some things about Christmas 2007 that make me smile

1. The gifts Henry bought us during his class trip to the dollar store (listed in order of appropriate-ness to the recipient):
for Thomas: a 24-piece Winnie-the-Pooh puzzle
for me: a tiger bath scrubbie
for Kate: a plastic snowman treat container (empty)
for Bill: a pack of combs

They also made their own gift wrap.

2. Santa gave Thomas a pack of gum in his stocking. He proceeded to chew the entire pack all on Christmas afternoon- one piece at a time, and not swallowing any.

Bill says this is what millionaires do: throw their gum away as soon as it has lost its flavor and pop in another piece.

3. I took the kids to the pool on the 24th, to wear them out. By bedtime Tommy was a wreck of exhaustion, excitement, and sensitive skin (pool chemicals seem to really bother him). He was pretty much crying about anything and everything, and I was on guard for the moment Henry would lose his cool and start yelling or pinching. But instead, Henry came over to Tommy's bed and, in a gentle voice, said "you'll be ok, you'll be ok."

When I came back into the room with our bedtime book, both boys were smiling. "Henry made me feel better," Tommy explained.

4. Kate prepared the Christmas coffee cake that we usually make, while Bill prepared his casserole and I wrapped some gifts. She also helped carry all the gifts upstairs and arrange them under the tree. It's nice to have another grownup to help, but still have her be one of the kids when it comes to watching the Christmas movies and decorating with paper chains!

5. As he helped me wrap Grandpa's weather station, Tommy commented "yeah, 'cause sometimes Grandpa just likes... (shrug)... boring stuff."

6. Tommy passed the time at Grandma & Grandpa's by wrapping and unwrapping gifts for himself. For example, the happy meal motorcross bike from lunch, wrapped in a gift bag with prodigious amounts of tape.
7. Santa brought me Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I thought about getting it for Kate or Henry, but knew that that would really just be a poorly-disguised way of getting it for myself.

8. Henry woke up at the same time I did on Christmas morning- around 5:15 am. We waited until about 6:30 to wake his brother and sister up.

9. Henry has always loved Christmas, but this was the first year that he seemed to really get excited about SANTA COMING TO OUR HOUSE.

10. Overall Henry seemed more, um, connected this Christmas. He didn't need as much quiet-time-in-his-room as he has other holidays.

He sat with us at dinner and breakfast at my mom and dad's, somehow able to overlook his brother's antics. (That particular morning Thomas was playing with an old Star Wars toy of his uncles', which is made to crash apart upon impact with, say, a wall or a dog dish or the table. Tommy would smash it into something, exclaim "whoa!", and then ask my brother to put it back together again...)

Henry decorated cookies and enjoyed a family trip to an evening light show. He shared and communicated and waited to open presents until it was time. We did start some new medication with him about a month ago, so I wonder if we are seeing the effects of that, or just some growing up?

Hope your holiday gave you lots to smile about too!

fun at the fair and new behaviors

Friday was our annual trip to the state fair. Me, the boys, my mom and dad, and this time one of my brothers was able to come along also.

We had a great time, as usual, and each year is a little bit different. The first couple years it was just me and Henry, and we walked back and forth, back and forth between the animal barns. (Because whatever animal we were looking at Henry wanted to see a different one. Until we got there, and then he wanted to go back to the other.)

But each year we have added a guest to our little party (Tommy, Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Christian), and each year we seem to stay a little longer and see one new thing. This year, the new thing was this:

We rode the "sky glide." This was fun and the boys enjoyed it, but I was pretty freaked out that there was nothing strapping us in to this thing. There was one of those bars that comes down over your head, but any child or even a small adult could slide right under that bar and go crashing to the ground below. Dad and Henry were in the car behind us. I turned around once to take their picture and then worried that dad wasn't holding on to Henry. I guess dad had the same thought, because when I turned around again, he was. Phew.

