at all. On one of these broken steps. I was holding Henry's hand at the time, and made a big deal about how he "saved" me.

Henry pulled the same routine he had at the pumpkin patch: I'm not going to look at the cliffs. I'm not going to hike on the trails. I just want to wait in the car... But it was easier since Bill was there with me- one adult to talk Henry down and the other to be excited with Tommy. Henry ended up enjoying himself, as always. He specifically asked me to take this picture:

There was lots and lots of step-climbing, and we were so proud of Henry for the way he kept up. I had visions of carrying him up and down steps when he was 5 years old and just didn't have the strength, or his little legs were too short. But he's a big boy now and didn't complain once. He even enjoyed balancing on some of the stone walls: "It's like a balance beam!"

Stamina is never a concern with Thomas, and yesterday was no exception. He could have stayed twice as long, climbing and jumping and making up adventures. In the picture below he is holding a piece of rock that he found and had declared to be "a dinosaur's tooth!" (This picture is kind of dark because we were under a huge rock overhang- I don't know if that's technically considered a cave, but that's what we called it.)

This picture was taken from inside one of the cave areas. Can you blame the old man who made this his home? If you take out all those people wandering around, what a gorgeous retreat.

"it's like a party here"

I wanted to write about a few fun/good things that have happened this week. And because I can't figure out how to move these videos to a different spot, I guess I will tell my stories in reverse order.
Last night we went to a professional soccer game- our first. Bill had purchased this package through Easter Seals that included 4 tickets to a baseball game (our city's minor league team), 4 tickets to a soccer game, and some kind of tickets for Magic Mountain. We never used the baseball tickets, and I doubt we'll use the Magic Mountain tickets. But I'm so glad we used these soccer tickets! The night was a resounding success!!
Henry watched the entire game with excitement. He seemed to really follow what was happening, cheering and shouting at the right times. Well, he made a lot of noise the whole time, to be honest. That's what I was trying to capture in the above videos- the way he was hopping around and making sound effects for each kick and header. It so happens, though, that both times I started recording, someone fell down (our opponents were the NY Red Bulls), he turned to announce this to me, thought I was taking his picture, and posed. I still posted both videos- I think they're cute (but I'm a bit biased).
I was just floored that the game held his interest like that. You can see that he brought some books with him, and held on to them the whole time, but he never once looked at them. It's been a couple years since Kate played sports, so maybe he has just matured, but we would always need to entertain and/or feed him at her games. I can't be sure if it's something about soccer, or the stars were just aligned properly last night.
Of course Thomas enjoyed himself. He got to meet the mascot, got a free little soccer ball that they threw into the stands, and daddy took him all the way to the top of the stadium when he started getting antsy.
I probably had the least fun of all of us- only because I was freezing my behind off. As soon as the sun went down and the breeze picked up, I was cold. My teeth were chattering as we walked to the car! But no one else was cold. That tells you how much fun they were having! If I hadn't hustled us out of there, we probably could have stayed to get players' autographs and stuff. We'll have to go another time!
The other story I wanted to tell is from last Saturday (the day before the storm). I was having Henry work on his "all about me" poster for school, and of course Thomas wanted to create his own "all about me" poster. (Note to self- always prepare for 2.)
I put on a group of Paul Simon cCDs, set to shuffle, and we worked for awhile. Then Henry moved on to a puzzle, while Tommy continued working carefully on his poster.
At one point I came in to the room, heard The Obvious Child, and started dancing around a little. (I defy you to hear that song and NOT dance.)
Tommy looked around and said "it's like a party here right now."
He elaborated: "One kid drinking water, one big kid doing a puzzle, and a mom dancing. That's a party."
Then he added: "And my new friend is my brother."
A party indeed. Does it get any better?

all-around, a satisfying weekend

A new puzzle--

An uncle who is ready and willing to play with all his cool old toys--

A Grandpa who takes you on adventures, like checking out the attic--

(Perhaps this photo is blurry because mommy was so nervous. Even more so when she heard Grandpa instruct "now stay on the wood beams- don't step on the white part. It won't hold you.")

Temporary tattoos and a slip-n-slide--

Wearing no shirt all day long on your birthday, sitting outside eating watermelon, looking at the cool comic book your uncle gave you--

Covering your ears and blowing out the candles--

And she's not pictured, but the big sister joined us for the celebration. Tommy and I took her home and I saw her apartment for the first time. I was left with mixed emotions: a little bit excited for her; I remember how it felt to go out on my own, a little bit sad to leave her there alone.

I know that's weird as she hasn't lived with us for months now. I guess old mommy habits die hard.

Happy birthday Henry! Thanks for making me your mom 9 years ago.

she did it!

Thank you, thank you friends and family for all your support.

