Some of you seem to be reviewing 2005, so I thought it was a good time to write my final Henry Chronicles installment, since I left off about this time last year, when Henry was really struggling at preschool/daycare. We found another spot for him, in a small, special-needs preschool class that just met in the afternoons. My friend, L, agreed to take him in the mornings and the school transportation service would transport him to the class and back home. We were all (teachers, administrators and parents) really hopeful that this small class with experienced teachers would make a big difference for Henry.
It didn't. He had the few-week honeymoon period where everything was great and the teachers acted like they wondered what all the fuss was about. Then he started pinching, scratching, screaming, kicking, knocking over chairs, etc, all over again. His teacher kept calling me at home, asking me if I had any suggestions for her. I was like "if I knew how to make him stop acting this way, I would have told the teachers at his old school. You're the one trained in special education." Of course, that's just what I was thinking. I didn't say it, I just kept trying to think of suggestions for them.
Around the same time he switched schools (February), we finally got our PDD diagnosis. The psychiatrist basically asked me if I wanted him to give the diagnosis or not! Like I would want my son to continue struggling in regular classrooms, being treated like the "bad" kid? Why did he approach it that way? I guess some parents don't want their child labeled. But by that point I was welcoming a label, if it would help Henry's teachers and everyone else know how to relate to him. We initially discussed placing Henry in the regular kindergarten class at our neighborhood school, with an aide. But the more trouble he was having as the preschool year wound to a close, the school district started balking at that idea.
He spent the summer at the Easter Seals program, which went pretty well, but he was still showing a lot of aggressive behavior, and refusing to cooperate with a lot of classroom activities.
We ended up getting a spot in a STACK (structured teaching for autistic and communication-delayed kids) classroom in another school district about a 20-minute drive away. I was slightly disappointed that Henry wouldn't be attending the neighborhood school, but this arrangement is actually much better because it's a full-day program. In our school district he would have attended a half-day kindergarten class and then been in the Y program the rest of the day. That would surely have been an over-stimulating disaster.
I started off the school year trying to give lots of suggestions, as that's what all his other teachers had seemed to want. The others had all found Henry to be a completely unpredictable mystery. Very quickly I realized that these STACK teachers didn't need my suggestions. They were totally on top of everything. At the first IEP meeting this fall, they told me they had Henry all figured out. Wow. What a great feeling.
That doesn't mean he doesn't have "rough" days anymore. But they are more isolated incidents, rather than constant behavior problems. His language has vastly improved- he's using "I" appropriately about half the time now, I'd say. He will greet people and answer a few questions without prompting. He just gets up and goes to the bathroom now when he needs to. (A year ago we had to constantly check on him and ask if he needed to go.) He is cordial to his brother about half the time now. And when he is frustrated, he is using words rather than screaming or pinching, etc.
And that picture at the top-- that's Henry playing with some toys he picked out at Target. He was making the dragons fly. I overheard him saying "hi little dragon" which, as far as I know, isn't a script.
We change our expectations. At the basketball game Thursday night, 2 older boys ran over to say "hi" to Henry as soon as we walked in. He said "hi" dutifully, then didn't give them another glance all night. He's far from a typical kid. But he enjoyed watching the game and we stayed to the end- I consider that a great night, in Autismland. (Kristina, you need to trademark that word!)
I'm resistant to draw conclusions. Is Henry's school placement making all the difference? Is he just older and so physically, emotionally, mentally ready to make some strides? Was the bad preschool experience in the spring inevitable after a REALLY bad situation, and they just "broke him in" for the current class? I guess time may tell.
Our journey with Henry so far has surely had some low points- some times when I felt really in the dark and didn't have any idea what to do next. But we have been so blessed with friends and educators all along the way who have given good advice and, if they weren't sure what advice to give, they gave us moral support and gave Henry unconditional love. I wish, wish, wish, I had known some of you 4 years ago- you could have held my hand and shed a little light on the confusion. Maybe I would have shed a few fewer tears.
Well, enough with the "what ifs". Here's to 2006!
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