I want to fight with you!

The other subject on my mind lately has to do with Henry and friendships. Tara posted a few days ago about playdates, and when to force the issue with her son.

Henry has never shown much interest in "playing" with anyone. Some of his awkward attempts have been heartbreaking. For example, in preschool he would "tickle" classmates. (He would do it with us also.) But this tickling was way too rough- he would poke and pinch with his little fingers. It was an attempt to engage someone, but not a very successful one.

One evening last fall I remember seeing two boys running down the sidewalk together and thinking that Henry may never have a playmate like that. It made me sad, and still does a little.

I have learned a vital lesson in my relationship with my daughter, however, that carries right over to Henry: my kids are not going to be like me. It took me years to figure out that Kate is not going to one day wake up and like all the things I like. The same way I'm not going to wake up one day and understand basketball.

So Henry might not have a gang of friends to play football with on the weekends- that's OK. There are worse things than being a bit solitary. He will not be likely to fold to peer pressure, that's for sure!

That said, we are working on peer-relationship types of goals at school: learning to take turns, make conversation, etc.

And I see some encouraging signs. He spent a week at Tommy's sitter during spring break, and a few days this summer. I assumed that he would spend his time doing solitary things: reading or playing on the computer. But both times L reported that Henry played a lot with the kids his age, and the days when it was only "little kids" there with him, he was bored. He likes to "play fight", i.e. play that they are Power Rangers, or Jedi Knights. So that's a pretty mainstream thing to play. We just have to make sure he understands to ask the other kid if he wants to play fight first!

At the IEP meeting, Ms. H was talking about Henry's success with inclusion. I asked if she thought the other kids thought of him as "the weird kid". (I know, not politically correct term. But that's the kind of stuff I worry about, deep down. I don't want my son to be whispered about as the weird kid.) Ms. H said "oh, no, not at all. The other kids seem to really like him." And then our District Special Ed Director pointed out that, at this age, kids don't really judge in that way. They just say, "hey, that kid likes soccer and so do I. I'll be his friend." But they don't say "oh, that kid likes Disney movies and Power Rangers. He's a weirdo."

So I realized that I was giving that a little too much worry.