(I am so, so sorry, but I don't have any pictures to illustrate this post. Trying to share my teenager's digital camera isn't working out so well, and I think I will need to put one on my birthday & Christmas lists this year. I did take pictures with the regular camera, of course, but will have to post those later.)
Yesterday I took the day off to spend with Henry and Kate before school started. Kate was up-and-at-'em for some reason, so we had dropped Tommy off and purchased school supplies at Target, all before 9:30 am. After that, I suggested Henry and I walk to the library. We haven't walked in awhile, and it was a completely perfect day.
Once in awhile I get these bursts of mommy energy, combined with mommy guilt. I feel like every other autism mom is constantly vigilant, constantly finding opportunities to teach her child, constantly stretching his boundaries and exploring new talents, while I'm just reading my kid the same old Disney stories and letting him play on the computer.
So, in those moments, I get these big ideas like "let's learn to ride your bike!"
We have this teeny tiny bike that is really more Tommy-sized than Henry-sized. I pushed him on it for about a block, encouraging him to "pedal, pedal, pedal!" And trying not to sound frustrated when, every 10 feet or so, he back pedaled- putting on the brakes while I was trying to push.
After the first block, we parked the bike, and walked the remaining 3 blocks. Henry spontaneously read road signs and seemed excited that he had "rided" his bike. Our time at the library was delightful. We even read a couple non-Disney books. On the way home, as we approached the waiting bike, he started proclaiming "I don't want to ride my bike I don't want to ride my bike!" At this point, I was willing to admit defeat, and just said "I don't care- don't ride it then. I'll just carry it."
He hopped right on. The little s--t.
We struggled home on the bike until I was sweaty and near the breaking point. We went inside and my savior Kate gave Henry some lunch while I took a shower.
The thing that discourages me so much is that he just doesn't get how to ride a bike. I realize that we all have to work on that skill. But most kids on a bike with training wheels can pick up the pedaling motion pretty quickly. It's just not intuitive for Henry. And most kids, once they get the motion, have the instinct to want to do it on their own, and to do it fast. Henry seems like he'd be perfectly happy to have me push him forever.
So it occurs to me to just give up and just never teach him to ride a bike.
But then I look at all the other things he's learned to do and I know that I can't give up. He can do it, and once he learns how, he will feel prouder than any other new bike rider has before him. But it's just so hard, and sometimes (lots of times) I just want things to be easy. For both of us.
_________
That afternoon, we visited Henry's teacher and classroom. She had sent him a letter over the weekend:
Dear Henry,
My name is Miss C, and I will be one of your teachers this year.
Tuesday is the first day of school for our class. Our school is Highland Elementary.* It is a fun school. Our room number is XXXX.
We have a great playground and library.** We will have a fun time and learn lots of new things.
Miss J and Miss B are also teachers in our room. They are very nice. You will do some things in our room and spend other time in a bigger 1st grade class.
I can't wait to meet you and start school!
Your teacher,
Miss C
*again, not the real name of his school.
**I mentioned on the phone that the library is one of his favorite spots.
So I was feeling positive. By the end of the visit I felt even better. Although they anticipate a couple more kids, right now there are only 3 students in his class. And one of the boys is a friend from his class last year! A really sweet, quiet boy, with a cute old-fashioned-type name like Henry's.
Henry found some (too easy for him) puzzles, and some Disney books on the shelf. After that, I think he felt right at home.
Even though our district is small enough that it doesn't have bus service, the special ed kids get picked up in a school bus (a regular-sized one, not a short bus). So that was an added excitement this morning. I didn't have time to get weepy- I needed to snap some pictures and make sure that Thomas didn't run out in the street. Henry took along an arsenal of his favorite things: the binder full of print-outs, the Lady and the Tramp DVD box, and the insert from the Lady and the Tramp CD we borrowed from the library.
From all accounts it sounds like he had a "super good" day today. I wonder if he will object to going tomorrow? I'll let you know.
And I think I will ask his teachers and therapists to work on riding a bike. I am not equipped with the knowledge or the stamina to do this stuff alone.
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6 comments:
I don't know if you remember but awhile ago I posted about when Oliver learned to ride his bike. We worked almost every day for a couple of months-- 2x a day for 5 minutes or less. At first I tried the "push, push, push" thing but eventually I just stood in front of him with a bag full of raisins. If he even attempted to pedal I gave him a raisin. I'll bet we looked awfully silly out there day after day not moving and eating raisins!! But then one day he just got on and did it -- not a raisin in sight. There were lots of times I wanted to give up and got frustrated but in the end I'm so glad I didn't. We have spent a lot of time on the bike this summer.
I'm glad Henry had a wonderful first day of school. It sounds as though he has a caring teacher and the big bus is a bonus!
I know exactly where you are coming from :)
http://hearthesiren.blogspot.com/2006/08/its-just-balancing-act.html
Littleman took to bike riding quite easily-he enjoyed it for several weeks and then abruptly stopped once the training wheels were adjusted.(We returned them to the original position.)I need to do the frustrating follow-up now, convincing him it is "safe" to get back on.
Henry will get the hang of it I'm sure. It sounds like he has a mind of his own!!
So glad the first day of school went well- the yellow school bus can be a really exciting part of going to school.
I think it is a common theme with our ASD kids.
I keep remembering this: Conor will do things in HIS time, not when I want him to do them.
Normally I'm only a silent reader, but I wanted to say something about bike riding. Just to show you that moms with so called "normal" children have a hard time with this topic.
I was a pretty lazy child wo rather liked to read than to go out and play.
When my parents wanted to teach me ride my bike, my mother pushed me four weeks along our street. Up and down, up and down...That was funny. I didn't have to do anything :-) My poor mommy.
Then she promised me a meal at McDonalds if I could ride my bike. And when she was inside the house and I was outside with my bike I started to pedal with one foot, then with the other foot (It was a really tiny bike). Finally after six or seven hours at the end of the day I managed to lift both feet from the earth.
We did what Christine describes to teach Charlie to pedal his trike----a therapist set him on the trike and stood before him waving a colored square of paper (long story; these were a favorite of Charlie's for a long time) and laughing and smiling and Charlie started to laugh, and smile, and pedal. It also helped that he was pedaling on our front walk, which had the slightest of inclines. We did not ask him to do more than a few turns on the pedals when he started and then Jim took over and started to walk Charlie around the neighborhood. He always made sure to have the colored squares or a cracker or something to motivated Charlie, who gradually came to like bike riding and (like Oliver) to no longer need the raisins. It was a very slow process at first, believe me!
Really heartened about a good first day of school----I can picture Henry aboard that school bus and look forward to the photos!
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