I just finished a book that I can't get out of my head: The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger (one of your suggestions for my vacation reading). I started the book on vacation, then lost interest partway through, then picked it up again over the weekend and finished it. It's a good book, with a clever premise, but there are some things I wish the author would have explored more- I wanted to know some more about the characters, and I guess I just like everything tied up in a neat little bow at the end.
The thing is, it wasn't my favorite book ever, but yet I still keep thinking about it. Maybe this is why I don't read more books- I get obsessive about them. Why can't I just read a good book in a casual way? It's like I have to get totally immersed in it- to the point where I'm bawling at the end when a certain thing happens that we already knew was going to happen.
(I could tell this thing was going to happen about halfway through, and that's part of why I stopped reading for a little while. It's kind of like when we watched rented Titanic years ago- I got mad halfway through and went to bed: "why am I even caring about these characters? We know the ship is going to sink and they're all going to die anyway!")
I was equally perseverative after reading the Harry Potter books. I started surfing all those goofy Harry Potter sites, and reading all the essays that the HP geeks post on their theories. Get a life, Gretchen. Finish the book, put it on your shelf, and move on!
Sometimes I wonder if I have an over-active emotion gene, which causes me to invest myself a little too much? Kristin wrote awhile back about being "too sensitive." I commented then that "I cry every time there's a baptism at church. I'd call that sensitive. Or 'in touch with my emotions'. I wish I could control it better sometimes, but it's who I am."
Here's another example: my boss' wife passed away from cancer almost 3 years ago. Her illness was quick, and our small office was privy to just about every detail, every emotion, that my boss was feeling. It was pretty awful, to say the least. This past spring, he got re-married. The last time I had seen most of the wedding guests had been at his first wife's funeral, and some of them had been very close friends of hers.
The wedding was lovely, but I felt completely drained by the end of the night. Bill and I talked about it the next day, and decided that maybe this event was especially emotionally draining for me, because I was thinking about so much other stuff: his first wife, her funeral, how her friends must be feeling, how I would be feeling if it were me, what my husband would do if I were to die... ugh. It was like I couldn't shift gears- the last time I saw these people was at a horribly sad event. Now, we're at a terrifically happy event! Screeech! I wish I could just turn my emotions down a click for awhile and enjoy the party.
Last week one of the DJs on the sunshine-y morning radio program had a baby. As I listened to the other DJs talk to her on the phone, I suddenly felt my lip start to quiver. "What the hell?!" I thought. People have babies EVERY DAY. Why does someone talking about having a baby (albeit at the same hospital where I had my sons) make me cry???
But, as she was talking, I think I was subconsciously picturing myself in that hospital bed, holding a tiny, wiggly, squeaky baby, feeling exhilarated and frightened and proud and stunned all at the same time.
I don't want to turn off my emotions- they are what make me feel alive, and make me appreciate all the beauty in my life. I just don't want to be a slave to them!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
3 comments:
I admire your ability to express what you are feeling- don't be too hard on yourself, after all, alot of people cry at weddings and when babies are born!
It's a pure process to feel and let that feeling show. No one will ever be able to say that you internalize things and keep them bottled up- that is certainly not healthy!! I wish I was slower to get angry- an emotion I fail to disguise all too often.
I get thoroughly stuck on and into whatever book I am reading; if I see a movie, I replay it in my hear while running over, and over, and over again.
I'd rather be too sensitive, emotional, tender-hearted than the opposite!
And glad for your honesty about your own feelings and thoughts.
Hey, glad to know I'm not the only one who cries at all of this stuff. Books, movies, weddings, babies, my daughter's viola recital, anything.
As for babies - here's the funny part. Take, ER, for example - if someone is having a baby, I can watch all of the grunting,groaning, screaming, ripping off of Dad's arms, and think, "Oh, THAT is why I'm done. No way, nuh-uh, never again," but then as soon as the little Fresh-Out appears and makes its first little wah or big WAAAAAAH, I get all choked up and teary eyed, totally remembering how it felt.
Keep getting out those emotions, it's much better than keeping them pent up!
Post a Comment