"I did good"

I had to leave work Monday because I was crying. Not just a few tears in my eyes- that happens just about every damn day around here. It was the kind of crying that doesn't seem like it's going to stop anytime soon. So I just ducked out the back door and went home to cry some more and then wash my face.
I don't really want to get into why I was crying- it was just one phone conversation too many about a stressful topic that has been the subject of countless conversations over the past few months.
When I got back to work, my friend said that she had been feeling like her emotions were really "close to the surface" lately. Another work friend told me he had been feeling very emotional over the weekend. So maybe there is something in the air at this time of year. I dunno.
It is the season of weddings (we have 2 in June) and graduations (we hopefully have 2 in June) and thus of new beginnings. I need to get a handle on this emotion thing or I will be bawling my way through the next 6 weeks.
I would like to share something really special that we experienced this weekend, and hopefully somebody out there is still reading.

Saturday Henry had his first Miracle League baseball game. I'm just about the last person you'd catch being all sentimental about a sporting event. But this program is one of the coolest things we've been involved in.

The league is for kids with all sorts of disabilities. Each child is matched up with a "buddy" who helps them play (to whatever degree he or she needs help). Every kid gets a hit and every hit gets on base. Every kid scores a run every time. The final score was 24-24, and something tells me it will be the same next week.

Each player has a nickname, and the announcer plays it up like a real ball game:

Up next for the Marlins is number 1, Hammerin' Henry. Henry hit a single his last time at bat, and has been working on some weight training in the off-season.

If you've been reading here about Henry for any length of time, you know that he's not much into physical activity or, well, anything done outside.

But this was different. Henry fielded just about every ball, with gusto. That's not to say that he actually caught any of them. But he ran and ran and didn't give up. (The kids in the light blue shirts are the buddies. Henry's is the girl in the pink cardigan.)

He was so proud of his two home runs. On the ride home he seemed very dazed- that was a lot of activity and a lot of new stuff to process. But he kept repeating "I did good!"

Also, we had "transitions" lenses put into Henry's glasses, so they turn to sunglasses outside. The sun has always seemed to really bother him, so maybe they are a contributing factor to his enjoyment of baseball. Plus, they make him look really cool.
Another cool aspect of the Miracle League for parents is that we just sit in the stands and watch and cheer. Just like regular proud parents. We chatted with the other grownups around us; parents of both players and buddies.



As a side note, but another contributing factor to my "emotions close to the surface", as we pulled in to the park where these games are held, I realized that I had been there before.
Henry had attended 2 birthday parties here when he was 3 or 4 (pre-diagnosis). Both for kids who were cared for by L also. Both parties went relatively badly- but one stands out in particular. I remember having to carry Henry screaming to the car halfway through the party. He wouldn't leave the gifts alone and of course could not be persuaded that they didn't belong to him.
I remember feeling so frustrated and alone and so sad for Henry because he was missing out on special peer activities.
5 years later, we've both come a long way. My expectations have undoubtedly changed. And Henry's abilities and understanding have brought him far. He listened and followed directions and tried something new that day with bravery and enthusiasm. Yes, the situation had modified rules and expectations. Yes, it was different from the league that other 2nd graders will play in. But it was a success. He did good.

a little heavy on pictures of the youngest

You're lucky I didn't write this last night. I finally broke down and bought Claritin D- the kind you have to buy from the pharmacist and practically get finger-printed for. I feel like such a criminal when I buy it that I avoid it as long as I can.

But Friday night I really couldn't breathe and so I bought the drugs on Saturday. Saturday night was fine, but last night? I was on some kind of decongestant trip. I tossed and turned and couldn't sleep and my mind started racing about the dumbest stuff: Henry's puzzles are still out in the basement. I should have had him help put them away. I have that chore chart that we never use. I really need to start using that with the boys. I shouldn't have bought that DVD for Henry without showing that he earned it somehow. There's a basket of laundry downstairs that I didn't fold yet...

People actually abuse these drugs because they WANT to feel this way? No thanks.

So.

Thomas had his first-ever soccer practice Saturday.

He did his usual shy thing, but I'm sure he will warm up to it. This league for 4-year-olds doesn't have games or anything, just practices. Luckily we have a very dear 10-year-old friend who plays many sports and gives us lots of hand-me-downs. So we are set for shoes and shin guards. But I have been informed (by my husband) that these shorts he's wearing are not appropriate, so they will have to make a trip to the sports supply store. (Roll eyes.)

Later on Saturday we went to the library and then to the grocery store. I did buy Henry the 101 Dalmations DVD and I did struggle with that decision.

When his teacher started reporting on Henry's day using 0-5 stars, the idea was that we would track how many stars he earned, and tie that in to a reward. Needless to say, the system hasn't really worked. He'll have an excellent couple weeks of 4 & 5 star days, but we won't happen to go to the store that weekend.

Then he'll have a couple rough weeks of 1 & 2 star days (even 0 stars one day this month), and I'll turn around and buy him a DVD. Maybe it's just me being a mushy marshmallow-spine mommy, but I find it hard to say no sometimes. Henry is a smart kid. But I'm not sure that he truly understands a consequence that is not immediate. I look in his eyes as I say "I know you want that DVD, but you can't have it because you kicked your teacher on Tuesday" and I don't see understanding there. All I see staring back at me is the blind desire for this DVD. And, if I'm being honest, I see the threat of a full-blown freak out if we don't bring the DVD home.

