Thanks for all your support, friends. Henry is feeling better today. This is the first day since April 28 that I didn't give him any ibuprofen. Yesterday at 1 pm his temperature was 103.8!! I called the pediatrician and they told me to wait 24 more hours. I was getting pretty fed up with that advice, but I guess it was correct this time, because today his fever is finally gone.
His fever is down but he is still tired and coughs a lot. He will be home all week, except when we go in to school Thursday for his IEP for next year.
Because he is feeling a little better he is being a little feisty. He has a new retort that I haven't quite figured out: "I said that before you did!" Like, I told him to be nice to his brother and he said "I said that before you did mommy!" (It seems related to "I already was nice to him yesterday.")
At the hospital, after the physicians finished a procedure; putting in the IV or taking the x-ray, they always told him what a good job he did. He would argue with them: "I did not do a good job! No I didn't!" (And truly, I didn't think he did a very good job- was not very cooperative. But since one nurse warned him not to bite her, I guess they get some pretty wild kids. I don't think Henry would have considered biting. He did a good job using his words.)
Also, I thought this was cute: the day after our emergency room visit, Henry said to me "that blood test hurt me. They used a sharp thing. You want me to tell you what that sharp thing is called?"
I told him it was called a needle.
Later that day my mom said that he told her about the blood test: "they used a needle."
Any thoughts on the Time Magazine autism cover story? I think it seems like a pretty good summary of issues, although too brief. I wish I could have read that when Henry was first diagnosed. It's informative but not hysterical like some of the articles were a few years ago.
They should do a story on autism blogs- and fly us all to New York for that retreat I've been wanting to have...
PS- re: the construction worker thing: Henry has been on that kick for a little while, but the funnier thing is that he actually pronounces it "destruction worker."
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Saturday, May 06, 2006
the hospital
Henry has pneumonia. He and I spent this afternoon at the hospital.
The antibiotic has not seemed to be helping, his temp. has still been high and he has been coughing. The results from his urine sample turned out to be negative anyway. So today we went to the pediatrician again, and he sent us to the emergency room at Children's Hospital.
It goes without saying (but I will say it anyway) that today was not my favorite day of motherhood. Here are a few of the moments that threatened to make me FREAK OUT, except that I couldn't because then Henry would really be in trouble:
-In the triage area, when they put the little clip oxygen sensor on his finger- made me flash back to baby Henry in the NICU.
-When we first got settled in our ER room and I heard a child in another room start screaming "NO NO NO IT HURTS!" (I later found out that it was a girl whose teeth had been knocked out by a softball, and the doctor had to shove them back in!!!!!!) My personal hell would be to spend eternity in a children's hospital emergency room.
-When the doctor finally came to examine him, and Henry started telling him "I go to kindergarten Dr. Larsen. I do art and library and computer lab. I want to be a construction worker when I grow up."
-When the folks trying to take his blood and put in an IV said "whoa- look how big that vein is- that's a good one! Oh, wait, what happened? It collapsed. We'll have to try again buddy."
I had been needing to use the restroom for like an hour and a half, so decided to take that opportunity. I could hear Henry yelling all the way down the corridor: "please stop, please stop! You already checked my arm! My arm is ok! Please stop!"
When I got back to the room, the IV was in and taped to a splint on his wrist- another NICU flashback.
_________________
They took an x-ray and found the pneumonia, although neither doctor had been able to hear it with the stethoscope. They gave him a dose of an intravenous antibiotic (I forget the name) and told me to continue the one at home also.
On one hand, I am relieved to finally know what exactly is wrong. We have a 7-year-old nephew who is a leukemia survivor, so Bill and I were imagining all kinds of awful things. But on the other hand, I am still very worried because our little guy is very sick. Please say a prayer or send some healthy vibes Henry's way. Thanks.
The antibiotic has not seemed to be helping, his temp. has still been high and he has been coughing. The results from his urine sample turned out to be negative anyway. So today we went to the pediatrician again, and he sent us to the emergency room at Children's Hospital.
It goes without saying (but I will say it anyway) that today was not my favorite day of motherhood. Here are a few of the moments that threatened to make me FREAK OUT, except that I couldn't because then Henry would really be in trouble:
-In the triage area, when they put the little clip oxygen sensor on his finger- made me flash back to baby Henry in the NICU.
-When we first got settled in our ER room and I heard a child in another room start screaming "NO NO NO IT HURTS!" (I later found out that it was a girl whose teeth had been knocked out by a softball, and the doctor had to shove them back in!!!!!!) My personal hell would be to spend eternity in a children's hospital emergency room.
-When the doctor finally came to examine him, and Henry started telling him "I go to kindergarten Dr. Larsen. I do art and library and computer lab. I want to be a construction worker when I grow up."
-When the folks trying to take his blood and put in an IV said "whoa- look how big that vein is- that's a good one! Oh, wait, what happened? It collapsed. We'll have to try again buddy."
I had been needing to use the restroom for like an hour and a half, so decided to take that opportunity. I could hear Henry yelling all the way down the corridor: "please stop, please stop! You already checked my arm! My arm is ok! Please stop!"
When I got back to the room, the IV was in and taped to a splint on his wrist- another NICU flashback.
_________________
They took an x-ray and found the pneumonia, although neither doctor had been able to hear it with the stethoscope. They gave him a dose of an intravenous antibiotic (I forget the name) and told me to continue the one at home also.
On one hand, I am relieved to finally know what exactly is wrong. We have a 7-year-old nephew who is a leukemia survivor, so Bill and I were imagining all kinds of awful things. But on the other hand, I am still very worried because our little guy is very sick. Please say a prayer or send some healthy vibes Henry's way. Thanks.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
I never thought I'd use the word urine in a post
Henry's been sick again. When Henry's sick, I get this feeling like I can't breathe, or think straight. I mean, partly because of the sleep deprivation. But there's something else. It's like all my worst fears come out in a cloud to strangle me: Henry's always been so small and so fragile. He gets hit worse by illnesses than other kids. And that combined with the fact that he's not a great communicator just makes me hysterical. He has this random high fever with few other symptoms that made me think he caught some kind of mysterious exotic disease at the zoo last week.
He was sent home from school Friday with a fever around 101 degrees. Over the weekend we measured it at 102.6 a couple times, and 103.7 once (all under his arm). We went to see the doctor Monday. I carried Henry in and he whimpered on my lap the entire hour that we were there. In the end the doctor said his ears were fine, the strep test was negative, and he just has a virus that we need to wait out. They usually last about 72 hours.
OK, thanks. Except it had been about 75 hours already at that point, with no sign of improvement.
I talked to Henry's teacher Tuesday- I knew that the girl he rides to school with had been out sick and wanted to find out what had been wrong with her. It turns out she vomited in the car on the way to school one day (riding in the back seat with Henry). So that must be where this came from, except that she only missed 2 days of school, and Henry seems likely to miss 6. Poor little guy.
He keeps asking to go to the library, which is pretty funny. I'm like "buddy, you need to be able to walk on your own two feet and go to the bathroom on your own before we can make a trip to the library." And he lays there and looks at me with those glassy eyes and his too-rosy cheeks and says "I am feeling better mommy." Sure you are.
We went back to the doctor's office on Wednesday and saw a different doctor in the practice. A young woman this time, fresh out of med school and a new mother to boot. I find that new doctors and female doctors seem to take their time a little more and be more sympathetic. And Henry responds much better to them. He let her check his ears, mouth, feel his abdomen, all with no protest and no help from me (a kind way of saying that I didn't have to hold him down.)
I mentioned that he has been wetting the bed, and that prompted her to check for a urinary tract infection. Instead of stealthily trying to get Henry's urine, I made the mistake of explaining to him "you're going to go pee pee in this cup. And we're going to give it to doctor H. Isn't that funny? That's kind of weird, huh?" And he's looking at me like I'm crazy if I think he's going to cooperate with that.
I begged him several times to go potty, which he of course refused. He also refused to drink anything- smart kid. He kept saying "you don't want it out of a cup!" And I started to realize that he must think we were going to make him drink the urine. That's what you do with something in a cup, after all. So I eventually did what I should have done in the beginning: let him go potty "just in the toilet", hid the cup behind my back, waited until he started peeing, and then reached behind him and caught some.
The urine did show sign of an infection, so we have been on an antibiotic since last night. I had hoped he would feel better quickly and could go on his field trip to the fire station today, but it was not to be.
The worrying just never stops. It ebbs enough that I kind of forget what it feels like to jump up at night when I hear him cough, or check on him obsessively even when he's not coughing. But then we have a week when the worrying is back in full force and it really knocks me on my butt.
He was sent home from school Friday with a fever around 101 degrees. Over the weekend we measured it at 102.6 a couple times, and 103.7 once (all under his arm). We went to see the doctor Monday. I carried Henry in and he whimpered on my lap the entire hour that we were there. In the end the doctor said his ears were fine, the strep test was negative, and he just has a virus that we need to wait out. They usually last about 72 hours.
OK, thanks. Except it had been about 75 hours already at that point, with no sign of improvement.
I talked to Henry's teacher Tuesday- I knew that the girl he rides to school with had been out sick and wanted to find out what had been wrong with her. It turns out she vomited in the car on the way to school one day (riding in the back seat with Henry). So that must be where this came from, except that she only missed 2 days of school, and Henry seems likely to miss 6. Poor little guy.
He keeps asking to go to the library, which is pretty funny. I'm like "buddy, you need to be able to walk on your own two feet and go to the bathroom on your own before we can make a trip to the library." And he lays there and looks at me with those glassy eyes and his too-rosy cheeks and says "I am feeling better mommy." Sure you are.
We went back to the doctor's office on Wednesday and saw a different doctor in the practice. A young woman this time, fresh out of med school and a new mother to boot. I find that new doctors and female doctors seem to take their time a little more and be more sympathetic. And Henry responds much better to them. He let her check his ears, mouth, feel his abdomen, all with no protest and no help from me (a kind way of saying that I didn't have to hold him down.)
I mentioned that he has been wetting the bed, and that prompted her to check for a urinary tract infection. Instead of stealthily trying to get Henry's urine, I made the mistake of explaining to him "you're going to go pee pee in this cup. And we're going to give it to doctor H. Isn't that funny? That's kind of weird, huh?" And he's looking at me like I'm crazy if I think he's going to cooperate with that.
I begged him several times to go potty, which he of course refused. He also refused to drink anything- smart kid. He kept saying "you don't want it out of a cup!" And I started to realize that he must think we were going to make him drink the urine. That's what you do with something in a cup, after all. So I eventually did what I should have done in the beginning: let him go potty "just in the toilet", hid the cup behind my back, waited until he started peeing, and then reached behind him and caught some.
The urine did show sign of an infection, so we have been on an antibiotic since last night. I had hoped he would feel better quickly and could go on his field trip to the fire station today, but it was not to be.
The worrying just never stops. It ebbs enough that I kind of forget what it feels like to jump up at night when I hear him cough, or check on him obsessively even when he's not coughing. But then we have a week when the worrying is back in full force and it really knocks me on my butt.
Friday, April 28, 2006
for my first child
1st day of school last fall
on the slip n slide with her brothers
Gretchen and Kate, summer 1995? Dear Kate,
It seems like it's pretty hard for me to tell you how I feel. So I thought I would try this. (I wrote this back in December but never quite knew the right time to post it- your birthday seems as good a time as any.)
You were not the child who showed me what it's like to be pregnant, or to raise a baby. But, before those monstrous boys came along, you taught me how to be a mom. I remember when you first came to live with us, before first grade- I was scared of everything. I didn't know how to pack a lunch, I didn't know how to talk to other moms, I didn't know how to bring a dish for the girl scout picnic. Those things terrified me. I kind of thought that all the other moms had attended some kind of class, or were given a handbook when their kids were born, that told them how to do all that stuff, and I had missed out on it.