We also saw some piglets, bought some cheap plastic swords and had sword fights, and watched a lot of the horse competitions. With his new interest in horses, I think Henry would have sat in that arena all day long, watching them and listening to the goofy organ music accompaniment.

I will have to post again in a couple days after I get some photos from mom and dad. Most of the ones I took yesterday were from the sky glide.

_________

Henry has been showing some signs of anxiety lately:

-He's been chewing on his shirt a lot. This is something he's never done before, although he did go through a phase around age 3 where he would chew/suck on his comforter- yuck. When this started, I thought maybe he had a loose tooth or something else strange going on in his mouth. That may have been at the beginning, but now I think it is just an oral habit that will be hard to break.

-He has been asking to sleep in our bed. This is not something Henry has EVER done before. He and Tommy share a room, and when Tommy was a baby and would cry at bedtime, I would sometimes put Henry down in my bed and then move him later. But now he is asking to sleep in our bed every night, and sometimes coming in in the middle of the night (again, NEVER done previously). I have tried asking him why, and he says "I don't like my bed." Tommy has been arguing about wearing his pullup at night, so maybe Henry wants to avoid that conflict...

-Henry has been requesting to watch DVDs (not unusual at all!) But he only watches the previews and the first 15 minutes or so, and then asks to put in a different movie (after the rest of us are interested in this first one!)

We are stumped by these new behaviors, except to wonder if he is feeling excited/anxious about school starting again. His teacher and school will be the same, and we have talked quite a bit about school and he doesn't seem apprehensive at all...

Any thoughts about any of these?

2007 vacation wrap-up (no HP spoilers)

We're back from our terrific vacation. (See if you can guess which boy I am standing with- the t-shirt is a dead giveaway, as is the squirt gun.)

I was so thrilled to walk into the waves with Henry that first afternoon and see the smile spread across his face. Like so many of his internet counterparts, Henry loved the ocean. I had hoped he would.

Even more than the waves crashing into him, he seemed to love the feel of the undertow pulling him. Once we were waist-deep and the first good wave hit him, he just let go of my hand and started walking out toward the horizon! Of course, I tried to drum into his head the danger of being in the water without a grownup, and if it had been up to me alone, he would never have let go of anyone's hand.

The ocean was really rough the second day- the waves were strong and high, and a painful layer of broken shells had been deposited right where the waves were breaking. Both boys and I ended up getting scared or hurt by the waves that day. (I got the worst of it- knocked down by a wave and dragged across those sharp shells- I came out of the water bleeding!)

So the scary second day put a bit of a damper on things, but Henry and I went down to tell the ocean goodnight, and to ask it to be more calm the next day, and it was.

Although Henry liked being in the ocean, he had no interest in sitting on the beach. As soon as he came out of the water, he wanted to get back in the house and take off his clingy wet trunks. I guess it's not surprising, since he doesn't ever like being outdoors any other time, but it was a bit disappointing to have him sitting inside while his cousins dug in the sand for hours.

I don't feel that I packed well enough for him- I brought lots of books, but not enough, and I didn't think to bring his binder full of Disney papers- he was really lost without that. I don't know why I didn't realize how important it would be, why I thought he would just find other ways to entertain himself? So he spent a lot of time asking me to "find" a computer (so he could print out more pages).

Mid-week I took the boys on a little adventure. I had read that there was an aquarium nearby, so we went to find it. It turned out that you had to take a ferry boat to get to the aquarium. The boys loved that!

Here is Henry looking at an alligator. They were his favorite part of the aquarium, and he really barely looked at anything else.

Here are the boys on the ferry boat:

Here's Thomas playing in the sand. He enjoyed the sand more than the water. The ocean scared him a bit, I think, and the salt water hurt his eyes.

I hope you can see what Henry's doing here: he's riding on a boogie board!