I am considering making it more of a daily consequence- you can't watch a movie after school if you haven't had a good day. But then I think about how hard he works at school all day and how chilling out with a movie probably feels so good to him, and I lose my resolve.

And sometimes I feel like all this talk about how many stars he earns just stresses him out. He starts to cry and shout "on Monday, I won't earn any stars! I will not be good!"
So, I'm a pushover. My secret is out.

Tommy's child-care provider has been doing more fun stuff with the kids. A couple weeks ago they planted zinnia seeds:

So this weekend Bill and Tommy moved them to roomier pots:

That squirt bottle he's using? It has provided HOURS of outdoor fun. Who knew that squirting water at stuff was so entertaining?

Both boys rode their bikes some more this weekend. I told Henry, more than once, that we were just going on a bike ride. I did not bring my money and we were not going to stop at Starbucks. But he did not believe me. This resulted in a few angry moments and about a quarter mile of him pushing his bike, rather than riding it. (I guess this was some sort of protest, but it really only punished him!) So, see, I don't always give in!

Tommy had a small wipe out, which led to the overuse of these cool band-aids:

Springtime feels really good. Having our whole family back home again feels really good. If we could just figure out the new VCR so we could record The Office, all would be right.

how about some lists?

Sorry, but some days it's all I can muster...

bad:
-I was only able to take one day off last week to have "spring break" with the boys
good:
-They did fun stuff as usual with their babysitter, so I'm the only one who feels like I missed out. Bonus- today when Henry went back to school, Tommy said "oh, but now I have to go to L's by myself." He really likes having his brother with him.

bad:
-The day I did take off was rainy and cool, so we went to the science center rather than the zoo.
-Also, every other family in the state went to the science center that day.
good:
-The boys were amazingly patient when we had to wait in all those lines.
-We still got to go to the zoo, on Saturday.

bad:
-At the science center Henry was obsessing about something or another and tugging on my hand throughout the "Goosebumps" exhibit- the one Tommy was really interested in. I feel like we scooted out of there and Tommy got short-changed.
good:
-Tommy recited every word I had told him about the exhibit after we got home. He was really paying attention and really into it.
-We watched the 3D "extreme screen" movie and it was super cool.

bad:
-Pajama pants worn at the zoo don't block the cold breeze very well and may induce much whining and complaining in their 4-year-old wearer.
good:
-Binoculars can make you forget your cold legs.
-Tommy loved pretending he was a scientist, studying animals with his binoculars. L takes them to programs at the metroparks, so he has learned that "scat" is the scientists' word for "poop" and that it can be studied. Every 4-year-old boy should know this.

bad:
-Tommy fell asleep on the way home from the zoo (at 5:30) and didn't wake up until 5:30 the next morning.
-He was not awake to appreciate the face painting we got right before we left, and instead left much of the paint on his pillow and then my pillow.
good:
-Because he was asleep so early, it was easier for me to talk to my high school friend who called that night.

some things about Christmas 2007 that make me smile

1. The gifts Henry bought us during his class trip to the dollar store (listed in order of appropriate-ness to the recipient):
for Thomas: a 24-piece Winnie-the-Pooh puzzle
for me: a tiger bath scrubbie
for Kate: a plastic snowman treat container (empty)
for Bill: a pack of combs

They also made their own gift wrap.

2. Santa gave Thomas a pack of gum in his stocking. He proceeded to chew the entire pack all on Christmas afternoon- one piece at a time, and not swallowing any.

Bill says this is what millionaires do: throw their gum away as soon as it has lost its flavor and pop in another piece.

3. I took the kids to the pool on the 24th, to wear them out. By bedtime Tommy was a wreck of exhaustion, excitement, and sensitive skin (pool chemicals seem to really bother him). He was pretty much crying about anything and everything, and I was on guard for the moment Henry would lose his cool and start yelling or pinching. But instead, Henry came over to Tommy's bed and, in a gentle voice, said "you'll be ok, you'll be ok."

When I came back into the room with our bedtime book, both boys were smiling. "Henry made me feel better," Tommy explained.

4. Kate prepared the Christmas coffee cake that we usually make, while Bill prepared his casserole and I wrapped some gifts. She also helped carry all the gifts upstairs and arrange them under the tree. It's nice to have another grownup to help, but still have her be one of the kids when it comes to watching the Christmas movies and decorating with paper chains!

5. As he helped me wrap Grandpa's weather station, Tommy commented "yeah, 'cause sometimes Grandpa just likes... (shrug)... boring stuff."

6. Tommy passed the time at Grandma & Grandpa's by wrapping and unwrapping gifts for himself. For example, the happy meal motorcross bike from lunch, wrapped in a gift bag with prodigious amounts of tape.
7. Santa brought me Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I thought about getting it for Kate or Henry, but knew that that would really just be a poorly-disguised way of getting it for myself.