But I wasn't scared of you. I loved having you around. I loved brushing your hair at night and then reading you a book. I loved playing with your toys (whether or not you were there- haha). Even though we tease you about it, I think your dad and I even loved that you made us stay in the bathroom and talk to you while you were in the shower! I have so many sweet memories of shopping for Christmas crafts with you and then working on them every year, and of baking cookies together.
I have beautiful, beautiful memories of you and your dad singing together- Disney songs and Eagles songs. And of course I love remembering preparing for our wedding- going to dress fittings and having our nails done.
Those are all memories from when you were a little kid. Here are some things I feel right now--
10 great things about you (in no particular order):
1. You are smart and don't try to hide it
2. You like going to church
3. You help with your brothers without me even asking you to
4. You are passionate about basketball
5. Basketball is something that you and your dad are able to share
6. You have always liked to read
7. You are very open and honest with your dad and me
8. You sing along with me sometimes
9. You have faced, and continue to face, difficult situations with grace and maturity
10. You are true to yourself
We aren't biologically related. And the circumstances of that sometimes cause us some extra stress. But we love each other. And we are family.
Happy sweet 16.
Love, Gret
Kate and Bill at our wedding, May 31, 1997
Thursday, April 20, 2006
finally photos
OK, this might be my favorite picture of Henry EVER. EVER. Do you understand? EVER.
Let me set the scene: you know that Henry's current favorite movie is Lady and the Tramp. The picture on the cover of the DVD is from the spaghetti eating scene. Henry talks about it a lot- we discuss all the items in the scene: the bread sticks, the tablecloth, the candle, Tony (the restaurant owner and accordion player).
So one Sunday (he's wearing his church clothes) I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs (sauce from a jar with meatballs already added- please, I'm NOT a cook.) I made bread sticks also, and threw a tablecloth and candle on the table. Voila- A Lady and the Tramp dinner!
I can't stop laughing at the way he's pointing at the spaghetti. And note that his DVD is right there next to the plate.
When I showed him these pictures last night, he grabbed this one, along with its double, and carried them all around for the rest of the night.
These next couple pictures are from the last trip to the zoo. (The time that he apologized to his brother.) Here they are watching the diver clean an aquarium. Henry was so fascinated by this.
At the petting zoo I pointed out these 2 goats and how they were "snuggling" together. Henry wanted to snuggle with them too:
More tomorrow...
Let me set the scene: you know that Henry's current favorite movie is Lady and the Tramp. The picture on the cover of the DVD is from the spaghetti eating scene. Henry talks about it a lot- we discuss all the items in the scene: the bread sticks, the tablecloth, the candle, Tony (the restaurant owner and accordion player).
So one Sunday (he's wearing his church clothes) I decided to make spaghetti and meatballs (sauce from a jar with meatballs already added- please, I'm NOT a cook.) I made bread sticks also, and threw a tablecloth and candle on the table. Voila- A Lady and the Tramp dinner!
I can't stop laughing at the way he's pointing at the spaghetti. And note that his DVD is right there next to the plate.When I showed him these pictures last night, he grabbed this one, along with its double, and carried them all around for the rest of the night.
These next couple pictures are from the last trip to the zoo. (The time that he apologized to his brother.) Here they are watching the diver clean an aquarium. Henry was so fascinated by this.
At the petting zoo I pointed out these 2 goats and how they were "snuggling" together. Henry wanted to snuggle with them too: 
More tomorrow...
Accessing Ability
I'm bouncing off squaregirl's post to give an example of something special that Henry's teachers do to access his abilities.
I've bragged already that Henry knows 25 words. He can read them and spell them. He can also add and subtract.
The thing is, Henry can't write. Not very well at all. He brings home papers every day where the teachers have written the letters H E N and he has traced over them. He is not even writing his entire first name.
I'm positive that there are teachers out there who would think that if a child can't even write his first name, then he must not be capable of anything more advanced. But Henry's teachers understand that his mind grasps many things that he just isn't able to transfer through his hands. They let him dictate answers and they write them down. Or they provide a couple options and have him circle the correct answer. Still working on the fine motor skills, but not letting it stop him from learning and showing what he has already learned.
That's good teaching. That's making a kid feel capable, rather than incapable.
I've bragged already that Henry knows 25 words. He can read them and spell them. He can also add and subtract.
The thing is, Henry can't write. Not very well at all. He brings home papers every day where the teachers have written the letters H E N and he has traced over them. He is not even writing his entire first name.
I'm positive that there are teachers out there who would think that if a child can't even write his first name, then he must not be capable of anything more advanced. But Henry's teachers understand that his mind grasps many things that he just isn't able to transfer through his hands. They let him dictate answers and they write them down. Or they provide a couple options and have him circle the correct answer. Still working on the fine motor skills, but not letting it stop him from learning and showing what he has already learned.
That's good teaching. That's making a kid feel capable, rather than incapable.
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
blah
I swear it's like clockwork on this stupid blog: as soon as I write a suzy sunshine post like the one about how thankful I am, then I slip into a funk from which there seems to be no escape.
I am still so grumpy, and I don't think it's all just because our Easter plans got messed up. I am just irritated lately- irritated with our dirty house and smelly trash and the street I need to take being closed and our dirty car and the people at work and the Starbucks cup (decaf still) that is dripping on me every time I take a drink.
(And, no, it's not PMS. Not because I'm pregnant, Wendy! But it's just not the right week for that excuse.)
I'm even getting frustrated with the kids, which makes me feel even crappier. The weather has been so warm that I got out some hand-me-down soccer slides for Henry to wear. He could not manage to keep them on his feet, and when he did he did this shuffle walk- like if he lifted his feet off the ground the shoes would fly right off. I was getting so impatient with him.
I started to tell a friend at work about it (the person who had handed-them-down to us) and before I could even finish the story she said that her son hated those shoes and could never keep them on his feet. So I was chalking it up to Henry's-autism-makes-him-so-uncoordinated, when really the shoes are messed up.
Last night Henry kept saying "I'm sorry mommy." And I don't know why- he hadn't been scolded for anything. I think he could just tell I was mad and figured saying he was sorry would make it better. How sweet and pitiful is that?
I am still so grumpy, and I don't think it's all just because our Easter plans got messed up. I am just irritated lately- irritated with our dirty house and smelly trash and the street I need to take being closed and our dirty car and the people at work and the Starbucks cup (decaf still) that is dripping on me every time I take a drink.
(And, no, it's not PMS. Not because I'm pregnant, Wendy! But it's just not the right week for that excuse.)
I'm even getting frustrated with the kids, which makes me feel even crappier. The weather has been so warm that I got out some hand-me-down soccer slides for Henry to wear. He could not manage to keep them on his feet, and when he did he did this shuffle walk- like if he lifted his feet off the ground the shoes would fly right off. I was getting so impatient with him.
I started to tell a friend at work about it (the person who had handed-them-down to us) and before I could even finish the story she said that her son hated those shoes and could never keep them on his feet. So I was chalking it up to Henry's-autism-makes-him-so-uncoordinated, when really the shoes are messed up.
Last night Henry kept saying "I'm sorry mommy." And I don't know why- he hadn't been scolded for anything. I think he could just tell I was mad and figured saying he was sorry would make it better. How sweet and pitiful is that?
Monday, April 17, 2006
bad weekend?
I'm having a kind of mind/emotion battle today, as I think about the weekend. My brain is trying to convince the rest of me that it wasn't a bad weekend. So why do I feel so grumpy today?
We were invited to a family birthday party on Saturday, and had all planned to travel with my mom and dad and stay in a hotel. I had everything ready to do Easter baskets in the hotel room.
Kate stayed home sick from school all week, but was feeling better on Friday (no school for Good Friday.) I had almost everything packed and ready to go Friday night, as the party was at 1 pm and we would have a 3-4 hour drive Saturday morning.
Then Henry woke up at 7:15 Saturday morning and said "I feel siiiiick. I'm feeling siiick, mommy." He felt very warm and his nose had run all over his sheets (ewww). So I made a quick decision. It seemed like the best thing to do was for Bill to stay home with Henry and take him to the doctor, while Thomas and I went on the trip with my parents.
Bill suggested that we could just give him some medicine and still try to go. But I thought of all the bad possibilities: he'd feel worse and worse and someone would have to stay back at the hotel with him so he wouldn't infect all the other party guests; he'd feel worse and worse and we'd have to miss school and work Monday to go to the doctor because we hadn't on Saturday (and Monday was another field trip day!)
So the family split up and the little one and I left town.
Henry spent the rest of the day feeling better and better. The doctor found nothing wrong.
And I spent the rest of the weekend feeling like I made the wrong call.
Now I know, in my brain, that I used good reasoning to come to my decision, and none of us are the worse for it. Henry had a nice weekend at home, while Thomas and I had a nice weekend visiting relatives.
But we stayed in a hotel, with a pool, and I know that would have been fun for Henry. And I think I'm even more disappointed at not getting to "show off" Henry. These were my aunts, uncles and cousins. They only see my kids once a year, at the most. They all know about Henry's diagnosis, and I kind of wanted to let them see the real Henry, not just the picture they might have in their mind, formed when he was 2 years old and screaming at some event...
My aunt had a little Easter egg hunt on her front yard that Thomas participated in. But the rest of the family didn't celebrate Easter at all. At first I thought we might do Easter baskets Sunday evening when I got home. But by the time I got home I thought that idea seemed even more lame than not doing them at all. The boys could really care less anyway, and the items I got for Kate's basket were things like a hand-held Boggle game that I thought she could do in the car. So now I'm being a huge baby and thinking about returning all the stuff I bought for Easter, the purchase of which was just a big waste of time.
Why do I insist on being so disappointed about this?
We were invited to a family birthday party on Saturday, and had all planned to travel with my mom and dad and stay in a hotel. I had everything ready to do Easter baskets in the hotel room.
Kate stayed home sick from school all week, but was feeling better on Friday (no school for Good Friday.) I had almost everything packed and ready to go Friday night, as the party was at 1 pm and we would have a 3-4 hour drive Saturday morning.
Then Henry woke up at 7:15 Saturday morning and said "I feel siiiiick. I'm feeling siiick, mommy." He felt very warm and his nose had run all over his sheets (ewww). So I made a quick decision. It seemed like the best thing to do was for Bill to stay home with Henry and take him to the doctor, while Thomas and I went on the trip with my parents.
Bill suggested that we could just give him some medicine and still try to go. But I thought of all the bad possibilities: he'd feel worse and worse and someone would have to stay back at the hotel with him so he wouldn't infect all the other party guests; he'd feel worse and worse and we'd have to miss school and work Monday to go to the doctor because we hadn't on Saturday (and Monday was another field trip day!)
So the family split up and the little one and I left town.
Henry spent the rest of the day feeling better and better. The doctor found nothing wrong.
And I spent the rest of the weekend feeling like I made the wrong call.
Now I know, in my brain, that I used good reasoning to come to my decision, and none of us are the worse for it. Henry had a nice weekend at home, while Thomas and I had a nice weekend visiting relatives.
But we stayed in a hotel, with a pool, and I know that would have been fun for Henry. And I think I'm even more disappointed at not getting to "show off" Henry. These were my aunts, uncles and cousins. They only see my kids once a year, at the most. They all know about Henry's diagnosis, and I kind of wanted to let them see the real Henry, not just the picture they might have in their mind, formed when he was 2 years old and screaming at some event...
