When I started this blog over 3 years ago (!!!), I think my aim was to have a conversation about autism. No- that's not quite right- my aim was to have a conversation about my son who is autistic. About my life as his mother. A conversation with strangers who had something in common with me. In doing so, I hoped to quiet my mind (a phrase from my yoga DVD) and find comfort and familiarity in a situation that was sometimes uncomfortable and unfamiliar.
Over the next 300 posts (this turns out to be published post #302), I did find comfort. And I found friends. And I found a voice. I found a hobby that was/is quite rewarding to me.
But I didn't quite think through the ramifications of this little website. I told my family about it- mostly because I didn't want them to think I was hiding something from them- sneaking down to the basement to clickity-clack on my secret computer project. But I didn't tell anyone else. None of my real-life friends or co-workers. No one.
It wasn't a deep, dark secret or anything, but more like this: say I decided to take up tap dancing or some other new interest; I might not be that good at it, no one else might really give a shit about it, I would seem like I was fishing for compliments if I told everyone about it, and really, it's just something I'm doing for me- something private between me and my tap shoes. I talk to my new tap-dancing friends about it because it's something we share, but I'm not going to bore the hell out of my neighbors by telling them about it... ok, you get the analogy.
And then, after a couple years went by, it seemed even weirder to tell anyone, because if they surfed over to check it out they'd see all these dozens of posts of baggage, and it would seem like I had been keeping this big secret side of me, and again like I was fishing for compliments...
I realize that I'm waaay over-thinking this, but that is my tendency, isn't it?
But my mom and my husband, God bless them both, have been telling lots of folks about this blog. (And I never told them not to, so it's not like they're going against my wishes, or they didn't know that they were.) But a couple weeks ago they each told someone new about the blog who has a connection to Henry's school.
And that was just a little to close for comfort. So I freaked out and didn't write anything for awhile, briefly made the site for invite only (with myself as the only invitee!), and now I'm posting this little brain-dump.
I have lots of options: I could go to a invite-only site. I could keep this site but be more careful (more thoughtful?) about what I write. I could go to a host like vox that lets me decide what kind of post I'm writing (for public or private publishing). None of those options is totally appealing to me, I think because the first option eliminates the opportunity to meet new readers, while the other two options require more work on my part.
So that's the state of the blog right now. Please weigh in with your thoughts about blogging, privacy, and my over-reaction to the situation. I'd like to know what you think.
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14 comments:
I am a frequent reader of your blog. I have a son with autism. I was very sad when I saw that your site was going to be by invite only. I would have missed it. I did keep checking to see if the status changed and I am glad that I did. Hope that you continue to blog in this forum. I enjoy reading.
-Karen, Mom to Evan
PLEASE. Don't. Leave. Me! I mean Us! I mean, okay, so I'm selfish, but you are one of the reasons I started blogging, and it has literally lifted me out of the abyss a few times. Writing. It's a tool. It's important. Don't stop. If you go invite only, please invite me...
Please stay! We have been reading for a very long time now and feel we have totally connected to you and your little guys.
I don't always leave a comment but I do always read and I know that your blog HELPS so many new Mom's and Dad's out there in the blogosphere. If you got to invite only there will be so many folks that will miss the beauty of your blog and it would be such a shame.
If you do go to the invite only please don't for get us.
Hoping you will stay...
Tina and Boys
stay! I always read-never comment though until now. I love your stories and would miss it terribly!!! Your boys are too cute not to share! and you are just being honest-you are the mom to these kids so you have a right!!!
I kinda did the same thing. I wanted my blog to be a place where I could say anything, and not have to be accountable to people who "know" me. I often wonder what will happen if people in my "real" life find out about my blog - namely my husband's (not always nice) family. But, as ghkcole already said the writing is so cathartic. And, like her, I'm BEGGING you not to leave us. Please.
I totally understand about how having people associated with the school reading as being uncomfortable, one feels as though she is being "watched" and even perhaps judged for all the honesty and opinions that she might have.
So, if you do decide to go private then I hope that I am invited and I hope that it brings you some solace in writing straight from your heart and not having to feel as though you must be careful about what you write.
With that said, I know that you will do what is best for you and please don't be too hard on yourself about "over-thinking" I am sure that you had rather not have any repercussions if and when you happen to write something about the school.
lots of hugs
I'm sad that the old Octoberbabies is gone. I had so many great readers and lost just about all of them when I went private.
But in the end, I don't regret it because alot of what I write is personal and I decided that it was more important to me to keep my voice real (even at the expense of losing my readers) than to censor what I wrote. Just my opinion.
Sal.
PS. It only takes ONE click to decide who you let see your posts on Vox. One click, not that much work.
Well, like Sal I sort of miss my original blog(s). My2Sons, Then Mothers Intuition. But like you, it was the school reading that made me leave the first blog, try to be more anonymous with the 2nd and in the end it was those mean comments from that nut from Hempstead that drove me to go private. Anyway, whatever you decide, keep writing somewhere. I know I really want to get back to it. Maybe more at Vox since I am not sure anyone still reads my other.
I'm inclined for password protection these days, especially as Charlie has gotten older and I've gotten more and more of a sense of, what would he think if he read me speaking about this? And certainly I prefer not to post photos (with his face, for sure) for public viewing---ya just never know these days. And as Eileen noted, the school reading about certain details is a concern.
I'd keep the choice fluid. The biggest factor for me has indeed been the reality of Charlie growing up and my growing sense of how he needs his privacy; mine is my own to worry about, I guess you could say.
Always glad to stop by here, that's for sure.
I respect your wishes, of course - and I find it necessary to be anonymous on my blog for work reasons.
I WILL say that you DO help a lot of people, and that you would be sorely missed.
Bloglines was screwed up and I thought you had gone away, so I wasn't checking you, specifically.
I agree with Sal re: Vox. Sometimes, I post things that aren't so private in the "anyone" category because it's something that I want to share with the whole world. Sometimes, I just keep it to my little circle of friends.
I used to really like being out there for everyone to see... until, like you, it became a bit too real.
No matter what, write. Even if it is only you who sees it. Write!
I keep both blogger and vox. I don't really post on vox, but sometimes I do. It's great being out there, but there are times I wish I weren't so that I could truly write how I feel. I've actually been thinking of not blogging anymore, but I'm not sure if that's the right decision either.
Btw, I just got around to checking bloglines. Merry Christmas!
this is a hard one. whatever you decide, remember you can always change your mind! and then change it again. maybe there isn't just one answer.
there have been times (gee, as recently as over this holiday) when i was very upset about something and felt compelled to write a highly unfiltered post but then decided not to put it on the blog where my family would read it as i figured it would only prolong the fire, so to speak. but i did keep it in a log of all journal-type writing i do. so it's part of my own record.
i've also been keeping a private blog all about curriculum/school stuff, trying to find the right homeschool mix of activities/challenges/fun for fluffy. it's so freeform and UNformed, it felt better to work it out with a very small audience of other parents in the same boat.
as much as i blog from the hip, it is filtered, to protect fluffy's privacy, to be respectful of him and other people i know. i have a feeling most bloggers are doing that to differing degrees.
so, that was a LONG answer but my short answer is: don't go! or at least, test the waters now that you know people are reading. see how it feels. see what you WANT to write and watch for feeling self-conscious or exposed. it may surprise you. it may end up being even more empowering!
I think you have to do what is right for you. I wouldn't want my sons teacher(s) to read my blog.
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