8. Henry woke up at the same time I did on Christmas morning- around 5:15 am. We waited until about 6:30 to wake his brother and sister up.

9. Henry has always loved Christmas, but this was the first year that he seemed to really get excited about SANTA COMING TO OUR HOUSE.

10. Overall Henry seemed more, um, connected this Christmas. He didn't need as much quiet-time-in-his-room as he has other holidays.

He sat with us at dinner and breakfast at my mom and dad's, somehow able to overlook his brother's antics. (That particular morning Thomas was playing with an old Star Wars toy of his uncles', which is made to crash apart upon impact with, say, a wall or a dog dish or the table. Tommy would smash it into something, exclaim "whoa!", and then ask my brother to put it back together again...)

Henry decorated cookies and enjoyed a family trip to an evening light show. He shared and communicated and waited to open presents until it was time. We did start some new medication with him about a month ago, so I wonder if we are seeing the effects of that, or just some growing up?

Hope your holiday gave you lots to smile about too!

my weary world rejoices

(Baking this morning. The thing that gets me about this picture is- here Henry's standing on a chair. But someday he will be taller than me. Sooner than I think.)

At this time of year I listen to our local "light rock" radio station; they've been playing Christmas music 24-hours-a-day ever since Thanksgiving. Most of it is just background mood music, but every once in awhile a different version of an old classic really shakes me. So far this year there have been two:

Neil Diamond's Jingle Bell Rock - I mean, who rocks out to that song anymore? But I did the other morning on the way to work when I heard Neil Diamond!

Martina McBride's O Holy Night - Her voice usually shakes me up anyway, but her version of this song made me cry.

Long lay the world, in sin and error pining
'Til He appeared and the soul felt its worth.
A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.
Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices!

That song is what the season's all about. The weary world - those are the words that resonated with me this year. We all get so weary. The whole world is weary. But then we feel the thrill of hope...
________

Well, enough of that. The other sounds I wanted to write about are coming from my kids. We have these Disney music collection cds, and Kate and Henry have been singing along to them after school. Henry's voice is still pretty off-key, but it is getting stronger and louder- he really belts out those songs. A new viewing interest, because of these singing sessions, has been The Hunchback of Notre Dame.

A couple weeks ago Henry was very excited to tell me that they had watched Peter and the Wolf in music class. At first I thought the interest was purely the Disney/cartoon connection. But then he started rattling off the names of the instruments that represent each character, and I was amazed. He remembered the name of each instrument! I mentioned it in his notebook, and his teacher sent home a book about instruments for homework last week. Usually I can only get him to read one or two chapters a night of the homework books, but he read the whole book in one sitting with me. One chapter was about percussion, one about woodwinds, one about brass, etc.

At times we feel like our kids will never develop a new interest. And it's true that it does come slower than with non-autistic kids. But new interests do come. I hope Henry will want to play an instrument one day- what a great outlet it could be for him!

Thomas has been singing a lot lately also. His preschool is run by a church and so he is my first child to participate in a not-religiously-sanitized school holiday program. In other words, his program Monday night will feature songs about Jesus and Santa, not just snow and penguins.

He announced one night in the car that he made me an angel at school. Henry's class went shopping at the dollar store last week for their families, and wrapped the gifts with handmade giftwrap! I will have to take a picture.

After much agonizing over teacher gifts (because Henry has so many wonderful professionals who work with him every day), I decided to donate to the local food bank in honor of the teachers at his school. The boys helped bake some cookies and banana bread this weekend and I am going to send some to school tomorrow along with a note about the donation. Our food bank is in dire need this year- I suspect it is the same across the country. No matter how weary my world, someone else's load is always heavier.

hop on board the roller coaster

Oh, it's just all up and down over here. I don't know which end is up from one minute to another.
First of all, I want to thank all of you who left comments on my couple previous posts. I am really bad about responding to comments, and I apologize. But I do so appreciate everyone's input. Keep it coming!

Today I wanted to share something exciting. Henry appeared in his first school performance! His teacher just told me the night before, in the communication notebook, that he would be singing a song with the second-graders on stage. At first I was just going to ask her to take a picture for me, but then I wondered "what am I thinking? My son has never before performed on a stage. I can't miss this." So I called in to work and said I'd be late, took Tommy to preschool, picked Bill up from work, and we went to watch the "Charity Newsies Assembly" at the elementary school.

Henry sat in the audience next to his aide and watched the first graders perform. Then he filed onstage with the second graders, seemingly unfazed by all the commotion. He went promptly to his designated spot: (The photos I took are ridiculously dark, but he's basically in the center of this one, wearing a dark green sweater with a white snowflake-pattern stripe across the chest)

I saw him looking around, and that mom instinct in me took hold and I started waving like an idiot. I hadn't told him I was coming, and neither had his teachers. I could, and should, have stayed out of sight, but my excitement and pride just possessed me.

He saw me and got really excited, and started calling for me to come over, and to come up on the stage. I was worried that I had screwed everything up by letting him know we were there!

But he ended up participating just fine. He was over at the edge of the group instead of right in the middle where he was supposed to be, but no one cared.