My aunt had a little Easter egg hunt on her front yard that Thomas participated in. But the rest of the family didn't celebrate Easter at all. At first I thought we might do Easter baskets Sunday evening when I got home. But by the time I got home I thought that idea seemed even more lame than not doing them at all. The boys could really care less anyway, and the items I got for Kate's basket were things like a hand-held Boggle game that I thought she could do in the car. So now I'm being a huge baby and thinking about returning all the stuff I bought for Easter, the purchase of which was just a big waste of time.
Why do I insist on being so disappointed about this?
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
time to blog again
It's been a busy week- at work and at home, and it's been awhile since I posted. But I feel it bubbling out of me as I try to catch up on my blog reading.
I got all choked up reading squaregirl's post today- the part about acceptance: "Acceptance is key to growth." And I read something very similar from Oliver's mom today: "I find that what many (including myself) would see as progress on his part, is directly tied to progress of my own!"
I don't know if I'm articulating this very well, but it all seems tied in to what I realized last week about Henry's teachers. Yes, Henry is doing much better this year. But I don't think so much of that is that Henry has changed and gotten "better." I think he is now with teachers who respond to his abilities and who make him feel accepted. And he is thriving. And as the rest of us in his family understand him better, we are all thriving.
Yesterday Thomas and I picked Henry up at school. (Usually he gets a ride home from the school transportation service.) It is always nice to get to visit with his teachers (and it was nice to hear them tell me how cute Tommy is!) But even better was that Ms. H's supervisor was there. She went on about how well Henry was doing, and about how much they LOVE him. And about how smart he is--Henry's report card came home this week, and says that he can read 25 words!!!! I just have to pinch myself...
Let's see, what else is new?
-Well, gymnastics class for Henry seems to have been a failed experiment. I didn't take him on Friday, Bill did. Class was supposed to run from 5-5:55. But when Thomas and I got home around 5:45, Bill and Henry were arriving home also. So they bailed out of gymnastics early. Bill said that Henry kept saying "I'm too big to do that!" (We think he may have meant "not big enough.") Bill said that it was frustrating because the instructor would have the kids do something that Henry does all the time at home (like lay upside-down across a tube), and Henry would (OK, I know this isn't a PC term, but) freak out. So I'm kind of inclined to just cancel this class. Henry gets lots of physical activity at school (physical therapy and adaptive phys. ed., plus just playing on the playground, which he seems to enjoy more and more) and he does have swimming lessons once a week also.
-From the "mommy's perseverations" files:
I don't watch much tv. When the people at work talk about American Idol, I just hang my head in shame because I've never watched an episode! I'm not against tv at all- it's just that I'm too busy in the evenings to watch, and then I fall asleep in bed with one of the boys, and then I just stagger in to my own bed. Even when I do catch a program, I'm not likely to catch it again the following week, so I lose track of it.
But the past couple of weeks I have watched Lost. And gotten hooked. Last weekend we rented DVDs of the first season, and Bill and I stayed up Saturday night until about 2:30 am watching those old episodes. Are we cool or are we geeks? Never mind, I don't want to know the answer.
We still have many episodes to watch and it's about as close to a "date" as we are going to get, so I guess we will enjoy our evenings together watching Lost after the kids go to sleep.
-This will never turn into a "preachy" blog, but...
We did something cool in church this Sunday: Instead of an official sermon, the rector led us in some "contemplative prayer." He had us all sit quietly with our feet flat on the floor, hands on our thighs, palms-up, eyes closed. The really interesting thing to me was how similar it all was to the meditative time at the end of yoga class. Except this was better to me because we were sitting up in wooden pews, rather than laying on the floor. It was easier for me to keep track of my thoughts and keep them focused on prayer, rather than drifting off to sleep, as I often feared would happen in yoga class.
Even though I was up so late the night before, watching Lost, I felt very alert the whole time and it was so nice to have quiet time to gather my thoughts. And most of my prayer time was spent being thankful. Sometimes I am dumbfounded by how good my life is. (And I'd better knock on wood as I type that!) Do most of us realize how lucky we are? If the "worst" thing in my life is a child with a disability, who is happy and healthy and loving and loved? I need to spend more time giving attention to being thankful.
I got all choked up reading squaregirl's post today- the part about acceptance: "Acceptance is key to growth." And I read something very similar from Oliver's mom today: "I find that what many (including myself) would see as progress on his part, is directly tied to progress of my own!"
I don't know if I'm articulating this very well, but it all seems tied in to what I realized last week about Henry's teachers. Yes, Henry is doing much better this year. But I don't think so much of that is that Henry has changed and gotten "better." I think he is now with teachers who respond to his abilities and who make him feel accepted. And he is thriving. And as the rest of us in his family understand him better, we are all thriving.
Yesterday Thomas and I picked Henry up at school. (Usually he gets a ride home from the school transportation service.) It is always nice to get to visit with his teachers (and it was nice to hear them tell me how cute Tommy is!) But even better was that Ms. H's supervisor was there. She went on about how well Henry was doing, and about how much they LOVE him. And about how smart he is--Henry's report card came home this week, and says that he can read 25 words!!!! I just have to pinch myself...
Let's see, what else is new?
-Well, gymnastics class for Henry seems to have been a failed experiment. I didn't take him on Friday, Bill did. Class was supposed to run from 5-5:55. But when Thomas and I got home around 5:45, Bill and Henry were arriving home also. So they bailed out of gymnastics early. Bill said that Henry kept saying "I'm too big to do that!" (We think he may have meant "not big enough.") Bill said that it was frustrating because the instructor would have the kids do something that Henry does all the time at home (like lay upside-down across a tube), and Henry would (OK, I know this isn't a PC term, but) freak out. So I'm kind of inclined to just cancel this class. Henry gets lots of physical activity at school (physical therapy and adaptive phys. ed., plus just playing on the playground, which he seems to enjoy more and more) and he does have swimming lessons once a week also.
-From the "mommy's perseverations" files:
I don't watch much tv. When the people at work talk about American Idol, I just hang my head in shame because I've never watched an episode! I'm not against tv at all- it's just that I'm too busy in the evenings to watch, and then I fall asleep in bed with one of the boys, and then I just stagger in to my own bed. Even when I do catch a program, I'm not likely to catch it again the following week, so I lose track of it.
But the past couple of weeks I have watched Lost. And gotten hooked. Last weekend we rented DVDs of the first season, and Bill and I stayed up Saturday night until about 2:30 am watching those old episodes. Are we cool or are we geeks? Never mind, I don't want to know the answer.
We still have many episodes to watch and it's about as close to a "date" as we are going to get, so I guess we will enjoy our evenings together watching Lost after the kids go to sleep.
-This will never turn into a "preachy" blog, but...
We did something cool in church this Sunday: Instead of an official sermon, the rector led us in some "contemplative prayer." He had us all sit quietly with our feet flat on the floor, hands on our thighs, palms-up, eyes closed. The really interesting thing to me was how similar it all was to the meditative time at the end of yoga class. Except this was better to me because we were sitting up in wooden pews, rather than laying on the floor. It was easier for me to keep track of my thoughts and keep them focused on prayer, rather than drifting off to sleep, as I often feared would happen in yoga class.
Even though I was up so late the night before, watching Lost, I felt very alert the whole time and it was so nice to have quiet time to gather my thoughts. And most of my prayer time was spent being thankful. Sometimes I am dumbfounded by how good my life is. (And I'd better knock on wood as I type that!) Do most of us realize how lucky we are? If the "worst" thing in my life is a child with a disability, who is happy and healthy and loving and loved? I need to spend more time giving attention to being thankful.
Thursday, April 06, 2006
And now, for something completely different
(I intend to clarify some points on the last post, but need to get the psychologist's report out of my files. So, until then...)
Kristin, I haven't seen you post much about ice cream lately. This week I found a new treat that I love: Klondike strawberry cheesecake flavor bars. Mmmm. They have chunks of graham cracker crust stuff mixed in. Also, a friend in Toledo, Ohio reports that her favorite flavor of ice cream is
Toft's yellow Cake Batter. I don't think we have this brand around here. Do you have it up in Michigan? Anyone else? What's your favorite ice cream?
I've actually been trying to do the slim-fast thing lately. But also eating Klondikes at night for dessert. My husband assures me that there's nothing wrong with that. (As if I needed one more reason to love him.)
Henry had fun for the first few days at L's house, but we think this "inclusion" is getting to be a little too much for him. Today and yesterday he said he didn't want to go. A couple boys like to play a Super Mario video game, and he doesn't like that for some reason- I think it has scary parts and scary music. Of course he can just leave the room if they are playing, but the bad connotation of the music seems to stay with him and trouble him.
So I may try to take tomorrow off and have a mommy/Henry day for the last day of his spring break. I thought we could go to a dollar movie or... I'm not sure what else.
Kristin, I haven't seen you post much about ice cream lately. This week I found a new treat that I love: Klondike strawberry cheesecake flavor bars. Mmmm. They have chunks of graham cracker crust stuff mixed in. Also, a friend in Toledo, Ohio reports that her favorite flavor of ice cream is
Toft's yellow Cake Batter. I don't think we have this brand around here. Do you have it up in Michigan? Anyone else? What's your favorite ice cream?
I've actually been trying to do the slim-fast thing lately. But also eating Klondikes at night for dessert. My husband assures me that there's nothing wrong with that. (As if I needed one more reason to love him.)
Henry had fun for the first few days at L's house, but we think this "inclusion" is getting to be a little too much for him. Today and yesterday he said he didn't want to go. A couple boys like to play a Super Mario video game, and he doesn't like that for some reason- I think it has scary parts and scary music. Of course he can just leave the room if they are playing, but the bad connotation of the music seems to stay with him and trouble him.
So I may try to take tomorrow off and have a mommy/Henry day for the last day of his spring break. I thought we could go to a dollar movie or... I'm not sure what else.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
what's working for Henry
I feel like I keep writing about Henry's progress, but haven't shared what exactly it is that is working so well for him. Frankly, I'm a little uneasy about delving into this topic, because so many of you are so so educated about, and involved with, the different approaches to teaching "our" kids. I feel like I am fumbling along and then "hey, wow, something's working!"
Right now Henry only receives therapies (speech, occupational and physical) at school. When he was in preschool we did additional speech therapy once a week. But this fall, after he started full days of "real" school, I felt that Henry was getting enough serious work during the school day and we stopped doing the additional speech. His only extracurricular activity right now is swimming lessons once a week, and the new gymnastics that we will be starting on Friday.
Henry wasn't diagnosed until a year ago, at age 5 1/2. So we weren't really eligible for autism-specific types of programs until then. At the time of our diagnosis, the psychologist recommended ABA and basically said "you have to set up your own team. Good luck with that." I had NO IDEA where to begin, and really didn't get any helpful information from anyone.
As I explained in the Henry Chronicles, we started out intending to have Henry in the "regular" kindergarten class at our local elementary school, with an aide. That would be a half-day program, so I signed him up for the "Y" program after school. As the preschool year deteriorated though, that plan changed.
I was just looking through old e-mails to jog my memory. Just to let you feel my pain of last year, here is one I received in May from the director of special education in our school district:
"Staff from (our neighborhood school) went to observe Henry again in his preschool class and noted the increase of aggression that has resulted in the need for additional staffing in the class. The members, (the kindergarten teacher, the special educator, and the speech pathologist) all noted the level of aggression with concern as to whether the general ed setting will provide adequate support... She goes on to suggest 2 special needs classes available in the district, as an alternative.
There were concerns expressed by team members that his current levels of behavior may also be a challenge for the Y program and that this option may not meet his needs a we hoped they would when we met at the MFE meeting.
