So there's this book Henry likes to borrow from the library: The Return of the Jedi story tape and book. He likes it so much, and it is so old (I'm sure it's from when the movie first came out, when I was a kid), that the last time we returned it, several pages had fallen out.
That was probably 6 months ago, if not more. And every time we've been to the library since, he looks for it. Every time, I look it up in the computer and the status says DAMAGED. I figured it was beyond repair, and they were just going to take it out of circulation. I have searched for a copy online to buy, but haven't found one.
As he has grown older, Henry has gotten better about understanding when something can't be his way. He doesn't throw a screaming fit in the library, like he might have a few years ago, but he also won't let go of asking about that book. He's a persistent one.
We were at the library yesterday and, before I could stop him, Henry took matters into his own hands, went up and asked the librarian about the book!!!!
She went into the back room, retrieved it, and taped it right before his eyes! (She said she had been hoping to replace it, but she also had not been able to find another copy.)
Henry was beaming. And so was I. I can't explain how proud I was of him for taking the initiative to ask. He wasn't afraid to talk to the librarian, all on his own, and she (mostly) understood just what he wanted and satisfied his request.
It gives me hope that he'll be able to go far on his own in life. Maybe farther than me, who is content to just believe what it says in the database, and not question it!
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Awhile back I wrote about the predisposition Henry and I have towards fainting. At that point, much to my relief, it had never happened to Thomas.
Well, that changed this weekend. When I picked him up at his sitter's Friday, he was jumping on her trampoline. He fell, like he does 30 times a day, 5 days a week. But this time he kind of stopped crying and lay still. An older boy happened to be up there with him and we asked the boy to pick Tommy up. When he did, I could see that Tommy was arching his back. I scrambled up there as best I could (have you ever tried to get up on a trampoline FAST? With that damn safety net all around it?) as Tommy's eyes were rolling back in his head. I sort of tossed him out to L, and by that time he was back "with us". Looking around like he didn't know where he was, and very pale. The whole episode probably lasted 45 seconds. But it sure scared the hell out of L and me.
I was hoping that, because of his more advanced communication skills, Thomas might be able to tell me more about what happened than Henry ever could. But he didn't seem to remember it. All he said was that he fell and his leg hurt.
I believe this might be a tendency that we've inherited from my dad's side of the family- others on that side have had similar incidents. My dad is one of 11 children, and grew up on a farm. I sure wish that my grandma was still around to ask about this. I suppose by the time the 5th child did this she didn't even flinch- just patted him on the head and went back to work!
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In other news, I met another real-life parent of an autistic kid at gymnastics class. The first evening I laid eyes on this boy as he barreled through the door and headed towards the bathrooms, and heard the way his mom spoke to him: "Shoes. Cubby." I knew he must be autistic.
Last week she struck up a conversation with me about Thomas. She said she'd been watching him and thought he was a cutie (well, duh.) I kind of awkwardly worked into the conversation that I had an older son who had an autism spectrum disorder, and she confirmed that her son did too. It's funny, it seemed like she was drawn to Thomas for some of the same reasons that I get an extra kick out of him: because he's so TYPICAL. Just does normal little boy stuff, most of the time effortlessly. Moms who don't have a child who struggles doubtlessly take that for granted.
Anyway, I felt a little silly because she was asking me if I'm on some local listservs and chatrooms, which I'm not. She has friends with ASD kids who live in my neighborhood! But I don't know them. For one thing, her son is 4, and most of the other kids she knows are the same age. It's interesting how many more opportunities there are for kids just a few years younger than Henry. Interesting and frustrating, but I'm not bitter, am I?
So maybe I'll meet some new people and find some new opportunities for Henry out of this. I'm a little reluctant in some weird way. Maybe my internet friends feel safer to me than real-life people. On the internet we can choose which days we want to interact and which days we don't. And we can control what our friends know about us and what they don't... Gosh, I sound paranoid. And anti-social.
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7 comments:
No you don't. Not paranoid or anti-social. I totally get what you are saying. It is safer, more controllable and for that reason, we tend to be more honest, more open when we do feel like sharing (or at least that's true for me.) I know quite a few other parents of kids with autism in our town, but I feel closer to the group I've cultivated online.
I can't explain it. And it seems counterintuitive, but that's how I feel. So, I get your reluctance.
But the fainting thing? Are you sure that's okay? I got nervous.
Well, as I said, it has happened with Henry before and the doctors were never worried. Still, I did call and talk to a nurse Saturday, even though I KNEW what she would say. She asked if he had vomited (he hadn't) or gone to sleep (we actually stayed out REALLY late Friday night- I'm too embarrassed to tell you how late I kept my kids up) or acted strange in any other way. He hadn't.
My doctor's office is very low-key about everything, and they kind of blew it off. I also talked to a couple other parents Friday night whose (older) children have done similar things.
(I also heard some horror stories about trampolines that I am choosing to ignore!)
But, I'm open to any other ideas you might have. My doctor never thought Henry was autistic either, so they obviously don't know everything!
the book: Good for him! Have you looked on Ebay?
The fainting: I used to do the same thing. I can't tell you how many times I would just pass out at the slightest bit of pain. It always worried me about pregnancy and labor, but my body didn't decide to "check out". I outgrew it, I guess. I used to constantly get nosebleeds, too. A fainting and bleeding mess, I was.
The anti-social paranoid thing: I totally get it. I belong to a local support board, but only recently met someone off of it... the creator of the board, who also feels the same way as we do about people. Maybe it is because we have all realized how much *work* goes into trying to maintain a friendship when you have a special needs child?
Gretchen, I agree with Kristen on the relationships locally. There are some moms I've met who, frankly, really put me off. They are so into the gloom and doom of the DIS part of disability. YUCK.
As for the fainting, please, please, please get it checked out. What you described *could* be seizure activity --possibly transient but definitely worth getting checked out. We thought Nik simply had "staring spells" for the longest time. Our EI case manager advised us to get it checked out and it turned out he'd been having absence seizures. It's not so much the "fainting" part that's of concern as it is the arching and the loss of consciousness. I hope it's nothing but even if it is seizures, it's easily managed/controlled and doesn't have to be a big deal.
Good for Thomas!
I completely understand how you feel. One of my closest friends (also has an autistic son) "checks out" of our relationship every so often for a day or several days. Things get to be too much to handle and just getting through each day with her kids is all-consuming. She's gone days without returning calls. The first time she did this I was confused and hurt. But now I don't give it a second thought (except to be concerned about her). I get it.
Glad to hear Tommy is all right----scarey.
Sometimes I think with blogging and emailing I'm able to communicate something more important and even personal than in a fast chat when I have one eye on Charlie----it is an advantage that one in some ways has more time to "talk" to online friends. I have had to run out of too many conversations, in keeping an eye on Charlie.
Cheers to Henry about asking for the sought-after book----persistence and insistence aren't always the worst of traits, perhaps.
I have been really, really fortunate to have met another local mom with a child on the spectrum with whom I've become fast friends. It is great because #1) she knows exactly what I'm talking about always and #2) I never leave her company without feeling there is more good to our life than bad. We give each other encouragement that just couldn't come from anyone else. There are other parents that I stay away from but finding this one friendship has made such a HUGE difference in my life. SO, while I get what you are saying, I hope you also find some local friendships that rival your on-line Gretchen fan club!
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