They sang America the Beautiful, with accompanying hand motions. Henry had learned the whole thing and did it right along with the rest of the group. (Normally this is definitely the kind of thing that would make me cry, but I was too excited to cry this time.) Then they recited a little poem about birds on Farmer Brown's farm. The kids were divided into 3 groups and each was supposed to be a different bird. Henry's group were Turkeys, who shouted "eat more chicken, eat more chicken, gobble gobble gobble, it's finger lickin'!"

Henry seemed excited and proud, and aside from some hopping up and down and covering his ears, he did everything just as he was supposed to, as far as I could tell.

When the second-graders were finished, they came back to their seats and Henry asked daddy and I to sit with him. Again, I was worried that this would mess everything up. I sat with him for a minute and then Bill did. (At this point the regular-ed second-grade teacher came over and introduced herself to me. She seemed very nice, and resembled Susan Senator, I thought. A good sign!)

I'm not sure what Bill said to Henry, but when he got up to leave, Henry didn't argue. Just waved and said "bye mommy, bye daddy."_______

So there are some good things at school- some very good stuff going on. Despite my rant the other day, I know that his teacher is just trying to work on the thing that is the biggest obstacle right now- the aggression. She replied to my e-mail and said that she knows the medication decision is a very hard one, but she feels that Henry is not able to control his actions at some times. He will continue to be observed by various people, but that's tricky because his behavior is so erratic. I believe that is the reason for the increased info in the communication book- to show us that the behavior is very random.

Drama Mama had a lovely post the other day about remembering how great our kids are. Obviously, it hit home to me with some of the negative things we've been hearing about Henry lately, and made me think about something that happened last weekend:

The boys had a make-up gymnastics class Saturday morning at 9. Because it was a make-up, it was different: different kids, different teachers, different routine, mom and dad both there, Tommy there... So Henry was a bit dysregulated. Kept loudly saying that he didn't want to go. Needed a little urging to participate, but ended up doing fine in the end.

After gymnastics, we decided to go to a nearby greasy spoon for breakfast. The place is small and was crowded (one of those places that was built like in the 50s and people were smaller then- I felt like a family of giants walking in there). Henry had brought in some of his papers and was talking loudly about them. The only seat was at the bar. Initially the boys sat between us, but then started messing with each other, so Henry and I switched places. Then a booth opened up and we moved over there.

Henry ordered (for himself) blueberry pancakes, sausage and bacon and orange juice. He proceeded to eat it all with his fingers. An old man walked past our table, to pay his bill. He stopped in front of us, smiled, and said "that's 2 good looking kids you've got there."

I smiled, said thank you, and then my eyes filled with tears. I didn't even realize, until that comment, all the baggage I was carrying around. How much I was worrying about whether Henry was bothering people, or what people might be thinking about an 8-year-old eating with his fingers. It's like a rucksack that I've been carrying for so long, I don't even notice it anymore.

With his one kind comment, that man made me realize that not everyone is judging me or my family. That not only do I think my kids are great, lots of other people do too.

Happy thanksgiving my friends and family, and thanks for reading. I'm more thankful for all of you every year!

good things and waxing nostalgic

The same way that the little stuff can really get you down sometimes, some days the little stuff can really give me a lift. Yesterday I almost squealed when I noticed that this cactus in my office was blooming:


And all of a sudden the burning bushes are gloriously red. It's nice how nature works that way- just when the jack-o-lanterns are bringing us down with their moldy collapse (see foreground of the photo), the burning bushes distract us with their beauty:

While I am preoccupied with the needs of my children, my house, my husband and myself, something is trying to make me stop, take a deep breath, and notice the goodness of my life.

Yesterday I called my oldest friend. I haven't seen her in a year and a half, haven't talked to her in almost as long. We do e-mail at least, and she had told me that her 5-year-old daughter would be having her tonsils and adenoids removed yesterday. Finally, that was the impetus I needed to make the call- to make sure that everything had gone ok (it had, of course).

We talked for 45 minutes before I had to go, and it was as if no time had passed since we were high school friends who saw one another every day. She made me laugh until I snorted. We joked that we'd talk again the next time one of our children was knocked out with anesthetic and the other one of us was at work!

Thomas and I have been listening to some classics in the car: the Beach Boys, Eagles, and Beatles. For some reason this is so soothing to me. They are songs that I listened to with my parents, that Bill listened to with Kate, and now to hear Thomas singing along with them is such a comfort.

As the days get shorter and colder, and the to-do lists get longer, as Henry's re-evaluation looms and I have to answer questionnaires about all the things that he doesn't do, I need to find these good things and let them occupy my mind.

halloween 2007

Wasn't it weird to be trick-or-treating in broad daylight this year? We made it all the way up our street and back down the other side, so we could enjoy all the spooky lights in darkness by the time we got home, at least.