We can talk more and then try to set a meeting time to discuss the options. I am sure that the staff from (both schools) would be willing to meet even if it is after the school year has come to an end.
We could invite the supervisor from (the preschool) as well if her staff is not available.
Let me know how you would like to proceed. We do not want to pick a less restrictive setting if that would not give him the supports that it appears that he currently needs."
June 10th the special ed director called me to say there was a space available in a STACK program for the fall. (Now that I look back, do you think they were scrambling to find somewhere to put him?!) I contacted Henry's former teacher to get her input on this STACK program, as well as the psychologist who had diagnosed him. The teacher was enthusiastic about STACK. The psychologist was a little more guarded. He said that the class could be good for Henry, but that I should be sure to be very specific about inclusion goals in his IEP.
(OK, I've gotten a little off-track here, and wandered down memory lane. But that is helpful for me sometimes- to remember where we've been and how far we've come in less than a year.) If you click on the link to STACK, you can read about some of the basic principles of Henry's classroom. He has thrived there this year.
He is one of 5 students. 4 of them are kindergarten age and one boy is a 3rd grader, I believe. Some of the methods his teacher and aides employ include picture schedules and reward systems (he "gets 4 squares" to earn computer time, if he has gentle hands all day he earns a little reward like a sticker or laminated picture of one of his favorite tv shows or Disney characters.) His class takes a field trip every month.
That reminds me that this morning Henry told me he wanted to go to a spaceship on his next field trip. I'll have to remember to tell Ms. H!
A year ago, I thought I cared so much about Henry being "included" with the "regular" kids. Now it is one of my lowest priorities.
I love that he looks forward to his inclusion. His teacher said that he asks about it every day, and we plan to do more next year. But that can come slowly. I care so much more about his reading, math, saying "I'm sorry", taking turns with a peer. Having teachers who really really understand him and connect with him. That is what has always "clicked" with Henry. If he feels you like him, then he likes you and will do whatever you ask.
I don't want to get sad and bitter about it, but I know he has had teachers in the past who didn't understand him. Who found him unpredictable and, I think, frightening because of that unpredictability.
I'm so so thankful to be where we are now. So thankful that Henry (though his mommy is just bumbling through life sometimes) ended up in the right place. Somebody must be looking out for us.
Right now Henry only receives therapies (speech, occupational and physical) at school. When he was in preschool we did additional speech therapy once a week. But this fall, after he started full days of "real" school, I felt that Henry was getting enough serious work during the school day and we stopped doing the additional speech. His only extracurricular activity right now is swimming lessons once a week, and the new gymnastics that we will be starting on Friday.
Henry wasn't diagnosed until a year ago, at age 5 1/2. So we weren't really eligible for autism-specific types of programs until then. At the time of our diagnosis, the psychologist recommended ABA and basically said "you have to set up your own team. Good luck with that." I had NO IDEA where to begin, and really didn't get any helpful information from anyone.
As I explained in the Henry Chronicles, we started out intending to have Henry in the "regular" kindergarten class at our local elementary school, with an aide. That would be a half-day program, so I signed him up for the "Y" program after school. As the preschool year deteriorated though, that plan changed.
I was just looking through old e-mails to jog my memory. Just to let you feel my pain of last year, here is one I received in May from the director of special education in our school district:
"Staff from (our neighborhood school) went to observe Henry again in his preschool class and noted the increase of aggression that has resulted in the need for additional staffing in the class. The members, (the kindergarten teacher, the special educator, and the speech pathologist) all noted the level of aggression with concern as to whether the general ed setting will provide adequate support... She goes on to suggest 2 special needs classes available in the district, as an alternative.
There were concerns expressed by team members that his current levels of behavior may also be a challenge for the Y program and that this option may not meet his needs a we hoped they would when we met at the MFE meeting.
We can talk more and then try to set a meeting time to discuss the options. I am sure that the staff from (both schools) would be willing to meet even if it is after the school year has come to an end.
We could invite the supervisor from (the preschool) as well if her staff is not available.
Let me know how you would like to proceed. We do not want to pick a less restrictive setting if that would not give him the supports that it appears that he currently needs."
June 10th the special ed director called me to say there was a space available in a STACK program for the fall. (Now that I look back, do you think they were scrambling to find somewhere to put him?!) I contacted Henry's former teacher to get her input on this STACK program, as well as the psychologist who had diagnosed him. The teacher was enthusiastic about STACK. The psychologist was a little more guarded. He said that the class could be good for Henry, but that I should be sure to be very specific about inclusion goals in his IEP.
(OK, I've gotten a little off-track here, and wandered down memory lane. But that is helpful for me sometimes- to remember where we've been and how far we've come in less than a year.) If you click on the link to STACK, you can read about some of the basic principles of Henry's classroom. He has thrived there this year.
He is one of 5 students. 4 of them are kindergarten age and one boy is a 3rd grader, I believe. Some of the methods his teacher and aides employ include picture schedules and reward systems (he "gets 4 squares" to earn computer time, if he has gentle hands all day he earns a little reward like a sticker or laminated picture of one of his favorite tv shows or Disney characters.) His class takes a field trip every month.
That reminds me that this morning Henry told me he wanted to go to a spaceship on his next field trip. I'll have to remember to tell Ms. H!
A year ago, I thought I cared so much about Henry being "included" with the "regular" kids. Now it is one of my lowest priorities.
I love that he looks forward to his inclusion. His teacher said that he asks about it every day, and we plan to do more next year. But that can come slowly. I care so much more about his reading, math, saying "I'm sorry", taking turns with a peer. Having teachers who really really understand him and connect with him. That is what has always "clicked" with Henry. If he feels you like him, then he likes you and will do whatever you ask.
I don't want to get sad and bitter about it, but I know he has had teachers in the past who didn't understand him. Who found him unpredictable and, I think, frightening because of that unpredictability.
I'm so so thankful to be where we are now. So thankful that Henry (though his mommy is just bumbling through life sometimes) ended up in the right place. Somebody must be looking out for us.
Monday, April 03, 2006
It's been a weird week
Lately I feel like my life is straight out of That's Good, That's Bad.
Chapter 1. Laundry
Our dryer stopped working last Saturday- that's bad. I spent the week taking a basket of wet laundry with me every day to work, and then throwing it in the dryer at the laundromat each evening. I was really dreading it, but it was kind of fun- in the way that sometimes it’s fun to shake up your routine-that's good!
Tommy loves the laundromat of course, because all the machines have glass doors and are on his level, so he can see the stuff spinning around. They also have a basket of beat up toys and a couple couches and a tv. A couple nights the weather was so nice that we put a load in the dryer and then took a long walk. Afterwards I had so much energy and my mood was 100x improved. It’s so amazing what a little exercise and sunshine can do.
Chapter 2. Gymnastics
I finally called last week to inquire about a special needs gymnastics class nearby. Their spring sessions were just starting last week, and they had room for Henry- that's good! Henry's spring break started Friday, and he stayed with Tommy at L's house. I thought I would pick them both up and we'd head over to check out the 5 pm class. Henry protested the whole way there: "you don't want to go to this gymnastics class! You want to wait in the car!" By the time we got there, he was crying and I had to carry him in. That's bad.
Once, inside however, he changed his tune. He saw all the fun equipment and wanted to check it out. That's good. The previous class ended and I had both boys take off their shoes and run out onto the mats. Ooops. Turns out they were supposed to "wait behind the red line" until it was time for class to start. So I had to drag both my sons out of their new heaven on earth, to wait. That's bad.
It was completely idiotic of me to attempt to take both boys at the same time. What was I thinking? The instructor tried to have Henry participate, but he was way too dysregulated by then. She had the kids each sit on a colored square and then run in place, etc. He was just a puddle by that point. We ended up leaving, but I told the instructor that Henry would be back next week. I will definitely update on that. I don't know what to anticipate...
Chapter 3. The restaurant
Even after all the drama of the gymnastics class, I wasn't done in yet. Maybe I wanted to end on a high note, or do something special because it was spring break for Henry. So I suggested we eat at Bob Evans. This went very well. We quickly ordered french toast and pancakes, which the boys shared and gobbled up happily. Henry even flagged down our server, Kelly, and requested an additional side order of bacon. That's good.
They finished eating before I did, started arguing, and Thomas pooped in his pullup and started talking about it loudly. That's bad. So we left a little prematurely.
Chapter 4. Basketball Banquet
Kate's basketball banquet was Sunday. I had asked my parents (as I've done other years) to come stay with the boys while we attended. But when I RSVP'd to the organizer (one of the captain's mothers) that there would be 3 of us, she replied "you're not bringing the little ones? Oh, but this is a family affair. Everyone else is bringing their siblings. Well, they are certainly welcome." So I felt a little ashamed and decided to bring the boys.
We arrived at 4:30 (and didn't leave until 7:30. Does that tip you off as to how this is going to go?) Food was spread out on the tables, but no one was eating yet. One of the moms opened up her fruit bowl and started giving Henry some. Then he moved on to dessert. (Still before anyone else was eating.) He cooperated pretty well for about the first hour. He requested something out of a vending machine, and I was willing to comply to keep him quiet. But it seems that they turn off the machines on the weekends. So that really threw him. "The machines ARE working mommy!" By the time Kate was introduced (the main thing we were there to see, duh) both boys were screeching and running down the hall to the gym. We then retreated outside. That's bad.
I took the boys over to the playground. They clamored right up onto the equipment, started laughing and running around and racing back and forth on the "wobbly bridge." Henry went over to a chain ladder wall. He twisted his arms around the chains and said "I'm stuck in the chains! Please help me!" DID YOU READ THAT? HE WAS PRETENDING! I will have to ask his teacher- this must be something they've done at school before. So I would pretend to free him from the chains and then we'd do it again. Then we'd say "let's get away from those chains!" and run to the other side of the playground.
This was all so new. The "old" Henry never used to want to play on the playground. He either seemed afraid, or just unsure about what he was supposed to do, and kind of wondered what the point was. I can tell they've been working on it at school. This was very different. That's good.
___________
I think this will be a good spring break for Henry. He had a lot of fun with one other boy on Friday, jumping on L's trampoline. He had so much fun, in fact, that he got injured and broke his glasses! The injury is sort of a "burn" caused by face-planting on the trampoline. And the glasses were easily fixed at the eye doctor's office the same evening. It's so great to see him playing like such a boy.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
the dream
I've only had 2 jobs since college. The first started as an internship and turned into a real full-time job with benefits. I loved all the people I worked with and thought it might turn into an interesting career. My first and second bosses liked me. But the third boss... she hated me. I don't want to re-hash 7-year-old history, but... (just a little bit, ok?) I will concede that I had developed some bad work habits- I talked a lot (I told you that I loved all my coworkers) and didn't see a lot of urgency in any of my work. This new boss, however, spent a lot of time instant messaging with her daughter and other friends. I know this because I could hear the beeps coming from her cubicle- why didn't she turn the sound down? And we spent one (supposed to be working) afternoon driving around town trying to find her an apartment. So she wasn't exactly the picture of a model employee herself. Anyway, after working together for about a year, maybe a year and a half, she asked me to find another job.
I was totally devastated. I was 29 years old and had worked at that job for 7 years total. I had no idea what I would do next. Most of all, I was used to everyone LIKING me, and thinking that I was pretty smart and a good person to have around. (Looking back, I see that I was naive- I can think of other folks in that office who probably didn't think I was Most Valuable Employee.) But anyway, I felt pretty worthless. I took it totally as a value of my personal worth. Silly.
Oh, and I found out I was pregnant with Henry the same week that I got fired. True story.
