mother's day

I've been thinking a lot lately about this business of being a mom. It started 2 weeks ago when Henry was so sick. I realized that it's a mother's job to interpret what the pediatrician is telling her- when to believe it and when to push for something else- when to say "ok, but..." when being advised to wait another 24 or 48 hours. I'm not very good at that. I want to be able to trust my pediatrician blindly. But I've learned, in 6 1/2 years of being Henry's mother, that the doctors don't always know a whole lot more than you do once you've read the American Academy of Pediatrics book. Sometimes you have to dramatize the illness to get attention. And I don't usually go for the drama in my life.

Then at the Emergency Room I had a few hours to think about all the things we do as moms. All the tasks you don't realize that you're signing up for when you say "hey, let's have a baby." Things like catching barf in your shirt because that's easier to clean up than the carpet. Things like holding your child down so doctors can examine him. Things like forcing your 6-year-old to drink out of a sippy cup like it's a bottle because he's so sick.

At a gathering at our house last weekend, a friend said to me "why doesn't anyone tell you how much motherhood sucks?" I kind of laughed her comment off, saying "oh yeah, if anyone told us how hard it was, no one would ever have children!" But, without going into this woman's personal situation, I believe that she really meant what she said: she thinks motherhood sucks. (Forget for a moment that I hate that word.) It really upsets me to know that anyone would feel this way. God knows that I am far from being an exemplary mother (I just put my boys to bed without a bedtime story or brushing their teeth so that I could get back on the computer) but I love being a mother. Every single minute of it. Even on my worst day or my kids' worst days I would never say that motherhood stinks (that is a word that I prefer to sucks.) Even a day spent in the Emergency Room is a day spent doing the most important job there is: helping a small person grow into the best big person he can be.

I can also say, after the past 2 weeks, that I tip my hat to all stay-at-home moms. It was never in the cards for us, financially, for either Bill or I to stay home. But after this week, I wonder if I could even handle it? I feel like I started 10 different projects (I have a lot of energy in the mornings) but didn't finish any. The TV was on all day long, and I ate like a pig (we had a lot of leftovers from Kate's birthday/confirmation bash last weekend.) The situation was a little unusual because Henry was sick and needed to rest- I suppose I would have done more active stuff outside if that hadn't been the case. But I commend all you moms who are with your kids all day long and manage to get so much done.

Today was a good day. We visited my parents in Dayton (about an hour and a half away). My brother was there visiting from Washington, DC. My mom, brother and I went to the Princess Diana exhibit at the Dayton Art Institute. I have been a Diana-phile since the royal wedding in 1981. I was 11 then and highly susceptible to the whole fairy tale thing. I got up at 4 am or something to watch the wedding and then went on to collect coffee table books about Diana and her kids. The year she died (1997) was the same year I got married, and I again got up at 4 am to watch her funeral. I sat on the couch under a blanket and sobbed. I know that's unbelievably corny. But I just couldn't bear the sad reality of her life, compared to the fairy tale that we all thought we were watching back in 1981. At the same time, I realized how wonderful my every-day normal person life was, compared to her life of palaces and designer clothes.

So I made mom and Christian go to this exhibit today and it was kind of a disappointment. We realized afterwards that the exhibit was put on by her family (the Spencers). So they were only able to show items from her childhood and then from her death (like hundreds of condolence books that were signed by people all over the world). The highlight for me was her wedding gown. But you walked out of that exhibit room and directly into one about her funeral. Nothing about her life in between. I guess that stuff is all owned by the royal family. There were very few photos of her sons. And my brother pointed out the irony of visiting a show about Diana on Mother's Day: her kids don't have their mother anymore.

Well, it's time to do another mommy job: wash Thomas' sheets. He is sleeping in our bed right now, because last night I found him asleep with his pjs unzipped, his diaper undone, and his bed full of pee. Why?