I only took one picture this year, and didn't feel all giddy like I have on other Halloweens. I don't mean that we didn't have fun, au contraire. It's just that our fun was comfortable and expected. The same fun any old family has on Halloween. As I read others' blogs, I remember the years that Henry didn't get it. And the years that HE FINALLY GOT IT and I was so excited. (Remember the year that I embarrassed him?)
And then there was last year, when I had the biggest fright of my life.

This year was pretty much just a standard Halloween. Everyone loved Henry's costume. So many people sang the nananananananana-Batman! song when they saw him coming, and Henry would cover his ears.

Tommy was The Thing, from the Fantastic Four. The Fantastic Four seem to be a lesser-known gang of super heroes, to the parental generation anyway, so most people didn't know who he was (especially without his mask, which he did not want to wear.) But Tommy was ok with that- most people at least commented on his big strong muscles.

I was pissed off by the one house that was scaring kids. There was a person wearing a scary mask handing out candy, and as the kids walked up the walk another person would release this skeleton bat thing and have it swoop out at the kids. We had seen it, and warned Henry. He wasn't scared at all by the bat, but did need encouragement to keep on walking up to the scary (guy? girl? I don't know) handing out the candy. As he reached the first step, the second person released smoke from a smoke machine right into Henry's face. Well, he didn't like that, and refused to go up any further.

Of course, they'd have no way of knowing my son was autistic, but nonetheless I think they should have saved that scary stuff for the older kids. Henry is 8, but looks like he's about 6, and of course Tommy is even littler. Henry doesn't get scared too easily, and he didn't cry or anything. But as we came back down the other side of the street, he kept a wary eye on that house, and kept repeating "we already went to that house with the skeleton guy. We already went to that house."

Henry was so excited about the other kids' costumes- it was hilarious. He would exclaim over every costume he saw, and point (sometimes inappropriately) right at the child. "There's supergirl! There's Mr. Incredible!" The funniest thing was when a favorite-costumed child (like supergirl) would fall into step behind us. Henry would come back down every walk, saying "Thank you, Happy Halloween" and then shriek "there's supergirl!" Right- you already pointed her out at the last 3 houses!

One of Henry's favorite things to ask is "what's your favorite holiday?" and then "what's your second favorite holiday?" I always answer Christmas first, but I'll tell you- the longer I'm a mom, the more Halloween is sneaking up on that favorite spot.

good friday

I've read a few posts that made me happy today (Conor's doing great in another new school, Niksmom is reminding us all about perspective, and Fluffy is skipping) so I thought I would toss one of my own happy stories into the blogosphere. If I were ambitious I would declare this a weekly event, but we all know that I won't be organized enough to do it every Friday...

Wednesday night I said no to watching a DVD. I don't do this often, and Henry was perplexed. I was a little perplexed myself, after he asked me 20 more times and I kept having to repeat my negative answer. Bill and Thomas were hanging out together somewhere, and Henry and I were alone on the couch. I want to play a game he suddenly announced.

I want to play a game. Did he really say that? With no prompting?

I tried to sound casual- ok, what game do you want to play? He studied the game shelf and decided on animal bingo. He set it up and we commenced playing a game together. We took turns, we marked off our animals as they were called.

I have a raccoon. Do you have a raccoon mommy?

Oh man, I don't. The next animal is an ostrich. I have one of those.

Me too!
We did this back-and-forth talk and playing a game, just like a regular old mom and kid. What a priceless night! I was enjoying myself so much, I may not have noticed that I had bingo 2 different directions and let Henry call bingo first. Then we played a game of ocean bingo and he won that game too.

We didn't even do homework that night.

See? New month, new attitude.

A couple Saturdays ago I tried to jot down notes as Tommy and I were playing. His imagination just enchants me- I think I am especially amazed by it because Henry's never been much into imagining things. So the stuff Thomas comes up with just always surprises me. At the time I think I will remember it to tell someone about, but then it flits right out of my head again.

This day I think he was Fastman, and rode in a thundercar. Before leaving to fight the bad guys though, he had to stop to put on his boy makeup and put in his boy contacts. (Can you tell that he follows me around in the mornings?)

I was instructed to ride next to him in the pinkcar, and he used a Wendy's coupon as a swipecard to start our vehicles.

We soon moved outside to easier battle bad guys by running around in circles around the front yard and jumping over things that daddy had recently planted in the yard. They were actually powerful plants that give you certain powers if you touch them.

Later that day we went shopping and, while he wasn't able to decide on a Halloween costume, (that's going to be a really tough one this year. We've already returned one Spiderman costume after the love was gone) he did get one of those little-kid backpacks that also have a pull-handle and wheels. He modeled that thing all over the store: see? You can put it on your back like this, and see? you can pull it on wheels like this. Wait mommy, I want to put my new jammies in my new backpack. Ooooh mommy, look at the Halloween decorations...

Here he has gathered all his Pooh buddies to watch a Winnie the Pooh video. (This is the couch in our basement- much as I would secretly like to, I have not hung a Harry Potter poster up on the main floor of our house.) Also included in the group are the ghost that makes spooky sounds (also found shopping that day) and a garage-sale St. Bernard dog. The dog makes a great superhero because he can carry all kinds of imaginary tools/weapons in the barrel around his neck.