It goes without saying that I ended up finding a new job that was superior in every way, and have been blissfully happy with it ever since. I've never looked back. And I'm a stronger person and a better worker because of that experience.
But last night I had the dream again. I have it a few times a year. I dream that I have been offered a job at the old office, and have accepted. I show up for work the first day and kind of think "why did I take this job? Why did I want to come back here?" I don't know anyone there anymore- and that's true-to-life. The entire staff has turned over since I was there, except for one good friend with whom I keep in touch. (The boss who fired me has been through like 4 jobs since then. But I'm not bitter.)
These dreams just go on and on and are so vivid. They're not bad dreams at all- nothing unpleasant about them. It's just like I'm walking around from office to office, moving stuff into my desk, getting to know the new people I'm working with, etc. Mundane. But when I wake up I have this irritated feeling: "why did I waste a whole night dreaming about that stupid old office?"
Why do you think I have this dream? Am I trying to resolve something? Trying to make right a bad memory? I mean, I'm pretty damn lucky if losing that job has been the biggest trauma in my life, and my subconscious is trying to reconcile it!
I was totally devastated. I was 29 years old and had worked at that job for 7 years total. I had no idea what I would do next. Most of all, I was used to everyone LIKING me, and thinking that I was pretty smart and a good person to have around. (Looking back, I see that I was naive- I can think of other folks in that office who probably didn't think I was Most Valuable Employee.) But anyway, I felt pretty worthless. I took it totally as a value of my personal worth. Silly.
Oh, and I found out I was pregnant with Henry the same week that I got fired. True story.
It goes without saying that I ended up finding a new job that was superior in every way, and have been blissfully happy with it ever since. I've never looked back. And I'm a stronger person and a better worker because of that experience.
But last night I had the dream again. I have it a few times a year. I dream that I have been offered a job at the old office, and have accepted. I show up for work the first day and kind of think "why did I take this job? Why did I want to come back here?" I don't know anyone there anymore- and that's true-to-life. The entire staff has turned over since I was there, except for one good friend with whom I keep in touch. (The boss who fired me has been through like 4 jobs since then. But I'm not bitter.)
These dreams just go on and on and are so vivid. They're not bad dreams at all- nothing unpleasant about them. It's just like I'm walking around from office to office, moving stuff into my desk, getting to know the new people I'm working with, etc. Mundane. But when I wake up I have this irritated feeling: "why did I waste a whole night dreaming about that stupid old office?"
Why do you think I have this dream? Am I trying to resolve something? Trying to make right a bad memory? I mean, I'm pretty damn lucky if losing that job has been the biggest trauma in my life, and my subconscious is trying to reconcile it!
Monday, March 27, 2006
So there seems to be this bug going around here. I had it really bad last Wednesday and stayed home. I felt good again for a few days, but now it seems to be back in a low-level way. I'm not totally out of commission this time, but I have this constant nauseated feeling. It reminds me of being pregnant, except without any up-side. There are a few things I wanted to share about the weekend, but it's hard to collect my thoughts when I really just want to type: BLAAARGH!
So. Friday night I told the boys that mommy and daddy had dentist appointments the next morning. They were SO excited. You'd think I had just told them to get ready, because we were flying to the moon in the morning!
About a year ago I attempted Henry's first dental checkup, and it was a disaster. So this time I thought he could just come along and observe. That strategy seemed to work pretty well. We watched daddy get his teeth cleaned first, and of course the boys laughed and laughed when he had to spit in the sink. Thomas got real quiet the rest of the time, but Henry was chattering on and on: "look at all the tools! And the machines! She is shining a spotlight right in his mouth!" Thomas and I eventually left to go get my teeth cleaned. But I guess when the dentist came in to check Bill's teeth he was really good with Henry and got him to climb up in the chair and use one of the little mirrors, let the dentist count his teeth, etc.
The dentist himself seems to be really good with Henry. But the hygienist is not so warm and fuzzy. So I'm not sure if we'll try again in 6 months, or just need to find a dentist who specializes in special-needs kids.
Sunday we made it to church (haven't been in a couple weeks), and Henry found a library magazine that he left there last time. A Disney magazine featuring Shaggy Dog. Henry was so funny: "we finally found the magazine! It was at church! The librarians took it to church!" (I explained that, no, we had left it there.)
On the way home we always pass a local ice cream shop. Henry often comments on it, and this time he asked if we could go there. I shut him down on that suggestion. Then he said "my favorite ice cream is strawberry." Thomas piped up "my favorite ice cream is toctlate!" Kate chimed in "and mine is vanilla." There were a few seconds of quiet and then Henry pointed to Bill. "Daddy, where... (pause pause)... why... (pause pause)... what is your favorite ice cream?"
Kristina recently commented: "Henry sounds like he is spontaneously speaking more, and with more original phrases? And understanding more of other people's "theory of mind"?"
I think this ice cream thing is a good example of that. For years he has known about the ice cream shop. And for years he has spontaneously volunteered that his favorite flavor of everything is strawberry. But I've never heard him ask someone else, unprompted- "hey, what's your favorite?" It's pretty cool.
He seems to be doing more pretending, although it's still in a strangely scripted way. Or maybe in a way that would be more appropriate for a much younger child. He likes to pretend to be a snake or the "mean Siamese cats" from L&TT, or a shark... It's always an animal that is attacking something. And he's not real aggressive about it, but he also doesn't let up. He just kind of follows you around- right up on your back, hissing or chomping.
I am mildly concerned that he always seems most interested in the bad guys of every movie or book: the evil queens, mean cats, megazords (I don't know- are they good or bad in Power Rangers? I can't follow that crazy show.)
And he'll say things like "Sid is a mean guy. I will push him over the ledge!" He's using something that happened to another bad guy (like Scar in the Lion King- he ultimately "tumbles over the ledge into the jaws of the waiting hyenas") and wanting to do it to this bad guy. It seems kind of cool that he's sort of making up his own story, and sort of pretending. But I don't want him to think it's ok to push someone over a ledge- even if they are mean. You know?
He and Thomas were playing light-saber fights with some action figures this weekend. Again, I was excited that they were somewhat playing together, but not so sure about the violence aspect. Am I being too uptight? I just worry that Henry won't comprehend the difference between playing and real life.
Oh, so remember when I said I wasn't so much into the basketball tournament? Well I participated in the office pool and picked George Mason to get to the final 4. So I am so far ahead of everyone else that I've already been declared the winner! That's sure to be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Wish this woozy stomach would go away so I could enjoy it.
So. Friday night I told the boys that mommy and daddy had dentist appointments the next morning. They were SO excited. You'd think I had just told them to get ready, because we were flying to the moon in the morning!
About a year ago I attempted Henry's first dental checkup, and it was a disaster. So this time I thought he could just come along and observe. That strategy seemed to work pretty well. We watched daddy get his teeth cleaned first, and of course the boys laughed and laughed when he had to spit in the sink. Thomas got real quiet the rest of the time, but Henry was chattering on and on: "look at all the tools! And the machines! She is shining a spotlight right in his mouth!" Thomas and I eventually left to go get my teeth cleaned. But I guess when the dentist came in to check Bill's teeth he was really good with Henry and got him to climb up in the chair and use one of the little mirrors, let the dentist count his teeth, etc.
The dentist himself seems to be really good with Henry. But the hygienist is not so warm and fuzzy. So I'm not sure if we'll try again in 6 months, or just need to find a dentist who specializes in special-needs kids.
Sunday we made it to church (haven't been in a couple weeks), and Henry found a library magazine that he left there last time. A Disney magazine featuring Shaggy Dog. Henry was so funny: "we finally found the magazine! It was at church! The librarians took it to church!" (I explained that, no, we had left it there.)
On the way home we always pass a local ice cream shop. Henry often comments on it, and this time he asked if we could go there. I shut him down on that suggestion. Then he said "my favorite ice cream is strawberry." Thomas piped up "my favorite ice cream is toctlate!" Kate chimed in "and mine is vanilla." There were a few seconds of quiet and then Henry pointed to Bill. "Daddy, where... (pause pause)... why... (pause pause)... what is your favorite ice cream?"
Kristina recently commented: "Henry sounds like he is spontaneously speaking more, and with more original phrases? And understanding more of other people's "theory of mind"?"
I think this ice cream thing is a good example of that. For years he has known about the ice cream shop. And for years he has spontaneously volunteered that his favorite flavor of everything is strawberry. But I've never heard him ask someone else, unprompted- "hey, what's your favorite?" It's pretty cool.
He seems to be doing more pretending, although it's still in a strangely scripted way. Or maybe in a way that would be more appropriate for a much younger child. He likes to pretend to be a snake or the "mean Siamese cats" from L&TT, or a shark... It's always an animal that is attacking something. And he's not real aggressive about it, but he also doesn't let up. He just kind of follows you around- right up on your back, hissing or chomping.
I am mildly concerned that he always seems most interested in the bad guys of every movie or book: the evil queens, mean cats, megazords (I don't know- are they good or bad in Power Rangers? I can't follow that crazy show.)
And he'll say things like "Sid is a mean guy. I will push him over the ledge!" He's using something that happened to another bad guy (like Scar in the Lion King- he ultimately "tumbles over the ledge into the jaws of the waiting hyenas") and wanting to do it to this bad guy. It seems kind of cool that he's sort of making up his own story, and sort of pretending. But I don't want him to think it's ok to push someone over a ledge- even if they are mean. You know?
He and Thomas were playing light-saber fights with some action figures this weekend. Again, I was excited that they were somewhat playing together, but not so sure about the violence aspect. Am I being too uptight? I just worry that Henry won't comprehend the difference between playing and real life.
Oh, so remember when I said I wasn't so much into the basketball tournament? Well I participated in the office pool and picked George Mason to get to the final 4. So I am so far ahead of everyone else that I've already been declared the winner! That's sure to be a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. Wish this woozy stomach would go away so I could enjoy it.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
this family brought to you by Walt Disney
I wanted to share a few random stories and then realized that most of them involve Disney in one way or another. Henry's perseveration has influenced the rest of us- that's bound to happen. In a similar way, Tommy is showing a lot of interest in doing puzzles- the 24-piece, 3-6 year old puzzles. So he may become a puzzle prodigy too, modeling after his big brother.
Here are a few bits and pieces of our life recently:
-The Tramp in our current favorite Disney movie refers to Lady with the endearing nickname "Pidge" (a derivative of pigeon, I suppose.) When Henry recites these lines to himself (with his autistic accent) it very much sounds like he is saying a different nickname for a female: bi*%$.
"Hey, what's the matter &*$%@?"
It's stopped me short a couple times during the past week.
-All the dogs in the pound sing a song about Tramp. One bulldog kind of sings backup: "bum bum bum ruff, bum bum bum ruff." Bill sings that part sometimes and the boys think it's really funny. Tommy asked me to sing it last night. I kept trying, but was doing something wrong. He kept saying "no, mommy, sing 'bum bum bum ruff'."
I sang it over and over, when all of a sudden his face lit up and he said "yeah mommy yeah!" with this huge smile. I finally got it right.
-On the subject of a different Disney movie... We were discussing Toy Story one day, and I noted that Sid is a mean kid.
Henry said "Sid...kid... they rhyme!"
-Last night Tommy was playing with our little people doll house and playground sets. (Bought in an attempt to get Henry to practice some imaginary play- they remain in pristine condition 3 years later.) So I was pretty excited to see a child play with these things in the way they are intended. But before long Thomas took two characters to the top of the playground slide, made them fight, and then said "mommy, my girl push my guy down. Talk to her." So I told her that pushing is not ok and to be nice and to apologize to the "guy". But they went right back to fighting. So Thomas' imaginative play seems to mirror what goes on at the babysitter's house. Poor L. She must get tired of telling the kids to be nice.
