moving on, always moving on

My 3-year-old always seems to be dragging me into his future. When I want him to still be watching Teletubbies, he's watching the Power Rangers. When I want him to hold my hand, he wants to do it himself.

It has never been so with Henry. He's always been happy with the status quo and usually been reluctant to try something new. That, combined with his developmental delays, has made me shield my eyes from the future in many respects. I don't know when he'll learn to ride a bike, for example, and (this is a secret) I don't really care that much. I'll keep on reading him books forever if he wants...

Except, wait, all of a sudden he knows how to read!

For much of preschool and kindergarten, I was just trying NOT to think about "what if he gets kicked out of this class for being aggressive". I couldn't afford to think much about what the next 13 years of school would bring.

It kind of feels like I've been holding my breath for a looooooong time. And now, suprisingly, I'm breathing a little more again. The past couple weeks these strange thoughts have popped into my head- like I should teach Henry how to answer the phone. Or maybe we'll get him a cell phone when he's a little older for if he's at home by himself. Or I should give Henry some chores to do and an allowance so that he can learn about money and buy himself a new dvd or book once in awhile.

That's the kind of stuff a parent thinks about with a regular old 7.5 year old. And here I am, thinking it. Cool.

I talked with his teacher yesterday about IEP goals. This is the most communication I've ever had about goals, and it feels wonderful. Every other IEP meeting seemed like it came out of nowhere and I was ill-prepared. I kind of felt like I was going there so they could tell me about my kid. So then when everyone turned to me and asked me MY goals for Henry, I was like uhhhhh, errrrr, I want him to like school and make friends. Brilliant, mom.

So anyway, I feel much more like this is a team effort now and it's nice. I will share the goals when they are written down, but in general we talked about the following:

-working on other leisure skills and activities. Mrs. C said that during leisure time Henry always chooses a book, puzzle, or computer. She would like to see him choose to play a game with someone once in awhile

-raising his hand and waiting his turn to speak. I brought this up because lately I notice him interrupting a lot. I think he has always done it, but we have all been conditioned to think everyone stop what you're doing- Henry is talking. All eyes must be on him. It can't be that way for the rest of his life!

(Side note: I am becoming more aware of this as I try to assess what effect having a "disabled" brother might have on Thomas. When we were at Tommy's 3-year checkup, Henry kept wanting to talk to the doctor- show him his books and papers, etc. I told him that Tommy was talking to the doctor and Henry would have to wait his turn. But Henry is not used to hearing that.)

-some basic fine motor skills that still need work: buttoning, snapping, zipping, squeezing glue

-conversation skills/how to greet his peers and chat with them. Mrs. C told me that she realized that Henry would say "I miss my mommy" as a sort of conversation-starter with adults! She couldn't figure out why he would say it when a new person came into the room, but then figured out that it was a way to break the ice!

-she said that Henry is at (or above) grade level for his academic skills, so those do not need to be part of the IEP.

He will still "tantrum" (her word) on occasion and refuse to do work somewhat frequently. And she would like to see him get away from needing a reward for everything; like he often is bribed to do his independent work with the promise of earning computer time, etc. But I think back to where we were a year ago- don't even want to think about 2 years ago- and he has progressed 100%.

So check with me in a year and he'll probably be calling me on the phone to ask when I can take him to spend his allowance!