Because we left at 3 am Saturday morning (July 21), my sister-in-law picked up my copy of Harry Potter #7 for me. She had read the whole thing by the time they arrived on Sunday! I loved having it to read on vacation, but didn't finish until the ride home, so I wasn't able to discuss the book with her or my brother-in-law, who finished it while at the beach.

I know that at least one of my internet friends has not read it yet, so I will refrain from discussing here just yet. Knowing what I know now, I want to re-read the entire series. I cried at least 3 or 4 times during #7- what could be better than a perfectly crafted story about good vs. evil, magic, and the power of love?

mother's day 2007

I have a card and a present from Henry still to open today, but these two items were just sent home in his bookbag. I was so excited to find them. I think if you click on the picture you can see a larger version. They are both laminated, so there is a bit of a glare from the flash.

I think it goes without saying that I cried when I read this:

This means so much to me because these are all real things that we like to do together. I can imagine the teacher asking "what do you like to do with your mom?" and Henry replying "nothing" in his little singsong voice. (Not because it's true, but because, if you've read here before, that's how Henry responds to almost any request that is related to schoolwork!)

So they somehow elicited from him 10 real examples of things he likes about me. This is priceless! (You've probably heard about many of these activities before, except maybe the macaroni and cheese thing. I've kept my prowess at Kraft mac & cheese to myself until now.)

Reading to him in the morning and sitting on the patio are both things we do on school days if there is enough time. So that's what makes them special.
And I asked if the picture at the bottom was me- he said "no"- but I'm thinking it probably is. Bill thinks so too- he could tell by the lightning bolt hair.
It's been a draining week. We had Kate's birthday, teacher appreciation week (Henry baked brownies), mother's day (needed to buy cards and mail them on time), the trip to the zoo (I didn't go, and it was fine. Except for all the time I wasted agonizing about it), a special event at work on Friday...

I've been having a lot of what we call "internal dialogues"- where I think something to death until my head spins. Ironic thing to post about on Mother's Day, eh? How being a mother is making me insane! :-)
We have some fun planned for today- hope everyone else does too. Thanks for being such great moms and helping me be the best mom I can! XXOO

the force was with us

I took a vacation day today to visit COSI with my kids and my parents. I'm pretty pooped.

There are lots of fun things to see at Cosi. But this time we went especially to see the Star Wars exhibit. For those of you with kids on the spectrum, the story of my day will be familiar: I had some fun times and made special memories with my family. But the fun did not always come easily...

First, we arrived and needed to wait for Grandma to stand in line for the tickets. There's a large area in which to wait, and a few things to look at. I asked the kids to stand in front of one of the big Star Wars ads, to take their picture. Here's what happened:

Thomas posed like a champ.

Henry got anxious and frustrated because we were not seeing the Star Wars exhibit right now, and of course he wouldn't be willing to stand still for a stupid picture. I was glad Kate came with us, especially because she is so good at talking to Henry and calming him down:


Stupid mom idea #2 was, "ok, let's look in the gift shop while we wait." (Translated as: "I'll spend some money before we even get inside the place.") As I paid for Henry's Space sticker book, and Tommy's knight action figure, Henry asked the sales girl "where are the Star Wars puzzles?" She replied "oh, they have some upstairs at the exhibit." Well, duh- of course there was another gift shop upstairs, featuring all things Star Wars.
We went up to the 2nd floor, where the special exhibit was. But right outside the elevator was "kidspace"- the hands-on area just for young children, up to kindergarten age. All of a sudden, Henry didn't want to go to the Star Wars exhibit! He wanted to go into kidspace!
It's so painful to watch him struggle- it's like he has no way of controlling his impulses when confronted with so many fun things- afterwards he remembers it as having fun, but at the time, it seems like he is tormented by all the fun things he wants to do, but can't do them all at the same time, and no matter which one he chooses, then he wishes he were doing the other...
Again, Kate helped calm him down, and we made our way to the Star Wars wing of the building. We passed the gift shop area first, and he made a beeline for it. I believe that one smart move I made was going ahead and stopping there first. I felt that if we didn't, he would just rush through the exhibit itself, wanting to get to the end.
They did, indeed, have lots of puzzles! Henry picked one, and then asked that salesgirl about sticker books, and she showed them to us! This amused me so much because Henry looks for puzzles and sticker books everywhere we go, and we can't usually find them. This place was like the answer to all his prayers. It would be like if he showed up at your house and said "where are your Disney movies and puzzles?" and you replied, well, my living room is full of them, Henry. Have at it. And here are some sprinkle donuts to eat."
Here is Henry with his sticker book and puzzle, standing in front of the book display. (As a grownup first generation Star Wars fan, I have to say that the gift shop and exhibit itself were pretty awesome.)
Here's my little jedi fighting a stormtrooper:

And the biggest bad guy of them all, Darth Vader:

After Star Wars, we went to kidspace. Both boys had a lot of fun there. It's a confined area where the kids can run around and play with water, sound, light, dress-up, build with blocks, etc. Henry did great there, and then worked on his new puzzle while Tommy played a little more.
There was also a display outside of construction trucks that the kids were able to climb up on:


Whatever area we were in, Henry didn't want to leave. Wherever we were headed, he didn't want to go. Until we got there, and then he didn't want to leave...
We've watched Star Wars: A New Hope twice since we've been home, and Henry's done his puzzle at least 6 times. Tommy didn't take a nap, so went to bed early. It was a good day.

mother's day

I've been thinking a lot lately about this business of being a mom. It started 2 weeks ago when Henry was so sick. I realized that it's a mother's job to interpret what the pediatrician is telling her- when to believe it and when to push for something else- when to say "ok, but..." when being advised to wait another 24 or 48 hours. I'm not very good at that. I want to be able to trust my pediatrician blindly. But I've learned, in 6 1/2 years of being Henry's mother, that the doctors don't always know a whole lot more than you do once you've read the American Academy of Pediatrics book. Sometimes you have to dramatize the illness to get attention. And I don't usually go for the drama in my life.

Then at the Emergency Room I had a few hours to think about all the things we do as moms. All the tasks you don't realize that you're signing up for when you say "hey, let's have a baby." Things like catching barf in your shirt because that's easier to clean up than the carpet. Things like holding your child down so doctors can examine him. Things like forcing your 6-year-old to drink out of a sippy cup like it's a bottle because he's so sick.

At a gathering at our house last weekend, a friend said to me "why doesn't anyone tell you how much motherhood sucks?" I kind of laughed her comment off, saying "oh yeah, if anyone told us how hard it was, no one would ever have children!" But, without going into this woman's personal situation, I believe that she really meant what she said: she thinks motherhood sucks. (Forget for a moment that I hate that word.) It really upsets me to know that anyone would feel this way. God knows that I am far from being an exemplary mother (I just put my boys to bed without a bedtime story or brushing their teeth so that I could get back on the computer) but I love being a mother. Every single minute of it. Even on my worst day or my kids' worst days I would never say that motherhood stinks (that is a word that I prefer to sucks.) Even a day spent in the Emergency Room is a day spent doing the most important job there is: helping a small person grow into the best big person he can be.

I can also say, after the past 2 weeks, that I tip my hat to all stay-at-home moms. It was never in the cards for us, financially, for either Bill or I to stay home. But after this week, I wonder if I could even handle it? I feel like I started 10 different projects (I have a lot of energy in the mornings) but didn't finish any. The TV was on all day long, and I ate like a pig (we had a lot of leftovers from Kate's birthday/confirmation bash last weekend.) The situation was a little unusual because Henry was sick and needed to rest- I suppose I would have done more active stuff outside if that hadn't been the case. But I commend all you moms who are with your kids all day long and manage to get so much done.