-Yesterday Tommy and I stayed home with a tummy bug. But I seemed to feel a lot worse than he did. He kept wanting me to play and stuff. At one point I said, kind of to myself, "do you hear me sighing a lot?" And he said "yeah mommy. You is sighing a lot." I had to laugh because I doubt he really knows what sighing is. And he obviously doesn't get the implication that a person who sighs a lot is feeling unhappy/tired/irritated.
And my final issue for today: Eileen, where are you? I've added my home e-mail address to my profile, if anyone feels like writing me rather than commenting. I'd love to hear from you. It's my home e-mail, so I don't check it as often as my work, but I will check it.
Here are a few bits and pieces of our life recently:
-The Tramp in our current favorite Disney movie refers to Lady with the endearing nickname "Pidge" (a derivative of pigeon, I suppose.) When Henry recites these lines to himself (with his autistic accent) it very much sounds like he is saying a different nickname for a female: bi*%$.
"Hey, what's the matter &*$%@?"
It's stopped me short a couple times during the past week.
-All the dogs in the pound sing a song about Tramp. One bulldog kind of sings backup: "bum bum bum ruff, bum bum bum ruff." Bill sings that part sometimes and the boys think it's really funny. Tommy asked me to sing it last night. I kept trying, but was doing something wrong. He kept saying "no, mommy, sing 'bum bum bum ruff'."
I sang it over and over, when all of a sudden his face lit up and he said "yeah mommy yeah!" with this huge smile. I finally got it right.
-On the subject of a different Disney movie... We were discussing Toy Story one day, and I noted that Sid is a mean kid.
Henry said "Sid...kid... they rhyme!"
-Last night Tommy was playing with our little people doll house and playground sets. (Bought in an attempt to get Henry to practice some imaginary play- they remain in pristine condition 3 years later.) So I was pretty excited to see a child play with these things in the way they are intended. But before long Thomas took two characters to the top of the playground slide, made them fight, and then said "mommy, my girl push my guy down. Talk to her." So I told her that pushing is not ok and to be nice and to apologize to the "guy". But they went right back to fighting. So Thomas' imaginative play seems to mirror what goes on at the babysitter's house. Poor L. She must get tired of telling the kids to be nice.
-Yesterday Tommy and I stayed home with a tummy bug. But I seemed to feel a lot worse than he did. He kept wanting me to play and stuff. At one point I said, kind of to myself, "do you hear me sighing a lot?" And he said "yeah mommy. You is sighing a lot." I had to laugh because I doubt he really knows what sighing is. And he obviously doesn't get the implication that a person who sighs a lot is feeling unhappy/tired/irritated.
And my final issue for today: Eileen, where are you? I've added my home e-mail address to my profile, if anyone feels like writing me rather than commenting. I'd love to hear from you. It's my home e-mail, so I don't check it as often as my work, but I will check it.
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
is there something that you want to say?
We went to the zoo again this weekend. I requested a membership for Christmas, and we've gone 3 times since then (just me and the boys each time so far). I find it a really good activity for the three of us when the weather is decent and I want to do something outside. Tommy would be happy with going to a playground on a nice day, but that is more of a struggle with Henry. I end up feeling like I'm forcing him to climb on the equipment, or run around, when he'd really rather go back home and look at a book.
My sister-in-law gave me a helpful idea: she rents a wagon at the zoo for her daughter (who's 5). I hadn't considered doing that with Henry- he's old enough to walk, I figured. But the zoo's a big place, after all, and why not let him take a load off while we're walking from one end to another? They have these double "buggies" that both boys can ride in, and can easily hop in and out to look at things. I love that also because it forces them to sit so close to each other. And when Henry's looking at the zoo map Tommy can look at it too, etc.
The weather was chilly on Sunday, but sunny. Several animals that are sometimes hard to see (wolves and lions) were laying right out in the open, sleeping in the sun. The petting zoo was Henry's favorite this time. We have a huge saltwater tank exhibit, and Henry loved watching the scuba divers who were feeding the fish and cleaning the tank. (I got some super-cute pictures, but am still using the old non-digital camera. So you'll have to wait awhile to see them.)
We even stopped at the gift shop, which I feared might be a huge mistake. But I was pleasantly surprised that they have many books, stuffed animals, and other toys for under $10 or even $5. Henry picked out three magazines, about sea otters, cheetahs, and elephants. After considering MANY items, Tommy only ended up requesting a sucker.
Something interesting happened at the end of the visit: Henry had lost his zoo map, and I said that I would ask for another at the front gate. I walked ahead of the boys to the gate, and looked over my shoulder just in time to see Henry come running up and push his brother. I turned right around and said "Henry! I saw you push your brother. That is not ok. We are leaving and we're not getting another zoo map." I explained to him that when he does something mean, there is a consequence. And this consequence would be that he couldn't have the zoo map.
He wasn't happy. But the whole thing went better than I would have expected. 90% better than it might have when he was 4 or 5. We continued to walk out to the car. (Can you imagine if I would have had to carry him?! Kicking and screaming?! And what about Tommy?) But Henry walked along with me. When I put him in the car he tried some more of his classic arguments: "That consequence is gone mommy!" "Mommy, I already had a consequence!"
Tommy fell asleep during the ride home. When we pulled in the driveway, Henry quietly said "mommy..."
"Yes?" I said
"Is there something that you want to say?" (This is a little script he picked up in preschool or something- he wants me to repeat it.)
So I posed the question back to him: "Is there something that you want to say?"
Henry turned to Tommy (asleep) and said "I'm sorry Tommy."
This was big. I hadn't mentioned apologizing at all. Henry thought about what happened all the way home in the car and decided he needed to apologize. And I don't believe he did it thinking that then he could get the zoo map or anything like that. He just seemed to know that when you do something mean to someone, you apologize. Wow.
My sister-in-law gave me a helpful idea: she rents a wagon at the zoo for her daughter (who's 5). I hadn't considered doing that with Henry- he's old enough to walk, I figured. But the zoo's a big place, after all, and why not let him take a load off while we're walking from one end to another? They have these double "buggies" that both boys can ride in, and can easily hop in and out to look at things. I love that also because it forces them to sit so close to each other. And when Henry's looking at the zoo map Tommy can look at it too, etc.
The weather was chilly on Sunday, but sunny. Several animals that are sometimes hard to see (wolves and lions) were laying right out in the open, sleeping in the sun. The petting zoo was Henry's favorite this time. We have a huge saltwater tank exhibit, and Henry loved watching the scuba divers who were feeding the fish and cleaning the tank. (I got some super-cute pictures, but am still using the old non-digital camera. So you'll have to wait awhile to see them.)
We even stopped at the gift shop, which I feared might be a huge mistake. But I was pleasantly surprised that they have many books, stuffed animals, and other toys for under $10 or even $5. Henry picked out three magazines, about sea otters, cheetahs, and elephants. After considering MANY items, Tommy only ended up requesting a sucker.
Something interesting happened at the end of the visit: Henry had lost his zoo map, and I said that I would ask for another at the front gate. I walked ahead of the boys to the gate, and looked over my shoulder just in time to see Henry come running up and push his brother. I turned right around and said "Henry! I saw you push your brother. That is not ok. We are leaving and we're not getting another zoo map." I explained to him that when he does something mean, there is a consequence. And this consequence would be that he couldn't have the zoo map.
He wasn't happy. But the whole thing went better than I would have expected. 90% better than it might have when he was 4 or 5. We continued to walk out to the car. (Can you imagine if I would have had to carry him?! Kicking and screaming?! And what about Tommy?) But Henry walked along with me. When I put him in the car he tried some more of his classic arguments: "That consequence is gone mommy!" "Mommy, I already had a consequence!"
Tommy fell asleep during the ride home. When we pulled in the driveway, Henry quietly said "mommy..."
"Yes?" I said
"Is there something that you want to say?" (This is a little script he picked up in preschool or something- he wants me to repeat it.)
So I posed the question back to him: "Is there something that you want to say?"
Henry turned to Tommy (asleep) and said "I'm sorry Tommy."
This was big. I hadn't mentioned apologizing at all. Henry thought about what happened all the way home in the car and decided he needed to apologize. And I don't believe he did it thinking that then he could get the zoo map or anything like that. He just seemed to know that when you do something mean to someone, you apologize. Wow.
Friday, March 17, 2006
selfish post
March Madness is Bill's favorite holiday. Superior even to Christmas, I think. This year he took today off work and planned to eat chicken wings and watch basketball all day. I requested the day off too. Although I'm not so much into the basketball, I thought it would be really nice to have a Friday off together, sitting on the couch. I could read a magazine or something, and maybe have an uninterrupted conversation with my husband. (Although probably not unless it involved the bracket.)
Then we got this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for tickets to the tournament games in Dayton (about 1.5 hours away). At first I foolishly thought that he and I could go to the games together. But then reality set in:
A. Someone needs to meet Henry after school at 3. Although we could make arrangements for someone else to do that, there is the more important fact:
B. Kate and Bill would have a lot more fun together at this event than Bill and I would.
So father and daughter are having a little adventure today, while I just went in to work in the morning and shuttled my little boys around in the afternoon.
See, here's the selfish part. Even though I know this was the right way for things to work out, I am a little jealous/pouty/miffed that my lame plan for a day on the couch was nixed, in favor of a totally awesome day of watching 4 basketball games (including favorites OSU and UNC) for Bill and Kate. Kind of like "why do they get to have all the fun?"
And then I feel even worse when I think "well, this is a really special interest they share. If a really rare opportunity came along for something special I enjoy, I would get to do that." And then I start to wonder what that special thing might be, and then I get even more bummed out when I realize that I have no hobbies or interests. Some women are into scrapbooking, and might take a weekend scrapbooking getaway, for example. Or a golf vacation with girlfriends. Or a hiking trip, or some other crazy athletic thing...
I did get to talk to my brother in Sydney tonight (which was a special opportunity, and I'm glad I didn't miss it- see, I'm seeing the silver lining already). We talked about this issue and I realized that the one special thing I do, just for me, is keeping this blog and reading my ever-growing circle of friend blogs.
It's kind of a weird, solitary thing I do here in the basement. But maybe that's the most I can hope for at this point in my life: waiting 'til the kids are asleep and then sitting down in the cold basement "talking" to my cyber-friends.
So, thanks for being there guys. Until we can organize a yearly convention to spend a weekend together, this is my little getaway.
(I sure hope I don't sound like as much of a pitiful loser as I feel!)
Then we got this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for tickets to the tournament games in Dayton (about 1.5 hours away). At first I foolishly thought that he and I could go to the games together. But then reality set in:
A. Someone needs to meet Henry after school at 3. Although we could make arrangements for someone else to do that, there is the more important fact:
B. Kate and Bill would have a lot more fun together at this event than Bill and I would.
So father and daughter are having a little adventure today, while I just went in to work in the morning and shuttled my little boys around in the afternoon.
See, here's the selfish part. Even though I know this was the right way for things to work out, I am a little jealous/pouty/miffed that my lame plan for a day on the couch was nixed, in favor of a totally awesome day of watching 4 basketball games (including favorites OSU and UNC) for Bill and Kate. Kind of like "why do they get to have all the fun?"
And then I feel even worse when I think "well, this is a really special interest they share. If a really rare opportunity came along for something special I enjoy, I would get to do that." And then I start to wonder what that special thing might be, and then I get even more bummed out when I realize that I have no hobbies or interests. Some women are into scrapbooking, and might take a weekend scrapbooking getaway, for example. Or a golf vacation with girlfriends. Or a hiking trip, or some other crazy athletic thing...
