family matters

The other weekend, while driving up to my friend's house for the birthday party, I heard the old Bob Dylan song Don't Think Twice. The version I heard that day was a cover by Eric Clapton, during a Bob Dylan tribute concert. The version (and vision) that popped immediately into my head, however, was a more folky, harmonic version, sung by a little-known duo: my parents. (Peter, Paul and Mary recorded the version that mom and dad used to cover.)

When I was a kid, my parents would often spend Saturday mornings singing together, dad playing guitar. You're all saying "ahhhhh, how sweet." But I hated it! (Typical, in the way that all kids are bugged by their parents, except that I was not a teenager yet, but an elementary school-age kid.) I didn't think I liked it at the time, but now I adore the songs they used to sing, and love to sing them myself, when no one's listening.*

Since I had the time to think, driving in the car, I started wondering WHY it was that I never wanted mom and dad to sing. I think maybe it seemed so intimate- like having to spend Saturday morning watching your parents make out or something. We were not a very expressive family. Didn't say "I love you" a lot (although it was understood), didn't argue a lot either. I rarely saw my parents hug or kiss. So I think this interaction that felt full of emotion made me uneasy.

And that realization makes me think about Henry. (He never wants us to sing either, but I think that's just because we are too loud or something.) He doesn't seem troubled by "happy" emotions, but gets very upset by any hint of anger or irritation or argument.

Mom and I were recently remembering a cousin's wedding back when I was a kid. One brother spent the evening running around and sliding on the floor of the reception hall and eating too much cake. He got so wild that he ended up throwing up on that same floor.

My other brother sat off in a corner the entire time. That was his way, and still is. (He and my dad could both be said to have "autistic tendencies". Some similarities to Henry, but not as extreme.) Mom remembered that relatives kept asking her "what was wrong" with him. Yes, it must have been a loooong night for my mom!

I felt sad thinking about that, and thinking about how much easier it is for kids now. It didn't seem to be acceptable back then to just say "he doesn't like crowds" or "he's shy". Or to not even bring him to a gathering that you knew would stress him out.

Doesn't it seem wrong that society would be more accepting of a kid who gets really freaked out and throws up than a kid who likes to keep to himself and watch from the sidelines? I hope that we are all working toward better understanding and acceptance of all kinds of kids.

*My parents and brothers are all quite musical. I am the black sheep, in that way. However, writing this blog has made me realize how important music is in my life, so I did inherit a love of music, if not a talent for it.