If you're getting the impression that I spoil this kid- buying him unnecessary Halloween stuffed ghosts and backpacks-on-wheels, well, you're right. I do spoil him. I have realized that recently, as every day when I pick him up he asks "did you get me anything today?" It's pretty wrong that at least once a week I say "yes, I did! Some new socks, a Batman flashlight, a Winnie the Pooh video..."

I think I got into this habit with Henry, because his interests are so specific, and he is so hard to please, yet easy to please. I pick up Disney books whenever I find them at the consignment shop, or randomly order Star Wars coloring books for him on the internet to replace the ones that he can't find anymore and can't stop asking about.

But Henry has never seemed "spoiled" by it- he sometimes will ask if I got him something at the store, but I guess the difference is that he doesn't cry when I tell him I didn't get him anything.

So, I am trying to be more conscious of this and if I do pick something up for either boy, think about saving it for a later occasion.

Last night was just such an occasion- Henry's aunt had pre-ordered the Jungle Book DVD for him for his birthday. Today, October 2, is the release date, and of course we have it marked on our calendar. Well, it turns out that when you pre-order from Disney, you receive the DVD even before it is in the stores!!! Who knew? So it arrived yesterday, and Henry was over the moon about it!

It seemed like a good time to pull out the Ninja Turtle pajamas that I had picked up for Tommy last week, so he had something to be excited about also. Last night was a good night at our house!

And finally, relevant to none of this, here is a picture of the delicious salad I made today at Wild Oats:

I thought it looked so colorful and fresh that I would take a photo- I know, I'm weird. This salad cost enough money, I am hoping to make it last a couple days, and maybe I'll get this photo framed :-)

Henry at 8 years

This picture is very Henry. He is smirking, kicking his legs, and turning his head side to side, thinking of something funny.

This year his birthday fell on the same day as the football team's season opener. The game was not televised, except on a special network, so Bill and Kate went to watch it at a sports bar and the boys and I went to lunch at McDonalds. (They are wearing their new football jerseys.)

Henry's lovely bus driver gave him a gift card to Blockbuster, which just shows how well she knows Henry, because it was a perfect gift for him! So our fun day started with a Crumbleberry Coffee Cake from Starbucks and included a stop at Blockbuster. Later that evening we went to see Ratatoille.

I thought the movie was cute, if an odd premise for a children's movie. But Henry seemed to love it! He laughed and squealed and kicked his legs non-stop. Bill and I had to take turns putting him on our laps and turning him sideways, so he wouldn't kick the seat in front of him.

On Sunday Grandma and Grandpa came to visit (my mom's birthday was Monday). We spent a bit of the afternoon watching Tommy play outside, while Bill cooked on the grill. When I went in to check on Henry (because of course he had no interest in playing outside), here is what I found:

I asked him what this teetering tower of papers was, and he replied proudly "I matched all the prints with the movies".

These are computer printouts of movie webpages, matched with the corresponding DVD. Bill and I think he may have a career as a librarian, except that he will never want anyone to remove anything from his library!

Yesterday the birthday fun continued. Henry had his annual checkup with the pediatrician, as well as his annual checkup with the eye doctor. But in between, we stopped at the bookstore and Target, and spent some birthday money. You can guess what he chose: more books, DVDs and audio books.

That reminds me of something new Henry is doing: he has learned how to turn the captions on when he watches a DVD. I think this is a brilliant way to further develop his reading skills. It also makes watching a movie feel a little more active- he's working his brain a bit.

The doctors appointments, along with the beginning of the school year, have made me take stock in how far Henry has come. I used to dread visits to the pediatrician. My friend Eileen has just described this much better than I can- the feeling that you are betraying your child by holding him down for the doctor's examination. (I'm not linking to her blog because it is open to invited readers only.)

This time, on the way to the doctor's office, we talked about what the doctor would do. I told Henry that Dr. T might ask him about what he is learning in school, and what other things he has been doing. So, when Dr. T came in and greeted Henry, Henry pointed at me and said "she wants to tell you what I have been doing in school." We both laughed at that- either my message had been misunderstood, or Henry just didn't feel up to the challenge.

Henry cringed when the doctor looked in his ears, but I didn't need to get out of my seat to hold on to him as in the past. Henry is in the 15th percentile, and the doctor and I laughed about that too- Henry has never moved past the 15th percentile.

Henry and I told him about school, gymnastics, horseback riding, and swimming. I explained how Henry couldn't tolerate gymnastics a year earlier, but now responded so well to it.

"Well, he's doing great" summarized Dr. T. I paused and then asked "you mean physically?" "Just in every way" he said. "This visit has gone a lot differently than they used to go, and it sounds like you've got him plugged in to some good programs."