Today was a good day. We visited my parents in Dayton (about an hour and a half away). My brother was there visiting from Washington, DC. My mom, brother and I went to the Princess Diana exhibit at the Dayton Art Institute. I have been a Diana-phile since the royal wedding in 1981. I was 11 then and highly susceptible to the whole fairy tale thing. I got up at 4 am or something to watch the wedding and then went on to collect coffee table books about Diana and her kids. The year she died (1997) was the same year I got married, and I again got up at 4 am to watch her funeral. I sat on the couch under a blanket and sobbed. I know that's unbelievably corny. But I just couldn't bear the sad reality of her life, compared to the fairy tale that we all thought we were watching back in 1981. At the same time, I realized how wonderful my every-day normal person life was, compared to her life of palaces and designer clothes.

So I made mom and Christian go to this exhibit today and it was kind of a disappointment. We realized afterwards that the exhibit was put on by her family (the Spencers). So they were only able to show items from her childhood and then from her death (like hundreds of condolence books that were signed by people all over the world). The highlight for me was her wedding gown. But you walked out of that exhibit room and directly into one about her funeral. Nothing about her life in between. I guess that stuff is all owned by the royal family. There were very few photos of her sons. And my brother pointed out the irony of visiting a show about Diana on Mother's Day: her kids don't have their mother anymore.

Well, it's time to do another mommy job: wash Thomas' sheets. He is sleeping in our bed right now, because last night I found him asleep with his pjs unzipped, his diaper undone, and his bed full of pee. Why?

bad weekend?

I'm having a kind of mind/emotion battle today, as I think about the weekend. My brain is trying to convince the rest of me that it wasn't a bad weekend. So why do I feel so grumpy today?
We were invited to a family birthday party on Saturday, and had all planned to travel with my mom and dad and stay in a hotel. I had everything ready to do Easter baskets in the hotel room.

Kate stayed home sick from school all week, but was feeling better on Friday (no school for Good Friday.) I had almost everything packed and ready to go Friday night, as the party was at 1 pm and we would have a 3-4 hour drive Saturday morning.

Then Henry woke up at 7:15 Saturday morning and said "I feel siiiiick. I'm feeling siiick, mommy." He felt very warm and his nose had run all over his sheets (ewww). So I made a quick decision. It seemed like the best thing to do was for Bill to stay home with Henry and take him to the doctor, while Thomas and I went on the trip with my parents.

Bill suggested that we could just give him some medicine and still try to go. But I thought of all the bad possibilities: he'd feel worse and worse and someone would have to stay back at the hotel with him so he wouldn't infect all the other party guests; he'd feel worse and worse and we'd have to miss school and work Monday to go to the doctor because we hadn't on Saturday (and Monday was another field trip day!)

So the family split up and the little one and I left town.

Henry spent the rest of the day feeling better and better. The doctor found nothing wrong.

And I spent the rest of the weekend feeling like I made the wrong call.

Now I know, in my brain, that I used good reasoning to come to my decision, and none of us are the worse for it. Henry had a nice weekend at home, while Thomas and I had a nice weekend visiting relatives.

But we stayed in a hotel, with a pool, and I know that would have been fun for Henry. And I think I'm even more disappointed at not getting to "show off" Henry. These were my aunts, uncles and cousins. They only see my kids once a year, at the most. They all know about Henry's diagnosis, and I kind of wanted to let them see the real Henry, not just the picture they might have in their mind, formed when he was 2 years old and screaming at some event...

My aunt had a little Easter egg hunt on her front yard that Thomas participated in. But the rest of the family didn't celebrate Easter at all. At first I thought we might do Easter baskets Sunday evening when I got home. But by the time I got home I thought that idea seemed even more lame than not doing them at all. The boys could really care less anyway, and the items I got for Kate's basket were things like a hand-held Boggle game that I thought she could do in the car. So now I'm being a huge baby and thinking about returning all the stuff I bought for Easter, the purchase of which was just a big waste of time.

Why do I insist on being so disappointed about this?

