It's been a long, full week. I worried at times that I had overscheduled Henry. Well, all of us, but especially Henry.
Of course I was planning things that he enjoys. But even things that he enjoys seem to fill him with anxiety. We think that any and every strong emotion gives him the same uneasy feeling, and he doesn't seem to know what to do with that feeling.
So what happens is that we enter the zoo, and he is immediately overwhelmed by the excitement of it all. He begins talking, non-stop. Sometimes in a whining tone, sometimes in an angry tone. A steady stream of worry-talk:
I will not see any animals. I will just go back home. There are no sharks. There are no wolves. Just home. (Hey, Henry, look at these bats!) NO BATS! You are the bats! Let's just go back to the car. Let's just go back to the parking lot. I will not! see! any! animals! (with a push to my belly upon each word)...
While the talking is going on, he is also likely to grab anyone who comes near- either to push or pinch. So Bill or I are constantly trying to hold on to him, both to keep him from hurting anyone, and in an effort to comfort him with some hugs and squeezes. I have no idea, really, if this helps or not. But it's what we do. We try to tell him that we understand that he's feeling excited, anxious, overwhelmed. (I introduced this word this week and he latched on to it, but kept saying that he felt "over-warmed".)
And just when I'm ready to bag it and say we'll go wait in the car, he focuses on something he wants to look at, mercifully shuts up, and seems to enjoy himself. He does have periods of enjoyment, or I wouldn't do stuff like this with him. If you asked him about any of our travels, I'm sure he'd tell you that he had "such a great time" and wants to go back.
It's not fun for the people we're with and I feel like it takes me away from enjoying things with Tommy. I have to be focused, at least 80% of the time, on Henry. And don't you think it must be taxing to Henry, to flip a switch from anguished to euphoric and back again, multiple times in one day?
It's exhausting and puzzling. But we keep on doing it. Keep putting our heads down and plunging ahead. But sometimes I wonder what he's really thinking? And whether this stress is worth it to him?
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5 comments:
Unfortunately I know exactly what you mean. Dragging them out to 'have fun' can be darned hard work, so much so that I often wonder if it's worth it. We have been to so many places that I have no recall of whatsoever because I was so busy chasing and calming children that I was completely oblivious to my surroundings plus the added guilt of neglected children and ignored guests.....sending you some energy buzz.
Cheers
Such a familiar scenario. I give you a lot of credit for pressing forward. Most of the time, I abandon the plan midstream. Actually, most of the time I don't even make the plan anymore. It's just too exhausting.
Sigh.
i hear you gretchen. i wish we could come with you. then maybe you wouldn't worry at all about what we were thinking because we'd be doing our own version of the same thing.
i wish we could all pick blueberries together! they are fluffy's favorite too!
How are you doing Gretchen? How's the family? Haven't heard from you in awhile, hope all is well.
Boy oh boy do I know what you mean. We too just keep movin forward and praying. (Sometimes our moving forward doesn't always actually go forward, sometimes it's a screaming kiddo who refuses to move in that direction) but we as parents just want our kids to be happy and do fun things. I wish I knew what KC and Adam were thinking. It's so hard to tell if we are doing the right things or not. I'm totally with ya girlfriend.
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