siblings

"I thank God that I have him. I often wonder what it would be like if Andrew was our only child. I am sure it would be fine because we wouldn't know any better, but having a kid like Brian with his amazing imagination really keeps our life fun."-my2sons

I have been thinking about this subject a lot- unlike many of you out in "blog land", we chose to have another child after having one with an ASD. (Although Henry wasn't technically diagnosed at the time we got pregnant, he was clearly delayed and was receiving services for those delays.)

My family seems a little different in that our ASD kid is the middle child (or the oldest, depending how you look at it). Our family, as many these days, is complicated. Our oldest child is actually my step-daughter. She lives with us full time and I definitely view her totally as "my child," but she started living with us full-time when she was in first grade, so I have not had the day-to-day mom and only mom experience with her (step-parenting could be the subject for another blog!)

So, Henry is MY first child- the first one that I carried around in my abdomen for 40 thrilling weeks and visited in the hospital after he was born (a subject for another post), attempted to breastfeed, took to so many doctor appointments... I sat in the waiting room and cried on my husband's shoulder when he got tubes in his ears and his adenoids removed. I cried with pride and happiness when I realized on his third birthday that he knew all his letters and numbers. And I beam with delight when he tells me that he had a good day at school or that he loves me. Almost every day of his life I have told him that he makes me happy.

The thing that I want to get my head around here, and find a good way of saying, is how I feel about our youngest child. If I say that he brings me so much joy because he is "normal/typical", does that insinuate that Henry doesn't bring me joy? If I say that each milestone he reaches effortlessly makes my heart skip, does that translate into "all Henry's milestones have been such a struggle"? If I say (to quote Brian and Andrew's mom) that Thomas "keeps our life fun", does that mean we don't have fun with Henry?
Am I over-analyzing this? Probably. But I want to figure out the right way to articulate it- so please help me! Those of you with more than one child, how do you think about the differences in your children? Can I celebrate Tommy's "normalness" without condemning Henry's difference?