I did get to talk to my brother in Sydney tonight (which was a special opportunity, and I'm glad I didn't miss it- see, I'm seeing the silver lining already). We talked about this issue and I realized that the one special thing I do, just for me, is keeping this blog and reading my ever-growing circle of friend blogs.
It's kind of a weird, solitary thing I do here in the basement. But maybe that's the most I can hope for at this point in my life: waiting 'til the kids are asleep and then sitting down in the cold basement "talking" to my cyber-friends.
So, thanks for being there guys. Until we can organize a yearly convention to spend a weekend together, this is my little getaway.
(I sure hope I don't sound like as much of a pitiful loser as I feel!)
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Henry has had a couple more "rough" days and then yesterday a really good day. I think it's just that whenever we're forcing him to go outside his comfort zone there is both the opportunity for him to really step up, and also the opportunity for him to say "hey, I've had enough." He's been more "stimmy" lately- wants to carry around the Lady and the Tramp DVD box constantly, along with 2 Lady and the Tramp books and a picture of Lady and the Tramp that he and his teacher drew together. And most conversations center around the things featured on the DVD cover. I mean even the bread sticks and the table cloth...
He kicked another kid in the face on Tuesday. (Some people have questioned how that is physically possible and I'm not really sure without witnessing it.) He also needed more help than usual on his math worksheet that day. His teacher said she doesn't think we need to worry about it too much. "The student was being pretty noisy when the kick happened & Henry is especially irritated by this person's loud voice." That kind of makes me smile. Aren't there some loud people who irritate you? Wouldn't you like to kick them in the face?
Ms. H sent home some new goals which include:
-Take at least 3 turns with a peer
-Stay on topic during a conversation
-When another student is being redirected*, H will refrain from calling out about student.
*Redirected. I love these kinds of words. This is a nicer way to say that another child is being scolded or reprimanded. I will have to remember redirected. It's like when the psychologist testing Henry mentioned his noncompliance. That made me laugh out loud at the time. (I have a strange sense of humor.)
Henry just started the art inclusion, but they also decided to add inclusion when the kindergartners have library. So Henry had his first library inclusion yesterday and it went really well! I don't have the teacher's note here to quote, but she said he sat quietly and followed directions, etc. And she specifically named a couple kids who seemed interested in Henry and talked to him a lot! Eeek! Yes, I almost started crying when I read that.
Oh, another odd thing: after Henry came home from my parents' house, he laid around and said his tummy felt sick for the rest of the afternoon. I finally put him to bed at 7! But he didn't fall asleep- I could hear him up there talking to himself (and not sounding sick). When I checked on him around 8, he said he was hungry (I had been asking him all afternoon.) So he got up and ate 2 big bowls of cereal and 6 slices of bacon! Ever since he has seemed fine. I'm not sure if that was some kind of transition issue between Grandma's house and home? My mom suggested that maybe he ate too many sweets at their house, but the kid has a pretty good sweet tolerance, so I don't think that was it.
I finally have a few more pictures to share. Most of this roll was heavy on Tommy pictures, from his birthday and moving into the big boy bed. But I did get some of Henry during his swimming lesson on Monday:
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Although I don't want to diminish Henry's achievements, or my pride in him, I thought I would expand on the statement "he has mastered all of his goals" by telling you what some of them are. Many of our goals at the beginning of the school year were really basic stuff- basically getting him to participate in the classroom setting without hurting someone. Some of his goals were:
-Henry will transition from one activity to another w/no protest
-Henry will take turns w/others and respond to questions in group situations
-Henry will tolerate using the same space and materials w/peers with no aggression
The goals related to his knowledge were things like stating all the sounds of the alphabet, associating the quantity of a group to the correct number, etc. I never had a doubt he could do those things, although after last year I did wonder if a teacher would be able to get past his behaviors to get the knowledge out there.
So, still a great job for Henry, but I didn't want to give the impression that he had mastered his goal of writing a novel or something!
Henry had a rough day on Friday. The boys were heading to my parents' house for the weekend (we had a wedding to go to last night) and Henry and Tommy were both SO SO excited. I try to give Henry plenty of advance notice when we are going to do something special. We wrote it on his calendar and crossed off the days until Friday. Friday morning they both wanted to go right now, but I explained that we would go after work and school, at dinnertime.
Here's what his notebook said Friday afternoon:
Henry had a rough day. He kicked a student in the face (though not hard, it left no mark), & also went after another student. This hasn't happened in forever :( He did apologize to both students.
There was also a math worksheet in his bag with this note written on it:
Henry had a bit of trouble-mostly just refusing to do this.
I e-mailed her and said that I thought it must be related to his excitement about the weekend. I also told her that when I asked Henry about it he told me that he was being Scar (from the Lion King). Here was her response:
I agree. Henry seemed VERY excited about going to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Additionally, one of my assistants was out today, and there was no sub available. As a result, two of my students were unable to go to K inclusion as they always do daily. All of these things factored together could have proven to be a very big change for Henry in one day. As I said, he did apologize to the student. He told me he was being the rat from Lady and the Tramp, though. Exactly what happened was the student approached Henry as he was laying in Quiet area and said, "Henry, my birthday is March 16." This is when the kick happened. However, since nothing like this has happened in such a long time, I don't think we need to become overly alarmed. Thanks so much for your email, though. Have a great time at the wedding, and I'm sure Henry is loving Grandma and Grandpa's house!
I still wish I knew a little more about this. Why was Henry so ticked off about the kid's birthday? Maybe he talks about his birthday all the time? Kind of funny.
The wedding was pretty fun last night. I bought a new dress and shoes which I haven't done in a long time. The only thing is, unfailingly, at every event like that, I am ready to leave before my husband is. It's like I have this social tolerance timer, and when that time is up, I just shut down. Bill, on the other hand, seems to feed on the social stuff, having more and more fun as the night goes on (I realize that this is how most normal people respond to a fun evening with friends!) It was a wedding of someone I work with, so maybe I'm just over spending time with these people, since I do it all week long. Or I just don't get out enough, so I'm out of practice.
I talked to my mom yesterday around 10 am and the boys were eating post-breakfast cookies. Always a good time at Grandma & Grandpa's house.
-Henry will transition from one activity to another w/no protest
-Henry will take turns w/others and respond to questions in group situations
-Henry will tolerate using the same space and materials w/peers with no aggression
The goals related to his knowledge were things like stating all the sounds of the alphabet, associating the quantity of a group to the correct number, etc. I never had a doubt he could do those things, although after last year I did wonder if a teacher would be able to get past his behaviors to get the knowledge out there.
So, still a great job for Henry, but I didn't want to give the impression that he had mastered his goal of writing a novel or something!
Henry had a rough day on Friday. The boys were heading to my parents' house for the weekend (we had a wedding to go to last night) and Henry and Tommy were both SO SO excited. I try to give Henry plenty of advance notice when we are going to do something special. We wrote it on his calendar and crossed off the days until Friday. Friday morning they both wanted to go right now, but I explained that we would go after work and school, at dinnertime.
Here's what his notebook said Friday afternoon:
Henry had a rough day. He kicked a student in the face (though not hard, it left no mark), & also went after another student. This hasn't happened in forever :( He did apologize to both students.
There was also a math worksheet in his bag with this note written on it:
Henry had a bit of trouble-mostly just refusing to do this.
I e-mailed her and said that I thought it must be related to his excitement about the weekend. I also told her that when I asked Henry about it he told me that he was being Scar (from the Lion King). Here was her response:
I agree. Henry seemed VERY excited about going to Grandma and Grandpa's house. Additionally, one of my assistants was out today, and there was no sub available. As a result, two of my students were unable to go to K inclusion as they always do daily. All of these things factored together could have proven to be a very big change for Henry in one day. As I said, he did apologize to the student. He told me he was being the rat from Lady and the Tramp, though. Exactly what happened was the student approached Henry as he was laying in Quiet area and said, "Henry, my birthday is March 16." This is when the kick happened. However, since nothing like this has happened in such a long time, I don't think we need to become overly alarmed. Thanks so much for your email, though. Have a great time at the wedding, and I'm sure Henry is loving Grandma and Grandpa's house!
I still wish I knew a little more about this. Why was Henry so ticked off about the kid's birthday? Maybe he talks about his birthday all the time? Kind of funny.
The wedding was pretty fun last night. I bought a new dress and shoes which I haven't done in a long time. The only thing is, unfailingly, at every event like that, I am ready to leave before my husband is. It's like I have this social tolerance timer, and when that time is up, I just shut down. Bill, on the other hand, seems to feed on the social stuff, having more and more fun as the night goes on (I realize that this is how most normal people respond to a fun evening with friends!) It was a wedding of someone I work with, so maybe I'm just over spending time with these people, since I do it all week long. Or I just don't get out enough, so I'm out of practice.
I talked to my mom yesterday around 10 am and the boys were eating post-breakfast cookies. Always a good time at Grandma & Grandpa's house.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
(#50) bragging
From Henry's school notebook this week:
3-7
He had his first art inclusion today. He made a weaving & learned about warm & cool colors. He did great - only asking for help 2xs!!
3-8
We have looked at Henry's IEP & discovered that he has mastered nearly all of his goals. We have some new ones in mind that I'll send home this week.
Also, we all went to church on Sunday and it went well. The boys made a big scene (in a good way- saying "hi" loudly, etc.) when they came back into church after communion, and many people made a fuss afterward about how cute they are. They had missed communion, but Henry said that he would like to have "a blessing on my head" so we requested one from the rector on our way out, and he was happy to oblige.
3-7
He had his first art inclusion today. He made a weaving & learned about warm & cool colors. He did great - only asking for help 2xs!!
3-8
We have looked at Henry's IEP & discovered that he has mastered nearly all of his goals. We have some new ones in mind that I'll send home this week.
Also, we all went to church on Sunday and it went well. The boys made a big scene (in a good way- saying "hi" loudly, etc.) when they came back into church after communion, and many people made a fuss afterward about how cute they are. They had missed communion, but Henry said that he would like to have "a blessing on my head" so we requested one from the rector on our way out, and he was happy to oblige.
four eyes
Alexander's Daddy asked a while ago about Henry's glasses. Bill and I both wear glasses, so it was always in the back of my mind that Henry would be likely to need them. Every visit to every doctor has always been very trying on Henry and on me, so I put off the ones that seemed put-off-able, like the eye doctor.
But last summer I figured I should bite the bullet, before school started. Our experience ended up being lengthy, but very good, thanks to one smart move on my part, and some dumb luck.
The "smart" thing I did will seem simple to all of you: I talked to the doctor about Henry before-hand. I used to have this sort of defensive feeling that nothing was "wrong" with my son and I should not need to prepare anyone for spending time with him. (That attitude led to a very brief and unproductive dental visit.) So at my annual eye exam I talked to my doctor about Henry. He recommended that Henry see the newest doctor in the practice, fresh out of school. (Honestly, I think they push off the difficult patients on the "new guy." But this turned out to be the lucky part.)
This young woman had worked in the office ever since she was a teenager, so I knew her. I told her that Henry was typically very resistant to doctors. She told me that there were many ways to try to get a look at a child's eyes, even if he won't sit in a chair and read letters on the wall. She said that she would get as much information as she could, and if we needed to come back again at a later date we would do it that way.
I made an appointment and tried to talk a lot ahead of time about what Henry could expect at the eye doctor. I also bribed him with the promise of the library after the exam.