Although I don't want to diminish Henry's achievements, or my pride in him, I thought I would expand on the statement "he has mastered all of his goals" by telling you what some of them are. Many of our goals at the beginning of the school year were really basic stuff- basically getting him to participate in the classroom setting without hurting someone. Some of his goals were:

-Henry will transition from one activity to another w/no protest
-Henry will take turns w/others and respond to questions in group situations
-Henry will tolerate using the same space and materials w/peers with no aggression

The goals related to his knowledge were things like stating all the sounds of the alphabet, associating the quantity of a group to the correct number, etc. I never had a doubt he could do those things, although after last year I did wonder if a teacher would be able to get past his behaviors to get the knowledge out there.

So, still a great job for Henry, but I didn't want to give the impression that he had mastered his goal of writing a novel or something!

Henry had a rough day on Friday. The boys were heading to my parents' house for the weekend (we had a wedding to go to last night) and Henry and Tommy were both SO SO excited. I try to give Henry plenty of advance notice when we are going to do something special. We wrote it on his calendar and crossed off the days until Friday. Friday morning they both wanted to go right now, but I explained that we would go after work and school, at dinnertime.

Here's what his notebook said Friday afternoon:

Henry had a rough day. He kicked a student in the face (though not hard, it left no mark), & also went after another student. This hasn't happened in forever :( He did apologize to both students.

There was also a math worksheet in his bag with this note written on it:

Henry had a bit of trouble-mostly just refusing to do this.

I e-mailed her and said that I thought it must be related to his excitement about the weekend. I also told her that when I asked Henry about it he told me that he was being Scar (from the Lion King). Here was her response:

I agree. Henry seemed VERY excited about going to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Additionally, one of my assistants was out today, and there was no sub available. As a result, two of my students were unable to go to K inclusion as they always do daily. All of these things factored together could have proven to be a very big change for Henry in one day. As I said, he did apologize to the student. He told me he was being the rat from Lady and the Tramp, though. Exactly what happened was the student approached Henry as he was laying in Quiet area and said, "Henry, my birthday is March 16." This is when the kick happened. However, since nothing like this has happened in such a long time, I don't think we need to become overly alarmed. Thanks so much for your email, though. Have a great time at the wedding, and I'm sure Henry is loving Grandma and Grandpa's house!

I still wish I knew a little more about this. Why was Henry so ticked off about the kid's birthday? Maybe he talks about his birthday all the time? Kind of funny.

The wedding was pretty fun last night. I bought a new dress and shoes which I haven't done in a long time. The only thing is, unfailingly, at every event like that, I am ready to leave before my husband is. It's like I have this social tolerance timer, and when that time is up, I just shut down. Bill, on the other hand, seems to feed on the social stuff, having more and more fun as the night goes on (I realize that this is how most normal people respond to a fun evening with friends!) It was a wedding of someone I work with, so maybe I'm just over spending time with these people, since I do it all week long. Or I just don't get out enough, so I'm out of practice.

I talked to my mom yesterday around 10 am and the boys were eating post-breakfast cookies. Always a good time at Grandma & Grandpa's house.

Happy Birthday Thomas

Dear Tommy,

When I was pregnant with you, I often told other parents that I hoped the second baby would be "easier". Not that Henry was a difficult child at all. But he did have his health problems. And those, added to all the weirdness that comes with being a new mom, added up to some stress for me.

I hoped that this time it would be "easier" because we would be more confident. We wouldn't be as scared and unsure. I wanted to enjoy you more. (Does every parent want that? Is that part of why we keep having more children? To try to re-capture the babyness and "appreciate" it more? It is so fleeting.)

So, today you turned 2 years old and I wonder how that happened. I have appreciated you, every minute of every day, but yet you still grew out of a baby and into a toddler. Right before my eyes. Lately I have been thinking about it and wishing that you could stay this way a little bit longer. Your godmother wisely reminded me that 2 years old is great, but so is 8 years old. So I guess I'll let you keep growing up. (Yeah, right, as if I have a choice!)