Yeah. Maybe that's why I haven't had as much to write about lately: it's not that Henry isn't autistic anymore, it's just that we are all on a comfortable path now, and (mostly) moving forward. He might not be growing up like a typical 8-year-old, but he is growing up.

what I did on my summer vacation

No- my vacation isn't over. The real vacation hasn't even started yet. But I am enjoying my vacation-before-the-vacation very much. (Tommy's sitter is on her vacation this week, so I had to take this week off too.) Funny how I find it much harder to keep up with reading and writing my blogs when I'm not in front of my computer at work for 8 uninterrupted hours a day. Hmmm. (Don't tell my boss.)

I took quite a few pictures of stuff that caught my eye over the weekend- I was feeling really warm and fuzzy. I guess that's a given when your time off from work starts. But I had another reason too: one of my very best friends confided in me last week that she is having some pretty serious troubles at home. Thursday night I had trouble sleeping- thinking about it all. But aside from the worry, another effect this news had on me was to make me look around at my life with fresh eyes and appreciate it just a little more. You know how that is? It feels a little wrong to let someone else's unhappiness cause me to revel in my own, but that's what happens sometimes.

Friday night I was invited to a friend's house for one of those "parties" where someone's trying to sell you something. This time it was makeup/beauty products. Even though I didn't know most of the women there very well, I had a nice time and was glad I went. Then Saturday I went to lunch and a movie (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix) with another friend! Now, I only have about 4 real-life friends, and I got to do something with 2 of them last weekend- no wonder I was feeling so good! And Bill hung out with the boys all that time with no problems.

The HP movies are always inferior to the books as far as the storyline goes, but I really enjoyed this one for the mood that it set- very well-done, I thought. I have been skimming #s 5 & 6 in preparation for the 7th. I have also been reading 2 other new autism books: Susan Senator's Making Peace with Autism, and Autistic Planet by Jennifer Elder.

Autistic Planet is such a cute, rhyming children's book: an autistic child explains what life is like on her "planet". It's a great book to read to your autistic child, or your typical child who has an autistic kid in their class... The only thing I am struggling with a little is that I haven't had "the autism talk" with Henry. And I wonder if there needs to be a "talk", or if I read him a book like this and say "you know, you're autistic", if that would blow his mind. Obviously he knows he's in a different class at school, and I'm sure he's heard the word autism batted around, but I wonder what he thinks of it? I'd love to know what any of you have said (or not said) to your children...

Susan Senator's book isn't new- just new to me. I usually have a problem getting through "autism books". I haven't been able to put a finger on why that is? But I don't have the same feeling about Susan's book, and I think it may be because I "know" her a little better from reading her blog, so I have a feeling about how it will end. Maybe other books worry me because I don't know if the author will end up hating autism, or curing autism, or deciding it was all caused by pesticides in their water... It certainly can't be that I'm afraid I'll find out some new bad information about life with autism. I'm living it every day and there's nothing that should surprise me anymore!

We have still been taking Henry to Easter Seals' summer camp this week. I feel a twinge of guilt dropping him off there every morning and then returning home with his little brother, but I truly believe that the structure and continuation of school routine are necessary for him. If he were at home he would want to watch movies or play on the computer all day, and to be brutally honest, I am not tough enough myself to force him to have craft time or challenge him in other ways. I would end up saying "awww, it's his summer vacation too. I'll just let him do what he wants."

Monday we picked him up from camp and visited his favorite library. Then we stopped at the pool in that neighborhood for a quick dip. Henry obliged by getting in the pool for a bit, but then retreated to a towel to look at his new library books.

Yesterday we picked him up a couple hours early and went to a "golf and games" place- they have miniature golf, a game arcade, and a big "funzone" with climbing tubes and ball pits and stuff. I had planned for us to spend our time in the funzone area, but we actually played a lot of arcade games and it was so much fun! Both boys were surprisingly good at air hockey! Henry really enjoyed skee-ball (I assisted him, hand-over-hand). I would never have considered a video arcade to be a worthwhile outing, but Henry actually used a lot of fine and gross motor skills there, so we may have to do this more often.

Here are some of the pictures I took over the weekend:


This is the plant Henry gave me for Mother's Day. It has been blooming so beautifully. On the other windowsill:

Some lovely squash from the garden of one of Bill's co-workers.

We took the inflatable jumpy out to the front yard this weekend to wear Thomas out. I don't know how well you can see it, but I took this picture because I was noticing the birthmark (angel kiss or whatever it's called) on his forehead. Very visible when he was first born, now I only notice it when he is exerting himself.

I bought myself some gladiolus (spell?) at the grocery store. Happy vacation to me!

Thomas brought this poster home from Grandma and Grandpa's house- it belonged to one of my brothers. Thank goodness we are such packrats in my family!

Although I did let Henry watch a lot of movies over the weekend, I also got him to play a few games with me ("first a game, then a movie"). Here, he had won at animal bingo (he was playing with 2 cards- the jaguar and the lion. Guess he couldn't decide on just one big cat.)

I have been tagged by a couple friends for the "8 things" meme. I am composing it in my head and hope to post before we leave on the beach vacation. Until then, you can click here to read the old "10 things" that went around way back when.