This doctor (Dr. L) was just awesome. Maybe just because she was young and naive! But she was enthusiastic and up to the challenge. And I believe she comes from a large family and I know she had been a lifeguard at the local pool for several years, so she's great with kids. Henry loved her. He did start resisting her requests after the first few minutes. At that point I suggested that I leave the room, as he often performs better when I'm not around. So I left the room and stood with my ear pressed to the door! I didn't hear any squealing or shouting, just lots of encouraging talk from Dr. L.
Then she came out of the room and said that she had put the drops in, to dilate his eyes, with no protest from Henry! Huh? At the end of the day, she felt that he did need glasses, and also had a lazy eye. She wanted us to come back and see another doctor to confirm the prescription, and wanted Henry to start wearing a patch on one eye, 2 hours a day.
After the second visit they ended up referring us to another doctor, one of her instructors at the university who specializes in kids. (He had Finding Nemo playing in his examination room- how brilliant is that?! Easy to get the kid to focus on something, etc.)
All three doctors concurred on a prescription, so we finally got the glasses. They also decided that, because both of his eyes "drift", there was no need to continue the patch on the eye. Yippee!!
There were still more appointments ahead, to select frames, then try them on once they arrived (we had to order an extra-small size for my little man), then to finally pick up the finished product. Because his language is so limited, I was worried that this prescription would be totally wrong and Henry wouldn't even know, or be able to tell me. But I did quickly notice an improvement- when I would ask him to go grab his shoes or something, he seemed to head right for the item, when before he would kind of wander around aimlessly.
I posted that day about some of the things Henry was saying. He didn't like the glasses at first, but aside from some verbal protests, didn't really FIGHT with us about them. After a couple weeks we did not have any objections from him. And now he does say that his glasses "help me see better." And they look so darn cute...
So, it was not an easy process by any stretch of the imagination. But I felt more at ease from the beginning, and I think Henry did too, because I had better communication with all parties, from the beginning.
But last summer I figured I should bite the bullet, before school started. Our experience ended up being lengthy, but very good, thanks to one smart move on my part, and some dumb luck.
The "smart" thing I did will seem simple to all of you: I talked to the doctor about Henry before-hand. I used to have this sort of defensive feeling that nothing was "wrong" with my son and I should not need to prepare anyone for spending time with him. (That attitude led to a very brief and unproductive dental visit.) So at my annual eye exam I talked to my doctor about Henry. He recommended that Henry see the newest doctor in the practice, fresh out of school. (Honestly, I think they push off the difficult patients on the "new guy." But this turned out to be the lucky part.)
This young woman had worked in the office ever since she was a teenager, so I knew her. I told her that Henry was typically very resistant to doctors. She told me that there were many ways to try to get a look at a child's eyes, even if he won't sit in a chair and read letters on the wall. She said that she would get as much information as she could, and if we needed to come back again at a later date we would do it that way.
I made an appointment and tried to talk a lot ahead of time about what Henry could expect at the eye doctor. I also bribed him with the promise of the library after the exam.
This doctor (Dr. L) was just awesome. Maybe just because she was young and naive! But she was enthusiastic and up to the challenge. And I believe she comes from a large family and I know she had been a lifeguard at the local pool for several years, so she's great with kids. Henry loved her. He did start resisting her requests after the first few minutes. At that point I suggested that I leave the room, as he often performs better when I'm not around. So I left the room and stood with my ear pressed to the door! I didn't hear any squealing or shouting, just lots of encouraging talk from Dr. L.
Then she came out of the room and said that she had put the drops in, to dilate his eyes, with no protest from Henry! Huh? At the end of the day, she felt that he did need glasses, and also had a lazy eye. She wanted us to come back and see another doctor to confirm the prescription, and wanted Henry to start wearing a patch on one eye, 2 hours a day.
After the second visit they ended up referring us to another doctor, one of her instructors at the university who specializes in kids. (He had Finding Nemo playing in his examination room- how brilliant is that?! Easy to get the kid to focus on something, etc.)
All three doctors concurred on a prescription, so we finally got the glasses. They also decided that, because both of his eyes "drift", there was no need to continue the patch on the eye. Yippee!!
There were still more appointments ahead, to select frames, then try them on once they arrived (we had to order an extra-small size for my little man), then to finally pick up the finished product. Because his language is so limited, I was worried that this prescription would be totally wrong and Henry wouldn't even know, or be able to tell me. But I did quickly notice an improvement- when I would ask him to go grab his shoes or something, he seemed to head right for the item, when before he would kind of wander around aimlessly.
I posted that day about some of the things Henry was saying. He didn't like the glasses at first, but aside from some verbal protests, didn't really FIGHT with us about them. After a couple weeks we did not have any objections from him. And now he does say that his glasses "help me see better." And they look so darn cute...
So, it was not an easy process by any stretch of the imagination. But I felt more at ease from the beginning, and I think Henry did too, because I had better communication with all parties, from the beginning.
Tuesday, March 07, 2006
Henry speak
(Brushing a sheep at the petting zoo. I don't think I told you all that I lost Henry at the zoo last time! As I tried to gather the younger boy to move on to the next exhibit, Henry walked ahead of us and just kept walking. In a weird way I was glad it happened- I think for 6 1/2 years Henry has never left my side- never ventured anywhere on his own. So I see this as a developmental step, even though it scared the *&$! out of me.)
As Henry's language grows, still in its own very unique way, I wonder what clues it gives to the way he views the world.
I am trying to ask him more involved questions, although I'm not really sure how much of an answer he'll be able to give me. For example, Sunday he kept requesting to go to Kroger with me. (I had mentioned going there, but quickly decided I was too comfortable on the couch to really make the trip.) But Henry wouldn't let it go. Finally I asked "why is it that you want to go to Kroger?" He thought for a few seconds, and then said "I want to get those Lazytown coloring books again." (We bought 2 Lazytown coloring books at Kroger around Christmastime and haven't seen them since. I don't know if they got taken to school and disappeared, or are at my parents' house...) Anyway, I was impressed with his answer.
When he is behaving in a "dysregulated" way, I have tried asking him why. "Why do you keep grabbing your brother?" "Why are you being so grumpy tonight?" He answers those questions also, and this is really interesting. He says "I don't know why, mommy!" in almost a tortured-sounding voice. It is an answer that makes me sad, but we are getting somewhere. It seems that he understands the question and is able to verbalize an appropriate answer. Maybe in time as our communication grows, we will be able to figure out some reasons together.
He has some other declarations that are amusing and a little puzzling. I have mentioned some of these before, but he continues to come up with new ones. If he is being "disciplined" in some way, I think he is trying to argue, but with his own unique logic:
"Please use your spoon to eat your yogurt" (as opposed to his utensil of choice: fingers.)
"The spoon is too messy mommy!" (Even if I haven't said "because it's so messy to eat with your fingers" he anticipates my argument and tries to refute it.)
"Take your hand off your brother" (I recently put their car seats next to each other in the van- may have been a mistake.)
"I already took my hand off my brother daddy!" (Ummm, no you didn't.)
"Ms. F is here to take you to school."
"Ms. F is not here! She is driving away!"
Henry continues to say that he misses one of us pretty frequently. But he has added a new family member to his repertoire: his brother. "I miss Tommy." That made me feel pretty happy. In his own way Henry is letting me know that (after 2 years!) he has accepted that other kid as a part of his family.
Saturday, March 04, 2006
knock on wood
I am very superstitious about jinxing things, so knock on some wood as you read this. But I think we are finally coming out from under the cootie cloud. Everyone but me slept straight through last night.
Henry went back to school on Thursday (no more barfing after Tuesday afternoon). His teacher called around 9:45 and said that he had been in "quiet" area all morning. I asked if he was talking much, and she said "no, he's been sleeping since he got here at 8." They were taking a class trip to the pet store that day, to get tadpoles for their classroom. And neither his teacher nor I wanted him to miss it. So they brought a wagon and wheeled him around in it!! I bet that group was an odd sight in the pet store: a couple of the kids are pretty non-verbal, a couple others are sort of TOO verbal, and then there's Henry, riding around in a wagon.
Anyway, I was talking with a friend about how really special Henry's classroom situation is, and how very, very lucky I feel. Not just that they would keep my child there when he's not 100%, but more the fact that they are able, because they have such a small group, and deal with such atypical children, to think outside the teacher box. In a regular class, he would have been sent home, no question.
This experience, and many others this year, leave me wondering what my long-term goals for Henry are. It seems expected that we parents will say our goal is for our child to be "indistinguishable from his peers" and mainstreamed by X date or age. But I just don't know. What if Henry could keep receiving this superior teaching, practically at a one-on-one level, from teachers who really "get" him?! To me it sounds like home-schooling, except with all the resources of the school, the potential to connect with some peers, and superior teaching to what I could provide!
Now a few nuts and bolts of the past few days: I caught a head cold, but it seems to be going away. I just have those choking coughing spurts once in awhile. Tommy's babysitter called Friday morning- she was sick and needed to take the day off. Tommy hadn't been sleeping well, so I took him in to the pediatrician Friday (I've paid them about $75 in co-pays in the past 6 weeks) and he has an ear infection.
Last night we took down the crib and set up the "big boy bed." Another bittersweet moment for me. Thomas was really excited, and slept well all night. But it made me a little sad to fold up all those really soft little baby blankets for the last time.
Instead of always reading Henry whatever Disney story book he requests, I've bought a few of the "easy reader" books. Tonight I read one to him (actually this was a Disney story- Chicken Little), pointing to the words and pausing once in awhile to let him fill one in. He used to protest about that, and say "you don't want me to point to the words." But now he eagerly watches, and always fills in the right word when I pause to let him. What a great feeling, for both of us.
Henry went back to school on Thursday (no more barfing after Tuesday afternoon). His teacher called around 9:45 and said that he had been in "quiet" area all morning. I asked if he was talking much, and she said "no, he's been sleeping since he got here at 8." They were taking a class trip to the pet store that day, to get tadpoles for their classroom. And neither his teacher nor I wanted him to miss it. So they brought a wagon and wheeled him around in it!! I bet that group was an odd sight in the pet store: a couple of the kids are pretty non-verbal, a couple others are sort of TOO verbal, and then there's Henry, riding around in a wagon.
Anyway, I was talking with a friend about how really special Henry's classroom situation is, and how very, very lucky I feel. Not just that they would keep my child there when he's not 100%, but more the fact that they are able, because they have such a small group, and deal with such atypical children, to think outside the teacher box. In a regular class, he would have been sent home, no question.
This experience, and many others this year, leave me wondering what my long-term goals for Henry are. It seems expected that we parents will say our goal is for our child to be "indistinguishable from his peers" and mainstreamed by X date or age. But I just don't know. What if Henry could keep receiving this superior teaching, practically at a one-on-one level, from teachers who really "get" him?! To me it sounds like home-schooling, except with all the resources of the school, the potential to connect with some peers, and superior teaching to what I could provide!
Now a few nuts and bolts of the past few days: I caught a head cold, but it seems to be going away. I just have those choking coughing spurts once in awhile. Tommy's babysitter called Friday morning- she was sick and needed to take the day off. Tommy hadn't been sleeping well, so I took him in to the pediatrician Friday (I've paid them about $75 in co-pays in the past 6 weeks) and he has an ear infection.
Last night we took down the crib and set up the "big boy bed." Another bittersweet moment for me. Thomas was really excited, and slept well all night. But it made me a little sad to fold up all those really soft little baby blankets for the last time.
Instead of always reading Henry whatever Disney story book he requests, I've bought a few of the "easy reader" books. Tonight I read one to him (actually this was a Disney story- Chicken Little), pointing to the words and pausing once in awhile to let him fill one in. He used to protest about that, and say "you don't want me to point to the words." But now he eagerly watches, and always fills in the right word when I pause to let him. What a great feeling, for both of us.
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