So far raising you does seem a little "easier", as far as the worrying goes. But it seems more bittersweet. (That is a word that a lot of my mommy friends use.) With Henry it seems like I just jumped right into motherhood and floundered around. With you, the road is more familiar, so maybe I have more time to look around me and enjoy the scenery.

You are so precious to me- truly, almost everything you do leaves me grinning like a love struck drunk or something. Even in church when you declare "take shirt off" and then start jumping on my lap like I'm a trampoline. Or when you won't poop in the potty but then poop on the floor and come to tell me. I want to document some of the extra-cute things you do, so that I can always remember:

You like to say "Oh! See mommy, see!" And then show me a toy or a book or whatever. Sometimes you say "Oh mon!" and you sound Jamaican.

Every once in awhile, when the stars are aligned just right, you put your face very close to mine and give me a kiss on the lips, without me even asking! L told me that one day you did that to her and said "I love you."

You like to hop up and down a lot-especially to entertain the "babies" at L's house. You love babies, which always amuses me, because I think you are just a baby yourself.

You never want to sit in your booster seat, but always at a big chair at the table, just like Bubba.

Sometimes you say "OH! Mommy- turtle scare me!" But I don't think you're really that scared, because you keep on watching the turtles.

You like to "roughhouse", especially with daddy and Bubba.

When you sneeze, and I say "God bless you", you always say "God bless you too Mommy." When I say "you're a neat kid, Tommy" you say "mommy neat kid."

You are different from your brother and sister in that you will try new food without missing a beat. In fact, whenever I am trying to eat anything, you climb up on me and say "my do, my do"

Lately you have wanted to climb up and jump. From any piece of furniture or even something like Daddy's lunchbox. Sometimes you count: "one, two, three, seven, eight, nine, ten! JUMP!"

I think you had a fun day today. You seemed to sort of "get it" that it was your birthday. We hung up the "happy birthday" banner and you were pretty excited about that. You pointed at it and said "ABCDEFG!"

You waited at the door for Grandma and Grandpa to come. Tanner and her mom got you that water table that really seems to be for outside in the warmer weather. But I filled it up in the laundry room and let you play in it. Then I emptied it out, but you got Grandpa to fill it up for you again. I wonder where I learned to be such a spoiler?!

You enjoyed blowing out your candles, and got your Grandpa to re-light them at least a dozen times and then help you blow them out, over and over. Finally I told you 2 more times, but then wasn't paying attention. Henry was sure to point out when your two more times were up!

You had a great day, but didn't have a nap. So it was an early bedtime tonight. Today you gave me lots of hugs and kisses. I told you that I loved you and that I'm so glad you came into my life 2 years ago. You have made me so happy.

I promise I will always love you this much.

Happy Birthday.

Note to self: do something differently next year

Last Wednesday I started writing a sappy post about all the things I'm thankful for. Thought I would finish it over the weekend. Well, unfortunately for anyone reading, my weekend was kind of crappy. So instead of the lovey, mushy post, you get to hear me whine. Maybe I'll finish the thankful post another day.

So Henry went home with my parents last Saturday (the 19th) and stayed with them until we arrived on Thanksgiving Day. Then we all stayed there for a couple more nights and came home on Saturday.

Henry is always "bad" after spending time with my parents. I know this. Why am I surprised every time? (I know "bad" is not a proper word to use, but it's sort of shorthand for "more autistic".) The same thing happened last year, that's what kills me, and I must have blocked it out of my memory until it was too late.

It's not my parents' fault- they do what all grandparents do, they dote on their grandson. He gets to stay at their house for a few days without his little brother bugging him, and watch movies and do puzzles and go shopping for Power Ranger stuff. The problem is that this indulgence kind of puts him into a ZONE where HE ONLY WANTS TO DO WHAT HE WANTS TO DO RIGHT NOW. No matter what you suggest, he'll say he doesn't want to do it. But he won't just say he doesn't want to do it, he'll scream. If you're lucky he'll use words, but more often it's just a scream.

He just really regressed from what I had been seeing in the past few weeks- using words, being nice to his brother, adapting to change. So while we're visiting with family for Thanksgiving Bill and I also have to be in crisis mode- taking turns trying to calm Henry down.

He screamed every time Tommy came near him, and here's a typical exchange:
I said it was time to eat the Thanksgiving feast.
He says (screams really) "you don't want to eat the Thanksgiving feast!" "The Thanksgiving feast is NOT ready!" "Everyone is NOT going to eat!" etc. etc.
I said, OK, he doesn't have to eat, but that's where we'll all be. So he follows me out, sits at the table, and then. . . he's sweet as could be. He keeps putting his head on my shoulder, saying "you missed me", "you like this thanksgiving feast", "it's fun to all be together for the thanksgiving feast", etc. etc.

The same thing happened with decorating mom's tree. I asked if he wanted to help. "You do NOT want to decorate the tree!" "You are too young to decorate the tree!" (Not sure where he learned that one.) Then he comes downstairs and dances around the tree while mom decorates it, sits on his uncle's lap by the fire and gushes about the tree.

I know a parent is supposed to stay one step ahead of one's kid. I feel like I am reasonably intelligent and can manage that with my other children. But I sometimes feel like I'm fighting a losing battle with trying to figure Henry out. What is the answer? Don't ever let him stay with my parents? That seems obvious, but I guess I want to keep trying and hope that he will learn to roll with changes a little bit better. I feel like they can all benefit from spending time together without Bill and I hovering around.

By Friday evening I wanted to get him out of the house and get his body moving a little. So I found out when mom's rec center had open swim and told him we would go swimming. That made him go berserk. I got frustrated and disappointed and told him "Henry, I thought you would like that and it would be fun. But if you don't want to go then we won't." He kind of looked at me like "why the hell would it be fun to go to a strange pool with you?"

Henry, I feel like I understand you so well, yet other times I totally miss the boat. I'll just keep trying.

Maybe I subconsciously knew this would be a stressful weekend and that's why I was feeling a little melancholy on Wednesday.

So next year, when I propose sending Henry there for the week before Thanksgiving, just do me a favor and remind me what will happen.

Your people miss you too

Henry is at Grandma & Grandpa's house for a few days. They (my parents) live about an hour away- not close enough to see weekly, but close enough to see at least monthly, which is great. We had a football watching party to attend Saturday afternoon, so mom and dad agreed to come and babysit and then take a kid home with them. Good deal, eh?

Henry has stayed with them before, and of course he loves it- they indulge all his interests and he gets them all to himself- no sharing with the little brother.

So I told Henry a few days ahead of time that he would be going- I knew he would be excited, and also just wanted to prepare him. That may have been a mistake. Friday night he kept saying he wanted Grandma and Grandpa to come RIGHT NOW. Then he woke up Saturday morning and really started fixating on it- "They ARE here." (No, they won't be here for a couple more hours. Then they'll stay and watch football for awhile, THEN you get to go home with them.) It was a lot of waiting for the poor kid. Then every once in awhile he would get fed up and say "they ARE NOT coming to your house." It's really interesting when he does that, like he can't handle the excited feelings and just decides he doesn't want them to come after all, or he's just tired of waiting, so they missed their chance.

He also said a couple cute things about his glasses Saturday morning- he said "you want to throw them away" and "you want to take them back to the eye doctor." Both smart ideas, but sorry, you're stuck with them. He said those things but was pretty agreeable about leaving the glasses on. I guess he just thought he'd make a few suggestions and maybe I'd take him up on one of them.

When mom, dad and Henry pulled out of the driveway Saturday evening, he said "you miss your people."

It is hard not to eat him up, friends. He couldn't be any sweeter. (But I gotta say, it was nice to have one less kid this morning. I had time to drink some coffee.)